by Delisa Lynn
“I won’t, I promise. We have our life and he has his.”
Even now, even after promising Liam that I’ll no longer have anything to do with the man I spent more than two years of my life with, I still love Evan. I can’t just turn off my feelings for Evan; it’s not that easy, but I won’t betray Liam again. If I have to stop seeing and talking to Evan to earn Liam’s forgiveness, that’s what I’ll do.
We spend the rest of the night holding each other and talking. Without him and my girls, I’m nothing. I can’t lose him, and this baby can’t be Evan’s.
***
I love my job, but days like this make me wish I would’ve taken more time off.
We got back late last night, then both girls slept in our bed. I woke up late and spilled decaf coffee down my blouse.
Once I finally reached the office, my coworker and friend, Megan, was in my office with a new blouse for me and the files I need for court. I’ve been working on a divorce case for a wealthy client. She and her husband were very well known. I was shocked when she asked me to represent her.
“Megan, doll, you’re a damn life saver. Liam doesn’t want me drinking caffeine, and oh God, do I need it. I can’t function. I keep telling myself five months…
“The damn alarm didn’t go off this morning. Maddison couldn’t find her favorite giraffe. Addison’s dress wasn’t the color she wanted to wear. Liam had to go into the office and Rosa, as always, was a life saver. You know if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.”
“Just take a deep breath. Sounds like the romantic weekend was longer than expected? I’m going to court with ya, lady. I got your back. Now hurry before you’re even later.”
“Yes, the weekend was very long, but sweet. My husband is perfect. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
“Yeah, I know. They broke the mold when they made that man. His body is so fucking hot!”
“Bitch, quit drooling over my husband. Let’s go, then lunch?”
“Whatever you want, preggers,” she says as she smacks my ass.
We ride to the courthouse together. I want to tell Megan about Evan and the baby possibly being his, but I decide to wait a while.
Of course, on the way to the courthouse, we get stopped by a damn train. There are always trains in this area, but lately they’ve been awful. I normally leave an hour or so early, just in case, but today is just one of the days where you want to just crawl back in the bed.
Chapter Five
Liam
It’s been a month since Lila has admitted everything to me. God, it hurt me so fucking bad. We stayed at the resort for another day and just talked about baby bean and what we’re going to do. Now that Lila is five months and showing, we can’t keep it from everyone any longer. We told the girls and the rest of the family.
I’m still not sure if Brody will run back and tell Evan. Unfortunately, we will have to see him at the wedding. It’s customary for the best man and the matron of honor to walk hand in arm together. I’m not comfortable with this at all.
We have an appointment with the doctor today. We’re going to ask how the DNA testing works. I pray to God every day that my baby bean doesn’t have Evan’s blood running through his or her veins.
“Hey, beautiful. You ready to see if baby bean is a boy or a girl?”
I pull my wife in for a hug. She is even more beautiful when she’s pregnant. She has a glow that takes your breath away. Her curves are curvier and her breasts and ass are fuller.
“I’m so ready. I hope they can tell us the gender today. If not, I’ll be really crushed. We need to start getting the nursery ready and Mom wants to start planning a baby shower. Ever since I told her, that’s all she talks about. I know she’s going to drive me crazy with the plans.”
“My mom has already asked about it, too. I honestly think they had me on three way but didn’t let me know what they were up to. Together, they’re very dangerous.”
“Oh, stop it, Liam. I’m glad our mothers have become best friends. I know my mom loves hanging out with her and they love taking the girls shopping. They remind me of Addison and me,” she says. A tear rolls down her cheek.
I pull Lila into me. “Hey, no tears. We will stop by and tell Ads baby bean’s gender as soon as we find out, okay?”
I miss Addison so much. I can only imagine how much Lila misses her. Although she’s been gone for five years, it still hurts as bad as it did the day I found out.
“Thank you, babe. I would like that. I need to stop off and get her a vanilla bean frappe from Starbucks. I always take one when I go there. You know that was her favorite. For the longest time, I couldn’t drink them after she died. Then I thought, every time I have one, it will be for her. That was our thing: shopping, Starbucks, and movies.”
***
We arrive at Dr. Brewster’s office a little early. This isn’t the same obstetrician we saw when Lila was pregnant with the girls. Dr. Brewster’s office is closer and we’ve heard nothing but great things about the doctor and nurses here.
We walk in, hand in hand. Lila checks in and starts filling out paperwork. They don’t use pen and paper anymore; each patient uses a laptop to fill everything out. Seems neat enough, but I bet it’ll be a pain in the ass if the computers go down.
Huge tears stream down her cheeks. She looks up at me and says, “They are asking questions about the father.”
I take it from her, place one hand on hers and use the other to fill out my information on the forms. With the best of my knowledge, I answer all the questions about my family history. This baby is mine, even if that goddamn test says otherwise. I fill everything out and hand the laptop back to her to finish the rest.
“Thank you, Liam. I…umm…I’m sorry I did this to you, to us. I love you more than anything. You know that, right?” she says as she lays her head on my shoulder.
She finishes the electronic form and I take it to the receptionist. Shortly after, the receptionist sends us in another room.
“Lila Carls-Ellis, my name is Brandy and I will be your medical assistant today. If you will follow me, I’ll need to take your vitals and get your height and weight as well as a urine sample.”
I sit in the office, running my hands through my hair. I have so much shit going through my mind. Hell, I can’t even think straight. No one else knows I might not be the father. I think Ashton knows something. He and I have been pretty close since I came home from the Army. He started to ask me questions last week, when I told him we were expecting, but then he just congratulated me. He has his own problems to worry about.
The medical assistant walks back into the room. She asks Lila to undress and put a paper gown on. When the medical assistant steps out again, I can tell Lila is as nervous as I am, but I need to let her know I’m here for her.
I sit in the chair next to the bed and rub her stomach. There are still tears in her eyes. She touches my hand as I run it up and down her baby bump.
“Look at me, beautiful. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I will always be here; never doubt that, Lila. You hear me? Let me know you understand.” She nods and takes a deep breath. “Mine. You, the baby bean, and the girls are all mine,” I growl.
She says, “Thank you for loving me even though I fucked everything up.”
I kiss her forehead and hand her a couple tissues. Just as we start getting comfortable, Brandy walks back in the room. She puts a monitor on Lila’s belly and a smile spreads across all three of our faces.
“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Ellis, that is a strong sounding heartbeat the baby has. Are the two of you ready to see the baby? Do you want to know the sex today? This will be the last ultra sound we do.”
“Yes, ma’am, we are ready, and we would like to know the gender.” Lila looks at me and smiles.
The nurse squirts jelly on Lila’s stomach and runs a wand over it while she pushes buttons on a keyboard. I hold on to L’s hand and we both stare at the beautiful baby on the screen. It’s no longer a bean.
&
nbsp; “Well, someone is surely big and healthy. If you look here, you can see he has his thumb in his mouth. He is definitely a boy.”
She looks over at the two of us. Both of us are in tears.
“Baby, we’re having a boy. The girls are going to be so happy,” I say.
I kiss Lila. I can see she’s as happy as I am, but I can also see she’s unsure about everything. I bend down and whisper in her ear, “It’s okay, he is ours. He is an Ellis, no matter what.”
“Thank you,” is all she got out before she starts crying.
The nurse hands us some tissues. She wipes Lila’s stomach and says the doctor will be in shortly to talk to us about everything.
We just sit there, hugging each other. We’re having a boy! I have to regroup my thoughts about everything I want to ask Dr. Brewster.
A young woman walks in the room. She doesn’t look old enough to be a doctor, though. She looks through the medical record and looks over at my wife and me.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Tanill Brewster. Looks like we have a healthy baby boy here,” she says as she shakes both of our hands. “Do you guys have any questions or concerns?”
I can feel Lila trembling. I place my hand on her shoulder and pull her closer to me. She looks at me and I nod my head. I clear my throat, look at the doctor and say words I wish I never had to say.
“I have some questions. Is there a way to perform a DNA test to determine the baby’s paternity? His father may be another man, but we want to be sure before we mention this to him.”
“Yes, there is a test that we can administer. Lila is far enough along that we would be able to determine paternity. If you don’t want to know now, we can also perform the test after the baby is born. It would be up to you to decide if and when you want the test performed. If we perform the test now, we would take a sample of the placenta. This would not harm the baby or Lila whatsoever, but there is a slight chance of a miscarriage. This is the test we perform to check for hereditary diseases that can affect the fetus.
“We would then send the sample to the lab, along with a swab from the potential father’s cheek, to determine if the DNA matches. This test is used often with a high rate of success. Just to ease your mind, we can perform it today, or you can talk about it and make an appointment. If you wait until after the baby is born, we would, of course, do a swab test on the baby as well as the father in question. Do you have any questions about the test?”
“If we did the cell sample, it wouldn’t hurt the baby at all, right? There’s just the slight chance of a miscarriage?” I ask. Although Dr. Brewster already said it would be slight, I would like to hear the answer again.
Lila stares at me. I can’t tell if she’s comprehending any of this. Hell, I don’t know what’s going through her head at all. I squeeze her hand, letting her know that I’m still on her side. It’s her decision, not mine.
“Lila, do you have any questions you would like answered before you make any decisions?” Dr. Brewster asks her. When Lila doesn’t answer, she takes Lila’s hands in hers and says, “There is nothing to worry about; this is normal. This happens to a lot of families. I don’t know your circumstances, but I can only go off of what I see here. I see that your husband loves you and is willing to do whatever it is you want to do. Take my card. Call me anytime you have more questions. Day or night, I will answer as soon as I’m able.”
“Th-Thank you, Doctor. I will talk everything over with my husband and make a choice. Is that okay?”
“Perfectly fine with me. If you think of any questions, call me. If I don’t answer, my answering service will, and I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.”
I shake the young doctor’s hand. “Thank you, Dr. Brewster. We really appreciate all of your help.”
Chapter Six
Liam
After leaving the doctor’s office, we go to the mall. Lila has been wanting to buy baby stuff for months. We go into Gymboree and Children’s Place and buy tons of baby boy clothes. I like everything she picks out. We end up getting new baby furniture as well.
Good thing there is a Buy Buy Baby at the mall. I think Li would have flipped if there wasn’t one. With the girls, everything was pink, purple, and yellow. Now I finally get to pick this shit out. I choose tons of sport-themed items. We get bottles, bibs, binkies, and blankets, a breast pump that isn’t sexy attached to my woman’s wonderful boobs, and a diaper genie. Diaper genies are awesome.
We end up getting the girls some toys, like they really need them, but I can’t go home without getting my princesses anything. We buy shirts that say I’m the big sis. They will love them; they’re already talking about being big sisters. We get AJ one that says my cousins are my best friends.
“Lila, I’m starving. Let’s grab lunch. Your choice,” I say, looking around at all the restaurants.
Oh hell, I know exactly what she’s going to pick. She puts her finger to her chin. Here it comes.
“Hmm, let’s see what baby bean is hungry for. I think we would like House of the Dragon. Right, baby boy bean?” she says, rubbing her stomach. Damn her, I thought for sure she was going to say Chipotle.
I chuckle. “Okay, I can go for Japanese. None of the squid shit, though; baby bean won’t like it. And you won’t like it coming back up either.”
“Gross, I don’t eat that shit and you know it. I want some beef fried rice and noodles. Oh God, lots of noodles and an iced tea with lemon. Do you think they will have pickles? I need one right now. I’m so hungry,” she says while munching on a bag of Funyuns she bought from a vending machine in the mall.
“Not sure, but we can always ask. Who knows? Maybe they will even have some extra Funyuns.”
She smiles at me and licks the Funyuns off of her fingers. I cock my head back and laugh. We pile everything in the SUV and drive to the restaurant. On the way there, Lila calls Sofia and checks on the girls. Apparently, our mothers went to the mall too. They must have gone to the other one because we didn’t see them anywhere.
“That was mom. They were at the mall in the valley. I guess the girls wanted to shop for the baby, so they have a surprise for us. I bet you a foot rub that the girls and our mothers bought stuff too.”
“Hmm, a foot rub? Is that all you have, Mrs. Ellis? I thought you would want something more than that. So, if I win, what will I get in return? I’m thinking something along the lines of you and me and some baby oil.”
“Jesus, Liam, don’t talk like that. You know my hormones are all sorts of crazy right now. You have me dripping just by mentioning that. Good God, you’re so fucking sexy.” She bites her lip and squirms in the seat next to me.
“Hell, really? Because we can go take care of it right now. I will find the closest hotel, but then what about the bet?”
“I’m hungry. We can eat, go to Starbucks, and go see Ads. Then we can find out who wins. If I win, I want that foot massage while you and I lay nude in bed. If you win, I will rub us both down in baby oil and we can do whatever you want.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down.
“Whatever I want? Hmm, you sure you want to offer that? Because you know you have a freaky ass husband.”
“Uh-huh, whatever your heart desires. But I think I got this; I know our mothers. Now, let’s eat. Baby bean needs his food and so does his momma.”
***
Lila
We go through the Starbucks drive-thru and Liam orders three vanilla bean Frappuccinos with caramel drizzle. Afterward, we drive to the cemetery. He and I both sit next to Addison’s tomb and drink our drinks. Hell, I can’t go a day without thinking about her. She was my sister—not by blood, but by our rules. She was my bitch, my bestie. You know, like Grey and Yang on Grey’s Anatomy. That was our favorite show. We spent every Thursday night watching Grey’s Anatomy with a bag of popcorn, a gallon of sweet tea, and Twizzlers. That was us, until some bastard decided to play God and take her and my niece or nephew.
“Lila, I’ll walk around and let you have your time, and then I’ll be back
over. Okay?”
Liam kisses my cheek. I look at him and smile as he walks away. God, I love that man.
“Hey, Ads. I miss you so damn much. I know you were in my dream after the crash. I could see and hear you. Thank you for that. We brought you your favorite Frappuccino. They really don’t taste the same as they did when we got them daily.
“Ahh, as you probably know, I fucked up again. I let my damn vajayjay talk for me. Now this beautiful baby boy I’m carrying may be Evan’s. Yeah, I slept with him three—well, four times actually—since Liam has been back.
“I don’t know why I love him so much. I don’t love him as much as I love your cousin, but I do love Evan. I promised Liam, for the sake of our marriage, that I’d get Evan out of my head and out of my heart for good. I know you’d understand. No one gets me. You did, though. I miss you so much. I need you more than I have ever needed you. I can’t talk to Nikki the way we talked. It’s not the same.
“Do you remember that time we sat on your bed after Shane broke my heart and we pranked called his ass all night? We smoked two packs of Marlboro reds and listened to Garth Brooks all night. Your mom was so pissed when she woke up and found all her cigarettes gone. I thought for sure she would find out it was us, but, as always, Ashton took the fall.
“You would be so proud of him, Ads. He’s doing well and taking care of his family. He, your dad, and Liam all run the Winery together. Liam works from home most of the time and he enjoys it. Eric still misses you, I can tell. He moved on. It took him a while and I still don’t think he is too sure about her, but hell, there will never be another Addison Ellis.
“Well, my little Addison Michelle Ellis somehow acts like you. God, if she and Maddie act like we did, Liam and I will be in some deep shit when they get older. I’m going to go, but remember to watch over us. We have some messed up shit going on, but, you know, we Carls’s and Ellis’s always stick together. I love you, my beautiful sister. Sending you butterfly kisses.”