Bi Now, Gay Later

by Kim Dare

  “Good boy,” he whispered.

  The hand holding the collar up seemed to come back to life. Denton lowered the leather to his pet’s neck.

  “This is what you want?” the objective part of his brain forced him to ask.

  “Yes, master,” Jerry whispered back, his voice almost cracking with pure relief.

  The possessive side couldn’t wait any longer. The leather was fastened in place in seconds. All sign of nervous tremble gone from his fingers, Denton smoothed the blackness into place around his pet’s neck, checking the fit.

  Jerry swallowed and let out a deep breath as he closed his eyes. A small smile made its way to his lips just before his teeth caught the tender skin and nibbled at it in an effort to keep his emotions in check.

  Denton stroked his hand through Jerry’s hair tugging him forward a little so the younger man could rest his head against his hip. Jerry leaned eagerly into his touch in a way Denton had been convinced he’d lost forever.

  Tearing his eyes away from the beautiful sight kneeling at his feet, Denton looked at the crowd of men, catching the eyes of the dominants, making sure that everyone was nice and sure Jerry belonged to him again. Slowly the crowd started to dissipate and turn back in on themselves as they realised the show was essentially over.

  “Up you get,” Denton ordered after a while.

  Jerry rose gradually to his feet. Not willing to let him go, Denton kept his fingers tangled in Jerry’s hair. A moment after he reached his full height, Jerry was firmly wrapped in the circle of his master’s arms, with his face tucked into the crook of his neck. The small man held on to his shirt so tight, the fabric cut into Denton’s skin.

  Smiling, Denton pressed a kiss onto the top of Jerry’s head. “Good pet, that’s right. I’ve got you.”

  Jerry nodded but didn’t lift his face to speak. He pressed a kiss onto Denton’s neck instead.

  The hand he’d buried in Jerry’s hair dropped down to his neck, to stroke the leather encircling his skin.

  Jerry pulled away the tiniest fraction, just enough that he could quickly look up into his master’s eyes before dropping his gaze again. “It’s new, master,” he observed softly, lifting his hand to join Denton’s on the stiff leather.

  “Yes,” Denton agreed.

  Jerry nodded and stopped short of actually questioning his decision to replace the old collar.

  “A new start,” Denton clarified.

  Jerry nodded again and burrowed back closer into his master’s arms.

  “Cold, pet?”

  Jerry shook his head. “It just feels like everyone’s staring at my arse, master,” he murmured into his shoulder.

  Denton chuckled. “You stripped naked and got on stage in the middle of a leather bar, Jerry. Of course everyone’s staring at your arse.” He ran one of his hands down the submissive’s back and cupped the firm, round muscle in the palm of his hand. Something eased inside him as Jerry accepted his touch without protest or comment. Denton smiled as his possessive side gloried in the simple pleasure that came with the freedom to touch his lover however he wanted.

  Someone cleared his throat. Denton looked over Jerry’s shoulder and saw an older dominant set a small pile of clothes—of Jerry’s clothes—on the corner of the stage.

  Jerry turned to look over his shoulder too. “Mr. Nolan,” he said. “Thank you, I…”

  When he would have turned around, Denton’s hands on his neck and his backside kept him in place.

  “Mr. Nolan let me sit with him,” Jerry said softly. “He was very kind to me.”

  Denton looked across to the other man. A flash of recognition hit him, and he remembered seeing a man who looked very much like Jerry with him on a great many occasions in the past. Jerry tugged slightly at his shirt. Looking down into his eyes, Denton saw the sympathy there.

  He pushed the instinct to make it clear who Jerry belonged to away. “Thank you for looking after him until I could bring him back to me,” Denton said instead.

  Obvious relief flooded through Jerry. He rested his head on his master’s shoulder as Denton exchanged a few more words with the other man. Mr. Nolan didn’t linger for very long before he made his excuses and walked away.

  “Car accident,” Jerry whispered.

  Denton pressed another kiss onto his temple. “Yes. Frank. I remember. He was a good man.”

  “Do you think Michael looks like me?”

  Denton managed to call to mind a young blond man Jerry had been speaking to on the same night everything went to hell for them. “A little like you,” he said. “But more like Frank. Playing match maker for Nolan, pet?”

  Jerry looked up at him and, when he’d confirmed that his master was definitely teasing, smiled. “Do you think Michael would make a nice submissive for him, master?”

  “Perhaps,” Denton allowed. “I’ll mention Nolan to Phillips next time I see him. If he thinks they’ll suit each other, he’ll see that they are introduced.”

  “Thank you, master.”

  “But first, you’re going to tell me exactly what he was doing with all your clothes?” Denton told him, making sure Jerry would hear the teasing note linger in his voice. He was so lightheaded with relief at having Jerry back where he belonged, he couldn’t help but tease.

  Jerry bit his lip. “I didn’t want to come to you wearing clothes another man gave me,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I made you wait. You could punish me for that, and for everything I said to you that night, and…”

  Denton put a fingertip to his lips. “There’s no punishment. But I swear if you do this to me again, I’ll turn you over my knee so quickly, there wouldn’t be time for you to mutter anything about ‘having to go’ without giving me a damn good reason first.”

  Jerry nodded.

  Denton stared down at him. “I’ll respect your safe word, Jerry, but I won’t let you leave again without actually telling me what the hell is wrong—never again, understand.”

  He nodded once more. “Maybe I should put my clothes on now, master?” he suggested.

  “No.”

  Jerry glanced into his eyes and nodded his acceptance of his decision.

  “And on that subject, there will be no more of this bull about it being my apartment, your name’s on the bloody lease right next to mine. And I’ll be damned if I’ll spend half my time fetching and carrying all the clothes you’re so damn convinced that I own back and fore to you, if you happen to spend a few days away from our house again.”

  Jerry looked at his clothes, still piled on the edge of the stage.

  Denton chuckled. “They didn’t seem more than a little familiar?”

  Jerry blushed and stroked his fingers along his master’s shirt. “Take me home, master?” he asked.

  Denton wrapped his hand around Jerry’s wrist, studying his face to see his reaction. The younger man closed his eyes as if he was savouring the moment.

  “We’re going home now,” Denton informed him.

  Jerry nodded. Denton only stopped for the briefest moment to let Jerry pick up his clothes before he led him briskly out of the club.

  In the car park he put Jerry into the passenger side of his car and strode quickly around to the driver’s seat. He had neither the patience nor the inclination for anything fancy. “Put your belt on. You have until the car stops to put on whatever clothes you want to wear on the way up to our apartment. I’m not waiting for you once I turn the engine off.”

  “Yes, master.”

  Jerry put his seatbelt on and quickly began to sort through his clothes. As far as he remembered he’d just dropped them on the floor where he’d stood, but Mr. Nolan had put them in a nice neat little pile for him when he collected them.

  They weren’t far from their apartment, and Denton was putting his foot down. At that time of night, there wasn’t much traffic to get in their way. Jerry thought he could just about get everything on if he hurried, and the traffic lights went his way.

  Holding his jeans in one hand an
d his shoes in the other, he hesitated. An idea started to form inside his head. He looked across at his master’s profile. It wasn’t in him to ask for anything from Denton right then. He was back with his master, wanting anything more than that would be greedy. But his master had never been slow on the uptake and he couldn’t help but drop a hint about his idea. Jerry pulled his jeans on and put everything else, shoes and all, in a neat little pile on his lap.

  Denton glanced across and raised an eyebrow at him.

  Jerry stared straight ahead and took a deep breath, realising that he was inviting a hell of a lot of trouble to fall down all around him if this went wrong.

  In the car park, Jerry waited as his master walked around to his side of the car and took hold of his wrist once more. His master didn’t turn around and look at him until he closed the apartment door behind them.

  “You really do believe in second chances, don’t you, pet?” Denton asked.

  Jerry stared at his master’s shoulder, not able to tell his master’s opinion of his conduct from his tone of voice.

  “Playroom,” he whispered in Jerry’s ear. “Naked. Central shackles. Go.”

  Jerry hurried into the play room and got himself ready for his master. He was soon standing exactly where he had stood on another Saturday night a whole lifetime ago. Denton made him wait again. Standing under the shackles, Jerry could only hope like hell he hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life by suggesting a rehash of the one scene that had come so close to ruining him.

  His master finally pushed the door open. He strode in as if he wasn’t the least bit nervous about repeating the scene. His confidence soothed Jerry a little.

  “I’m not playing games tonight. If I ask you a question I want a full and honest response. Lies and omissions will both be punished harshly,” Denton announced.

  “Yes, master,” Jerry whispered.

  “When was the last time you thought about having sex with someone who wasn’t your master?” he demanded.

  Jerry watched his master pace. He hadn’t put the shackles on, but he didn’t seem to be aware of that neglected part of the procedure. Jerry wasn’t sure if there was a polite way to bring that to his master’s attention.

  “Thinking time is acceptable, day dreaming time is not.”

  “I thought about it a lot over the last few weeks, master,” Jerry whispered. “But not the way you mean.”

  “Oh?”

  “I wasn’t thinking about it to enjoy it. I thought I’d probably need to—to find a new master,” he looked down. Honesty. He couldn’t deny his master that. “I thought I might need to for money at one point, too.”

  Denton moved closer him, stopping barely a foot away from contact. “You thought I’d let that happen?”

  Jerry couldn’t lift his gaze. “Everything had fallen apart and I didn’t have a master and I…I was scared. I always imagine the worst when I’m scared, master. I try not to, but I can’t help it.”

  “Like imagining that I’d force you?” Denton asked.

  An embarrassed blush raced to Jerry’s cheeks. “I didn’t really mean it to sound like that. I knew I wouldn’t leave if I got too close to you. I had to push you away as hard as I could, or I would have stayed, and I thought staying would make you think like that and…”

  Denton stroked his cheek, gentling him down as his words began to tumble out too quickly to be understood. “And now you know differently, don’t you, pet?”

  Jerry nodded.

  “I can accept that you’re bi, Jerry.”

  Jerry nodded again, holding the words close and savouring them.

  “Although the part of you I’m in love with isn’t bi.”

  As quickly as embarrassment had coloured his cheeks, Jerry felt the blood drain away. It couldn’t happen again. It couldn’t…

  “Master?”

  “Look at me,” Denton ordered.

  Jerry looked up at his master. Denton stroked his hair back from his eyes in a familiar gesture. Jerry accepted it, just as he always welcomed his master’s touch. Denton smiled slightly as if he’d suddenly won something amazing.

  “The part of you that I’m in love with is the part of you that’s you. And that isn’t gay or bi or straight or anything else.”

  Jerry closed his eyes at hearing his own thoughts quoted back at him. Blood began to move through his veins again. His lungs dragged another dose of air into his body.

  “If I can accept that the part of me that you love isn’t male or female, you’ll just have to face the fact that the part of you that I love isn’t gay or bi. Although, you’ll also have to learn to live with the fact I’m still bloody glad that no part of you is entirely straight. I’m not hetrophobic either, pet, but I think I’m well within my rights in expecting my lover to have at least a passing interest in men.”

  Jerry nodded his agreement, relief making him smile.

  As he spoke, his master had lowered his head. His lips were just a fraction of an inch away from offering him a kiss.

  “Please, master?” Jerry whispered.

  “First you have to do something for me,” Denton whispered. “Three little words.”

  Jerry closed his eyes and took a leap of faith. “I love you, master.”

  Denton lips brushed against Jerry’s as he smiled. “Technically that’s four words, but I’ll let you off this time.”

  He touched their mouths together, very gently. Jerry parted his lips and his master slowly accepted his invitation, gradually deepening the kiss until Jerry couldn’t help but whimper and moan into his master’s mouth.

  Jerry couldn’t remember the last time a kiss, even one from his master, made him honest to God weak at the knees. He dropped his hands from their place next to the shackles and wrapped his arms around his master’s neck, holding on, both for support, and just for the joy of feeling his master holding him close in return. If he got turned over the other man’s knee for moving without permission, he didn’t care. It would be worth it.

  When Denton broke the kiss he looked at Jerry’s hands resting on his shoulders and raised an eyebrow.

  “Sorry, master,” Jerry gasped. “I forgot to ask you to put the shackles on me.”

  “If I’d wanted them on you, you wouldn’t have had to remind me.”

  Jerry hesitated, not sure if he’d done something wrong or not.

  “If bondage is the only thing that keeps you where I want you, your inability to stand on your own two feet while you kiss me is the least of our problems.”

  Wrapping his hand around Jerry’s wrist in what Jerry was quickly coming to think of as the best hold anyone could ever take on him, Denton led him into their bedroom and nudged him towards the bed before he could think of anything to say in response.

  “Make your choice, Jerry.”

  “Master?” Jerry frowned his confusion as he automatically got onto the bed and waited for another order.

  “I made you an offer a few weeks ago. I’m a man of my word. Make your choice.”

  “I never said I was gay,” Jerry blurted out as he watched his master drop his clothes on the floor by the side of the bed until he was just as naked as his submissive. His eyes flickered all over the older man’s body. It felt like decades had passed since he’d seen him that way. The fact he was hard and obviously ready to remind Jerry exactly who he belonged to was just the icing on the cake.

  Denton shrugged. “You told me that you’ll never belong to a woman again. It’s close enough as far as I’m concerned.”

  Getting up onto his knees, Jerry knelt right on the edge of the bed, but he was still not quite within touching distance of his master.

  “Anything you want,” Denton reminded him stepping closer so he stood right in front of Jerry.

  “Honest,” Jerry repeated back his master’s earlier order. “No omissions.”

  “That’s right.”

  “I want you to do whatever you want with me, master,” Jerry said. “I’m not trying to be difficult, I just…
All I want right now is for my master to want me.”

  Denton stared down at him for a long time.

  No omissions. Jerry cleared his throat. “I’d quite like to come too, master, but I can wait a bit longer for that, if you say that I should.”

  He stared at Denton’s shoulder as he waited for his verdict. For a long time his master stood very still, looking down at him. Finally, Denton reached out to him. He ran his fingertips over his collar. Jerry’s own fingers twitched as he fought the urge to reach out and protect the mark.

  Denton spotted the move. A moment later, he turned and walked away. He left him there on the bed as he walked out of the room without a word. Straining to hear the sounds of his master walking around the apartment, Jerry tracked his master’s progress into the playroom.

  Dropping his gaze, Jerry stared down at the blanket. His master had ordered him onto the bed. He was to stay there until he received another order, he knew that. But not rushing after his master right then was just about the hardest thing any dominant had ever asked him to do.

  Pulling his knees up in front of him, Jerry wrapped his arms around them and held himself together while he waited for his master to come back to him and tell him everything was okay.

  When he returned, Denton was carrying toys. Habit made Jerry looked across at him and try to guess what the other man intended to do with them. Toys meant fun, guessing how they were going to be used on him was all part of the game. But in truth, he didn’t really care right then. He turned his full attention back where it belonged—to his master rather than the things he brought into the room with him.

  Denton dropped his stash on the bed. He didn’t waste any time once his hands were free. Tossing the pillows to one side, he located a strong eyelet they’d screwed in the wall right above the mattress. Denton deftly padlocked one end of a thick chain to the eyelet. He pulled at it, checking the strength. Then he yanked at it again, harder than Jerry would ever be able to. Seemingly satisfied with that end of the chain, he unwound the rest of the length until several yards of chain lay on the bed next to Jerry.

  Another padlock was taken from the little pile his master had brought in with him. Denton sat on the mattress next to Jerry. In moments the second padlock linked the other end of the chain to his collar. Denton gave a gentle tug on the chain, just hard enough for Jerry to feel his collar’s protection pull against his skin.