Born Bad

by Josephine Cox

  ‘Good Lord!’ Mac was shocked. ‘And she was actually fighting, was she? I mean, it wasn’t just him attacking her, was it?’

  ‘No, I saw the whole thing. She was every bit as aggressive as he was.’ Don gave a sad little smile. ‘From my understanding of the situation and a certain remark I overheard, it was more than likely that the two of them were man and wife.’

  ‘Well, I never.’ Looking from one to the other, Mac shook his head. ‘I swear, I would never have believed it of her.’

  ‘Well, you should believe it,’ Nancy announced cynically, ‘because it’s all true, every word of it. My father didn’t want to tell me at first, but I knew something was wrong and I got it out of him. Like you, I was shocked – though of course, we never mentioned it to the children. As far as their Aunt Judy is concerned, they know little or nothing about her. As for myself, I had a sister once, long, long ago but now she might as well be dead.’

  Reaching out, she took hold of Don’s hand. ‘This family has gone through hell and back because of her; my father particularly. As you can imagine, it was not easy for him to turn her out onto the streets all those years ago, and now he’s having to deal with this new information, which only serves to remind us of her true character. Judy was born bad, or she would have got herself together and be living a decent life. Instead, she chooses to live like some crazed animal in the cesspits.’

  Mac was shocked. ‘That’s a bit strong, isn’t it?’

  Straightening her back, Nancy looked him in the eye, telling him earnestly, ‘Judy was my sister once, but for what she’s done to this family, I will hate her for the rest of my life.’

  Following Nancy’s outburst the silence in the room was thick and ominous, with Brian remaining quiet, mainly because he had not been as close to Judy’s untimely exit as were Nancy and Don; though he had been made aware of it soon after, and he acknowledged the shame and upset which had fallen on the family. Now, the very last thing he wanted was to be drawn into the fracas.

  ‘I should never have asked about her.’ In the wake of Nancy’s outburst, poor Rita was truly devastated.

  Don now spoke quietly. ‘You asked if I regretted throwing Judy out on the streets.’

  ‘Oh, but I didn’t mean it … I should never …’ She faltered when Don put up a staying hand. ‘It’s all right, Rita,’ he assured her. ‘You are still family, and you have a right to ask questions.’

  He went on, ‘The answer is yes, I did feel regret – of course I did, and pain, and guilt; and in a way I still do, even after I’ve seen for myself what she’s become. For a long time, I fought with my conscience about Judy. Where was she? What kind of life was our little girl leading? Was she safe and happy? Was the child all right? Day and night the questions riddled my brain until I thought I might go crazy.’

  He paused, before resoundly concluding, ‘In fact, my conscience troubled me so much, that when the family recently went to stay at your house, I used the time they were away to go looking for her.’

  The memory of what he saw that day was still hard to take in. He thought of the girl he had put out of her house; that small lonely schoolgirl going away down the street, looking back at him with disbelief in her eyes; that child he had so cherished, and yet when she needed him, he had joined with her mother, to close the door in her face.

  For what was left of his life, he would never be able to think about that, without his heart breaking.

  When the emotion threatened to overwhelm him, he bowed his head and cleared his throat, before looking up to see them all waiting. ‘Like I say, I went out searching for her. But I was not prepared for what I found.’

  In his mind he could see the woman Judy had become; unkempt, so drunk she could hardly stand, and physically fighting with that man in the street. ‘The thing is, what I saw convinced me I had done the right thing in turning Judy away. As Nancy so aptly put it, Judy must have been born bad, because there has been nothing of this kind in our family before or since.’

  Mac was the first to speak. ‘I’m sorry you had to find her in that way.’

  Don nodded. ‘So am I, but at least it became apparent to me that Judy was living the life she wanted; that she could never have found contentment in living an ordinary life, within an ordinary family.’

  He sighed heavily. ‘She’s chosen her way, and we don’t need to worry about her any more. In fact, after what I witnessed, from this day on, I do not want her name mentioned in this house.’

  He looked across at Brian, who had been unusually quiet. ‘If that’s all right with the man of the house, of course. Brian, what do you say?’

  His son-in-law nodded. ‘I was never as close to the situation as you and Nancy,’ he claimed, ‘but I understand how you must both feel about Judy. I realise the pain she’s caused, and to tell you the truth, I don’t think I would ever want our children to know the true history of their Aunt Judy. So yes, I’m happy to go along with you and Nancy on this.’

  He raised his glass. ‘Here’s to putting the past behind us, and looking to the future.’

  Everyone drank to that; although some had more reason to suffer a pang of conscience than others.

  Afterwards they talked of all things interesting and personal. They laughed when Don told comical stories of himself and the dog, who pricked up her ears when she heard her name and yawned hugely – a terrifying sight. Then they commended Brian on his recent promotion; albeit rather a modest one.

  Yet, even though her name was not mentioned again, the atmosphere was tainted by the previous discussion about Judy, so much so that Mac and Rita made their excuses rather too soon. ‘Got to unpack the suitcase,’ Rita apologised, ‘before the clothes are creased beyond redemption.’

  Mac suggested, ‘We’ve got the weekend before us though, so maybe we could all go somewhere exciting, eh? What d’you say? Let’s think about it and I’ll call you in the morning.’

  They said their goodbyes and together with Brian and Nancy, Don waved them off. He then hobbled off into the back garden; the only place he was allowed to have a puff of his trusty old pipe.

  Nancy’s shrill voice followed him, ‘Uncle Mac said he would ring in the morning,’ she yelled. ‘… and he will! You’ll see.’

  ‘Really.’ Under his breath he was chattering and grumbling to himself, ‘I’ll bet my next week’s baccy allowance, we won’t hear another word from either of ’em, until they’re back home.’

  Putting distance between himself and the family, Mac drove on to Leighton Buzzard. Mentally reflecting on the unsettling conversation, he confessed to his wife, ‘I must say, that business about Judy made me feel really uncomfortable.’

  The same sentiments were running through Rita’s mind. ‘I thought Nancy’s outburst was awful!’ she said. ‘So full of hatred and self-righteousness – and against her own sister too. It seems no one will ever be able to forgive poor Judy.’

  ‘Ah, but can you blame them?’ Mac asked now. ‘By the sounds of it, she brought it all down on herself.’

  ‘I don’t see how that could be,’ Rita argued. ‘Judy was only a child – barely fourteen. A girl can’t get pregnant on her own … Some man was involved, that’s for sure. And why would she never let on who the father was, eh? I mean, if she’d had the courage to name him, she could have saved herself a whole heap of trouble.’

  ‘Maybe she was protecting the man.’

  ‘But why would she want to do that?’

  ‘I don’t know, do I?’ Manoeuvring the car round a bend, Mac suggested, ‘Maybe she loved him and didn’t want to get him into trouble. You do realise he would have been put away – for having intercourse with a minor and all that.’

  ‘There could be another reason,’ Rita said slowly.

  ‘And what’s that then?’

  ‘Maybe he forced himself on her, and then threatened her with all kinds of trouble if she ever told. Maybe Judy was too terrified to give his name.’

  ‘Now you’re getting melodramatic.’ />
  ‘Think about it, Mac.’ She had the bit between her teeth now. ‘If the man really did force himself on her, he was obviously wicked enough to hurt her worse if she ever told on him. That’s why she couldn’t tell. That’s partly why the family threw her out – not only because she was with child, but because she would not give his name. So they had no choice but to think she was every bit as bad as him.’

  Mac was shocked. ‘I never knew you had such a criminal mind,’ he said with a low chuckle. ‘You should have been a detective.’

  Rita smiled. ‘Oh sorry, I did get a bit carried away there, but I was only wondering what kind of man would have relations with a minor, get her pregnant and then leave her to take all the blame. He must have known how her family would react when they found out she was expecting – that they might not stand by her, but throw her out of house and home … disown her.’

  Mac had an answer for that too. ‘Maybe she never even told him, until it was too late and she had already told the family.’

  ‘Maybe she never told him at all.’ Rita could barely imagine what Judy must have suffered. ‘All the same, if and when she did tell him, he should have come forward.’ Her mind was made up. ‘As far as I’m concerned, whoever he is, he’s not only wicked, but a downright coward into the bargain.’

  ‘Maybe he and Judy made a pact,’ Mac argued. ‘Maybe he persuaded her that if she told, he would go to jail and that the shock to his family would be devastating.’

  ‘That would have served him right too.’ Rita was unrelenting. ‘They would have seen what a monster he was, to have taken advantage of a young girl.’ Rightly or wrongly, she was on Judy’s side. ‘Going to jail would have been too good for him. He should have been shot, that’s what I say!’

  ‘Whoa!’ Mac smiled. ‘That’s a bit strong, coming from you.’

  With her judgement slightly affected by the wine, Rita was not about to let the subject go. ‘Mac?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Who do you think it was?’ she asked. ‘Who could have been so wicked as to put a fourteen-year-old girl in the family way, and then leave her to suffer the consequences?’

  Mac cast his mind back. ‘From what I can remember, Nancy was convinced that the person responsible was that lad Harry Blake. You remember his parents died tragically, and Irish Kathleen gave him a home. According to Nancy, that was when Judy and Harry became sweethearts.’

  But his wife was having none of it. ‘I know that was what Nancy claimed, but I should have thought Harry Blake was too busy grieving for his parents to think about much else. Anyway, he wasn’t that much older than Judy, was he? Only by three or four years.’

  Mac gave a smutty chuckle. ‘Old enough though, eh?’

  ‘There’s no need to be vulgar!’ snapped Rita. ‘I don’t care what any of you say, I never really believed it was him. The boy seemed decent enough, and besides, he really cared for Judy. They were best mates, always looking out for each other. Harry would never have done anything to hurt her.’

  ‘Whatever you say, my dear.’ Growing irritated by her constant probing, Mac had already moved on in his thinking. ‘Where do you think Don found Judy?’ he asked. ‘Was it somewhere local, d’you think?’

  ‘I have no idea,’ Rita replied. ‘But I’m pleased that he at least made the effort to track her down. You know, I always thought it was too harsh a punishment for little Judy. Mind you, I understand it was Judy’s mother who actually kicked her out, and not Don himself.’

  ‘Ah well, I’ve never been surprised about that. You know what Norma was like … too full of herself, what with her fancy ideas and tendency to look down on other folks. Nancy takes after her.’

  Rita chuckled about that. ‘She does come over a bit primadonna sometimes, but I do believe Don and Brian, and particularly Sammie, manage to keep her in line.’

  Mac smiled. ‘Young Sammie is a strong-minded girl,’ he said, ‘but in a different way from her mother. Sammie is softer, more balanced, with a much happier disposition. It’s only when she knows she’s right, that she digs her heels in.’ He laughed out loud. ‘I dare say she and Nancy find themselves at loggerheads more often than not.’

  ‘Do you think she’s pretty?’

  ‘Who – Nancy?’

  ‘No, silly! I mean Sammie. Do you think she’s pretty?’

  ‘That’s an odd question.’

  ‘I know, but do you?’

  ‘I’m not sure. She’s not what you’d call beautiful, and maybe pretty isn’t the right description either. Sammie is more … striking?’ He searched for the right word. ‘More … Oh what’s the word?’

  ‘Alive?’

  ‘Yes, you’re right, that’s it. Sammie is more alive than pretty.’ He turned to smile at her. ‘Why do you ask?’

  Rita shrugged. ‘No particular reason.’

  There was a moment of quiet before she spoke again. ‘Mac?’

  ‘Mmm?’

  ‘Where do you think Judy is?’

  ‘Who knows? Mind you, after what Don saw, it does seem as though she’s got herself well and truly mixed up with some undesirables; though I reckon she can handle herself by now.’

  ‘Should we look for her, do you think?’

  Mac shook his head. ‘Good God, no! Brian was right. Best let sleeping dogs lie, eh?’

  He momentarily toyed with the idea though; initially finding it attractive, then eventually rejecting it, not least because finding Judy would rake up the past and all that went with it.

  He now addressed Rita with a certain authority. ‘I’m sorry, love, but it is not our place to interfere. The best thing is to put that chapter of their lives well and truly behind us.’

  ‘But that’s not fair on Judy.’

  Mac wanted the conversation ended. ‘Enough now! You’re taking my mind off the road,’ he complained. ‘Besides, the family want it over and done with, and we should respect their wishes.’

  ‘What!’ Astonished, Rita laughed in his face. ‘Since when have you ever respected anyone’s wishes?’

  ‘Ah, but this is different,’ he responded sternly. ‘It’s family, so let’s put an end to it now, eh?’

  ‘It was you who started it, saying how that business with Judy had left you feeling uncomfortable,’ Rita argued.

  ‘Yes, well, now I’m ending it. Come on, Rita. After all, it really is none of our business.’

  What was done was done, and as far as he was concerned, the shameful incident with Judy was best forgotten – and the sooner the better.

  Reluctantly, Rita complied with his instructions as always; though in this instance, she was not happy to leave it there.

  Somewhere in the back of her mind, and in view of what Don had told them, she had a sneaking suspicion that poor Judy still needed rescuing, just as much as she did all those years ago.

  PART FOUR

  Fisher’s Hill, Autumn 1956

  Dangerous Love

  chapter Seventeen

  HARRY WAS AT his wits’ end. ‘I don’t understand how anyone could simply disappear like that!’ Seated at the kitchen table, head in hands, he talked his way through the previous week. ‘I’ve almost gone through the soles of my shoes looking for her,’ he told Kathleen. ‘I’ve been to the Central Library to check if her name is on the loans’ register, and I’ve worried the girl at the council office, but they sent me away with all this nonsense about the right to a person’s privacy. I got shown nothing, except the door.’

  ‘So no luck anywhere then?’

  ‘None at all. I’ve spent hours hanging about the Boulevard, hoping I might catch sight of her getting on and off buses, until even the drivers got curious. I was worried in case they thought I might be a bad lot, so I told them why I was there, so now would you believe it – they’re even keeping an eye out for her.’

  Kathleen laughed, that joyful sound that never failed to put a smile on everyone’s face. ‘Sure it’s a wonder they didn’t call the authorities and have ye thrown in jail for loitering
.’

  ‘Not funny,’ Harry chided, though he did have the whisper of a smile curling the corners of his mouth.

  Kathleen apologised. ‘I wonder if I did right, now, to tell you about me bumping into her,’ she said. ‘Because here’s you, tramping the streets and asking anyone who’ll stop, to help ye find her.’ Little did either of them know of the similar venture of Don Roberts, nor of its unsavoury ending.

  ‘I’m glad you told me, because now at least I know she isn’t all that far away.’ His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I am meant to find her, I know I am.’

  Kathleen was proud that he should care so much about the girl he had left behind, especially when it all ended on a bad note. ‘Ye know what, me darlin’?’

  Harry looked up. ‘What?’

  ‘You’re right to keep on searching, so ye are.’ She paused, taking in that sad face with the magnetic dark eyes and that certain look of helplessness men get when they feel out of their depth. ‘Don’t you worry now,’ she said kindly. ‘I’ve a feelin’ in me water, it won’t be too long afore ye find the wee girlie.’

  Reaching forward, Harry planted a kiss on her chubby face. ‘Thanks for that,’ he said with a broad smile. ‘That’s all the encouragement I need.’

  She folded her arms. ‘So, where else did ye look then?’

  ‘Everywhere!’ he groaned. ‘If the boss should ever find out I’ve been misusing working time, I’ll be out on my ear.’

  ‘Aw, away with ye! I’m sure you haven’t taken much of your work time, and even if you had, you’ve no doubt made it up in your lunch hour. Anyways, it’s not as though you’re on set hours – unless you’re actually based in the store. So far as I know, you’ve been late home four nights in the past week, and you’ve started early twice. So, don’t you worry. The old rogue won’t care how ye juggle the hours, so long as you get the job done and fetch back his tally money.’

  ‘All absolutely true,’ Harry agreed, amused.

  ‘Right then, so now go on … you were saying?’