“Don’t apologize. You weren’t that late. I just got here not that long ago, and we haven’t even said much to each other anyway.”
Lexi’s blatant comment hurt. I’d had a good reason to stay quiet, but I still felt terrible. Especially after hearing what she’d been listening to for the last few days. Who could blame her? I reached over to put my glowing hand on Lexi’s. Her shadow twitched at my close proximity and began backing away.
“Lexi, you know I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you lately. Kyra’s sorry too.”
Kyra nodded, contrition evident on her face.
Lexi pulled back her hands and placed them in her lap. As she stared at them silently, I kept my arm outstretched on the table for my aura to be as close to her as possible. I stole a quick peek at Kyra. She nodded in silent affirmation, a nudge to keep going.
“The way we’ve treated you...” I continued. “We have no good excuse. And you didn’t do anything to deserve it. But Lexi, I care about you just as much now as I did before, if not more. I’ve just done a crappy job of showing it. Can you forgive me? Us?”
She picked up her coffee but then scrutinized Kyra and me, back and forth. As her shadow backed away and began to shrink, Lexi’s whole body visibly relaxed. Her lips gradually curved into a smile, and the fog diminished completely. “Okay, fine. I guess I’ll forgive you guys.”
I knew I’d still have to hide things from Lexi, but I allowed myself this small win. “Yea, I have my friend back!” I clapped my hands and then sighed. “You don’t know how good that feels.”
She took a sip of coffee and then smiled as she set her cup back on the table. “Yeah. I do.”
Chapter 9
With my relationship with Lexi finally restored, first hour was actually pleasant again. I was even able to practice my shadow-listening skills again on a boy upset over some girl drama. Finding enough empathy to open a sound tunnel to the shadows was getting easier every time.
Then third hour had to ruin everything. Lila was already sitting in her seat, busy checking her flawless face in her mirror. Her murky, nebulous friend hovered beside her and whispered in her ear. Lila’s head shot up, as did the shadow’s, and both glared at me.
I trudged over to sit beside Patrick.
“Hey, sweetie.” He put his arm around me for a sideways hug and then leaned back. His arm still draped over my chair behind me. “How was first hour with Lexi?”
I shoved aside my irritation and smiled at him. “Great. No shadows to report so far. And I’ve been able to listen to four shadows so far including Lexi’s.”
“Atta girl. I knew you’d get the hang of that quickly.”
I was about to ask him how his day had been so far, but Lila’s shrieking laughter cut me off.
I scowled at her and her shadow for a second but then looked away before they could catch me staring. What had her shadow said to her earlier? Did it have anything to do with me? Or with Patrick?
Wait. Hadn’t we all been trying to figure out what she was doing here? Maybe now I could help. My mouth opened before my brain could stop it. “Patrick?”
“Yeah?”
“You know how I can hear the shadows, but only if I can empathize with their victims?”
“Yeah.” He eyed me curiously.
I took a deep breath. Did I really want to do this? Could I? “Since you knew Lila in the past…could you maybe tell me something about her that would help me understand her better? So I could maybe empathize with her a little? Just enough so I could hear her shadow.”
He turned to me abruptly. “Iris, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why we didn’t think of that sooner.”
“I mean I don’t know if it’ll work or not. But it’s worth a shot. I guess.” I groaned. “As much as I don’t want to think of her positively in any way.”
He grimaced. “Yeah, there isn’t a whole lot of positive there to be honest. Of course, Gregory would tell us there was good in everyone if we only look deep enough.” He laughed nervously as if talking to me about Lila was the last thing he wanted to do.
But I didn’t let up my gaze, so he took a deep breath and leaned in close to my ear. His voice was barely above a scratchy whisper. “Lila had a pretty bad home life. Her parents went to church and pretended to be religious, but they were hypocrites at home. They yelled at her, called her names. She could never have lived up to their standards if she’d tried. So she ran away. Soon after her eyes were opened, Donovan got to her.”
I nodded, remembering the demon they’d both worked for.
“Well, Donovan didn’t have to say much to convince her to seek revenge on everything the light represented since she saw it as tied to her parents. Even though they clearly had nothing to do with the light.” He frowned. “She was just manipulated into believing a lie, Iris. That lie and everything she went through as a child led to where she is now.” He sighed and stared off into space. “I guess, when you think of her situation that way, it’s a little easier to have sympathy for her.”
I cringed at the word easy. Nothing was easy about having sympathy for someone who was evil. She had chosen to be evil. Hadn’t she?
His eyes pleaded with me to feel sorry for her. Compassion practically dripped from them. And before long, my jealousy came rushing back. “Too bad you don’t have the gift of hearing the shadows,” I snapped. “You obviously don’t have any trouble having positive emotions towards her.”
Patrick knocked his head back and groaned. “This is why I don’t like talking about her. She does this to people.” He sighed again and looked me in the eyes. “Just think about what I said. Okay? Try putting yourself in her shoes.”
I wanted nothing to do with her designer heels. I slid down in my seat with my arms crossed, determined to sulk the rest of the hour.
By the time the bell rang for lunch, though, I had managed to talk myself into a forgiving mood. After all, I was the one who had asked Patrick to talk about Lila’s past. The least I could do was be hospitable to him during lunch. Lexi was still shadowless too, which helped.
But then I thought of another friend—my former friend, Nicole. Now if I could only get rid of Nicole’s shadow. That would be more difficult. Her shadow wasn’t just a fog that fed her emotional lies. Those I could at least try to combat with my words and aura. Nicole’s shadow was a lifestyle she had chosen.
Nevertheless, my hopes were high as I marched to sixth hour and scanned Mr. Keller’s room. No Nicole. My helping her would have to wait.
In the meantime...
Josh stirred in his seat and smiled at me. His familiar attachment floated beside him. Surely I could empathize with a guy who used to be my boyfriend. I still cared about him.
I stayed at the front of the room and leaned against the wall near the door. The whole “I’m occupied with my phone” trick worked last time, so why not try it again? I would fit right in with the others milling around, staring at their phones before class started. I pulled out my phone and pretended to scroll through something. Inside I was remembering the old Josh. The shy, flirtatious boy who gave me a purple bookmark for my birthday and who had the most endearing yet awkward, “Will you go out with me?” speech on a spelunking field trip. A long time ago. He had such good in him. He just went down a wrong path. I wished the old Josh would come back.
The chatter of the room faded to a low hum and an eerie whispering voice found a direct path to my ears. I gasped at the message.
“She’ll never go back out with you. She thinks you’re scum. She’s too good for you.” The voice was so harsh and grating, I almost couldn’t stomach the sound. “You could never give up partying anyway. That’s who you are now.”
My hand trembled as I slid my phone back in my purse. I lifted my head to find Josh staring at me, slumped in his seat. His smile was lost. His eyes defeated.
My heart leapt into my throat. I had to fight back tears. I wanted to rush over and embrace him. He needed to know I didn’t hate him or think he was gar
bage. He was much more than that to me. He was much more than that, period.
My aura came to me without trying. I met his eyes with a warm, heartfelt smile. As I stepped towards him, his shadow fidgeted but desperately hung onto him like an overprotective, territorial animal. My empathy remained steady enough to hear the shadow speak, stronger and faster now, the same lies as before. However, its tone was becoming more desperate and less convincing.
Josh’s mouth twitched when he saw me nearing him. Once I stopped right beside him, a full-blown grin painted his face. I beamed as if we were best friends and reached out to place my hand on his wrist. “Hey,” I said. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it has.” His eyes held mine as he continued to grin. There was nothing flirtatious or assuming in his gaze. Just serene and hopeful. The blaze flooded from my hand to his wrist and then crept up his arm. I held on until his trembling shadow backed away and then finally scampered off.
I knew I should’ve withdrawn my hand. The shadow was gone. But for some reason, I didn’t want to. I looked him in the eyes and bit my lip. “I—I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“I’m doing okay, I guess,” he said. His eyes told me something entirely different. That he was lost and alone. That he needed to be freed from his captor permanently. That he needed me.
I swallowed hard and nodded, pulling my hand away. Somehow not touching him anymore made me feel cold, even though my glow still washed over me. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
He nodded and watched as I walked to my desk. I got out my binder to look like I was busy with notes or doodling or whatever. But inside I was whimpering. If I was just able to hang out with him more, maybe he could be free of that awful leech.
But I doubted Patrick would like that.
Chapter 10
“I’ll try, okay?” I threw my backpack on the floor by my desk and plopped down beside Patrick.
I didn’t look directly at him, but I could see his wrinkled forehead out of the corner of my eye.
I stared at my desk, attempting to keep my voice indifferent and self-assured. “I’ve thought about what you said yesterday. About Lila. I don’t want to think positively about her. But I’m going to give the whole empathy thing a try today.”
One of his eyebrows crept up his forehead, but he nodded slowly.
I yanked out my binder and pencil as he sat there, staring. He didn’t say anything, so I felt like I needed to explain myself. “I just know we need this right now to help us figure her out. So, as much as I don’t want to, I’m willing to try.”
The bell rang, signaling Mrs. Bauder to promptly start her lecture. Her loud voice carried over the chatter and eventually quieted the class. “Okay, guys. Listen up. We’re going to continue where we left off yesterday.”
As she droned on, Patrick leaned over to me and whispered, “Don’t worry. I’ll take amazing notes about teen pregnancy for your viewing pleasure later. You do your thing.” He leaned back in his seat and faced the front. His grin dropped immediately, and stoic concentration took over his face.
I chuckled to myself and grudgingly turned away from his beautiful face to the only person I truly hated. Lila’s shadow practically stood its ground beside her as such a solidly-defined form. Wisps of what looked like ink under water drifted away from the silhouette as it moved to mutter in her ear. I would have to hurry if I wanted to hear anything.
I concentrated on Patrick’s story of her family. Fabricated images of Lila as a younger girl rushed through my mind. Sad. Alone. Hearing her parents yell and ridicule her. Never feeling like she could measure up. Never feeling good enough. I fought the growing empathy rising up in me, but the feeling came nonetheless. I was all-too-familiar with not feeling good enough. On top of that, her parents—the people who should’ve encouraged and supported her—were the ones who had carved that belief into her soul so deeply that she’d never healed from the scar.
I closed my eyes and gradually settled into a tunnel of sound far removed from the noise of the classroom. A low-pitched, firm voice swam through the tunnel to my ears, but the connection was different. Instead of feeling like the voice was right beside me, I felt like I was listening into a secret conversation with a cup pressed to a closed door. The sound was muffled but clear and crisp enough for me to understand the words.
“You’re going to have to kick it up a notch, buttercup. You want him back with us, don’t you?” The shadow’s style reminded me less of a slave owner and more of domineering boss who knew how to get what he wanted. “Of course, our end game is bigger than just Patrick, but that’s all you need to focus on. Work on him and the rest will fall into place. You were made beautiful and alluring for a reason. Donovan knew that when he found you. Your beauty serves a purpose. Right now, that purpose is to win Patrick over. Lure him. Seduce him. Use memories you two share. As far as Iris...”
My ears perked up at the mention of my name.
“You’re doing great so far at making her jealous. Keep it up. Hopefully her insane jealousy will actually help drive him away and towards you. Then, once Patrick comes back…well, the rest will be history.” I flashed open my eyes and glared at Lila who, at that very moment, was twisting her perfectly glossed lips into a pompous grin. She cocked her head to the side to meet my glare and winked.
My face grew hot as my blood boiled. I bent my head and shielded my face with my hand so she couldn’t see. That’s what the shadow had wanted. For me to be jealous. I shouldn’t give them what they want. I should rise above and be the better person. But it was so hard. Especially now that I knew what she was planning.
With the empathy tunnel disintegrated, I was left to muse over what I’d heard. Lila’s presence here meant bad things for Patrick since she was tied to Donovan. I’d already known that and had been worried for him because of it, even protective. But now I felt helpless. Lila was determined to “get him back,” not only because she obviously still liked him but also because that was her job here. How had the shadow said she was to go about luring him? Seduction? Flirting? That was the one thing she was great at. If she did kick it up even the slightest notch, how could Patrick possibly resist her? I was nothing compared to her.
The revolting image of my sister’s husband and his mistress together in her bed flickered into my mind out of nowhere. Could that eventually be Patrick? I shuddered as the image shifted from Austin and his girlfriend to Patrick and Lila.
Patrick must have noticed my sudden cold detachment because he set down his pen and bent toward me. I repressed the urge to lean away.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
No way I could tell him what I’d heard in the middle of class. I settled for a lie. “Yep. I’m fine.” Without casting a glance in his direction, I grabbed my pen and began jotting down notes. Horribly pointless and illegible notes that would have to be ripped from my binder and thrown into the trash later.
Not that taking notes helped any. Apparently, nothing could keep me from imagining scenes of Lila seducing Patrick until he caved. I found myself lost in highly unpleasant daydreaming until the bell blared and woke me up. I gazed at my notes. The last few words I’d written were scribbled into script worse than a doctor’s. The tail at the end had somehow weaved its way into a frown, and I’d subconsciously added eyes and inwardly slanted eyebrows.
Patrick cleared his throat and rubbed his hand on my back. I stiffened. He’d been peering over my shoulder to my notes. I slammed the notebook down and flipped the cover of my binder shut with my finger. “The lecture was boring.”
He eyed me skeptically. “It was about teens getting knocked up. We even broke into a heated discussion about that show that follows all those pregnant teens.”
Man, I really hadn’t been paying attention. “Whatever, I just… It’s draining feeling everyone else’s emotions and listening to their shadows.”
He softened immediately. “I’m sorry. You’re right. That must be hard.”
He hesitated, withdrawing his hand from my back. “What did her shadow say?”
I opened my mouth but then hesitated, realizing I didn’t know how to tell him. I felt stupid in front of him talking about my insecurities. But how else could I discuss what I’d heard without bringing them up? Besides, what if my doubts were warranted? I stuffed my binder in my backpack. “I think I should just talk to everyone at the same time. That way I don’t have to repeat myself.”
“Okay. If that’s—”
I cut him short, standing up with my bag. “I’m going to run by my locker and the bathroom on the way to lunch. I’ll just meet you there, okay?”
I didn’t wait for him to answer. I was already out the door.
Thankfully Gregory was the first of the three I spotted inside the lunchroom. He wouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable by asking detailed questions and could tell the others the basics for me. All I knew was I couldn’t handle being around Patrick right then. Whether that was due to jealousy, low self-esteem, or bad but realistic mental images, I wasn’t sure. Probably all three.
Apparently, Patrick and Gregory had already spoken. “Are you okay? Patrick says you were kind of shaken up by Lila’s shadow?”
“Um, I’m okay, I guess.” I stared at the floor, working over in my mind what I wanted to say. “I’m just kind of worried about Patrick.”
He dipped his head to the side and frowned but allowed me to continue.
“I guess their overall goal is bigger than just Patrick…whatever that means. But the shadow said that Lila’s goal is to get Patrick back by using whatever tactics necessary—flirting, seduction... Everything she’s good at.” I attempted to hide the overwhelming worry in my tone. “They’re hoping my jealousy will push him away too or that I’ll follow him when he does go back.”
Gregory nodded his head slowly and sighed. “I see. I can’t say that I’m surprised. Coming from her and Donovan, it’s exactly what I’d expect.”
He contemplated my news quietly for a moment but eventually remembered I was still standing there. “Thank you, Iris. I know listening to that must have been hard. You did well.” He smiled, but it looked forced. His mind was already pondering, analyzing, and planning.
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