Love and Hope

by Kayla Perrin

  U BETTER STILL BE COMING TO BBQ. DILLON HAS A FRIEND. WANTS TO MEET U.

  Shelby let her head fall back against the chair. She felt like crawling into a cave until Sheep River Days was over and life was back to normal. But she couldn’t avoid Blake forever. She needed to know he was the man she believed him to be.

  She had to go to the barbecue. She had to give him this one, last chance.

  I’M COMING. NO BLIND DATES. I MEAN IT!

  *

  The Lazy C Ranch looked spectacular when Blake drove up with his grandmother perched in the passenger seat of his Dodge Ram. The massive home was built of cedar, with several river rock chimneys, and a bank of windows overlooking a pretty blue pond and the mountains beyond. There were guest cottages tucked into the spruce trees that lined the southern edge of the property, while the barns and other outbuildings were located to the east.

  “That’s a damn big house.”

  “Nine thousand square feet, I’ve heard,” his Grams said calmly. “And that doesn’t count the guest cottages. For a couple with just one child it’s ridiculous.”

  “Maybe they’re planning on having more.” But he doubted it. The way Kelli-Jo had been behaving, she was getting ready to leave her marriage, not grow her family. He needed a chance to talk to her alone. To make sure she understood that if she was planning changes for her future, he wouldn’t be a part of them.

  More importantly though, he had to find Shelby. It worried him that she hadn’t stuck around for the bull-riding and awards presentation.

  A man wearing a yellow safety-vest directed him to a parking spot in a nearby field dotted with wild poppies. Already, about eighty vehicles were lined up in neat rows.

  After Blake turned off the ignition, he stared out at the Lazy C, then turned to his grandmother. Looking at the woman who had raised him since he was eight years old, he realized how much he’d taken for granted.

  The idea that he might lose his Grams, that she could actually succumb to the cancer, made his stomach sick with fear.

  There was so much he hadn’t told her. That had to stop.

  “One day I want to buy a ranch here in Alberta and build a big, log house with all the extras. And I want you to live with me, Grams. I want to be there to look after you, the way you’ve done for me for all these years.”

  “It’s good to have dreams. And I’ve always hoped you would settle down in Sheep River one day. But I don’t need a fancy home. I’m happy where I am. When I am ready to retire, the plan is for Shelby to take over the business. We’ve talked about it. She’s already agreed.”

  Blake’s mouth went dry. Was Grams using “retirement” as a euphemism for “dying?”

  “Did you come up with this succession plan because of the cancer?”

  “That’s part of it. But any sensible woman in her late sixties needs to think of these things.” She gave him a brave smile.

  “I wish I had the money to buy a place right now. I want to build in all the things you’ve never had. A big country kitchen, a river rock fireplace, a nice sunny porch where you can sit and knit if you want, and look out at the view.”

  “Don’t be in such a big hurry. A fancy home would be lovely. But it’s the people in your life that really matter.”

  His thoughts went instantly to Shelby.

  “Now, this is an awfully nice truck, but I think it’s time we got out of it and joined the party.”

  He let out a long, shaky breath. “Right as usual, Grams.”

  As Blake helped his grandmother out of the high seat, a golf cart careened around the line of parked vehicles driven by a man in a safety vest.

  “It’s a bit of a hike to the party, ma’am. May I give the two of you a lift?”

  “How lovely! Thank you.”

  For his grandmother’s sake, Blake subjected himself to the indignity of taking a seat and being transported to the party.

  Several large tents had been set up on the expansive grounds around the main house. The mouth-watering aromas of hickory-infused ribs and chicken wafted from two industrial-sized barbecues.

  Almost as many servers as there were guests, circulated the grounds. The uniformed wait staff, dressed in black pants and crisp white shirts, carried trays laden with an array of appetizers and drinks. Blake and his grandmother had barely stepped foot onto the patio when one of them approached offering a choice of beer, sparkling lemonade, or ginger punch.

  “If it’s non-alcoholic, I’ll try the ginger punch,” said his grandmother.

  Blake put his hand on her back, guiding her to a grouping of wooden deck chairs in the shade of a weeping birch.

  Moments after Grams was seated, he heard his name being shouted.

  He turned to see Sam Calhoun running toward him. Ten seconds later the six-year-old skidded to a stop.

  “Hey, Blake! Can I see your gold buckle?”

  Sam looked like a perfect, miniature cowboy in roper style boots, Wrangler jeans, a button-down Western shirt, and a white Resistol hat.

  “Hang on a minute son. Let me introduce you to my grandmother, Ms. Timber, first. Grams, this is Kelli-Jo and Harvey’s son, Sam.”

  “I know. I’ve seen him and his mother in my shop. You can call me Louise, honey. That’s fine with me.”

  Sam gave her a shy smile then turned back to Blake. “I saw your ride. You were so awesome!”

  Blake ruffled the kid’s blond hair, then removed his belt so Sam could get a good look at the buckle.

  “Wow. This is so cool. I want to be a cowboy, too, when I get bigger. Mutton busting is for kids.”

  “You like horses, Sam?”

  “I do.”

  “That’s the important thing. You have to spend a lot of time in the saddle to be a good cowboy. But you also have to learn to take proper care of your horse. That’s where it all starts.”

  “Want to see my horse? She’s a mare. I wanted to call her Spiderman but Mom named her Paintbrush. Isn’t that a dumb name for a horse?”

  Blake grinned, then glanced at his grandmother, expecting to find her equally charmed by the small boy’s engaging candor. But instead, his grandmother eyed Sam with a worried frown. Before he could ask her if something was wrong, he caught a glimpse of Shelby out of the corner of his eye, and his head automatically whipped around in her direction.

  Damn, but she looked hot. Her long, honey-colored hair hung in big, soft curls that landed just below her shoulders. She had on a simple white dress with turquoise and dark orange stitching that matched the colors of her boots.

  Physically she didn’t much resemble the curly haired girl with glasses he remembered from high school. But she still had the same big heart and gentle spirit that had drawn him to her all those years ago.

  He could feel his smile growing wider and wider, as he waited for her to notice him, too.

  But she went to his grandmother, first, giving Louise a hug and asking how she was doing.

  “I was wondering if you would decide to come tonight, Louise. I’m glad to see you did.”

  “I won’t stay long. But I really wanted to make an appearance.”

  Only then did Shelby finally turn her gaze to Blake. “Congratulations on your win.” Her mouth quirked into a slight smile. “That was an amazing ride this afternoon.”

  “Thanks.”

  Her unenthusiastic tone deflated him.

  “Look at the gold buckle.” Sam held up the prize buckle to Shelby then handed it back to Blake. “Do you think I can win one of those when I’m bigger?”

  “Keep riding and looking after your horse and you’ll have a good chance.” As Blake patted Sam on the back he became aware that now both his grandmother and Shelby were glancing from him to Sam with anxious eyes.

  Something was going on here, but he had no idea what it was.

  And then Kayla joined them, along with two cowboys, one of whom was Dillon. The other was a bulldogger from Montana, Ty Harding. Blake knew of the guy, but had never really spoken to him. He felt an ins
tant dislike, however, when the guy honed right in on Shelby.

  “Kayla was telling me all about you. I’m glad we finally got a chance to meet.”

  Blake tried to read Shelby’s expression. At first she seemed annoyed. But then she almost looked relieved.

  “Nice to meet you as well, Ty.”

  “We were going to stroll around the property, then grab a cocktail,” Kayla said. “Want to join us?”

  Her invitation was clearly for Shelby, alone, and Blake was pissed off when Shelby said, “Sure.”

  He tried to send her a message with his eyes. He really needed to talk to her.

  But she just said goodbye to Louise, and Sam, and then, finally to him.

  “If I don’t see you again, hope your year keeps going well, and you end up in Las Vegas again this December.”

  What? She was definitely brushing him off. But why?

  He strove to keep his cool. “The barbecue has only just started. It’s a little early for goodbyes darlin’.”

  She and the others were already walking away. He had no idea if she’d even heard him.

  Chapter 9

  “Sam! There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Kelli-Jo sounded breathless as she joined Blake and his grandmother on the patio.

  She’d changed into a silky black dress and a pair of white boots. She looked like a magazine model, as usual, except something was off.

  It took Blake a moment to realize her hair was a bit messy, and she had faint black smudges under her eyes, as if she’d been crying and her make-up had smeared.

  “You have, Mommy?”

  Kelli-Jo pointed to a white-haired, stout woman about fifty yards away. “Yes. Your Grandma Calhoun is at that table waiting to help you with dinner. When you’re finished eating she’s going to take you up to bed.”

  A stormy look darkened his fair face. “But you said I could stay up for the party.”

  “I said you could come for a while. This is an adult party, Sam.”

  “But some of my school friends are here with their moms and dads.”

  “And you’re here, too. But I’m not having you stay up past your bedtime. Now say goodbye to Blake and his grandmother, and do as I asked.”

  Sam heaved a sigh that seemed much too heavy for a six-year-old. Then he politely said his farewells to Louise and Blake. After one final, longing glance at the gold buckle, he set off toward his paternal grandmother.

  “That boy can be such a handful,” Kelli-Jo said. She turned to Louise, “I don’t know how you managed Blake all on your own.”

  “Oh my grandson gave me a few gray hairs,” Louise said. “But raising a child isn’t all about rules. There’s a lot of joy in it too. Treasure these years, because they go by so fast.”

  Kelli-Jo frowned, and glanced after her son who was trudging obediently toward his grandmother. Blake thought she might call him back, give him an hour or two of reprieve, but she didn’t.

  “Sam gets so cranky when he doesn’t get enough sleep,” she said. Then she seemed to put her son out of her mind and turned back to Blake. When she touched his arm, he automatically tensed.

  “Something has come up,” she said. “We need to talk. Louise, you don’t mind if I borrow your grandson for a bit do you?”

  “I was just about to get some dinner for Grams,” Blake said.

  “It’s okay, son,” his grandmother said. “I see some of my friends at the buffet line. I’ll be fine.”

  Alice and Brenda had spotted Grams too, and were already walking in their direction.

  Blake decided he might as well get his business with Kelli-Jo over with, once and for all. “Okay, Grams.” He forced a note of levity. “But you and your friends better save some ribs for me.”

  “We can talk in the horse barn,” Kelli-Jo said. “The house is full of serving staff. Harvey and his Dad are in there, too.”

  She slid her hand down his arm, tried to clasp his hand in order to lead him along, but he shook her off. He was damn tired of her pawing at him.

  “What’s this about?” he said, slipping his hands in his pockets. “More sponsors you want me to thank?” He knew damn well it wasn’t, he’d thanked everyone already, so her answer didn’t surprise him.

  “This isn’t about Sheep River Days, Blake. It’s personal.”

  Bracing himself, he kept an outward smile as they walked through the crowd, heading behind the house. He couldn’t help searching for Shelby and was frustrated when he didn’t see her.

  The horse barn on the Lazy C was one of the largest, most beautifully appointed barns he’d ever seen. Shelby led him inside, past a wash stall that was the size of his grandmother’s living and dining rooms combined, to the tack room which was double that size, again.

  With its cedar-planked walls, rustic oak cabinets, and butter-yellow leather sofa and armchairs, the tack room looked nicer than most homes. Kelli-Jo sat down, crossed her legs and leaned back, clearly expecting Blake to join her. He remained standing.

  He ran his hand over the detailing of a beautiful antique saddle. “This must have cost a pretty penny.”

  “I have no idea. I don’t know how much any of this costs. Harvey doesn’t trust me with any of our finances.”

  Blake eyed her speculatively. Was she complaining?

  “He gives me an allowance, and extra if I need it. He also made me sign a pre-nup before we got married. It limits how much I can get from him, but I’ll still walk away with a million dollars, as well as support payments for Sam until he comes of age.”

  Blake backed up against the wall. “Not sure why you’re telling me this.”

  “Isn’t it obvious? Blake, I was much too young when I agreed to marry Harvey. Especially since I was still in love with you.”

  He wished she hadn’t said that. “You and I … that was a long time ago.”

  “But in some ways nothing’s changed. I still—”

  “Be quiet, Kelli-Jo.” He didn’t want her to say she still loved him, if that’s what she was planning to say. Even if she wasn’t, this conversation had already gone way too far.

  “Pardon me?”

  “I mean it. I don’t want to hear another word about why you got married, or what your arrangements are with Harvey. That’s none of my business.”

  “Half an hour before you got here, Harvey and I had a big fight. It’s over, Blake. I told him I was leaving.”

  Only then did he notice that her wedding bands—which had made a brief reappearance today at the rodeo—were missing again.

  “Damn it!” He made a fist, resisting the urge to pound the wall. “This better not have anything to do with me. I did not come here, intending to break up your marriage.”

  “Of course you didn’t. And I didn’t expect this to happen either. We can’t be blamed for the way we feel.”

  “But that’s just it, Kelli-Jo. I don’t have feelings for you. I’m not sure—” He paused. Better not tell her that he wasn’t sure he ever did. He didn’t want to hurt her more than he had to.

  She gave him a disbelieving look. “You’ve always been crazy about me.”

  He scrubbed his face with his hands, frustrated to the point of losing his temper. He took a deep breath. “Not true. Yeah, I kind of lost my head over you when we were teenagers. You were gorgeous back then. And yes, you still are today. But, I love Shelby—and I always have.”

  Kelli-Jo flinched. Slowly she stood and took a hesitant step toward him. “You don’t mean that.”

  As soon as he’d spoken the words, Blake stood taller. Felt stronger. Shelby was the woman he wanted to be with. Yet all his efforts to spend time with her this weekend had been stymied, not just by his obligations as guest of honor to the organizing committee and to his sponsors, but also by Kelli-Jo’s twisted machinations.

  “I do. And stop looking so damn hurt. You don’t really want me, anyway K-J. You’re just bored with the toy you took out of the sandbox and want something new. It’s time you stopped acting like a spoil
ed kid and grew up. Harvey deserves better. And your son Sam sure as hell does too.”

  He left then, and this time Kelli-Jo didn’t try to stop him.

  *

  Blake scoured the party looking for Shelby, but no luck. He briefly considered joining the queue for some barbecue, but his conversation with Kelli-Jo had killed his appetite.

  Eventually he approached Kayla and Dillon, locked in each other’s arms and swaying to the slow waltz being played by the country band that had been hired for the event.

  “Sorry, guys. Can you tell me where Shelby is?”

  “It’s time you got the hint,” Kayla said. “She doesn’t want to be found. At least not by you.”

  “She was tired,” Dillon added more helpfully. “So Ty offered to drive her home.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” It was only eight-thirty. How could Shelby be tired? Unless she and Ty wanted to be alone.

  He had no idea if Shelby was attracted to the bulldogger, or if they had indeed gone back to her place.

  One thing was crystal clear, though. He might love Shelby, but she didn’t love him back.

  Time and again this weekend she’d pulled back from him. There’d been that moment in his truck when he’d kissed her, though. He’d been so sure that she felt the magic, too.

  But if she did feel the same way, wouldn’t she have stayed to the end of the night? Instead of leaving early with Ty?

  Blake trudged off the dance floor. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake Kelli-Jo had. Assume someone loved him, just because he wanted them to.

  The volunteer coordinator of Sheep River Days clapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, Blake. We’re just about to do some wrap up speeches. You want to take the mic for a few minutes?”

  “Thanks, Joe, but my term as guest of honor is officially over. It’s time I took my grandmother home.”

  “Okay. Sure. Thanks for all you’ve done. You’ve gone above and beyond, that’s for sure.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” He gave a rueful smile, as he moved on.

  Blake made an entire circuit of the party before he finally found his grandmother on the dance floor, cutting loose to Feel Like A Woman.

  She was up there with Alice and Brenda, and she had some moves his grandmother. She really did.