Born Bad

by Josephine Cox

  Judy told him it was, though as they came out of the store, her heart sank, for there was Phil, parked at the corner, watching every move she made.

  Alarmed, she quickly looked away, allowing Harry to lead her down the street and round the corner, where they emerged into the High Street. ‘So, where did you want to go?’ he asked. ‘There’s the River Hotel; I’m told they have a great restaurant.’ He felt like a kid on his first date, hardly able to believe that Judy had actually come looking for him. ‘I’m sure they’ll find us a table,’ he speculated.

  Judy graciously declined; she wasn’t used to fancy places and she had an idea that neither was Harry. ‘I’d rather go to that little café just up by the Boulevard.’

  Harry was happy with that, as he pinched himself into believing he was really holding Judy, and they were actually going on a date – well, a kind of date.

  It was then that he began to wonder. Why had she come to the store? What did she want to talk about, and why was she dressed to kill?

  Somehow, it was not like her, and if his instincts were true, she was in a strange mood. As they made their way to the café, she kept looking back, then quickening her step, and when suddenly she lapsed into a deep silence, his curiosity was greatly heightened.

  But then he thought she might be nervous, just as he was. After all, it had been many a long year since he and Judy had walked down the street together, and it was just amazing!

  The café Judy had chosen was the very same where she and Kathleen had met, and when the waitress showed them to the table, it was also the very same where she had sat and lied to her dear old friend. How fitting to the occasion, Judy thought cynically.

  They placed their order – ham sandwiches and a pot of tea for two – and while the waitress was dealing with that, Harry concentrated on Judy. By now, he could tell there was something very wrong. ‘What is it, my love?’ he asked tenderly. ‘What’s wrong?’

  For a moment she said nothing. Instead she toyed with the end of the tablecloth, before looking up with a bright smile. ‘What makes you think there’s something wrong?’ she asked in a brittle voice.

  ‘I don’t know … it’s just that you seem so nervous. I’m not sure what to think.’ He asked her outright: ‘Why did you come to the store, looking for me? What is it you need to talk about?’

  Peering out of the window, she saw Phil’s car parked across the street, and she knew that time was running out.

  Her soft grey eyes swept over Harry, as she etched his face into her mind for all time; that strong face full of character and goodness, and her love was tenfold. ‘Will you do something for me?’ she whispered.

  ‘Anything.’ He struggled to understand; he knew she was troubled. ‘What is it you want me to do?’

  Judy leaned forward. ‘Kiss me!’

  ‘What?’ Excitement rippled through his senses.

  ‘Kiss me,’ she urged, ‘like you used to when we were sweethearts.’

  Reaching up to place his hands either side of her face, he leaned to her and smiled; a moment just to be sure, then he covered her soft lips with his, and kissed her long and tenderly, his senses in chaos.

  As he reluctantly drew back, the waitress returned with their order, which she placed before them. ‘I hope you like chutney on your ham,’ she remarked, ‘because that’s how we make the sandwiches.’

  There were a few awkward moments when they pretended to eat their food and talk of days gone by, until Harry asked quietly, ‘Can I kiss you again?’ He was disappointed when Judy answered, ‘Best not.’

  Embarrassed and confused, Harry chatted on, ‘So much has happened over the years, but I never forgot you. I got married, to a wonderful woman called Sara. Right from the first I told her about you, and she understood. After she died, someone else told me how we can love in so many different ways, but we never forget that special love – the kind you and I had.’

  Stretching out his two hands, he cupped her slender fingers in his. ‘I loved Sara from that first day, but you were always there … my special love. She knew that, and as I said, she understood.’

  Judy envied her. ‘She must have been a wonderful person.’

  ‘She was. She did not deserve to suffer as she did, and then to leave us.’ Swallowing back the tears, he asked Judy again: ‘What was it you wanted to talk about?’ He had been amazed when she asked him to kiss her and hardly dared to go on: ‘Is it about you and me? Is there a chance we might get back together?’

  When she looked down, he feared he might have gone too far too soon. ‘I’m sorry. Forgive me if I’ve overstepped the mark.’

  There were so many pertinent questions he had to ask. ‘Are you happy with Phil, Judy? Does he take care of you? Does he treat you right?’

  For one agonising moment she was tempted to tell him the truth; that Phil was a maniac, that he beat her into submission and made her life a living hell. She wanted to tell Harry how she had often thought to take her life, because of Phil; and that she missed Harry, every waking minute.

  She wanted to scream from the rooftops that she was here to do something she wished with all her heart she did not have to do, but that if she did not do it, Harry would be murdered, and so would she, but that she cared nothing for herself. She cared only for Harry, and the son who would be orphaned.

  Sensing danger, she looked towards the door; there was no one there. Then she glanced into the far corner of the café, and there he was; Phil Saunders, dark and shadowy, like evil itself.

  She saw him take the gun from his pocket and lay it on his leg, where only she could see it.

  Judy knew the message he was sending, and she was so afraid, she could hardly breathe.

  Seeing that gun had galvanised her intent. She thought of Harry and his son, and she decided that it would be better for Harry to have his heart broken than to be murdered.

  ‘Judy?’ Harry gently brought her to her senses. ‘You didn’t answer me.’

  ‘Phil takes great care of me,’ she lied, averting her gaze. ‘He makes sure I never go without, and in spite of his reputation, he’s so tender and loving.’ She made a supreme effort at a happy smile. ‘We love each other so much, Harry. I’m such a lucky woman to have a man like Phil.’

  Harry was struck to the heart. After that soul-kiss, he had not expected this. He was devastated, yet at the same time relieved that his darling Judy was not being ill-treated.

  ‘It seems as though he’s changed then?’ he said rather shakily. He swallowed hard. ‘I’m pleased, really I am.’ He gave a half-smile, but felt physically sick. ‘When I saw you at the store just now, I imagined all kinds of things – that he was beating you, that he was taking it out on you because of me. I don’t blame him for threatening me at the store. He must have thought I was chasing after you, that I wanted you back.’ The words spilled out, but what he really wanted to say, remained unsaid.

  Judy leaned forward, her voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. ‘And do you, Harry? Do you want me back?’

  Harry looked into her dove-grey eyes and for one incredible, wonderful moment, he was lost. ‘I won’t lie,’ he whispered. ‘I still love you. To have you back would complete my life.’

  Mortified, he then backed away. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I should never have said that. I was wrong even to think it. I let my love for you colour my judgement. I badly misjudged Phil Saunders. I listened to gossip and I wanted to believe it. I’m sorry.’

  Judy choked back the emotion. ‘Please don’t be sorry.’ Out of the corner of her eye she saw Phil Saunders; he was here to remind her of a purpose – one which she must carry out or face the consequences.

  Turning her attention to Harry, she raised her voice. ‘To tell you the truth, I’ve never forgiven you, Harry. You left me when I desperately needed you. My life was ruined for a long time because of you. When Phil found me, I was living on the streets, caring for nothing and no one, not even bothered if I lived or died.’

  She was out of the chair now, hands spr
ead on the table and shouting at him. ‘You did that to me, Harry! I will never forgive you for running away like you did.’

  Harry was shocked to his roots. One minute she was soft and gentle, the Judy he knew, and now she was behaving more like Phil Saunders! ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Judy?’ he appealed to her. ‘Have you forgotten the truth of what happened back then? It wasn’t like you just said, and you know it.’

  Aware that the waitress was watching, he tried to persuade Judy to sit down, so they could discuss this calmly and quietly, like civilised people, but she would have none of it, and so he reminded her again. ‘You deceived me, Judy. You let me believe something that wasn’t true; something that could so easily have had me sent to jail, but it wasn’t just that. It was you, and the way you lied – that’s what I couldn’t live with.’ He remembered how it had been; he recalled how Judy was at the time. ‘You were behaving strangely,’ he recalled ‘much as you’re behaving now. It was as if something had happened to change you. What was it, Judy, because it certainly wasn’t me!’

  ‘Hah! Now you’re trying to shift the blame. It was you who ran off, you who deserted me.’ She deliberately kept her voice loud.

  ‘No, Judy, you were different. There was something, and you wouldn’t even talk to me about it. Then you lied, and not long after that, you dropped the bombshell. I left because you lied to me. You were even prepared to see me jailed.’ He shook his head. ‘What kind of love is that? You didn’t love me then, and you don’t love me now, so tell me, Judy … what game are you playing?’

  ‘Enough, Harry!’ She had to stop him there, before he revealed too much. She had never told Phil Saunders about there having been a child, when Harry left. If Phil knew that, it would be yet another stick to beat her with. ‘Why did you come back here?’ she deliberately taunted him. ‘Yes, you’re right – I never did love you. I used you, that’s all. Now I wish I had never clapped eyes on you. I never want to see you again. I want you out of my life, for good. Do you hear what I’m saying? Do you, Harry?’

  The look of disbelief and pain on his face was tearing her apart. She had to end it quickly, before her resolve collapsed and she poured out the truth to him.

  Stunned by her cruel outburst, Harry could only wonder if she had lost her mind.

  She insisted, ‘I need to hear you say it, Harry Blake! I need you to tell me that you will never bother me again.’

  He took a moment, then ‘If that’s what you want,’ he replied firmly. ‘You have my word, you will never see or hear from me again.’ He was broken by her admission that she had never loved him.

  That, above all else, had touched him deep.

  ‘I’m glad you’ve got the message!’ She spoke with conviction.

  Throwing the chair back so hard that it fell over, she ran out of the café and away down the street, the tears blinding her as she ran. ‘I’m sorry … I didn’t want to hurt you like that. Forgive me! I love you, Harry! I didn’t know what else to do!’

  Running into the alley, she threw herelf on the ground and sobbed until her heart might break.

  A moment later he was there, filling the alley with his presence, praising her. ‘You did well.’ Saunders had delighted in her performance. ‘I never knew you could be so cruel,’ he said.

  ‘I’ve had a good master.’ Judy couldn’t even look at him. ‘Go away, Phil. Leave me be.’

  ‘Get up!’

  She ignored him.

  ‘I said … GET UP!’

  When she continued to ignore him, he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her up. ‘I’ve decided not to work today,’ he informed her as he marched her to the car. ‘You and me need to have a word. I heard snatches of you and him in there … some of which needs explaining. But not yet. It’s been such an exciting day, I’ve a thirst on me like an elephant. So, while I’m enjoying a few well-earned bevvies, you’ve got time to think about what was said in there, because when we get back, I’ll be asking questions.’ He turned to stare at her. ‘I’ll know if you’re telling me the truth.’

  At the car he opened the door and threw her inside, slamming the door shut behind her.

  Judy said nothing during the drive. Crippled inside by what she had done to Harry, she slowly came to realise how little her life meant, and that if she didn’t make a stand, it would go on getting ever smaller, until the day when she either ended it, or it was ended for her.

  She could hear Phil Saunders laughing and talking beside her, and occasionally he would touch her knee, but she seemed far removed from it all. She felt different, as though she was changing inside.

  Just now, when Harry had kissed her, it seemed to breathe life back into her sorry soul. That warm, familiar feel of his mouth on hers was a beautiful, strangely healing experience. And when he wrapped his strong, gentle hands around hers, she had felt a resurgence of the strength she believed she had lost for ever. It was still there! Tears of happiness welled in her eyes. The old Judy was still there!

  For a fleeting moment she felt real joy and pride; something precious that she had not felt since a child – or maybe it was a sense of innocence. What had happened was not her fault. She promised herself now: the bad thing was not her fault. The feeling of relief from this powerful revelation was indescribable. It changed everything.

  ‘We’ll stop off at the Bedford Arms.’ His voice was invasive. ‘I feel like celebrating.’

  Alan was outside sweeping the pavement. ‘Hello!’ Surprised to see them, he asked Phil, ‘Why aren’t you at work?’

  Saunders was a practised liar. ‘Had a bit of a tummy bug,’ he answered, climbing out of the car. ‘Thought a pint might settle it.’

  Alan swept the fallen leaves into a corner. ‘You’d best come inside then.’

  Going straight to the bar, Saunders ordered two pints for himself. ‘Line ’em up,’ he told Alan. ‘The first one won’t touch the sides. Anyway, I reckon I’ll be here for a while … got things to celebrate.’ His laughter echoed through the snug. ‘It ain’t often you rid yourself of an enemy without even lifting a finger, is it, eh?’

  Alan had long ago given up trying to understand this man. ‘If you say so,’ he replied. ‘Look, I’d best get back outside … finish my sweeping and keep an eye out. I could be had up for letting you drink out of hours. You do know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll not tell,’ Phil smirked. ‘That’d be like killing the golden goose.’ He glanced around. ‘Hey! Where’s Judy gone?’

  ‘Into the back for a cuppa with Pauline – talking women’s stuff, I expect.’

  ‘Hmm.’ Losing interest, Phil picked up his pint and tipped half of it down his throat. Licking his lips, he leaned his elbows on the bar and belched. ‘Bugger your cuppa. This is the life,’ he chuckled. ‘Beats working any day.’

  Pauline was glad to see Judy. ‘Hiya, sunshine,’ she called as Judy came in. ‘So what’s going on then?’ She had been ironing for almost an hour when she saw the car drive up.

  ‘Why isn’t Phil at work?’ She was curious. ‘And where have you been, all done up like that?’ She observed the dirty marks and scuffs on Judy’s best dress. ‘You obviously went somewhere special, and then it all went wrong. So, how did your clothes get spoiled?’ She glanced at Judy’s feet and was shocked. ‘For pity’s sake, love, look! Your foot’s bleeding … and where’s your shoe?’

  Horrified, she put the iron down and switched it off. ‘It’s him, isn’t it?’ She made a sour face. ‘What’s that bastard gone and done now, eh?’ You’d best tell me, Judy, or I swear I’ll go out there and raise holy hell!’

  Judy had kept her composure up to now, but seeing Pauline’s genuine concern, she could hold out no longer. Her face crumpled and the tears she had tried so hard to keep back flowed down her face.

  ‘Help me, Pauline,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘Please help me.’ As two comforting arms held her tight, Judy sobbed like a child. ‘I had to do it,’ she kept saying. ‘I had to do it.’

 
‘Hey, come on, now.’ Pauline knelt on the floor beside her. ‘I can’t help you, sweetheart,’ she said tenderly, ‘not unless you tell me what’s on your mind.’

  Judy looked into that kindly face and she knew she could trust her. ‘I did a bad thing today,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to do it, but he made me.’

  ‘What did he make you do? Tell me!’ Pauline urged. ‘You must not be afraid of him any more. He’s sick in his mind, you must know that.’ She held Judy tight. ‘You’re such a sweet little thing. Somewhere you took a wrong turn. What happened to you, Judy? Why do you think so little of yourself? What in God’s name made you marry a man like that?’

  Judy drew herself away, wanting to tell Pauline everything, but afraid to; always afraid. So many innocent people would be hurt. She didn’t want that. She never wanted that.

  She forced herself to look back over her life, to when it all started; that downward slide into a trap that was designed by Phil Saunders.

  When she was just a child she was happy and loved, and her life was perfect; until one day, when she was badly damaged by someone she trusted. Then her whole world fell apart. There was no more love. No more trust. There would never be again, from that day to this.

  All the way back there, in her teenage years; that was the start of it all. And there was no one she dared tell.

  Then Harry was there; Harry whom she so adored, and whom she deceived. She could not tell him the awful truth. So when she found out the consequences of that badness, she lied to Harry, and as he so rightly claimed, she risked him being sent to prison. For that, she would never forgive herself.

  Having let the young woman sob herself quiet, Pauline offered, ‘Let’s get you cleaned up. Change into a pair of my shoes, since we’re the same size, and then we’ll go somewhere, just you and me.’

  Taking hold of Judy’s shoulders, she gently pushed her back until they were face to face. Observing the tear-stained grey eyes, Pauline felt a surge of compassion.

  ‘Whatever it takes, I’ll help you put it right,’ she promised her. ‘Don’t be afraid.’