“I came back once. I was eighteen and had just graduated from high school and I was headed back out to Michigan with my parents. My brother and I had been writing letters back and forth, and I just felt kind of nostalgic about it. Like I had to do it again just to prove that I was still brave without him. But now I get to do it with him again.” Reid opened the trunk of his car and rummaged through a bag. There was a white porcelain urn in it and I watched as he gently scooped out some of the ashes into a small bag. It was a surreal thing to watch - it seemed so odd in a way, certainly not something I’d ever seen before. But it also seemed so personal and important.
“Do you want help? Do you want me to go with you?” I asked genuinely. I honestly had no interest in jumping off a bridge, that was for sure. But I felt like he needed someone in that moment, though I wasn’t sure what comfort I could even give him in this situation.
“Nah, you can just watch from the launch spot,” he said with a nervous grin. “You already agreed to come along with me on this crazy ride. I don’t expect you to completely lose your sanity just because my brother wanted me to relive one of the more irrational things I’ve ever done.”
I nodded and we made our way out onto the walking path portion of the bridge towards the middle point where there was a small metal platform. Reid put his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze, and it felt electric and warm. It was such a small, innocent gesture, but it made me feel so close to him in that moment.
Reid shook hands with the bungee instructor who was already waiting for us on the platform with all of the equipment ready to go. They had spoken over email several times and he knew Reid was coming.
“Are you ready for this?” the dark haired stranger asked as he checked the harness on Reid.
Reid smiled and shrugged, still looking nervous and unsure. “I don’t think I feel any less nervous than the first time I did this,” he answered honestly. He got in position at the edge of the platform and looked up at the sky. He closed his eyes and I saw a small, single tear roll down his cheek. He stood there like that for at least a minute, clutching the bag of ashes in his hands. I wondered what was going through his mind in that moment. I wondered what I could possibly say to him. His face looked sad even with his eyes closed, and it pained me to imagine how much his heart hurt in that moment.
Reid quietly kissed two of his fingers and held them up in the air, and then in one smooth motion he dove off the platform. I held my breath, looking down towards the river flowing slowly beneath us. It simply looked like water to me, but I imagine its appearance was far different for Reid. I could see his arms extend as he touched the top of the water and he let out a loud howl as he sprang back up forty feet. He bounced down again and he laughed, sounding joyful and happy in that moment.
“Can I go?” I asked suddenly, surprising myself. My mouth seemed to be working faster than my brain.
“You have to sign one of those waivers, but sure,” the instructor said with an amused smirk on his face. “Does your boyfriend know you’re jumping?” The guy radioed down to another set of men in a yellow raft below. They made their way over to the middle of the river underneath the bungee line and the instructor lowered Reid down until the men were able to detach all of the gear from him.
“Well he’s not really my boyfriend,” I replied, stumbling over my words. “I mean we had this thing last night, and then all this stuff happened with his brother,” I stammered, realizing that didn’t sound so good.
“I don’t need the details, sweetheart,” he said sympathetically. “Keep the raft out,” he said into the radio. “I’ve got one more. Keep him in the boat.” The instructor began raising up the bungee line.
I suddenly felt the urge to vomit.
The instructor suited me up and I tried to think of anything else to take my mind off of whatever I had just agreed to do. Funnel Cakes. Yes, I loved funnel cakes. When was the last time I had one of those? I needed to get to a fair this summer. Dogs. Barking dogs. Did I even miss my dog walking gig? I loved those pups, but it was always rowdy trying to walk four dogs at once. Books. Oh how I wished I was sitting on a beach reading some…
“Ma’am, are you ready?” the instructor said waiving a hand in front of my face, breaking my concentration.
“Uh, yeah. Probably. I guess. Are people ever actually ready for this? I mean, it really seems somewhat impulsive. Like something that people don’t really think about a lot. Although you probably get people who have thought about this for a long time, like it’s all they’ve ever wanted to do…” I couldn’t shut up. My nerves were taking over.
I looked down below. Reid was still in the yellow raft, gesturing up towards me. “Cassidy, what are you doing?” he shouted excitedly, raising his arms up in the air. I smiled, wanting so badly just to dive head first off the ledge, but my body was frozen. I couldn’t move.
“You don’t have to do this,” the instructor said sympathetically. “You’re a pretty girl, he’ll love you anyway.”
“What?” I shot back defensively. “I don’t want him to like me because I’m pretty. What does that have to do with it? Just because a girl is pretty that means she doesn’t have to be anything else? Like smart? Or opinionated? Or brave? That was a horrible thing to say.” Apparently that was all it took to make me jump off a bridge.
I bent my body forward and dove into the openness that surrounded me. The pit in my stomach intensified, but I squealed as soon as my arms plunged into the cold river water. It caught me off guard as the bungee cord quickly sprung me back up into the air. I felt like I was suffocating in a way because I wasn’t breathing, but once I was finally on my way back down, I started laughing uncontrollably.
“What just happened?” Reid shouted towards me as the raft made its way to the center of the river. “Are you crazy?”
The cord finally slowed and I wasn’t bouncing around anymore, it was more of a smooth sway.
“Why on earth did you jump?” Reid asked with a huge smile on his face.
“The guy told me I was pretty,” I said with a slight giggle. “It pissed me off so I jumped.”
“I have no idea how that makes a girl jump off a bridge,” he answered back, moving out of the way so the other two men could un-strap me from the harness.
Once I was released, I slid down onto the side of the raft, looking back up at the bridge. Did I just jump off a bridge for a guy?
The raft made its way over to the shoreline and Reid helped me get out. We thanked the two guys still in the boat and made our way over to a steep path that led up the hillside back up to the top of the bridge.
“I didn’t even have a camera out, how is anyone going to ever believe that you did that?” he said excitably. “Wasn’t that amazing?”
“Yeah, although my stomach feels queasy and my hands are still shaking,” I replied, unsure as to why I felt completely outside of my own body.
“That’s just your adrenaline. You just jumped off a huge bridge. I don’t think your nerves are used to that,” he said with a smile.
He grabbed my hand and we made our way back up to the top. It was more grueling of a hike than I expected, but apparently my adrenaline was still pumping and I didn’t feel all that winded.
“I am buying you some tacos, Cassidy Jones,” he said with a huge smile as we made our way back to his car.
“Tacos? That’s the victory dinner?” I asked with a smirk.
“You’ve never had these tacos,” he touted back. “You would jump off a bridge all over again for these.” He squeezed my hand and we climbed in his car.
Sure enough nearby the rest stop we were at earlier, there was a small Mexican restaurant with outdoor seating and horrible music.
He shut off the engine and looked over at me.
“So why did you jump?” he asked sincerely. “That really caught me off guard. I didn’t think you’d ever do it.”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just watched you as you stood there and I felt helple
ss. I wanted to feel what you were feeling. But I can’t imagine what you’re feeling of course. So it seemed like the only other way I could experience this with you.” I stared at him and his eyes looked so genuine. I loved the way they looked back at me. It was as if just my being here with him was enough to make anything better for him. I hoped that was at least a little bit true. He certainly made the world feel better to me, even if this would only end up being a small sliver in time.
“What was that about the instructor calling you pretty?” he asked with a smirk. “That seems like an odd comment to make a girl jump off a bridge.”
“It just hit me wrong I think,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed. “He told me I didn’t have to jump because I was pretty enough for you to love me anyway.”
“He definitely got that wrong,” Reid said with a sly grin.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Only ugly girls jump off bridges?” I said with a giggle.
“That’s not what I meant at all,” he said laughing. “I just think you’re a whole lot more than ‘pretty.’ That’s not what I would love about you,” Reid said quietly.
I stared back at him, wishing I could read his mind.
“Everyone thinks guys are just out for something beautiful. I mean maybe that’s true for a lot of guys, I don’t know. But I’m just saying you are a hell of a lot more than something beautiful.”
He leaned over and slowly kissed me. His lips felt warm on mine and I wanted so badly to feel more of them. I wanted to be wrapped up in him like I was just last night. It felt like a week had passed even though it had only been fifteen hours or so since the night we spent wrapped up in each other.
People walked around our parked car as they made their way into the restaurant, reminding us we weren’t alone. That was one thing I would have to remember about being in a convertible - there wasn’t exactly a lot of privacy. We both smiled as we looked back at one another.
“Do you want to eat here? Otherwise we can take it with us and we can watch the rest of the sunset from the rest stop,” he suggested.
“That sounds better, let’s take it with us.”
We went inside and Reid ordered us some chicken and beef tacos and we drove a short two minutes back to the rest stop we occupied earlier. He parked the vehicle and laid blankets down on the back of the car again for a place to sit.
Magnificent orange and purple streaks blazed across the sky as the sun tucked itself below the ridges of the mountains. We ate our dinner and had wonderful conversation, getting to know more about one another. I asked him about the dog reference in Preston’s letter.
“What was its name?” I asked, taking a bite of my chicken taco. It was the perfect blend of spicy and sweet. Reid was right - it was definitely worth jumping off a bridge for.
“Well the dog’s name was supposed to be Steve. He was a Shar-Pei,” Reid explained. “But I was six when we got him, and when my parents were potty training him, he kept going to the bathroom on the kitchen floor. It made my dad crazy, but my mom was so patient with him. She would just say ‘awe, shucks’ and would happily clean it up without ever complaining. So my brother and I started calling the dog Shucker. I don’t know, that just came out one day and it made us laugh so we couldn’t let it go and it stuck.”
“That’s a cute story,” I said endearingly. I loved hearing Reid talk about his family.
“The sad thing is, Shucker died a few months back,” he said with some emotion in his voice. “It’s so weird, you understand that kind of an event so much better when you’re an adult, but it still kind of turns you into a little kid again, you know? I remember just sitting there, crying. It was like I was six all over again. It was one of those moments when I wanted to call Preston so bad. But he was unreachable, wherever he was at. I didn’t want to put it in a letter, so we were just going to wait until we saw him again to tell him. And that never happened.”
The emotion in his voice pulled at me. I put my hand on his leg, unsure of what words to say.
“What about you, any pets?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Nope, never,” I said sadly. “I always begged for one. I swear that was on my Christmas list for like, seven years straight as a kid. But my mom wasn’t into commitment, obviously,” I said lightheartedly. “Probably better for the pet.”
We continued conversing while we ate, talking more about Reid’s brother; their childhood growing up, the crazy things they used to do together, and the emptiness Reid felt when Preston first left for the Marines.
“You’re probably tired of listening to me by now, but I warned you I would tell you everything,” Reid said sweetly. “I hope you’re not still mad that you came along.”
“Honestly I could listen to you for hours,” I admitted. “You’re a good storyteller.” He blushed slightly as I said it. “This is one of the prettiest views I’ve ever seen.” We gazed out into the brown and green hillsides surrounding us from our parked spot at the lookout point. The sun continued to dip below the mountains and a few stars began to appear overhead.
“Can you believe it was less than twenty-four hours ago that you were wearing Louboutins in the rain, staying in some old, low rent motel,” he said teasingly.
“Hey, I kind of liked that motel,” I said with a coy smile. After all, it changed us in a way. I felt a fondness for him I wasn’t used to feeling, but I also felt the uncertainty of what falling for a stranger could do to a girl who was otherwise lost.
“Well now you’re on top of the mountains eating cheap guacamole with a guy who’s gonna change your life.”
“Oh yeah?” I retorted with a slight giggle. “How are you going to do that?”
“I’m still working on my plan,” he replied, leaning in closer to me.
“It’s probably not hard to do,” I said softly.
“You want the truth?”
I nodded my head slowly.
“I honestly have no idea what a guy has to do to deserve a girl like you.” He gently kissed my lips, lingering as he continued to speak. “But I’m going to keep trying until something works.”
I kissed him back and my lips turned upwards into a smile. “You’re not doing such a bad job thus far.”
The sun fully slipped behind the edge of the sky and the stars sparkled like a million little wishes. We sank down into the back seat, Reid’s arm firmly around me. He grabbed a blanket from the floorboard of the back seat and wrapped it around us, and I felt warm. Safe. Cared for.
But mostly, I was terrified I would wake up to find out it had all been just a dream.
CHAPTER 9
I was awakened by a bright ray of morning sun. Reid was breathing softly against my shoulder, still asleep. I studied his face, admiring the perfect amount of stubble along his firm jaw line. The skin around his eyes looked so soft, and his mouth looked like it was turned up into a slight smile.
My skin felt warm under the blanket we still had wrapped around us, especially since Reid’s legs were pressed against mine. We fell asleep in some sort of awkward sitting position, but the back seat wasn’t all that roomy, so our bodies were leaning against each other somewhat intertwined. The crisp morning air felt refreshing on my face though, and I felt very awake and eager for another day with Reid.
I gently untangled myself from the limp arm he rested around my waist and pulled his leg off of mine. He stirred a bit, but repositioned himself and remained sleeping in the back seat. I slid out of the car, stretching my legs as I stood. My body was sore from the awkward posture of our sleeping accommodations.
I slowly walked closer to the edge of the rest stop viewing area, taking in the beautiful mountain scenery. I imagined myself living in a place like this - somewhere remote with a view. I couldn’t imagine myself actually getting to that point in my life though - no matter how many strangers’ cars I climbed in.
I snickered for a moment. I would probably be serving Townie Jerry an omelet right about now if I’d stayed back home in Mountain Ridge. Rei
d was right - or his brother Preston was anyway - saying yes instead of no to one simple question really could drastically change your life. Or at least delay your reality for awhile.
I heard footsteps behind me and then felt two warm arms wrap around my waist. Reid gently kissed the back of my neck and I softly bit my lip.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said softly. “You confuse me, did you know that?”
“How so?” I replied, turning to face him.
“This used to be one of my favorite views. I could stare out towards these mountains for hours. But now I’m not sure it’s the prettiest thing I’ll get to look at all day.” His mouth curved up into a shy smile.
“Wow, that’s quite the pick up line,” I teased. “Or are you trying to get me to jump off another bridge today?”
“That’s not how I meant it,” he replied, looking a little embarrassed. “Besides, you already got in my car. It seems a little late for a pick up line.” He gently kissed my lips.
“Where to next, Romeo?” I asked softly. I still wasn’t totally sure of our route or where the next stop was.
“Nebraska,” he said grabbing my hand, leading me back towards the car. “It’s a good nine hours or so until our next resting place, so we should probably get an early start.” We made our way back to the car, gathering up the blankets from the back seat.
“I haven’t done that for ages,” I commented as we folded the blankets up to put in the trunk.
“What? Jumped off a bridge with a stranger? I had you pegged all wrong,” he laughed.
“No, I mean sleeping in the back of a car. Under the stars. I used to love doing that as a kid, but it’s been so long. Probably at least ten years.”
I thought back to the many nights I used to spend under the night sky. Those memories certainly weren’t as happy. It was more out of necessity. When we lived in Arizona, my mom’s boyfriend at the time had an old blue pickup truck. He lived in an old busted up trailer outside of Flagstaff, and there wasn’t much room for the three of us. I always seemed to be in the way. Countless nights when they were fighting, I would sneak away with a blanket and an old thick sweatshirt I could scrunch up into a pillow. I would lay in the back of his truck, staring up at the clear night sky. Someone told me once if you could find a constellation that perfectly matched the outline of your hand as you held it up to the sky, then every wish you ever made from that point on would come true. I laid awake night after night with my small hand held up to the sky, hoping it was my turn. I wanted to find it so badly, though I’m not sure exactly what I would’ve wished for as a twelve year old girl.
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