MySoultoSave

by S W Vaughn

  If Jaeryth hadn’t been there, she would’ve died. Suddenly, knowing his last name didn’t matter any more.

  She turned to him and her relief died at the sight of the absolute misery etched into his face. “What is it?”

  He stared at her with haunted eyes. “We need to talk.”

  “Okay. Should we sit down?”

  “Yes.”

  Something told her that whatever it was, she didn’t want to hear it. But she crossed the room and settled on the couch. After a moment, Jaeryth approached like a convict headed for the gas chamber. He sat down slowly, not looking at her, and drew in a shaking breath. “I’d hoped it would never come to this,” he said. “But I won’t let you die. I have to tell you.”

  “Tell me what?”

  He bowed his head. “I know what they are.”

  “The freaks?” Her blood ran cold. “You know?”

  “Yes.” The word barely left his lips. “They’re called Tempters. They are minor demons, tasked with influencing humans to sin and commit evil acts.”

  “Demons,” Logan repeated. “Okay, I’m starting to think you are actually crazy. If I hadn’t seen them myself—”

  “I’m not crazy, and they are demons.” Jaeryth’s head came up slowly and he faced her with reluctance. “I know this because I was in charge of them.”

  “So you’re a demon.”

  “Yes. At least, I was.”

  “Oh, come on!” She shot to her feet, paced a few steps away and whirled on him. “Do you really think I’m going to buy this bullshit? Demons are about as real as unicorns and leprechauns. What are you trying to pull here?”

  “Logan, please.” The pain in his voice reflected in his eyes. “Hear me out, and then decide whether you believe me.”

  She wanted to refuse. This was absolutely ridiculous. But with everything he’d done for her, maybe she owed him an audience—and once he vented this conspiracy theory of his, or whatever this insanity was, they could try to figure out what was really going on. “All right,” she said, and sat back down. “Explain.”

  He nodded, as though convincing himself to continue. “Let me start with the basics,” he said. “Demons and angels exist. Our worlds—Shade and Citadel—are part of yours, though most humans will not see them. They overlap one another, but Shade and Citadel cannot exist in the same place. Do you understand?”

  “No.”

  “All right.” He let out a sigh. “We compete for control, demons and angels. The more corruption and discord there is among humans, the greater the area of Shade. More peace and happiness, more Citadel. But there is a greater prize that we fight for. Certain humans called Nabi, or prophets, who have the power to influence millions.”

  “Prophets,” she said with a heavy dose of skepticism. “Elijah and Mohammed, guys like that.”

  “They were, yes. But prophets can be good or evil. John F. Kennedy was one, and so was Adolph Hitler. Mother Teresa and Saddam Hussein. Mahatma Gandhi and Charles Manson.” He looked at her with fierce intensity. “Logan Frost.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You are a prophet, Logan.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “That’s why you can see the Tempters and banish them. That’s why they want you.”

  “No.” She edged away from him, shaking her head. “No way. They’ve got the wrong chick. I’m a junkie, a nobody.” Shit, she was buying into this. It almost made sense, if she could get past the whole angels and demons thing. But that just wasn’t possible.

  “You are Nabi, and you are their target. You must accept this. It’s the only way you can protect yourself.”

  She shivered. “I can’t.”

  “Very well.” Jaeryth grimaced and closed his eyes. “I’ll prove it.”

  “I don’t think you can.”

  He looked at her. “When you left your father’s house, you lived in Crystaltown. You were addicted to crystal meth. You stayed with your boyfriend, who was in a band, but you never performed. And then you stayed with a girl named Deenie.”

  Her heart dropped into her gut. “How could you know that?” she said. “Oh my God. Tex told you, didn’t he?”

  “No, he did not.” A muscle worked along Jaeryth’s jaw. “Once, you tried to call someone. Your Gran. But she didn’t answer, and then you remembered she was dead. You cried for hours.”

  “You can’t know that!” Shock brought her to her feet. “No one does. I never talked about Gran. Who are you?”

  His fingers clenched, unclenched. “I told you. I am a demon.”

  “But everyone can see you. Not just me.”

  “Yes,” he said. “I was made human. Stripped of my wings and tail, and sent here to…”

  Wings and tail. The scars on his back. Oh Jesus, maybe he was telling the truth. “Sent here to what?” she whispered.

  “To corrupt you. Turn you to our side.” His voice emerged ragged and hoarse. “Demons aren’t permitted to kill humans. We can only influence them, as the Tempters did to the man who attacked you. So the Prince of Hell made me human and demanded that if I failed to turn you—”

  “You’d kill me.” It hurt to say the words, but not as much as it had to hear this. She felt the blood drain from her face as she backed away. “Jaeryth…”

  “I never would have done it,” he said. “I doubt you’ll believe that, but it’s true.”

  As she struggled to hold back the scream rising in her, a new realization surfaced, slicing her further apart. “Fred. You’re Fred. You were the voice!” She hitched a breath and tears streamed hotly down her face. “You ruined my life once. And then you came back to do it again.”

  “Please. Let me—”

  “Get out.” She stalked to the front door and yanked it open. “Get out of my house. Get out of my life.”

  He rose slowly, but made no move to leave. “They will come back,” he said. “You must watch for the Tempters. You have the power to stop them, if you see them in time. You are a prophet.”

  “Stop saying that!”

  “Your friend Tex knows these things. Ask him, if you don’t believe me.”

  “Don’t you dare bring Tex into this,” she snapped. “I should’ve listened to him. He was right about you.”

  Jaeryth flinched. “He’s an angel, Logan. That’s why he knows.”

  “Oh, that’s it. Leave. Before I call the cops.”

  For a moment she thought he wouldn’t, that she really would have to get the police. Finally, he started stiffly toward her. “I’ll go,” he said. “But please, call Tex, and tell him what I’ve told you. You must believe this.” He stopped just outside the doorway and the anguish in his eyes threatened to consume her. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

  She glared at him. “Too late.”

  Somehow she managed to close the door on him. She waited until she heard him cross the porch and descend the steps, and then with hands that trembled violently, she dug out her phone and called Tex.

  * * * * *

  Jaeryth decided that he could handle Tartarus after all. What he’d just done had hurt far more than any torment Samael could devise. Seeing her shattered, knowing he’d been the cause of her pain, was the ultimate torture.

  And to rub salt into the wounds, he’d begged her to seek help from the damned angel.

  She seemed to believe him toward the end. However, he would not leave the premises until he was certain she’d be safe. She must have called Tex by now. He would wait and have a few words with the angel, and then he’d go.

  It struck him suddenly that he had no idea what to do with himself now.

  He nearly laughed aloud. How ironic. As a human, he couldn’t simply walk into Hell and turn himself over to Samael. Nor could he care for himself like this—basic needs like food and shelter required money, which he had no way to obtain. He had nowhere to go, and he would probably starve to death.

  Of course, he could always commit suicide. He was already bound for Hell. It wouldn’t matter how he got there.

  He set
tled on the ground beside the steps to wait for Tex and occupied his mind with ways to end this mortal life. At least it kept him from thinking of Logan. There was a certain satisfaction in the idea of jumping from a building, as the human whose death he’d regretted causing had done. But if he failed to climb high enough, he might end up crippled instead of dead. He could take pills—he’d have to steal them—but he didn’t know which ones or how many would kill him. Perhaps he could throw himself into traffic. That would work…unless the vehicles swerved to avoid him or weren’t going fast enough for a lethal hit.

  Hell’s flames. He couldn’t even kill himself properly.

  The drone of an approaching engine called his attention. He looked up to see Tex’s car slow and pull into the driveway. Swallowing his bitterness, he stood and attempted to steel himself for the confrontation.

  Tex climbed out, and his gaze lit immediately on Jaeryth. “What the hell are you doing here?” the angel snarled as he strode toward him.

  Jaeryth shook his head. “Angels shouldn’t curse,” he said. “It’s not becoming.”

  “What?” Tex froze halfway across the yard. “There’s something wrong with you, friend. I’m a drummer. Remember?”

  “We have no time for these games.” Jaeryth moved forward, struggling to hold back the hatred that seethed in his gut. “I know what you are. And now, Logan knows what I am.”

  Tex narrowed his eyes. “Really. And what are you, exactly?”

  “Ask her. I’m sure she’ll have plenty of questions for you as well.” He glanced back, in case Logan decided to come out and greet Tex. The house remained silent. “We’re not that different, you and I,” he said. “We both know how important she is, and we both want to protect her.”

  “Yeah, right. Why don’t I believe you’ve been trying to protect her?”

  Jaeryth shrugged. “I can’t force you to believe otherwise. But I’ve done all I can, and now I must leave her in your hands.” Bile rose in his throat. He was surrendering to an angel. If he’d still been a demon, this would have gotten him severely punished—a week in the square, or maybe service on the trains. But that no longer mattered. Only Logan did. “Please keep her safe. They’ve already come for her once. She stopped them, but she must understand her abilities and be ready to use them again.” He could no longer meet Tex’s gaze. “You can convince her where I have failed. You’re her friend.”

  Something in the angel’s stern features softened. “Who are you?”

  “Logan will tell you.” He looked back once more at the door that would remain forever closed for him. “She’s told me to leave, so I am. I only want your promise that you’ll protect her. And then I’ll be on my way.”

  Tex offered a slow nod, and a look that might have been respect. “You have it.”

  “Thank you.”

  He couldn’t bear another moment of this. He’d said his piece and gotten the angel’s word. Now it was time to go. Without looking at Tex, he walked across the lawn toward the sidewalk and headed toward the slum where Logan had been attacked. There was too much familiarity in the other direction and he didn’t wish to be reminded of what he’d lost.

  Behind him, he heard the door to the house open—and a wrenching sob drifted out before it closed again, a parting shot that cleaved his already broken heart.

  * * * * *

  Logan couldn’t even get off the couch when Tex came in, looking as if he’d just seen a ghost. She dimly registered that she hadn’t locked the door, but she was crying too hard to care.

  Despite everything Jaeryth had confessed, she loved him. And that’s what hurt the most.

  Tex didn’t say a word. He sat down next to her, put an arm around her and let her cry. It was the only thing he could have done that wouldn’t have made her feel worse. He’d always known exactly what she needed, almost as if he could read her mind. Why hadn’t she listened to him this time?

  Eventually she ran out of tears. When her heaving subsided and she was left with nothing but the shakes, she straightened as best she could and swiped at her face. “Thanks for coming,” she said, her voice rasping from her throat.

  “Any time.” He gave her a gentle squeeze. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on now?”

  She sniffled and nodded. She hadn’t explained anything to him on the phone, just asked him to come over, right now. Her frantic tone must’ve convinced him. “Jaeryth—” She choked on his name, and had to take a deep breath so she wouldn’t start bawling all over again. “He told me some really crazy things. And…I think I believe him.”

  “What kind of things?”

  “Well.” She hesitated. If Jaeryth had been lying, or insane, Tex would think she’d lost her mind. But she had to know, especially if Tex really was…not human. “He said he was a demon,” she admitted. “And that you’re an angel, and I’m a prophet.”

  Tex stiffened. Just when she thought he’d deny it and send her back into believing she’d lost her mind, he said, “He shouldn’t have told you that much.”

  “So it’s true,” she whispered. Part of her was instantly furious with Tex. If he’d known this all along, he should’ve been the one to tell her, instead of the demon who’d been sent to destroy her. But she didn’t have enough strength left to be angry right now. “He claimed that he had to,” she said. “The black-eyed freaks, the Tempters, tried to kill me tonight.”

  “What?” Tex faced her, eyes wide with shock. “You’re already seeing them?”

  “I’ve been seeing them for the last week.” Her anger struggled to the surface. “I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d send me back to Grothman. Any normal person would’ve thought I was hallucinating. How could I have ever guessed that you’re an angel?” Even as the word left her lips, she realized she’d accepted it. All of it. It was the only possible explanation—but that didn’t mean she had to like it. “And did you happen to hear the part about them trying to kill me?”

  “Oh, no. Logan, I’m so sorry.” He closed his eyes briefly. “If I thought for a minute that anything was wrong, I would’ve tried to explain things. I had no idea you were so close.”

  She frowned. “Close to what?”

  “Your awakening.” He stared off into the distance. “You already know too much. It isn’t supposed to happen like this.”

  “Tex, what the hell are you talking about?”

  Instead of answering, he said, “What, exactly, did Jaeryth say?”

  Though it was the last thing she wanted to remember, she repeated the conversation about Shade and Citadel, and how Mother Teresa and Charles Manson were prophets. She managed to explain that Jaeryth had been made human, apparently by having his wings and tail cut off, and was sent to either ruin or kill her—whichever he could manage. By the time she finished, she was in tears again.

  “My God,” Tex said. “He wasn’t lying. He really was trying to protect you.”

  Her brow furrowed. “He said that to you? When?”

  “He was outside the house when I got here.”

  It took a lot of willpower not to jump up and run to the door. She wanted desperately to believe he never intended to hurt her—but it just wasn’t true. He’d been the voice in her head, urging her into self-destruction, for years. And for God’s sake, he was a demon. Why would a demon ever have good intentions?

  She felt torn in two and she didn’t see any way to put herself back together.

  “Is he still out there?” she finally said.

  A sympathetic look crossed Tex’s face. “I don’t think so,” he said. “He was walking away when I came in.”

  He’d actually left. She had no idea why that hurt so much. After all, she’d told him to get out. Screamed it at him. So this shouldn’t bother her, and she definitely wasn’t going to cry again. He’d betrayed her trust and she wanted him gone.

  And then she said, “Maybe we should go look for him.”

  “Logan.” Tex put a hand over hers. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. He knew ex
actly what he was doing and he did the right thing by leaving.”

  Despite her best efforts, a few fresh tears escaped. “I guess so,” she said. “I’m just not sure I did the right thing, letting him go.”

  “You’ll get through this. I promise.”

  “Sure,” she whispered. Resolving to gain as much control as she could, she drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I really have to wash my face,” she said. “Will you…stay with me for awhile?”

  Tex smiled. “Of course.”

  “Thanks.”

  She stood and made her way to the bathroom—and tried not to wish that when she got back, it would be Jaeryth waiting for her instead of Tex.

  Chapter Twenty

  Eventually, Jaeryth found his way back to the ruined house where they’d encountered the swarm of Tempters. Yellow police tape formed an X over the door, and of course, the human attacker was gone. Perhaps Logan had managed to save him after all. Or the police could have simply collected a body.

  With no other destination in mind, and lacking the energy to so much as make a decision, he shuffled toward the dilapidated structure, intending to find a place to sleep. The door appeared loose in its frame. He tried it, but it was firmly locked.

  Resigned to sleeping outdoors, he moved around the house and discovered a depression in the dirt ground along the foundation. At least he would be out of sight and slightly sheltered. He lowered himself down, crooking an arm beneath his head for a pillow, and exhaustion soon claimed him.

  His own violent shivering woke him beneath a red-tainted dawn sky. At some point he’d curled into a fetal position, and his entire body was stiff and sore. He stretched out gingerly and managed to stand. The meager, uncomfortable sleep had made him less tired, but now hunger and thirst weakened him.

  He considered returning to Logan to beg her forgiveness. But she’d made it clear that he was no longer welcome—and his presence would only make her an easier target. Surely Ronwe, and perhaps even Samael, knew by now that he’d stopped the human from shooting her. He couldn’t go back.