Born Bad

by Josephine Cox

  As the two men walked back to the car, the couple emerged from the building.

  ‘D’you forgive me, sweetie?’ Phil Saunders had lost his temper, and now he was worried that yet again, he had gone too far. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you,’ he whined. ‘Do you forgive me?’

  Judy had heard it all before. ‘I forgive you.’

  She had not forgiven him though. She never would. But what did it matter? For a long time now, her life had been empty. There was no purpose, nothing to strive for. She was with a man she could never love. Phil Saunders craved her heart and soul, but they were already given to another, long ago, in a different life.

  She never doubted Phil’s love for her, but his love was a selfish, grasping thing that left no room for tenderness. Possessive and controlling, he had used her shame and loneliness to his own ends. When he was sober they got along, and when he had been drinking they argued about the minutest of things.

  Often the rows erupted into blows, and when they weren’t arguing, he was watching, checking on her, quizzing her about the time she spent away from him. He wore her out, until now, there was no real fight left in her.

  Her life was over; finished. She would not care if he ended it here and now.

  She had already lost everything precious. Harry was long gone, and so too, was her beautiful baby.

  Nothing mattered to her anymore.

  Chapter Eight

  ‘TWO WHOLE DAYS!’ Stretched out by the pool with the hot September sun blazing down on her, Nancy still had cause to grumble. ‘I never thought we’d have to share the house with them for two whole days.’

  ‘Ssh!’ Afraid that Mac and Rita might hear her, Brian urged, ‘Try and keep your voice down.’ This was the first time he’d had a chance to sit and relax with the racing page, and besides, he only had an hour to get down to the bookies. There was a horse running today which he was certain would win him a small fortune.

  Nancy was still grumbling. ‘They can easily have afforded to go on another flight, so why didn’t they?’

  ‘Mac already told you – the flight at Manchester Airport was cancelled because of technical problems, and there were no seats available on any other flights. Just be grateful they decided not to take the refund offered, or we’d have had to share our entire holiday with them – not that I mind one jot.’

  ‘Well, I do,’ Nancy hissed. ‘Trouble with you is that you’re too easy-going. You don’t think about me and the children. You don’t seem to realise how much we’ve been looking forward to this holiday.’

  Brian raised an eyebrow. ‘And you think I wasn’t?’

  ‘Oh stop it, you know what I’m saying. I always look forward to coming here, because it’s so far removed from what I’m used to, and besides, the children would have been really disappointed if it had all fallen through.’

  ‘What! I seem to recall Sammie not wanting to come along in the first place, and even David threatened to stay behind with her.’

  ‘Yes, well, but then they were looking forward to it, and now it’s ruined.’

  Brian shook his head and tutted. ‘For goodness sake, Nancy, don’t be so melodramatic. Mac and Rita are repacking as we speak. Any minute now they’ll be out the door and we’ll have the place to ourselves. So, there’s no real harm done.’

  ‘That’s a matter of opinion.’ Lowering her voice to a harsh whisper, she confided, ‘I don’t care much for that wife of Mac’s.’

  ‘Why? What’s she ever done to you, except lend you her house and home?’

  Shrugging her shoulders, his wife gave him a haughty look. ‘I just don’t like her, that’s all.’

  ‘Right then, you two.’ Mac surprised them when suddenly he appeared next to the pool. Short and stocky with piercing blue eyes and dark greying hair, he was nothing like his older brother Don. ‘We’re off … at long last.’

  Nancy greeted him with a warm smile. ‘I’m sorry you’ve lost two days of your trip.’ While she had no liking for his wife, she had a huge fondness for her Uncle Mac.

  ‘No matter.’ Coming over to her, Mac gave Nancy a hug. ‘I won’t be the loser,’ he informed her with confidence. ‘The two lost days have been tacked onto the end of our trip, without any expense to me.’ He gave a cheeky wink. ‘Moreover, I intend going for compensation as well, for the inconvenience and all that.’

  Nancy was impressed. ‘Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll get it without any trouble.’

  ‘Good man.’ Laying down his newspaper, Brian shook Mac by the hand. ‘Have a good trip, and thanks again for letting us stay.’

  ‘You’re welcome, Brian, any time.’ Glancing about, Mac asked, ‘Where are the kids?’

  ‘David went off on your bicycle – that’s all right isn’t it?’ Nancy explained worriedly. ‘You did say he could use it, didn’t you?’

  ‘Oh, absolutely! In fact, he’s doing me a favour. I haven’t ridden the thing for so long, it’s beginning to rust.’

  ‘I’ll tell him to give it a good clean when he brings it back,’ Nancy promised.

  ‘And where’s the lovely Sammie?’ He looked towards the pool. ‘I thought I saw her swimming just now.’

  ‘Oh, she’s probably changing.’ Pointing across the garden to the changing-house, Nancy told him, ‘You’d best say cheerio, or she’ll be disappointed.’

  ‘Right. Well, we can’t have that, can we, eh?’ Making his way to the changing block, he called out her name: ‘Sammie! We’re away now, sunshine.’

  He was delighted when the girl came out; barefoot, dressed in white shorts and a pink strappy top, she looked fresh and pretty. ‘Oh, Uncle Mac!’ She came towards him. ‘Mum said you’d be leaving soon.’

  Sliding an arm about her shoulders, he walked back with her. ‘My case is standing in the hallway as we speak. I’m just waiting for Rita to make herself beautiful, then we’ll leave you all to it.’

  In fact, it was twenty minutes later when Rita emerged. As always she was immaculate; painted nails, painted face, and dressed in the most exquisite cream-coloured tailored costume that money could buy. ‘I’ve told her,’ Mac addressed himself to Brian, ‘a car journey to Manchester and then two and some hours in a plane and the suit will be crumpled to buggery. But will she listen? No, she will not!’ He rolled his eyes. ‘But then I’m only a man. What do I know?’

  Rita ignored him as always. ‘Enjoy yourselves,’ she told the family as she went from one to the other, depositing fleeting pecks on the cheek. ‘As for you, Sammie, if you can keep it all tidy and not make a mess on my new carpet, you’re welcome to help yourself to my make-up box.’

  Sammie thanked her, though she had no intention of delving about in Rita’s personal belongings. Besides, she had her own modest little make-up bag, and a pretty floral comb she had bought from Bedford Market.

  The family waved them off. ‘Have a lovely time!’ Nancy called, and Rita waved a hand out of the car window in acknowledgement. ‘Stupid woman!’ Nancy grumbled as they walked back to the house. ‘All frills and fancies and nothing between her ears.’

  Brian was not shocked at her outburst. He was well aware of Nancy’s dislike for her aunt. ‘That’s not a very nice thing to say,’ he chuckled. ‘Especially after she’s offered Sammie the use of her make-up box.’

  ‘Huh!’ Nancy did not take kindly to being laughed at. ‘You can talk. You’ve never had a good word to say about Uncle Mac, and yet you’re quite happy to live in his house.’

  ‘Of course, and why not? Besides, after he’s been so kind as to offer, it would be churlish of me not to accept.’

  ‘You don’t like him though, do you?’

  ‘I never said that.’

  ‘You don’t need to.’

  Brian thought about Mac. ‘I admire his business skills,’ he admitted, ‘and I’m always grateful when he offers us the use of his lovely house …’

  ‘But?’

  ‘Truth is, of the two brothers, I have to admit I much prefer your dad.’

  ‘But Dad’
s never made a fortune, and he doesn’t have a cruiser. In fact, as far as I know, he’s never done anything exciting or adventurous in his entire life.’

  When she now stretched herself out on the lounger, Brian took note of her proud, hard-set face and the way she continued to rant and rave, even when she was supposed to be relaxing. There were times when he wondered what he had ever seen in her; and yet when she was younger she had been outgoing and exciting, and knew exactly what she wanted.

  He loved her then, and he loved her still, but now it was different; his feelings for Nancy were more comfortable than exciting.

  From his chair, he continued to look at her. ‘Nancy?’

  ‘What now?’ Sitting up, she handed him the tub of cream. ‘Put some on my back, will you?’

  ‘I wish you wouldn’t do that.’ Smothering her back in the cream, he then rubbed it in.

  ‘What d’you mean? Do what?’

  ‘Measure everyone by their material achievements.’

  ‘Oh, you mean Uncle Mac? Well, it’s true. You can’t deny, he’s a genius at making money.’

  ‘Yes, I know that, and I admire him for it. But you need to remember that being able to make pots of money is not necessarily the measure of a man.’

  ‘Don’t talk in riddles.’

  ‘I’m just saying … about the way you compared your uncle to your father. Don is a good man. He’s worked hard all his life and he’s always been there for you. Just because he hasn’t made a fortune, doesn’t mean to say he’s any less of a man because of it.’

  Sitting bolt upright, Nancy stared at her husband in surprise. ‘Oh dear. Have I touched a raw nerve?’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘I mean, you’re not just talking about Dad, are you? You’re thinking of yourself as well – how you’ve worked hard and never made a fortune. You’re jealous of Uncle Mac, that’s it, isn’t it? Go on, admit it, why don’t you?’ Though she was teasing, he detected the note of spite in her voice.

  ‘Me? Jealous of Mac?’ Embarrassed, he looked away. ‘You’re talking rubbish, Nancy.’

  When he pretended to look at the racing page again, she fell silent for a moment, then took away his paper and held it from him. ‘It doesn’t matter if you haven’t made a fortune,’ she assured him. ‘You’re my husband and the father of our children, and you’ve always provided for us, so now will you please stop sulking. We’re here to enjoy ourselves. So let that be enough, Brian. Don’t spoil it all by being silly.’

  Brian was used to her high-handed manner and today was no exception. ‘Sorry.’ He got out of his chair. ‘You’re right. I’m just feeling inadequate, that’s all. Anyway, I’m bored with just sitting around. I’ll go and see what the others are up to, eh?’

  ‘Good idea.’

  As he walked away, she turned to watch him. ‘You’re a good man, Brian,’ she muttered, ‘but you and my father are two of a kind. You’re both too easily pleased, too afraid to take a chance. Uncle Mac is another breed of man altogether. He’s a go-getter; a man with a vision.’

  She replaced his crumpled paper on the table. ‘If you’d been half the man I wanted you to be, we’d have had some excitement in our dull lives.’ There was more than a hint of bitterness in her voice.

  Brian found David and Sammie down by the lake next to the property. ‘Hey!’ Waving to them, he set off at a run. ‘What are you kids up to?’

  Running to meet him, Sammie was excited. ‘Look, Dad, we’ve found this little boat. We were thinking we might use it to go across the lake.’ She pointed to a small rise of earth in the centre of the lake. ‘There are all kinds of birds over there,’ she told her dad. ‘I want to see.’

  Brian was concerned. ‘I don’t think you should.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because, first of all, the boat might not be altogether safe, and secondly, you could frighten the birds away and they might never come back. What’s more, we don’t know who the boat belongs to. We shouldn’t really touch it.’

  Sammie hung onto his arm. ‘Oh, go on, Dad. We’ll be careful. You can come too, if you like.’

  He thought of Nancy’s scathing words and suddenly his mind was made up. ‘Right! You’re on.’

  Having checked the little boat from bow to stern, Brian set about starting the engine; it leaped into life and soon they were whizzing across the water. ‘It might look like it’s had its day,’ Brian observed, ‘but it seems all right enough to me.’

  David was thrilled. ‘Can I have a go at driving it, Dad?’

  Though he was really enjoying the experience, Brian showed David the ropes. ‘Slow down as you come close to the island,’ he warned. ‘We don’t know how deep the water is out here.’

  ‘Can I take her in, please, Dad?’ Sammie didn’t want to be left out.

  ‘No, sweetheart, leave it to David. You can bring it back, how about that?’

  ‘Okay.’ Sammie was happy enough with that.

  When they climbed out of the boat and onto the shore, it was immediately evident that the little island was swarming with birds; the presence of deep droppings underfoot and the noise all around them soon convinced them that they had stumbled on a little bird-Paradise. ‘Go easy, you two,’ Brian warned the children. ‘Some of these birds might be resentful of intruders.’

  It was a wonderful experience though.

  They came across birds of every kind and colour, and as they tiptoed right around the little island Sammie was filled with wonder. ‘Look at the flowers and shrubs. Aren’t they amazing!’

  Brian thought the island was like a piece of world that had escaped the hustle and bustle of time, where the birds and habitat had been allowed to grow and flourish at will. ‘I wonder if this belongs to Mac and Rita?’ he asked. ‘Is it part of their estate, d’you think?’

  David thought it was, but Sammie thought no one should own such a special place.

  When they got back and tried to describe it all to Nancy, she commented: ‘It doesn’t belong to your Uncle Mac. I recall him telling your grandad how he tried to buy it from some old man in the village, but he was having none of it. No matter how much money Uncle Mac offered, he could not get the old man to part with it.’

  Brian was secretly glad. ‘His first failure, eh?’ he thought gleefully. ‘Still, I expect he’ll get his hands on it one day. When Mac wants something, he’ll find a way to get it. He always does.’

  As the evening wore on, the children swam and Brian chatted with Nancy, and after dinner, they lazed out on the verandah until Brian fell asleep and Nancy called the children in for bed. ‘Your father’s conked out,’ she teased. ‘Poor old thing. That boat ride across the lake was all too much for him.’

  When he opened one eye and gave her a wicked look, she poked him in the chest. ‘Not so young as you once were, are you, eh pet?’

  ‘Neither are you,’ he mumbled. He was still smarting from her comparison of Mac with himself and Don.

  Business genius or not, Brian believed there was something shifty about Nancy’s uncle. He was nothing like Don, who was wholesome and straight as the day was long.

  Uncle Mac, on the other hand, always got it right, never took no for an answer and, according to Nancy, was a man to look up to.

  Well, there was no way that Brian would ever look up to him.

  In spite of Nancy’s admiration of her dear Uncle Mac, Brian was not impressed with the man, not in any way, shape or form.

  Or then again, like Nancy said, he might be just old-fashioned jealous.

  Left alone in the house, Don got to thinking more and more about his younger daughter, Judy.

  He thought about her before he went to sleep at night, and she was still on his mind when he woke in the morning.

  This morning was no different. The autumn sunshine blazing in through the open window woke him early. He got out of bed, washed, dressed and cooked an egg and bacon breakfast, which he merely toyed with before throwing in the bin.

  Afterwards he
took his mug of tea outside, where he sat at the table, thoughfully watching the birds feeding from the cornball.

  His mind was filled with memories of Judy – of her as a baby, then as a toddler, and now she was a child going to school, and then she was … he could hardly say it, even in the quiet of his mind.

  She was just fourteen when they discovered she had been seeing someone, having an intense relationship behind their backs.

  The day she told them still seemed like only yesterday. Norma had caught her crying in her room, and suddenly the truth exploded into their ordinary little lives; that their sweet innocent child was actually carrying a child of her own!

  The revelation had rocked his world and shattered his total belief in the daughter he adored. A darling girl, full of laughter and joy in everything she saw, Judy was special from the first moment she was born, when she looked into his eyes and held him there.

  After the shock came the anger, like a tide of energy sweeping all commonsense and compassion away. He could not think straight. All he could see was the awful truth. When he demanded to know the name of the man who had made her pregnant, Judy adamantly refused to give his name.

  To this day, Don remembered every little detail.

  Out here in the warm sunshine, quietly drinking his tea and thinking of the daughter he had loved and then lost, eighteen long summers ago, Don still needed answers, but first he longed to see her; to make sure she was all right.

  Even now, after all this time, that was the one question that burned in his mind; the one question that had never been answered: who had put her in the family way? And like the worst kind of coward, never come forward to take responsibility.

  Now though, Don was ready to make his peace with Judy. ‘I need you back in my life, Judy,’ he murmured. ‘Your mother is long gone. I’m older now, and much wiser. Who knows how long I have to put things right between us?’ While he was able, he would do all in his power to make amends.