Ambrosia

by Aaron Lee Yeager

  “Sweet.”

  The amazon folded her arms. “He’s even stupider than I thought.”

  “But not stupider than I thought,” Acantha said as she happily counted the money.

  The gates opened up on the opposite side and Storgen stepped out onto the arena. At first, Ambera’s followers cheered as loud as they could, trying to win the sonic duel with their rivals, but as he walked out in his frayed muddied tunic, barefoot, hands in his pockets, the cheers began to die down. By the time he reached the center, only the most drunken of Ambera’s followers were still cheering, their voices an embarrassing minority amid a sea of whispered confusion.

  “Human?!” Shield roared with laughter. “You challenge goddess of war with a pathetic human? Where is amazon?”

  Storgen shrugged. “You can always surrender if you don’t think you can beat me.”

  “Human is not worthy of my time. Is insult to pride!”

  “Nor is brushing your teeth, it would seem.”

  Shield snorted loudly. “You try to mock me?”

  “Not at all. I, for one, enjoy the scent of a dumpster fire. It’s a less-appreciated perfume, and you wear it proudly.”

  “Who are you?” the announcer asked, checking around to make sure this was really happening.

  “Name’s Storgen,” he answered, giving a friendly wave.

  “No, not your name, your title. What weapon do you wield?”

  The question caught him a little off guard. “Well, she didn’t give me one.”

  The announcer went pale. “What? Then what am I supposed to call you?”

  Storgen held up his fist. “All I have is this.”

  “Well, I can’t just call you Ambera’s Fist, she didn’t give that to you.”

  “Why not just call me Storgen?”

  “Because that’s not how it works.”

  The atmosphere in the colosseum was quickly souring. The followers of Nisi began to boo and jeer, outraged that Ambera would waste their time on such a mockery of justice. Ambera’s followers were no less displeased, but most were smart enough not to voice it. They sat back in disgusted silence, finding the whole affair to be in utterly bad taste. A few let the alcohol get the better of them and joined in on the jeering, only to find that their teeth fell out and clattered to the ground. All over the stands, handfuls of people began to gather their things and make for the exits.

  Ambera herself played aloof, screwing the cap back on her flask after cursing those that dared boo. Her face showed no outward sign of what she was thinking. As her priestesses fretted, she took out a piece of gum and began chewing, pausing to pluck a feather from her hem and light it on fire.

  Nisi looked on suspiciously.

  Acantha was mortified, covering her face in shame at the display.

  “I never thought I’d see the day when my goddess would be heckled in her own lands.”

  The announcer tried to regain his composure, straightening himself as much as his crooked stoop would allow.

  “Uh, well…Ladies, gentlemen, and others…the Champion of Ambera!”

  The applause was weak and scattered, the disapproval of tens of thousands of eyes was absolutely stifling. They radiated down on Storgen from all sides.

  Storgen pumped his fist into the air excitedly. “Yeah! Thank you! Thank you everyone! You’re a wonderful crowd. Glad to be here. Whooo!”

  People in the crowd frowned and looked at one another in disgust.

  The announcer raised his staff, trying to get back on script. “Prove your worth.”

  Shield reached around his neck and held out his golden talisman. “This human child is how old? I have lice older than him.”

  Storgen laughed. “You’ve got lice?”

  Shield narrowed his bovine eyes. “My kind live for thousand years. Humans like ants. I don’t even know why you bother to give names to each other, your lives so short.”

  “We need names, how else would we pass the salt?”

  “I offer you fair choice. You forfeit and hand over locks of hair while alive, or I carve them off scalp of corpse. It is the same to me either way, but make much difference to you I suspect.”

  “This is a very hostile work environment.”

  “Ahem.”

  The two champions turned to the announcer, who was beginning to sweat.

  “Um, mister champion, you haven’t shown me your talisman yet.”

  “Hmm? Oh, that. I don’t have one, but she can vouch for me.”

  Storgen pointed his thumb back at Ambera.

  Now the announcer began sweating profusely. “Oh my, oh my, this is most irregular.”

  Acantha leaned in towards her goddess. “You didn’t even give him a champion talisman?”

  “Why? He’ll be dead in a few moments, you think I’m going to waste one drop of ambrosia on him?”

  The two champions faced each other, then turned around.

  “This going to be over in matter of seconds,” Shield boasted.

  “I’m flattered you think I’ll beat you that quickly.”

  The two moved towards their gods, Shield keeping time as he marched, Storgen strolling with his hands linked behind his head. The crowd rumbled with hushed gossip and venomous whispers, like a million vipers hissing in displeasure.

  Shield knelt before Nisi. “I pledge service to goddess, till death or dismissal.”

  Nisi took out her flask and placed a drop of ambrosia on the tip of his tongue. His body rippled with a wave of pure silver. She went to put the flask away, but then thought better of it, and gave him a second drop.

  “Ambera is up to something,” she whispered. “I give you twenty minutes instead of ten. Do not let the human leave the arena alive.”

  “It will be pleasure.”

  Storgen walked up to Ambera and smacked his lips. “You know, I’m actually looking forward to this part. I’ve always wondered what ambrosia tastes like.”

  As he held out his tongue, the goddess began pawing at her pockets. “Oh, my apologies, human. I seem to have forgotten my flask.”

  Storgen raised an eyebrow. “You are going to uphold our agreement, aren’t you?”

  The glowing contract appeared in Ambera’s hand. “After all the time you spent hashing out every little detail, you’re going to ask me that?”

  “Did you just answer my question with a question?”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Should it?

  “Have I ever given you reason not to trust me?”

  “Are you asking me to trust you or to strike a bargain with you?”

  “Are you saying there’s a difference?”

  “How long are we going to keep talking like this?”

  “How long can you?”

  “Do you want me to walk away?”

  “And miss your only chance to find your true love? I doubt it.”

  Storgen dropped down and pointed a finger. “Ha! That wasn’t a question. I win!”

  “The first part was.”

  “But the second part wasn’t.”

  Ambera plucked out another feather and set it alight.

  Acantha had heard enough. “Mister Storgen, you do NOT point a finger at your goddess.”

  “Should I point a toe instead?”

  The announcer flew over in a panic. “Um, I hate to interrupt, but once the ambrosia is administered, the duel must begin.”

  Storgen put out his hands, “Well?”

  Ambera sighed. “The contract we signed is magically binding, I wouldn’t break it even if I wanted to. Now, go on, you’ll be fine. I have great faith in your abilities.”

  “Okay, then.”

  Storgen turned around and walked back to the center of the field.

  “I swear, he’s as stubborn in this life as he was in the last,” Ambera grumbled to herself.

  Acantha looked over the contract worriedly. “You really signed this? It’s pretty ironclad.

  “Relax. A deal is not a deal if one of the parties is d
ead, you know that.”

  “Still…”

  Ambera looked down at the tattered state of her dress. “I’m going to go change.”

  “You’re not going to watch?”

  “Why would I? Call me when it’s over, I’ll enter dramatically and tell Nisi the good news.”

  “But…”

  Ambera ignored her and flew off.

  By now, the audience was becoming livid. Unwilling to express their displeasure at the goddesses, they turned their vitriol onto Storgen for the delays. Curses of all sorts and in a dozen tongues were levied at him from the stands, many of them quite imaginative and involving acts that would be physically impossible even for a contortionist, yet evoked powerful images nonetheless.

  But Storgen only calmly knelt down, running his fingers across the dirt, as if intentionally drawing out the moment.

  When Ambera disappeared into her chambers, the crowd took it as a carte blanche to continue, and then they really tore into Storgen. Bottles and rotten fruit were thrown out onto the pitch.

  Storgen strolled through it, as if he were alone taking a walk in the park, fruit and trash pelting him from all directions.

  I don’t care, he thought to himself.

  A tomato hit him in the back.

  I don’t care if they hate me.

  A rotten orange struck him on the shoulder.

  The whole world can hate me, I can take it.

  A can of peaches hit him so hard in the back it made him grunt.

  Because I don’t need their love.

  A bottle shattered when it hit him in the head, causing him to stumble.

  I don’t need anything else.

  He stood back up, blood running down the side of his face.

  All I need, is her.

  He shook the glass out of his hair and continued walking.

  I’m going to find her.

  The poor announcer looked like he was about to pop. “He doesn’t have a name, he doesn’t have a talisman, she didn’t give him ambrosia. This is a total clustermunch…what would the guild say? I could lose my certification.”

  He threw the lever, and the field blossomed, folding back in on itself as a large section was pumped full of seawater. Shield, Storgen, and the announcer now stood on a sandy beach, the ocean waves lapping at their feet.

  “Humans are like starving wolves,” Shield mused, looking at the stains on Storgen’s tunic. “Little disagreement and you eat each other.”

  Storgen flicked a piece of cabbage from his collar. “You misunderstand. I was hungry, and they were kindly sharing their salad with me.”

  “Can we please begin now? I wish to plant spear in soft little human head.”

  Shield donned his helmet and readied his weapons. He was armored from horn to hoof, his great round hoplon shield as tall as his opponent. He flicked a sigil and the head of his spear became barbed and began to oscillate with whirring teeth.

  Storgen raised his fists.

  The entire colosseum grew silent as the announcer raised his hand. You could have heard a pin drop.

  The Book of Binding began to flash in alarm, and the announcer nearly jumped out of his skin.

  “Wait.”

  Shield took off his helmet and threw it on the ground. “Oh, what NOW?!”

  The announcer fell to his knees. “In all the fuss, I forgot to finish the contract.”

  Nisi blinked, “that’s right, we attached our seals, but we never entered my wager.”

  “And now Ambera’s not here. Oh, what a complete fiasco.”

  A fresh round of jeers and boos erupted from both sides in the stands, along with a wave of rotten produce aimed at Storgen.

  “Does human female know what goddess wished to wager?” Nisi asked.

  High-Priestess Acantha shot up, nervous to be addressed by another god. “I, uh…she never actually said.”

  “My career is over,” the announcer sobbed. “I’m going to have to go back to working in my father-in-law’s tannery.”

  Storgen patted him on the shoulder. “It’s all right, buddy.”

  “No, it’s not. Do you know what a tannery smells like?!”

  “I refuse to wait any longer,” Nisi huffed. “Let her champion decide.”

  “Me?”

  “You are her proxy, you speak for her in all things.”

  “Seriously? Wow.”

  Storgen through for a second. “Okay, in return you wager the entire island of Kólasi and everything on it.”

  Nisi’s followers were shocked to hear it.

  “That is the central hub of my empire,” Nisi explained. “The Eternal Gate is housed there.”

  “Well, since Ambera is wagering three quarters of her empire, you have to expect an equivalent exchange on your part, right?”

  Nisi regarded him oddly. “Who are you?”

  “Just a humble painter, ma’am.”

  Nisi sat back on her throne and calculated. “I stand to gain far more than I stand to lose.”

  “Is it wise to risk so much?” one of her generals asked.

  “Fortune favors the bold. There can be no victory without risk.”

  She turned to Storgen. “I accept your terms.”

  The page from the golden book detached itself, spun into two identical copies, one flying into Nisi’s grip, the other landing in Acantha’s hands. The air grew thick with power as each party was bound to their word.

  Shield picked up his helmet. “Now at long last, can we…?”

  His head snapped back as Storgen punched him in the snout. Instinctively he swung his spear, but Storgen easily backed out of range, then charged again, slamming his fist into Shield’s bull-like face so hard that he stumbled back, his hooves digging deeply into sand to catch himself.

  The crowd roared in outrage.

  Shield managed to bring his hoplon into line, a wave of invisible energy throwing back Storgen and a large mass of sand back to the water’s edge.

  Shield spat the blood away and put his helmet back on. “That was dishonorable attack, human.”

  “You’re the one bleeding.”

  The announcer covered his face in shame. “Well, it won’t mean anything now, but…begin.”

  Shield released the full power of his hoplon, digging a deep channel in the sand as the wave bolted across the seashore.

  Storgen leapt to one side, sand scouring his face and arms as the blow sailed past him.

  Shield was on him in an instant, unthinkably fast for a beast his size. He thrust his spear, the whirring teeth biting through the air, he rammed with his horns, he bashed with his shield, but each time, Storgen slipped around his attacks, dodging and weaving with cool precision as Shield slowly drove him back deeper and deeper into the water.

  “He’s had it now,” Acantha observed as they watched from the stands. “He can’t even get close to Shield, much less land a punch. Even if he did, it wouldn’t hurt him. It’s just a matter of time.”

  Erolina watched carefully. “He’s drawing Shield out into the deeper water, but why?”

  Shield kept him at a distance, presenting nothing to his opponent but a wall of hoplos, armor, barbed horns, and spear, all the while taunting in his deep bovine voice.

  “Human is weak, human is small, human is frail!”

  Storgen weaved again and again, the deadly whirring head passing inches from his chest and face. Now the water was up to his waist, and when he took a step back, he nearly lost his footing as the sea shelf dropped down deeply behind him.

  Shield bellowed with animalistic laughter. “Nowhere left to run, pathetic little human.”

  He pulled his weapon back for a deathblow. “You never had chance. My armor protects every part of body.”

  “Every part, eh?”

  Storgen flicked out his hand, throwing a fistful of sand into Shield’s eyes. The beast screamed as he thrust forward. Storgen rolled between his legs, the spear catching the edge of his tunic and tearing it to ribbons, revealing his muscular back cov
ered with scars.

  Pawing at his eyes, Shield swung blindly, his weapons slashing wildly through the water as he struggled to find his foe.

  Erolina covered her face in disappointment. “He is such a dirty fighter. It’s disgraceful.”

  As the crowd shouted in anger, Storgen scrambled up the minotaur’s back. Reaching forward, he laid hold of the bronze ring in his nose and yanked back with all his strength. Shield gave out a shrill yelp as his head was forced back, exposing his throat. Storgen wrapped his muscular arm around the beast’s throat and squeezed with all his might.

  Shield thrashed around, trying to buck the human off his back, but Storgen wrapped his legs around his waist, clinging to him like a backpack as the minotaur swung his spear and shield, trying desperately to make a connection. He coughed and hacked, his movements beginning to slow.

  The audience could not believe what they were seeing. Their cries of outrage dwindling down into stunned silence.

  “You refuse to face me like warrior? Humans is garbage!” Shield wheezed as he thrashed. “Where is human’s honor?”

  The ring tore free and Shield bit down with his yellow teeth into Storgen’s forearm. Storgen screamed in pain, grabbing his own wrist to prevent himself from letting go. Blood poured from his wound as the minotaur bit down even harder. Storgen responded by squeezing ever harder, crushing down on the beast’s windpipe and forcing him to rasp and gag.

  Shield’s bloodshot eyes began to roll back, his jaw began to slacken. Howling with rage, he planted his spear into the sand and leapt high into the air. For a moment, the two hung amid a display of slowly spinning water droplets, then they came speeding back down, Shield rolling so that he would land atop the spear.

  Storgen kicked himself free, barely avoiding being impaled as the two splashed back down into the water. It cracked like thunder when Shield’s armor connected with the spear head. Magical forces squealing and resisting one another, until one finally gave way. The magical spear snapped in half, celestial energy erupting high into the air in jets of swirling mauve and cobalt. The followers of Ambera oohed to see it, the followers of Nisi lamented and wept at the death of such an ancient weapon.

  Shield rolled over and fumbled around for his hoplon, but Storgen got to it first. It was so heavy Storgen had to spin it like a hammer throw, flinging it out into the deep waters beyond. The audience gasped as they watched it disappear beneath the waters.