I Bificus
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My cancer is now a memory, my last treatment being in 2009, making me a Big Girl Survivor with five-plus cancer-free years under my belt. I still use chemoprevention to prevent recurrence, and am enjoying my full and racy menopause. I know I am lucky to be alive and am proud to have a piece of catheter tubing, left from my surgical port, in my chest, as a souvenir.
I also have my divorce papers as a reminder of my struggles. I know that I swore up and down my commitment, to my husband and to God, in that big church, and my vows I took seriously. My marriage to Ian was crushing, and I spent much of it in cancer treatment. My cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me, really, as it revealed so much more to me than if it had not been thrown into the mix. I feel bad that things in my marriage to Ian did not work out the way I thought they would. But the cancer experience truly forced me to start really growing up, and for that I will always be gratefully Snoopy dancing.
The future is like sun rays to me, and I tilt my soul in the direction of this light. I am still unshakable in my faith in people and in my relentless positivity, and I will not ever change that. I love life, even more every day, no matter what’s ahead of me. I love it all: the past, the present, and the future. My goals in life are simple, really—to make and keep everybody happy. On the stage, on the page, in the sick wards, or in my mother’s kitchen. Butterfly hearts everywhere!
AFTERWORD
By George Finch
IF THERE’S A COMMON THREAD LINKING ALL THAT you’ve just read, it’s survival. Clearly, Beth was blessed with a capacity to roll with the punches that would have impressed Jake LaMotta.
This is a good thing, because Beth is routinely inviting people to punch her in the face (metaphorically, at least). Selfless to a fault, she is forever choosing a course of action that is of greatest benefit to anyone other than herself, despite the inevitable toll this takes.
Beth and I both grew up in active religious families. I have long joked that she is one of the Lamed-vav of Hebrew legend, the thirty-six righteous individuals whose existence is the only reason God chooses not to pitch the universe into the trash and start over. They serve as humanity’s kidneys, flushing out the toxins so the rest of us can get on with what we need to do.
Sympathy is cheap. Hallmark sells slices of it for a couple of bucks apiece. Empathy comes at a much higher cost, yet Beth has a seemingly inexhaustible supply. She resists cynicism and accepts most people (and all animals) as being inherently good and deserving of her faith in them, at least until they demonstrate otherwise.
As her book amply indicates, this belief system has led Beth down any number of dicey alleyways, with a small army of sketchy characters in tow (some of us twice). Throughout, as the song says, she has chosen to believe that love is either in her heart or on its way. Whether or not that belief is justified, it’s hard not to take inspiration from her resolve.
There are all sorts of reasons to be grateful that Beth chose to stride up and introduce herself to me that Saturday afternoon at the Dauphin mall all those years ago. Chief among them is having had the opportunity to watch Beth continue to pick herself up off the canvas, dry her eyes, look around, and observe: “Okay, so that didn’t kill me . . . What now?”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I WISH TO ACKNOWLEDGE TWO GENTLEMEN WHOSE patience, dedication, generosity, kindness, and conscientiousness shaped this book: Jim Gifford and Peter Karroll.
PHOTOS SECTION
In the backyard in Bareilly, India,with my mom, around 1971.
Me at Kelsey Elementary in The Pas, Manitoba, after my father had set up his practice there.
At a ballet recital in northern Manitoba, 1978.
At my uncle’s home in Minnesota, Christmas 1977. (I’m on the left.)We moved from The Pas to Kentucky less than a week later.
The boy with whom I fell in love: Greenpeace activist, vegetarian, hardcore punk rocker, and drummer Brett Hopkins, in Winnipeg, 1987.
My wedding ceremony with Brett Hopkins at Winnipeg’s West End Cultural Centre, April 1990.
Gorilla Gorilla performing at a free all-ages afternoon concert in P.D.’s Hot Shop skateboard shop on Pender Street (headquarters of the legendary Skull Skates brand) in Vancouver to promote the band and the store.
I was the cover story in Terminal City magazine in 1990. This was one of several photographs that would capture the attention of Annihilator’s manager, Peter Karroll, who later became my manager.
Heather Faulkner
In 1991, Brett and I had broken up, and my mom and sister Heather came to Vancouver to visit me; Heather took this photograph at Granville Island.
A concert photo from a Gorilla Gorilla performance at Club Soda (later called the Starfish Room) in Vancouver. I was wearing my friend Lola’s stripper chaps to complement my Boston Red Sox T-shirt.
This photograph, taken in Vancouver in 1992, would later prove a factor in the breakup of Chrome Dog, as promoters and press all over America used this promotional shot of me instead of a band shot. Victor Deso
Chrome Dog in Vancouver, 1992.
After I became a solo artist, I toured Canada with my band.We appeared on MuchMusic many times. When this photo was taken, my album I, Bificus was about to be released.
Album artwork for the I, Bificus album, shot in Seattle in 1996.
Karen Moskowitz/Sony Music Group
This photo of me was taken in 1998 at Edgefest in Toronto, where I appeared as the only female act on a bill with Foo Fighters, Green Day, and others.
David Leyes
Another Edgefest shot, this time in Barrie, Ontario.
David Leyes
With my two dogs, Annastasia and Nicklas, at home in Vancouver in 2000.
I flew to India in 2000 to visit my dad and stepmom, Anita. I also travelled to Bangalore and New Delhi with Peter Karroll, who by then had become more than just my manager.
Onstage with Gail Greenwood during the Purge tour in Barrie, in 2001. By this time, I, Bificus had gone platinum.
David Leyes
A concert photo from Los Angeles, during
a US tour.
I took this photo of my managers, Peter Karroll (left), Marsha Zazula, and Jonny Zazula, in studio in Vancouver during preproduction for Superbeautifulmonster. Annastasia, of course, was looking for petting and love from anyone, any time.
An outtake from the Purge album cover shoot by Isabel Snyder, in Los Angeles in 2001. I enjoyed working with Isabel immensely; she made me feel quite beautiful. Isabel Snyder/Atlantic Records
Another photo from the Purge shoot. I struggled to keep on weight at the time of this photo session, though it doesn’t appear this way on film. I was a size zero.
Isabel Snyder/Atlantic Records
Standing in front of one of the national bus-stop ads for the Superbeautifulmonster album, 2005.
On tour in America with the guys. From left to right: Doug Fury, drummer Chris Crippin, and bass player Gabe Cipes. They always managed to make me laugh, and I loved them for it.
A promo shot for Superbeautifulmonster, taken at Atomic Tattoos in Los Angeles.
Tim Harmon
From the shoot for the video for “I Love Myself Today”
in Vancouver, 2001.
My second wedding, to sports journalist Ian Walker in September 2007 in Vancouver,appeared on a reality-TV show and was featured in Hello!Canada and other celebrity magazines.
At the BC Cancer Agency in 2008 while I was undergoing chemotherapy. I’m wearing my favourite blonde wig, from The Bay.
My dad and Anita came to visit me in late 2008. I had completed chemo and started radiation. Little did we know it would be only a few years later when my dad would be in a cancer battle, complete with chemo, himself.
Naz Karroll, wife of my manager, Peter, took this photo of me in Paris in 2013, shortly after I had delivered the first draft of my manuscript to my publisher.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
BIF NAKED
was born in India and raised in the United States and Canada, spending many of her formative years in Winnipeg. After fronting the underground bands Gorilla Gorilla and Chrome Dog, Bif became a prominent alternative artist, performer, and songwriter. Her striking image, friendly personality, and powerful live performances saw her appearing in concerts and festivals around the world. She has also appeared on film and TV, on shows such as The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bif lives in Vancouver, British Columbia. Follow her on Twitter @bifnaked.
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CREDITS
COVER PHOTOGRAPH: KAROLINA TUREK
COPYRIGHT
I Bificus
Copyright © 2016 by Bif Naked.
All rights reserved under all applicable International Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.
Published by HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
FIRST EDITION
All photos courtesy of the author unless otherwise noted.
This is the author’s true story, as she knows it. Some names and identifying details have been changed.
EPub Edition: March 2016 ISBN: 9781443419741
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