The Prize

by Irving Wallace

  Craig thought of Dr. Farelli at Dachau, and then he listened again, still puzzled.

  ‘-and one experiment I knew about,’ said Emily, words dragging, ‘was done on the Polish female prisoners among us-by Dr. Karl Gebhardt, a surgeon from the University of Berlin, and Dr. Schidlausky, our senior medical officer. They were trying to prove something about sulphur drugs-and instead of white mice they used the Polish women. They infected them in their legs-cut their legs and put tetanus germs, sometimes with ground glass, or made artificial gangrene in the incisions-to study the results. Most of the girls died in anguish. But that is not my story. My first time-’

  Her eyes held absently on the hotel window, and after an interval, she continued.

  ‘The Nazis were worried about their airmen who ditched in the water or navy sailors who had to jump in the water, when it was cold, in winter, and so they began experiments in freezing and heating of human beings. I don’t know much about this, except what I saw and what happened. It was a bad winter night, and we were all huddled around the stove in the barracks after seven or eight, after the cabbage soup, and the highest woman supervisor, the Aufseherin, who was under Colonel Schneider, the commandant-her name was Frau Hencke-she came in with two men guards. She was wearing her grey uniform, with the holster and pistol, and black boots, and carrying the whip.

  ‘She ordered all of us to stand in a line, and then went down the line grumbling, flicking the whip, shaking her head, complaining of our dirtiness and ugliness and dead eyes, and when she came to me, she looked me over, up and down, and said, “Ja, this is the one-this one will do nicely.” Immediately, my mother was terrified and wanted to know what they would do with me, and Frau Hencke said it was to be an honour for me, to give assistance-I think she said clerical assistance-to their doctors in the scientific experiments. I would be busy, she said, tonight and in the morning, but I could rest the next day.’ Emily sighed. ‘The beginning,’ she said.

  For a while, she lay still, and then, slowly, she resumed.

  ‘It was ten below zero that night. It is hard now to remember how cold it was. I wore my sweater and my mother’s coat and a shawl someone loaned me, and I went with Frau Hencke and the guards-the ground was like iron and there were icicles from all the barracks buildings-and I thought we were going to the Revier, the huts that were our hospital, but we went past it, and on and on, until we came to a small brick building I had never seen, and Frau Hencke said this was the science experiment building and infirmary.

  ‘When we came near the entrance, I heard, over the wind, a man crying-it is wrenching to hear the sound of a man crying-and then a physician met us-Dr. Voegler, the assistant medical officer to Dr. Schidlausky-and he said that he would show me the experiment. They led me around the building to the side, and the man’s crying was louder. Do you know what they showed me? A young Polish prisoner-a thin Jewish boy with curly black hair. He was on a stretcher on the hard ground, and he was all naked-and it was ten below zero.

  ‘I wanted to run. I had never seen a grown man all naked, that was one thing, but the main thing was the bestiality-his wrists and ankles tied-helpless and naked on a stretcher. And then in front of me a guard poured a pail of ice water over him-and he screamed and cried. Dr. Voegler and Frau Hencke took me inside the infirmary and said that this was their freezing experiment, and it would be followed by a warming experiment. The idea was to see how frozen a subject could become and still be saved. They told me they must learn how they could save the glorious aviators of the Luftwaffe who went down in the Channel. And now they said I had been chosen to help them prove that someone frozen like that boy could be saved. I remember I said, “I will do anything to help that poor boy live.” And the doctor said, “I am glad you are co-operative. You will have your chance in a few hours.”

  ‘Frau Hencke took me into an empty room-it had windows around like a hospital nursery, but they were draped. There was nothing in the room but a double bed and a chair. Frau Hencke was friendly and said she would get me hot milk and rolls-I had not had such luxury in two years-and then I must nap, and they would wake me when it was time to work. I took my milk and rolls, and then took off my shoes and rested on the bed, with the lights off, but I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking of that poor freezing Jewish boy on the stretcher in that weather. Maybe I dozed off. I can no longer remember. But I suppose some hours passed, and suddenly the lights in the room were on and I was sitting up, and Dr. Voegler and Frau Hencke were standing there.

  ‘Dr. Voegler said, “Fräulein Stratman, now it is time. Our heating experiment begins. We are bringing in the test person-the boy you want to help-and now we want to find out if he can be unfrozen and warmed up with animal heat-the heat of the human body.” I had no idea what he was talking about. “Take off your clothes, Fräulein,” he commanded. I wanted to know how much to take off, and he said every stitch, and I was not yet fifteen and ashamed of the size of my breasts, and how I was a woman, and I refused. The doctor then said the experiment could only be made by two people, one cold like the boy, and one warm like myself, and I was to nestle close to him, embrace him on the bed, to transmit my heat to him and see if it would bring him back to normal. I screamed that I couldn’t, and then the doctor said that if I would not co-operate, they would go and bring my mother in my place, and I would watch. And so then I did not resist. Frau Hencke took off my patched sweater and the wool skirt, and she took off my cotton brassière and pulled down my pants, and I was naked, and I did what they told me. I stretched out on the bed, with one hand trying to cover my breasts and the other hand below. Then Dr. Voegler and Frau Hencke went out, and they carried in the poor, naked Jewish boy, unconscious, numbed like metal by the cold, and they threw him on the bed next to me. They left on one light in the room, and parted the drapes of a window halfway. The doctor demanded that I take the boy in my arms and hug him, and press him against my breasts and belly, and caress him, to see if this would revive him. The doctor said the boy’s life was in my hands. And they would be watching, with others, from the window to see that I did what I must do.

  ‘At first, alone with the boy, I was repelled-remember my age. I had never touched a man or seen one like this-but then I kept seeing they were watching me, and I looked at the boy, so unconscious, so suffering, and he was alive, I could tell, and then I didn’t care, I only wanted him to live. I turned him sideways towards me-and pressed against his limp icy body-and I hugged him and stroked him. How can I tell you the rest? The witnesses knew it would happen-they had done this for weeks before-but I did not know. In an hour he was conscious, the boy, but weak, not knowing where he was or what was going on-and then Dr. Voegler came in and took his temperature, and it was eighty-four degrees-and then the doctor left, and the boy began to revive as I hugged him and ran my hands over him. And then he opened his eyes and kept looking at me, at my breasts, and suddenly-I can’t tell you-he had an erection-and he was between my legs before I could prevent it, he was like some alley dog, and he broke my virginity and I was bleeding, and he sobbed that he was sorry, sorry, but he couldn’t control himself, and he kept on until it was over, and then he fell back and slept. I had never known such a thing and was sickened, but Dr. Voegler and two other physicians and Frau Hencke came in and examined him and then congratulated me. They said his temperature had jumped to normal in coitus, faster than by any other means known except a hot bath, and that I would be rewarded with a fine breakfast, and he would live. I couldn’t eat the breakfast, I had lost everything, but I told myself at least this was for something-to save a poor Polish boy’s life.

  ‘In the morning, I told my mother a lie about clerical work, and tried to live with myself, and a few days later, I found it was all a waste anyway. They had taken the same boy from his barracks and put him in a vat of ice water outside the infirmary, when it snowed, and then carried him in and put him between two naked French-women, but he died there between them.’

  She lay inert, gazing off, still not me
eting his eyes.

  He wanted to touch her. He wanted to take her to him and make her forget all that was dead in the past but so alive in her. But he knew that he could not.

  He said, ‘And that was what happened in Ravensbruck?’

  ‘The beginning,’ she said, ‘only the beginning, I told you. I will make less of the rest that followed, because that was the most of it. A week after the experiment-’

  She faltered, briefly.

  ‘Emily,’ he said, ‘I-’

  ‘A week after,’ she persisted, ‘Frau Hencke, the woman supervisor, sent for me in her private quarters. It was dark, before dinner. I rapped on her door, and she called to come in. She was lying on the sofa of her small living room, covered to the neck with a blanket. She was a husky woman, not stout but big-boned, a woman of maybe thirty-five, with a deep voice that frightened all the inmates. She was a power in the camp. She told me to lock the door, and I did, and she told me to come to her, and I did. She asked me how old I was, and I said fifteen in a few weeks. She said she had been impressed with my behaviour and courage the night of the experiment, and she had thought about me every day since. “When I undressed you,” she said, “I must admit I never saw a girl with a more wonderful figure.” I was scared, but I thanked her. She said she had suffered to see me on the bed letting that Jewish boy make love to me. If it had been in her hands, she would not have allowed any man to despoil such a lovely virgin. “But we will forget that,” she said “because I have good news for you.” She told me that, aside from Colonel Schneider, she was the most important person in Ravensbruck. She was in a position to save lives, make life agreeable with comforts. She was prepared now to do this for my mother and myself. She would take me under her wing. I would be her protégée. But in a week I had become older, and I was suspicious. “Why do you do this?” I wanted to know. And she said, “Because Emily, I am a foolish woman to have fallen in love with you.” ’

  From her pillow, almost oblivious of Craig, Emily seemed to consider the old scene.

  ‘She kept telling me how she loved me,’ said Emily. ‘She promised that she would be kind to me, and I would never be sorry. Then, while she spoke, her tone became more-more excited. She said that she did not want to waste time in idle talk. She said I must take off all my clothes as I had at the experiment. I made no move to do this, and she asked me if I had heard of the douche room, and I said that I had. One French girl was sent there for punishment. The bidet-the douche-shot up water like a geyser, with pressure of a fire hose, and you squatted over it until you passed out. Frau Hencke said she would hate to have that douche disfigure me. Still I hesitated about undressing, and she saw I was obstinate, and then she said without meanness, “Or do you wish your mother here in Ravensbruck with you or in Auschwitz where the crematorium buildings are? I am in charge of preparing the lists for Colonel Schneider.” One by one, as if in a dream, I removed my garments. When I was naked, she smiled. “Wunderschön!” she said. “You are better than any I have seen. Now take the blanket off me.”

  ‘Have you ever walked naked in front of a stranger? My legs were wooden sticks, and I tried to cover my-no matter-I went to her and took off the blanket, and there she was-with nothing on-so repulsive. I stood, shaking, and she told me to lie down with her. There was no choice. I sat down and-and-she stroked me and then again said, “Now lie down.” It was ugly the way she was breathing-but I did what I was told, because I was so young and had only my mother, and I did not want my mother in the crematorium.’ Emily paused. ‘That was for three months-’

  ‘Emily,’ Craig interrupted, ‘I don’t have to hear any more. Don’t-’

  ‘Are you afraid to hear?’ she asked without looking at him. ‘Is that it?’

  ‘That is not it. I’m thinking of you.’ But then he knew that she must have her catharsis.

  ‘I will finish,’ she said, and her words were not all distinct because of the sedative. ‘One night, as always, I went to Frau Hencke, and for the first time she was fully clothed. She said in her superintendent voice, “There is too much talk in this camp. Not always the prisoners, but the foul-mouthed men, the guards. Colonel Schneider has called me in and said our meetings are known, and there is much jealousy. He thinks it is bad for morale. I am sorry, but this is ended.” I wanted to weep, and thank the Lord for ending the nightmare, for ridding me of that horrible Lesbian. But then she said, “Colonel Schneider wishes to speak to you personally. After rations tonight, at eight o’clock, one of his guards will come for you. That is all, Emily.”

  ‘The guard came at twenty after eight, I remember. I went to Colonel Schneider’s bungalow. It was the best building at Ravensbruck. He was the commandant. I was shown into a study, and then the door was closed, and I saw him working at his desk. He was wearing a silk robe from occupied Paris. I stood a long time, and finally he turned around. I had never set eyes on him before. He had a fringe of hair with long sideburns, thick, and a broken flat nose, and he was middle height but big like a bull with no neck. He kept looking at me like-as if I were a prize heifer-and then he said, “Walk-walk around the room.” I did. He said, “You walk well. I wondered why Frau Hencke was so radiant these months. Now, I see why. Well, I will brook no perversion in my command.” Then he said, “You will do. Go through that door to my bedroom. Disrobe. I will join you.” I was stunned. I had expected anything but this. I knew if I was obstinate what I would hear, but I tried. I pleaded with him, I begged him. He would not listen. “You are not a virgin,” he said. “I have heard about you and the Jew boy. You brought him back to life, eh? Few females are so impressive. You will find a healthy Aryan better for you. Now into the bedroom. Worse things can happen to you-and your mother.” When he mentioned my mother, my resistance was gone. I went into the bedroom and undressed and waited on the bed. When he came to me, he was naked, also-a bull-’

  ‘Emily, please-’

  ‘I want you to know. I will spare you details. He did not even put a gentle hand on me. He treated me like something in a-in a breeding farm. He forced my legs, and he fell on me like a machine that pounds flat the pavement. A half hour later, he sent for Dr. Voegler, and I had four stitches and was told to rest ten days. I could hardly walk to the barracks-but I had a basket of food for my mother and the others-my mother never knew the truth.

  ‘On the tenth day, the guard came, and Colonel Schneider was at his desk, and he didn’t even speak to me, just waved me into the bedroom. After that, it was every night-except twice when he had to fly to Berlin for weekends-it was every night the same, for one month. Then, the second month, he said he was displeased with me. He said I came and lay like a stick and let him do what he wanted, but he was becoming bored, he did not have to endure such insolence from me. Henceforth, if my mother and I were to enjoy his favour, I must be demonstrative-pleasing-display love and genuine excitement.’

  She halted and was quiet for a painful interlude.

  ‘I did all I was told to do,’ she said. ‘Apparently it was enough. I serviced Colonel Schneider four and five and six times a week, for as much as an hour at a time, for seven months-yes, seven months. It meant nothing to me any more. But then the gossip was that the Russians were near, and the war would be ending, and Colonel Schneider flew to Berlin to see Hitler and Himmler. He never came back-he was killed in an air raid-but he had told his junior officers about me, and a Major and two Captains of the Waffen-SS took me with them when they evacuated Ravensbruck, took me to their new post at Buchenwald, near Weimar, and for several weeks-my mother was gone and I didn’t give a damn about life any more-I serviced the three of them in their quarters. I went like an automaton-Pavlov’s response, I suppose. Night would fall, I would automatically go to the door, the guard would come, and the cot and the three of them would be waiting. And then, suddenly, one day they were gone-and no one called me to come in the night even though I was at the door-and it was April 11, 1945, and the Americans had arrived to liberate us. They checked our records-the documents, j
ournals, whatnot-and they found mine-and the American psychiatric officer told me what a British psychoanalyst told me later-I was in a catatonic state. No one knew of what had happened to me except the doctors, until Uncle Max found me, and they told him a little.’ She paused. ‘Ravensbruck,’ she said. ‘That is Ravensbruck.’

  ‘Emily-Emily-what can I possibly say? Except that-except now that you’ve-’

  She would not listen. ‘Everyone thinks I am a virgin,’ she was saying. ‘Wouldn’t their hair stand on end to hear this? Even you thought I was a virgin. I’m sorry, Andrew, but you had to know-your nun was a whore-a veteran of three hundred nights.’ Suddenly she covered her eyes and her voice broke. ‘God, oh God, how many times in the years after-how long I’ve wanted to die.’

  He reached for her wrists and pulled her hands from her tearful eyes, and he kissed her hands. ‘It has nothing to do with you, Emily, none of it. You were forced into that life-and now you are free-and it is gone.’

  She looked at him for the first time in all this long while. ‘Is it gone, Andrew? How can it ever be gone?’