Ambrosia

by Aaron Lee Yeager

  “I knew this was a mistake,” Reinala complained, her green hair wrapping around her like a great cape of leaves and vines. “I shouldn’t have to be in the same room as this cheating clodflapper.”

  “That is still not a word,” Sirend hollered, the blue of his skin crashing like the tide.

  She waggled her head. “It is now, actually, I had my scribes add it to the dictionary.”

  “Words have legal definitions and established meanings for use in court proceedings. You can’t just make new words up.”

  “I can do anything I want, I’m the godmother of the whole earth, you unfaithful clotpole!”

  “For the last time, I never cheated on you! I should sue you for slander”

  Reinala looked at him, disgusted. “Even after half a millennia, you still maintain your lies!”

  “It’s not a lie! I was always loyal to you!”

  “I caught you in our bedchamber with my sister!”

  Both sides erupted into a volley of swearing that would have made a sailor blush.

  Ouranos rubbed the bridge of his long, aquiline nose. “I can’t even hear myself think.”

  Nisi, goddess of war, ignored it all, sitting in her throne in shock. “I can’t believe Storgen is Tharros.” She looked up, her eyes quavering. “You were going to have me kill my own son!”

  Ambera grinned in satisfaction as she knelt in her bonds, the pair of cyclops holding her chains fast. “I thought you no longer acknowledged him as your son.”

  Nisi looked away in frustration, unwilling to respond.

  Reinala pointed a hateful finger at her sister. “You don’t have any right to complain, you filthy homewrecking homewrecker who wrecks homes homewreckingly.”

  Nisi stood up, grabbing the hilt of her gladius. “I already told you, I never slept with Sirend. I can’t stand to even look at him!”

  “Exactly!” Sirend added. “…wait, what did you say?”

  “This bickering is pointless,” Jabez, Godfather of Justice, announced, his cold grey eyes looking out at them all. “This is a complete disaster. Estia and Tharros were never to meet as mortals, both sides agreed to this.”

  Vincenza, Godmother of Virtue, nodded in agreement. “They were supposed to have been born hundreds of years apart. Who screwed this up?”

  “They WERE born hundreds of years apart, but Tharros was purchased by the Alchemy Tower as a child.”

  “So what?”

  “Well, apparently they were experimenting on his blood, so they’d keep him frozen for decades at a time. Even though physically he’s still in his twenties, chronologically he’s over four hundred years old at this point.”

  Sirend looked around in awe. “Nobody was keeping track of him?”

  “Aeneas’ office was responsible for that!”

  All eyes turned to the God of Wisdom, who shrank back in his throne. “It would appear that there was a clerical error. When Tharros was frozen, the observers assumed he wouldn’t survive, so they entered him as being deceased in the records. When budget cuts occurred, his observers were reassigned by mid-management since the cost of monitoring a dead man couldn’t be justified.”

  The gods collectively groaned. Krasi, God of Wine, took the opportunity to uncork a fresh bottle handed to him by his attendant.

  Jabez folded his arms. “Don’t worry, I have already cursed the entire department responsible with moútro.”

  “You can’t curse my staff,” Aeneas argued. “They’re my property!”

  “Besides, what good will that do now?” Desmas, Goddess of the Forest argued.

  Jabez closed his eyes coolly. “My judgments are final.”

  “That’s a declaration of war, is what that is!”

  Sirend pounded his fist onto the arm of his throne. “Stop it! You have all made a celestial decree look feckless and impotent.”

  “No, just you,” Reinala shot back. “Your people made a mockery of this, not mine.”

  “Oh, stop it. Your people had no idea that the siren was Estia reborn.”

  “How could we?” Jabez snapped. “We only knew the date of her birth. Do you know how many tens of thousands of mortals are born every day?”

  Aeneas threw up his arms. “My office forwarded you the plans centuries ago.”

  “You forwarded everything to our abandoned office in the Nikrí valley. We found the package buried beneath four centuries of dust.”

  “Well maybe you should check your properties more than once a millennium.”

  Lichas stood up and let out a puff of cigar smoke. “This is getting us nowhere. Whatever the reason, whoever is at fault, Tharros and Estia have been reunited.”

  Ferranus, God of the Forge, waved his molten hand. “Who cares? They’re mortals now. That was the true punishment. Keeping them apart was just spiteful fun.”

  Vincenza concurred. “Even if they are together for a time, death will eventually separate them.”

  Krasi slapped his massive belly and laughed as his attendant helped him remain upright. “It might be more cruel to let them stay together, only to be separated.”

  Desmas and Nisi looked at one another in concern.

  Sirend clapped his hands like thunder. “No. They betrayed a celestial decree. They must be punished in full.”

  Ouranos tapped the gavel, and this time managed to draw their attention. “The issue we are supposed to be discussing is the ailuros. Certainly they can’t just up and leave their posts and join Mónos, can they?”

  The Godmother of Private Introspection and Animal Companionship hid behind Lichas at the mention of her name.

  Aeneas rubbed his glowing temple. “I’m afraid they can. I’ve been looking over their original contract, and there is indeed a clause that their servitude is to be renewed every four centuries.”

  Lichas took a satisfied puff on his cigar. “That was the responsibility of your office, Sirend.”

  Sirend balled his fists. “If I am to lose the ailuros I’ll at least have my pound of flesh for the one who made it possible for Tharros and Estia to reunite.”

  “You mean Ambera?”

  Ambera withered as every god in the hall turned to her.

  Sirend stretched out his hand. “I want her stripped of all authority immediately. Don’t even let her pack, we’ll mail her things to her later. I want her cleaning outhouses in the frozen wastes within the hour.”

  The two cyclops nodded. “It will be done.”

  As Ambera was led away in disgrace, Krasi held up his goblet and cheered in salute, falling back drunkenly onto his plump haunches as his attendant cradled his head.

  Ouranos sniffed as he made the notes in his records. “And who is to fill her post?”

  “It should be Nisi,” came a drunken slur.

  All eyes turned to Krasi as his attendant helped him to his swollen feet, whispering something soothing into his ear. Krasi rubbed his chubby face. “I nominate her. Nisi was the one most hurt by Ambera’s mash…machinati…the stuff she did.”

  Reinala rolled her eyes. “We were all hurt by Ambera’s disgraceful behavior, not just the wench.”

  “But none more so than she,” Krasi added, before passing out.

  Sirend touched his chin and considered the possibility. “Nisi has always acted honorably. Counteracting Ambera’s dishonor with honor would balance the scales.”

  “Oh, please!” Reinala scoffed. “You’re just using this opportunity to shift even more power to your paramour.”

  Sirend help up his hand. “You have no legal standing to give me counsel in the running of my own pantheon. Go and fret over your rocks while you still have them.”

  “Is that a threat?!”

  “Perhaps it’s a prophecy!”

  While the two squabbled, Nisi looked around the hall, her trained eyes watching as Krasi’s attendant ran over to fetch a warm towel from the waiting cart where other slaves stood by. Very quickly, so quickly that even the war goddess nearly missed it, the attendant slipped a note to a slave o
f Ferranus, who passed it onto his master.

  Nisi’s eyes narrowed as she watched Ferranus carefully read the note, then burn it between his fingers to destroy the evidence.

  “I second the nomination,” Ferranus said, standing at his throne.

  Sirend and Reinala turned in surprise. “You?”

  He took a deep breath. “It is true that Nisi and I have clashed many times in the past,” Ferranus continued, “but she has always been an honorable opponent. I know combining the positions of War and Fertility is an enormous concentration of power, but I know we can trust her with it.”

  Nisi looked around for a particular face. She finally found it as Reinala stooped over and listened to Lord Krýo Fidi as he whispered something into his ear.

  The godmother nodded and sat forward confidently. “Sirend, you are correct that I have no legal standing in your pantheon, however, as an elder god I do have the right to make my voice heard. You must know that I will never approve of this nomination.”

  Sirend smiled. “Well, then, that settles it.”

  “Thank you,” it is nice to see that even you have retained a small residue of…”

  “Nisi will fill both her current post as well as Ambera’s,” Sirend announced, his voice ringing through the hall.”

  Reinala’s mouth fell open. “Ahh! You did that just to spite me.”

  “Well, not only to spite you. Let the records show that the godmother’s objections were noted…and summarily disregarded.”

  The demi-god stenographers scrambled to write down every word.

  Reinala scowled at Sirend, the arms of her throne cracking in her grip.

  Sirend smirked in return. “I was somewhat against the idea, to be honest, but knowing it would upset you tipped the scales.”

  Lord Krýo stood obediently behind Reinala’s fracturing throne, but for a moment he allowed his eyes to flick over and meet with Nisi’s. He gave her a little knowing nod.

  Nisi stood before Sirend and bent down on one knee, drawing her blade and holding it before her in covenant. “Sirend, Lord of Waters, I will fulfill all my oaths…”

  With her head bent, her eyes flicked over to Lord Krýo. “…and my promises.”

  * * *

  Kaia threw back her head and laughed, the sweet sound echoing off the dank walls of the dungeon. “Okay, so slow down, why did the merchant’s guild send a bounty hunter after you?”

  Storgen leaned back against the wall of his cell. “I’m getting to that. So when I came to, I look up, and I see this guy running off with my money pouch. So I yell, right? And this guy just about wets himself he’s so scared, but he doesn’t stop.”

  “So you chased him?”

  “I totally chased him. I was mad, I was hungry, I was still dazed from the blow, so I really take off after this guy, like I’m sprinting faster than I ever have in my life. When I reach the guy, he’s stumbling and whimpering like he’s gonna die. I try to grab him, but he trips and I end up tackling him to the ground.”

  Kaia sat forward, enthralled. “So, then what?”

  “So, I grab the money pouch back, and he takes off, screaming bloody murder. And I’m walking back under the bridge, and my head is pounding, and the rain is beating down, and I’m bleeding, and something feels wrong. I open the pouch, and there is too much money in it, like waaaaay too much money.”

  She covered her face. “No!”

  “Yes. So I look back under the bridge, and where I had been clobbered, there was my money pouch just lying there in the mud.”

  “No way.”

  “Yes way. I had accidentally mugged some innocent traveler who had jumped down there to check on me.”

  She clapped her hands. “Oh, that is so funny.”

  “It’s not all that funny,” he said, feigning offense.

  She laughed even louder, and he cracked a smile. “Okay, it’s pretty funny.”

  “That’s hilarious.” Kaia wiped a tear from her face, her long pointed ears wiggling happily. “Okay, so when we were kids, sis was totally into visiting every waterfall on the map. Like, I can understand seeing the big and exciting ones, but she wanted to see the dumb little dribbly ones, too. Like, every waterfall in the province. If our caravan was visiting a place, she’d drag us to whatever little waterfall was there. She was completely obsessed. She even had a little map where she would pin every waterfall she had visited. She said she was going to see them all. I didn’t get it, it was like she was looking for something. Well, anyway, you’ve heard of the big Levánta Waterfall?”

  “Yeah, that’s supposed to be one the seven wonders of the world, right?”

  “I mean, I guess. Anyway, she was desperate to see it, but it’s a big expensive tourist town, and it’s ridiculously pricy, and so mom said no. They had a big fight about it and everything. You should have seen it, when sirens scream at each other, believe me, it’s a big deal. Half the hillside was blown away, like, literally blown away. So, the next morning, sis is just gone, I mean like, vanished into thin air. We had half the province looking for her.”

  Storgen looked concerned. “So, where was she?”

  “Luckily, dad knew a really good tracking spell, but it still took him like a week to catch up with her. Can you believe it? She had tried hitchhiking all the way to Levánta.”

  “That’s super dangerous.”

  “It is. I don’t know what happened, but I guess she got picked up by some pretty sketchy people…”

  Kaia grew quiet, her eyes distant. “She changed after that. She never went looking for waterfalls again. Now she only collects them.”

  The heavy metal door swung open and Agaprei descended the stairs.

  “Kaia, what are you doing down here?”

  “Oh, just hanging out.”

  “This is a prison, not a dorm commons.”

  Storgen stood up and ran to the bars. “Agaprei, I’m so happy to see you again.”

  She scoffed in offense. “You told him my name?”

  “I told him mine, too.”

  “Well stop it.”

  “Why? He’s got funny stories.”

  “You’re fraternizing with the enemy.”

  “What’s he gonna do? He’s all locked up.”

  “Not for much longer. We’ve come to have him shipped off to the álas mines in the Pipéri Mountains.

  Kaia frowned. “The salt mines?”

  “We are citizens of Agadis. That is what we do with our prisoners of war.”

  “And you’re coming with me, right?” Storgen asked hopefully.

  “Of course not!”

  Paliágáta and a pair of ailuros descended the stairs, carrying a covered tray. “It pleases me to see you like this, human.”

  “Nice to see you again,too, cat man.”

  Paliágáta swished his tail in irritation and uncovered the tray. “This are the weapons he wielded in the duel. Our spell augers cannot seem to figure them out.”

  Storgen noticed the brass knuckles. “Hey, guys, those are dangerous, you really shouldn’t touch them.”

  The ailuros ignored him. “They can’t find any spells on them, but they’re a champion’s weapon, so that must mean the magic is exceptionally subtle.”

  Agaprei sniffed the air suspiciously. “What is that smell?”

  Storgen put his arm through the bars. “No, I’m serious…”

  “Shut up! I’m thinking that if we take them down to the oracle maybe she can unlock their secret.”

  Agaprei bent down to admire the fine craftsmanship. Curiously, she reached out for the sharp tips at the end of each crest. “It’s almost like a cat’s claw…”

  “Stop!”

  Storgen tackled Agaprei away from the tray, the two of them clattering to the floor.

  “What the crap?”

  The ailuros jumped back in surprise, finding his cell door swung wide open.

  Agaprei rolled to a stop with Storgen atop her.

  “Don’t touch them,” he exclaimed. “They’re lace
d with apple extract.”

  Agaprei kneed him in the groin and rolled him off of her. The ailuros held out their staffs and assaulted Storgen with waves of sonic energy. Storgen writhed on the floor in pain, holding his head in agony.

  “So, that was your plan,” Agaprei accused, rising to her feet. A lethal poison that wouldn’t register as a poison. I’d expect as much from alchemist filth from Erotan.”

  “It wasn’t my idea,” Storgen groaned, the magic slamming him back against the wall.

  “But you went along with it.”

  “I didn’t know it would be you,” he groaned, blood trickling out his nose.

  “But you planned on killing some siren that day, right? So, that’s supposed to make it better?”

  The ailuros increased the violence of their attack, and Storgen cried out in pain, his toga shredding away as blood trickled out of his ears.

  “Human scum!” Paliágáta spat.

  “Wait, stop,” Kaia cried out. “STOP!”

  The ailuros relented, leaving Storgen bleeding and bruised on the floor.

  Kaia pointed at the open cell door. “You could have gotten out at any time?”

  Storgen tried to focus, his head pounding as if it meant to crack. “Well, yeah. It’s just your basic bow shaped spring lock, I can pick one of these with my eyes shut.”

  Agaprei put her hands on her hips. “What’s the point, Kaia?”

  She held up her hand to silence her sister. “So, why didn’t you do so earlier?”

  Storgen fought to breathe. “Why would I want to leave? I’ve been trying to get here my whole life.”

  Kaia knelt down and helped him sit up. When he moved into the light, Agaprei could see the scars covering his body.

  “What the…?”

  She adjusted her spectacles and moved closer curiously. “I’ve never seen so many scars.”

  She knelt next to him, examining him with her beautiful amber-colored eyes.

  Her hands moved closer but she hesitated.

  “May I?”

  “Of course.”

  Carefully she took his hand and examined it. “Fractured medial phalanx…it looks like your thumb has been dislocated many times.”

  “Yeah, it got stepped on by a horse when I was a kid, now I can just pop it out whenever I need to.”