by Delisa Lynn
I go through the drive-thru of McDonalds and order some sausage biscuits. Afterward, I head to Sofia’s.
I try calling Christa several more times and still can’t get through to her. I call a buddy of mine that works undercover to see if he has seen my bike or my wife. He says no, but he’ll keep an eye out for them.
“Now, you be good for Miss Sofia, and if you need anything, you call me. You remember where the number is?”
“Okay. I ’member, and Miss Sofia has it hanging on the refrigerator too.”
I kneel down. “Give me one of those big hugs,”
He wraps his little arms around my neck. “Love you this big, Daddy.”
“I love you more, little dude.” I kiss his forehead.
I go to Christa’s favorite seedy neighborhood, where I figured she would be. Sure enough, I find my bike sitting at some run down crack house. I hate carrying a gun, but with a wife like mine, I have to. I grab my piece, hide it under my waistband, and knock on the door.
A very young man answers the door. He’s not wearing a shirt, nor is he showing any effort to hide the bruises littering his chest and stomach. A cigarette is hanging out of his mouth.
“I’m looking for Christa. Have you seen her?” I ask.
He stares at me like I’m the crazy one. “Maybe. Depends on who you are and what you want, brah.”
“Well, first off, I’m not your brah. Secondly, I want my fucking bike,” I say, pointing to my bike. It’s parked, haphazardly, in his yard.
“Oh, you’re her rich husband? Yeah, she owed me some money, so she brought me the bike for collateral. If you have the money she owes me, then I can give you that bike back.”
“How much?” I ask, even though I assume it will be more than what I have on me.
“Give me a hundred bucks and it’s yours.” He lights another cigarette.
“I can do that. So, is she here?” I ask, but I already know the answer. More likely than not, she was probably just pleasing him in one way or another.
He opens the door and, sure enough, she’s lying on the dirty ass floor, nude, with a pipe in her hand.
“Let her sleep. Do me a favor; here is an extra two hundred to not tell her I was here. Can you do that for me?”
“Hell yeah. It’s our secret, brah,” he says. He takes the money and gives me my bike keys.
I can’t believe how stupid I am for not throwing her ass out yet. I should have a long time ago. Things will definitely change. I’ll have to take her ass to court to get custody of my boy, but I’ll fight her with all I have. She isn’t getting him; I’ll make sure of that.
I load my bike on my truck and head out of Crackville. When I get home, I pack all of her shit. Hell, she probably sold almost everything she owns. I put all of her clothes and shoes in trash bags and set them by the living room door. We have separate checking accounts so there is no way she can touch my money. I’ll be damned if she will get any of my hard earned money so she can do what she is doing.
Before picking AJ up, I decide to stop by and see Addison. I buy her some yellow and purple flowers from the florist. While walking to the stone, tears run down my face. Damn, I miss this girl more than any-fucking-thing. She hated me so much sometimes, but one thing was for sure. She always had my back. That’s what twins do, she would always say.
The day she died, a piece of me died, too. But I knew I had to stay strong for my unborn child and Lila. We didn’t know where Liam was, and Lila and Addison were the best of friends. You never saw one without the other. Lila was a total wreck, and I needed to comfort her.
I kneel in front of her stone. I place the flowers in front and run my fingers over her name. Coming here is always hard. I try to bring AJ whenever I can.
“Hey, sis. How are things up there? I could really use you down here right now. Things are so fucked up with Christa and me. You were right, she wasn’t what I wanted, but she got pregnant and I couldn’t leave my child. So much has changed since you’ve been gone.
“Mom and Dad are doing okay, but we all miss you every day. The day you took your last breath was the day that changed all of us. Your heart will forever live through us. I share stories and pictures with AJ. You would love him. He’s an amazing child. He looks just like me, poor kid. Please watch over us; this is going to be a trying time for us. I’m finally going to divorce her. I hate saying her name. I’m glad I took your advice when you told me to make her sign a prenuptial agreement.
“Addison, I love you so much. I know you had so much more to give us all, but there were other plans for you up there. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my little man with me. Until we meet again, I’ll be seeing ya.”
I walk back to my truck and cry like a baby, both for my sister and everything that has been going on. I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
Chapter Four
Lila
I wake up to the smell of French toast, eggs and bacon—turkey bacon, that is. Liam thinks it’s healthier for baby bean. I’ve noticed we’re both using the name baby bean. I have the greatest husband ever.
Today is our last day here. I’ve had an amazing weekend. We stayed in bed all day yesterday and called room service four times: breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a late night snack.
I’ve been so hungry lately and craving the oddest things. Last night I wanted salted caramel gelato and Funyuns. Thank God the resort has a never ending supply of whatever you need because I ate three family size bags of Funyuns.
I need to talk to Liam about Evan and everything that has happened. I know, deep down, he knows. He told me we can talk when I’m ready. I don’t know how to explain all the feelings I have for Evan and the time we spent together. I could never regret anything I’ve done with Evan. I know that makes me sound like an awful person, but I can’t just shut my feelings for him off. I don’t think they will ever leave my heart.
I honestly thought my feelings for Evan would go away when Liam came back. Then, after Liam and I got married, I still had dreams about Evan. Four years later and I still have the same feelings I had the day I told Evan I was in love with him.
If this baby is Evan’s, it’ll kill Liam and ruin our family. I can’t lose him. I love him too much.
***
When I woke up in the hospital and Liam told me I was pregnant, I instantly felt sick. I remembered I had stopped my birth control because we wanted to have another baby before the twins started school. Liam loved the idea of having them all home at the same time. He works from home most of the time and so do I when I don’t have a huge case that needs me in the office or the courtroom.
My plan was to travel to New York and see my friends. I wanted to see Evan, but I never thought I would cheat on Liam. The feelings I have for Liam and the ones I have for Evan are very different. Yes, I’m in love with them both, but I can never be with Evan. My heart and soul are and always have been Liam’s.
When Liam was in the Army, I would cry myself to sleep every night. Not knowing where he was or if he was hurt broke me. I put up a mask on the outside, but on the inside I was dying. I let my guard down and let Evan fall for me. In the process, I fell for him. I was drinking bottles of wine for fucking breakfast. That’s how bad I was hurting.
After Nikki moved, all I had was Evan. He showed me how special I was and filled that void created by Liam’s absence. I was only nineteen and had only been seeing Liam for about six months before he went into the Army, but I knew I would marry him someday. Then he disappeared and Evan swooped me up with his country charm and his beautiful soul, not to mention his sexy body and amazing voice. I accepted his proposal, but prayed that I would get my Liam back. I hurt Evan so bad. How can Evan even be friends with me after everything I put him through?
And now this. I can’t tell Liam. No one knows I’m pregnant. I know Nikki suspects it, which is particularly terrible because I’m supposed to be her matron of honor and Evan is, of course, Brody’s best man. At this rate, I’ll be going to the wedding with a ne
wborn baby and an angry friend wondering why I didn’t tell her.
***
“What’s going through the beautiful mind of yours?” Liam asks.
He carries our luggage from the bedroom and sets it in front of the door. Then he leans in and kisses me.
“What I need to tell you may hurt you. Do you want to talk here or at home?”
I sit on the couch, hoping he’ll say here. I want to get it all out now so we can move on with our lives.
He sighs and runs his hands—not just one hand, but both—through his hair. That means he is discouraged. I know my husband; he is going to hate everything I’m getting ready to say. I pull a pillow in front of my stomach for comfort. I look into his eyes and see hurt and sadness.
“Li, I’ll call and add another night. Also, I’ll call Mom to let her know we won’t be back until tomorrow or the next day. Whatever we need to talk about, I think we should just talk here and stay until we’re both calm and ready to go back to our girls, okay?”
I sigh. I don’t know if I should start with day one or the last couple months. He makes his calls and takes our bags back into the bedroom. He changes into a pair of sweats and takes his shirt off. He is so goddamn sexy. His abs are enough to drive any woman crazy, and the way his pants hang low around his V shape…I can lick, suck, and fuck his body all day long. No, it isn’t the hormones talking. My Liam is truly the definition of eye candy.
“So, should I sit down next to you or across the room?” Liam asks.
He’s standing in front of me with his arms folded across his chest. Hell, if it weren’t for this conversation we’re getting ready to have, I’d be ready to tackle his man parts with my mouth.
“Can you please sit next to me and hold my hand?” I ask as I reach my hand out to him.
He walks to the kitchen and comes back with some paper towels. I know he knows exactly what I’m going to say. He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it, then sits next to me and pulls me in for a hug.
He kisses my cheek. “I will never leave your side, love. We are in this together.”
***
“I’m just going to tell you everything. Please let me finish before you say anything, okay?” I ask, squeezing his hand. He doesn’t say anything. He just nods his head and squeezes my hand.
“First, I want you to know I love you more than anything and I will until I take my last breath. You complete me and I have loved you since the day you comforted me when I caught Ashton cheating. When you told me you were joining the Army, it broke my heart. I hated that we were going in different directions just as we had developed our feelings for each other.
“When I started NYU and met Evan, he was a great friend. I never meant for him to fall in love with me or me to fall for him. I was so comfortable with him. He knew how much I loved you. I talked about you all the time. He knew about you, that you were it for me. I was hoping you would come home and propose to me, and he knew that. I hadn’t heard from you in months and I was so lonely. He and I had been hanging out together every minute we could. The night his mother passed away changed everything.
“Any questions so far?” I ask, knowing what I’m getting ready to say is going to put me in tears. More than likely, he will also be in tears and ready to leave me all alone.
“I don’t right now. I’m going to grab me a beer and you a water.”
He walks to the kitchen. Hell, I need a damn beer myself. Of all the times we could’ve had this discussion, it happens when I can’t drink.
He hands me a water and kisses my lips. I love the way his lips feel against mine; they are always so warm and soft. I inhale his manly scent as he sits next to me. He reaches out for my hand. As our fingers intertwine, I feel comfortable talking to him about Evan and confident that Liam is ready to hear everything.
“The first time I slept with Evan was the night his mother passed. He was hurt and lost. He was a mess when he came to me. I held him, and I let him hold me. When he kissed me, I wanted him. I knew it was wrong; I knew I shouldn’t have been in bed with him in the first place, but I was comfortable with him. He was a huge part of my life. He needed me and I will admit I needed him just as much, if not more.”
I take a deep breath and squeeze Liam’s hand. He kisses my cheek. I can feel tears ready to erupt at any moment. I choke back a sob and speak again.
“I didn’t know what to do, but I knew once he started kissing me, we couldn’t stop. One thing led to another and we had sex. As soon as we finished, all the emotions came flooding in. I knew I had just messed up everything and probably lost you in the process. I’d planned to tell you when I saw you on Thanksgiving. Nothing else happened, other than little kisses here and there, until you didn’t return in November.”
I stop. The anger in Liam’s face crushes me. It’s written all over his face that he’s breaking. All he’s ever done is love me, so why do I keep hurting him? The way his eyes dip, the red that takes over the mocha brown, breaks my heart. I want to take my words back and run as far as I can, but I have to explain everything so he can understand my actions.
“Lila, I know this is hurting you as bad as it is me. Please continue. I want to know everything.”
He hugs me. I can feel my body starting to tremble. Baby bean must feel it too because my stomach is doing flip-flops.
“When you didn’t show, I went back to New York. I waited for a week before I called Evan. He just assumed that I was with you. When I called him, I was having an emotional melt down, so he planned a special day for us. He had no intentions of having sex with me that day. But Liam, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything. I hadn’t heard from you; I was hurt, lost, and feeling all sorts of fucked up emotions.”
I sigh and take a sip of water. I know the sooner I tell him, the better.
“We had sex that day. I told him I loved him because I do—I mean, I did. Then, after that day, we became a couple. I still thought about you every day. Not a day went by that I didn’t wonder where you were, if you were alive and well.”
I start to speak again, but Liam puts his finger to my mouth. He kneels on the floor between my knees and wraps his arms around me.
“Can you please answer these questions I’m going to ask you?”
“Yes, I can answer whatever you want.”
I run my hand down his cheek. I know exactly what he is going to ask and I’m not so sure I want to answer, but I have to; I’m the one that fucked everything up.
“Lila, look at me. Did you have sex with Evan the day of your father’s memorial?” he asks as he holds my hand.
A sob escapes my throat. I’m trying to hold it back, but it’s not staying in. “Y-Yes, I did.”
He closes his eyes and squeezes my hands even tighter. He brings both hands to his mouth and kisses them.
“Okay, now answer this. Did you have sex with Evan when you were in New York? If you say yes, please tell me you used protection,” he says as he sits beside me on the couch. Oh God, I have to tell him the truth.
“Yes, I slept with him in New York. No, we didn’t use protection. We had sex twice that weekend. Liam, please look at me. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
He stands up and walks out on the boardwalk. The sobs I struggled to hold back a few minutes ago come back, this time too powerful to repress. I don’t know if I should follow or if I should just sit here and wait for him to come back inside.
“Fuck, why the hell do you keep running to him?” I hear him yell from the boardwalk.
He walks back inside with his fists clenched. He’s never hurt me, but right now I’m terrified. I take an extra pillow and hold the two pillows as close to me as I can.
“I’m so, so, sorry,” I whisper.
“So tell me, Lila. When else did you go off fucking Evan? Hmm, are the girls even mine? You apparently don’t know what a goddamn condom is and neither does he,” he shouts, this time from the kitchen counter.
“Ju-just the times you know about. In
New York, when I packed my belongings to move back home, my father’s memorial, and this year. And yes, the girls are yours. How can you ask me that? I hadn’t seen or talked to him in months when I got pregnant with them,” I cry out.
“Jesus, Li, every goddamn time was unprotected?”
Tears rush into my mouth. I feel so fucking stupid. My mind draws a total blank.
“Fucking. Answer. My. Question,” he yells as he punches the counter. I can see the veins in his neck bulging.
“Yes, every time was unprotected. I slept with Evan four times since you’ve been back. I’m sorry, Liam, please…please, baby, forgive me.”
I run to him and grab him around his waist. He pulls away from me and pounds his hand on the counter again.
“Are you just fucking him to fuck him? Because you want him? You want to hurt me? What the hell is it? I never imagined you would do this to me, to us. Baby bean might be his. There is no goddamn way he is going to destroy us or our family. Do you understand me? No fucking way, Lila Rae. This baby is mine, you hear me? It’s mine, and you’re mine. I’ll be goddamned if he will be a part of our child’s life, ever!
“I knew the moment I saw his smug ass at the hospital that you were with him, that the baby might not be mine. I’ve had months to process this. I was so fucking mad at you. You were lying in that hospital bed for two fucking months and all I could think about was that there is a possibility the baby inside of you might not be mine. I’m trying really hard to stay calm because I don’t want to cause you or the baby any stress,” he says, pacing across the floor. He tugs at his hair as he mumbles something.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I needed him all those times.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I love him, but not like I love you.”
He stops walking and crosses his arms over his chest. “I know, baby, I know. I hate that you were with him while we’ve been together, but I can’t help but love you.” He places his hands on either side of my face. “Look at me. Promise me you will never do this again.”