by Quil Carter
When it began to subside I pulled myself out of him, small shots of opaque still falling from the shining pink head. I dug the heels of my feet into the bed and pushed away from him as much as I could, and sat there gasping and trying to catch my breath.
Silas continued to kneel down on the floor in front of the bed, his tongue moving along his mouth. The expression on his face was one I didn’t like. It was full of lust, his green eyes glistening and bright with desire, and his eyes fixed on my naked body.
Then, as it had done every time I’d climaxed, the shame hit me.
And this time it hit me hard.
“Please leave,” I whispered. I drew my legs up to my knees in an attempt to cover myself and stared at my bedspread. “Please.”
He laughed.
It was no loud obnoxious laugh, nor a sinister laugh of some super villain. It was… dry, slow, and done with a low tone. It was the laugh of a man who had just been requested to do something outlandish, and he couldn’t wait to show the person just how wrong they were for asking such a thing.
Silas rose to standing, his shirt completely off of him, and he unbuttoned and drew down his pants. My body became ice as I watched him, anxiety halting all movements, and after his pants fell to the floor he drew down his briefs, exposing all of himself to me.
“Is it not my turn?” he asked in a playful tone. He kneeled onto the bed in front of my drawn up legs, and rested a hand on my knee. “Come here, love.”
I could hear my heart pounding hard in my chest, and with every thrum, more anxiety was pumped all throughout my body. It was paralyzing me, and I felt real, unadulterated fear with his approach.
“Please leave,” I whimpered as he came closer, but he only shook his head no, then proceeded to brush the blond strands of hair from my neck to kiss it.
“Lay down,” he whispered quietly in my ear.
I shook my head, my breathing once again becoming rapid. But it wasn’t for the lust going through me, now it was from terror.
“Elish… it’s your responsibility to finish your partner too, is it not? Lay down on the bed.”
I didn’t know what else to do. Or what I could do to get him to just leave… so I only shook my head again.
Should I scream?
Should I fight him?
Should I beg?
No…
I scream, I get beaten on and yelled at and then he takes what he wants.
I fight him, he kills me and then he takes what he wants.
I beg him… he laughs… and then he takes what he wants.
I am his creation. I am his slave. I was made for him, and whatever use he has for me… I have to obey.
The entire world bows to him… what chance do I have to change it?
“Don’t make me ask you twice.”
My eyes shut tight as he said this and I had to swallow down the sob of fear. I think I may have nodded, but perhaps not, either way… I laid down on the bed like he asked, and my eyes found the ceiling as his shadow consumed mine.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered to me. He began to kiss my neck, one arm holding himself up, the other running itself down my chest. “You may be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” He grabbed my genitals and rubbed them, my penis now soft and every bit of desire that had flooded my body only minutes before now long gone.
“Touch me,” he whispered. “You’re allowed now, love. You’re an adult now. You can have any of us whenever you like.” He kissed my lips then, and while he was forcing me into the kiss, he picked up my hand and laid it upon his groin. “Don’t tell me you’re not curious? You’re a teenager, love, you should start acting like one.”
I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t even want to touch myself. I kept my hand there however, purely out of fear, and I did what he asked and grasped his penis. I began to rub the stiff member, the organ flexing underneath my hand, and I heard him moan.
“I won’t make you put your mouth on me quite yet,” Silas said, his voice heavy with lust. “But I will be soon. I’m going to teach you everything. You’re going to be my perfect lover, aren’t you?”
Just leave… why won’t you just leave?
He kissed me again, and as our lips locked his hips began to move, trying to create more friction between my hand and his penis. He liked me touching him, I could tell from his breathing, and the energy behind his movements once I did. This made me uneasy, I didn’t realize just how much he wanted to do these things with me, and that added another layer of warning to an already anxious mind.
And I had every reason to be alarmed. After a few more minutes of touching and kissing, he pulled himself away from my hand and adjusted himself to kneeling.
Then he slid off of the bed and grabbed his trousers. For a moment I was foolish and I thought he was going to leave… but he only pulled out of his pocket a small clear bottle with white liquid inside.
I’d seen that bottle on his nightstand when I was little, and as an adult now… I knew what it was.
And at that realization, my world crumbled around me and I became frozen with fear.
“The tenser you are… the more it’ll hurt, love,” Silas whispered. He kneeled back onto the bed and I heard a crack as he opened the bottle with his thumb. He put some of the liquid onto his palm and rubbed the oily lubricant on his dick, “Relax. It’ll hurt at first but not for long, just relax yourself.”
I was too afraid to speak. I could only stare. My mind was speeding like a freight train, I wanted to think of something to say to get him to stop, but instead of using its intelligence like it should, my mind was only spinning in terrified circles.
Say something. Scream something. Do something to stop him.
But I couldn’t move. The only movement my body made was when Silas picked up my right leg and pushed it back… then the left.
I felt his fingers brush along the opening, then a roving digit attempt to push itself inside. I jumped at this, a gasp falling from my lips, and in response, Silas shushed me and told me again to relax.
The finger returned, as did the pressure, I gasped again when it broke through, but this time when I pulled back Silas grabbed my shoulder and clenched it hard. “Stay still,” he said. And the harshness in his tone froze me.
I remained still, my body tensed up and tight, every muscle clenched with terror. He moved his finger in and out of me, and though my gaze was staring blankly at a painting I had on my wall, I could see out of the corner of my eye his own eyes staring, or glaring, back at me.
“I’m trying to make this as positive as I can… and here you have me feeling like I’m about to fucking rape you,” he whispered, barbs on every harsh word. “You better fix this mood between us or I’ll just roll with it and really give you a real reason to hate me.”
I said nothing and I was going to remain saying nothing, but then he roughly pushed a second finger into me an I let out a cry of pain. “Just stop!” I cried. I shut my eyes tight, my teeth locked but my lips pulled back. “Leave!”
“Your choice, Elish.”
I felt him remove his fingers, but before I could react, I felt a pressure and a sharp pain as Silas attempted to enter me.
I gasped and tried to lower my legs but he roughly grabbed both of them and bent them back towards my chest. Then, with a suddenness that brought a full blown scream, I felt an insurmountable amount of burning and pressure, followed by an explosion of pain and the feeling of intense girth.
“Take it out!” I screamed. “Take it–”
He grabbed my neck and roughly pushed my head down onto the pillow, his other hand locked around my shin, forcing my leg back.
“If you want the pain to stop, fucking relax!” Silas screamed at me. “Stop thrashing around, you fucking–” Whether he lost his patience with me, or he’d decided to do what needed to be done to get me to stop thrashing and screaming, I didn’t know. All I knew was that he hit me after that, and every scream and every movement flew out of me… replaced with
just paralyzing terror.
My nose filled with blood as my senses got knocked out of me. That blood then dripped down my throat and flooded my mouth, and when I opened my mouth to take in air, it covered my face and dripped onto the bed.
Silas didn’t care, his hips only began to move.
͠
I would go into every detail of what he did to me over the next hour, but in truth, I decided to leave my body and go elsewhere. I wish I was present though, because I want every detail of what he did to me to be known to whoever reads this book. I want you to know that, unlike many of my brothers, my first time was not an exciting event, a day anticipated by every adolescent chimera male once he learns of it coming. I was raped that night by him, and my virginity was taken by force. And though he now flatly denies it happening, this is an incident that I will never forget, and one I remember in painful clarity. I remember the fear, the confusion, and hatred I felt for my body responding to him in the beginning. I remember the crushing feeling of being helpless, and most of all… I remember the horrible, sickening sense of hopelessness…because every single person in this world bowed to him and feared him.
And there was no one to help me.
Hell, at most all I’d get from them is envy.
This is my life.
It was a lonely life.
͠
By the time he pulled himself out of me he’d finished in me twice and was gasping for breath. He was sweaty, his eyes lustful and glassy, and upon withdrawing I saw blood covering his genitals.
My face was covered in blood, blood still wet from both sweat and tears. I couldn’t breath through my nose so my mouth was open, gasping and taking in as much air as I could. I was bruised, bloody, beaten, and I felt like I was his dumpster.
He sat on the edge of the bed and lit a cigarette. I still couldn’t move. He offered it to me, but I only stared at it, and he shrugged a shoulder and took a drag himself.
Please… just leave.
I wanted to get up and bathe. Not shower, take a bath even though I hadn’t taken one since I was small. I wanted to soak myself in the water and get his smell off of me. The room was thick with the scent of sex and his body spray, and I had to get that smell out of my room.
He had to leave. JUST LEAVE!
Silas remained on the edge of my bed and he continued to smoke.
Then he extinguished it, and my heart fell when he shifted his legs back onto the bed, moved himself over to me, and laid down beside me.
Then he reached over and turned off the single lamp that was lit inside of my room.
And he shifted onto his side, put an arm around me, and tried to draw me close to him.
“Good night, love,” he said. His tone was antifreeze, deceptively sweet but fatal to all who dare drink from it.
My first instinct was to move away from him, but I realized quickly that it was in my best interest to have him fall asleep. If he slept… he couldn’t hurt me anymore, and this horrible evening would end.
I remained silent and adjusted my ears to his heartbeat and his slow breathing. I listened to him, my world now tinted blue and silver, and stared at the ceiling as he drifted off.
When I was sure he was asleep, I slowly shifted myself away from him and slid to the foot of the bed. Once my feet were on the ground I froze and listened; I tried to block out my own heart as I listened for his, and when I heard that its beats were slow, I breathed a sigh of relief.
But once I was changed and standing in my doorway I realized I had no where to go. I didn’t want to stay in the den, so near to him, nor did I want to go upstairs where my brothers could possibly still be awake.
There was nowhere for me to go…
Except out.
Even though I was sore, bleeding, and in no mental state to be outside, I got my jacket, gloves, and shoes and dressed myself for the weather of early spring. Then I left the apartment, went to the elevator, and headed out into Skyland.
CHAPTER 29
I quickly walked through the lobby of Alegria, my breathing now short, desperate gasps and my body shaking like I’d been dipped into cold arctic waters. There was an obvious limp in my step as well, and as I tried to make it to the glass doors quickly, the pain kept making my knees wobble and bend.
The two thiens who were guarding the doors of Alegria turned when they heard me coming, and I saw their faces drop when they saw my approach. I recognized them, they’d been stationed in front of that door during one of my previous escapes from Alegria. One had to wonder just what they thought of these ongoing situations. Did they feel pity for me? Or perhaps smugness because the prince in the high castle, the doted on, fussed over chimera heir who was all but a celebrity to the masses, was getting a taste of what they had to suffer through every day.
Surprisingly, this was answered for me. One of the thiens, a middle aged man with a face that would’ve made all who wished him ill to stand clear, gave me a look of concern. “Are you okay, Prince Elish? Would… would you like me to…” He paused. He paused because he knew, as I knew, that there was no where for me to go… there was no one to help me. I was the victim of the king who ruled us all, and had been reduced to nothing but his slave, his victim, and now, his plaything.
There was no help.
“I’m fine,” I said through a broken voice. I wasn’t fine. I was far from fine. But there was nothing this man could do for me, all roads led to humiliation or death, usually both and at the same time.
The thien said nothing back as I rushed past him, my gait now a pathetic limp. I walked down the stairs as quickly as I could and scanned the sleeping neighbourhood for a dark place I could find solace in. I wasn’t sure what would happen once I got there, my brain was just telling me to seek out a quiet place far from anybody’s ears… far from my family, and the residents that would judge me.
I found that place in an alleyway half a block from Alegria. By the time I was walking down the dark corridor, I’d fallen down twice, my trousers now ripped, both knees bloody, and my hands scratched from trying to catch my fall. My breathing also hadn’t gotten any better, the brick walls to my right and left now echoed gasps of air, most made through clenched teeth to stifle my own sobs.
I sat down and when a shock of pain ripped up my backside I clasped a hand over my mouth to stifle the cry of pain. It seemed to be that this was the trigger that opened the flood gates, as I’d done previously I found myself completely breaking down, and it was there in that dark alleyway that I once again completely lost myself.
And it was there that I once again contemplated taking my own life. Funny that as I thought about it, it seemed too good to be true. Not only would my suffering finally be over… but I would be somewhere where Silas could never reach me.
Death was the only place where Silas couldn’t find me, drag me back.
I’d never gotten a chance to fear the finality of death due to Silas making it clear that we would one day be made immortal… but I didn’t want to die. I didn’t believe in an afterlife, or a god up in the sky, I knew there would be nothing after. Did I want that? No. I only wanted to escape from this life.
My brothers seemed happy with their servitude. They were hit and emotionally abused, but the repercussions of this manifested in different ways. Garrett, being the one pushed to the side and overlooked in favour of the others, expressed himself physically by becoming a goth and bore his heart through his poetry and singing. Nero expressed himself through violence and bullying those underneath him, which was everyone but Silas, and occasionally myself and the other two. They had found ways of making their circumstances work for them, and not once had I ever seen signs of any permanent damage.
And both of them had taken to being physically involved with Silas like insects to honey. Garrett had confessed crying after Silas had taken him, but by the end of their evening together he was curled up in Silas’s palm. Nero, obviously, had been waiting for Silas to take him to his bed for years and was probably clapping the entire ti
me.
Why was I so different?
It didn’t matter. None of this thinking fucking mattered. Why was I even bothering thinking about any of this shit? This is where being an intelligence chimera got me. I was too smart for my own fucking good. That’s why my idiot brothers had an easier time than I did. Because they were blissfully ignorant of how fucked up this life was.
I slammed both of my hands down onto the concrete in anger. The pain stinging my palms was a relief, and that small shreds of respite had me jumping to my feet, whirling around, and punching the brick wall with a bellow of pain.
And that bellow turned into a scream. I laid punch after punch onto that concrete wall until all of the feeling left my hands, then I leaned against it, my forehead pressed into my bent arm, and I let the tears roll freely down my face.
I was so tired of being miserable… and I was tired of not knowing what I could do about it. I was an animal trapped in a small cage, with a blond-haired man continually poking me with sticks as I whirled around and thrashed.
And now…
My eyes slowly opened. In front of me were the bricks of the alleyway shaded purple, and stained on those bricks were smudges of black, my own blood. I stared at them as my newest realization sunk in.
I don’t even have a cage to hide myself from him anymore.
At this moment that man was sleeping in my bed, inside of my room, my cave, my only oasis from him.
Silas had barged himself into my bedroom, he’d taken me by force, and he’d fallen asleep with his arms around me.
And now his smell would be everywhere, his body spray, Old Spice, would replace the homey, cinnamony scent of my room. It was his now.