by BL Mute
He shrugged his shoulders lightly before dropping me into the water again and swimming off. Before I could chase him, Peyton called to me. I laughed to myself and made my way to the shore.
“Yes?” I eyed her up and down once I was in front of her.
“I’m making drinks. Figured I would let you know because I definitely didn’t want to see you bone James in that nasty water.” She grinned too wide.
I just rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Pey.” I laughed. “Let’s do it.” I motioned to the firepit where she had the bags from the car sitting with bottles of liquor and snacks.
“This lake trip sounds like it was fun.” The woman smiles.
I smile back and chuckle. “Oh, it was.”
She nods. “So, what happened next?”
I bite my lip. “I need another drink before I go on. It was fun, like I said, but so much more happened. Things I wasn’t expecting, things that changed my life.”
She doesn’t question what; I’m sure she knows I’ll be telling her soon enough anyway. Instead, she just raises her hand and waves the bartender over from the back.
I’m already three drinks in, or maybe four—I can’t remember—and I should stop now, but I don’t. I need alcohol to get me through the whole story—to get through the bad parts.
“Are you okay, sugar?”
the woman whispers beside me. I didn’t even realize I was crying again.
“Yeah. It’s just…” I can’t even finish the sentence. My chest starts to tighten, so I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I grab the necklace around my neck and rub the galaxy charm.
“We don’t have to keep talking. I don’t know what you’re going to say, but I’m assuming it will be tough. We can stop and you can walk away. No judgment.” She smiles at me with kind and sad eyes.
“No.” I open my eyes and let the charm slip from my fingers, then reply instantly. “I’ve never got to tell anyone all of these things. You may be a stranger, but it’s helping me more than you know.”
She pats my hand, then slides a glass the bartender set on the counter in front of me. I guzzle it down in seconds, leaving nothing but a few ice cubes.
“Ready?” she asks.
“Ready,” I say, grabbing the small galaxy again.
(just a few hours from turning 18)
The sun was starting to set, so Peyton, Chance, James and I all gathered by the firepit. We sat around and made s’mores, ate too many chips, and drank too much booze.
“I’m clocking out, guys. I’m going to chill in the tent and listen to music before I crash,” I said, standing up.
“No! Come on, Jupiter. It’s only like…” Chance looked around. “Three hours till your birthday! You can’t go to bed at nine. We aren’t sixty, and we need to sing to you,” he whined.
“Sing to me tomorrow.” I smiled at him, then turned to my tent and walked off.
I unzipped the front and climbed over the soft blankets before plopping down. I propped pillows under my head, then grabbed my phone from my shorts pocket I threw in there earlier and flipped on Spotify. I closed my eyes and let the music lull me.
The tent’s canvaslike front started to rustle, making me open my eyes. I saw James slipping inside.
“Hey. Mind if I hang with you?”
“Not at all.” I scooted to the side so he had room to lie next to me on all the blankets. “What kind of music do you like?” I asked, unlocking my phone.
“Everything,” he replied smoothly.
“You have to narrow it down. Usually when someone says everything, they don’t really mean everything.”
“Well, what do you like?” he asked.
“Everything,” I replied with a huge smile.
“You’re something else, Jupiter.” He lowered his eyes to mine.
“Is that a bad thing?” I questioned, my voice coming out in a whisper. Slow, quiet, and a bit insecure.
“Not at all.” He laced his fingers with mine before turning to his side and kissing my cheek. My eyes fluttered shut and then opened again when I felt the loss of his warmth.
He was staring at me, so I stared back. He had light freckles on his nose that I loved, and his lips were perfectly shaped to match his face.
I tried to speak, but he cut me off. “Why are you named Jupiter?”
I laughed and leaned back onto the blankets and pillows. “My dad said when I was born, he could see the world in my eyes. You can’t name a baby World, so he and my mom decided the next best thing was the biggest planet in our solar system. So, Jupiter it was.” I laughed at how crazy the story sounded. “Why are you named James?” I lifted my eyebrow at him and grinned.
“After my dad,” he said with a perfect smile, then threw his arm over my stomach. “I like you, Jupiter.” His voice was soft and laced with velvet.
“I like you too, James.” I said it with the same tone and turned back in his hold so I was on my side facing him again.
“I’m glad I met you.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I feel this… connection with you. Like all the planets have aligned just perfectly to put us in each other’s paths.” He opened his eyes and tried not to smile. “See what I did there with the whole planet thing?” He laughed.
“Shut up and kiss me,” I said, rolling my eyes. And he did.
At first, it was in a slow and lazy rhythm, but then it grew hungrier. I brought my hands to his face and held him as close to me as I could. His hands pushed into my hair and tugged lightly, tilting my head back and exposing my neck. His lips left mine and lingered on my cheek before trailing down my neck.
“You okay?” he asked breathlessly.
I nodded because my mind wouldn’t even form words. He kissed back up my neck before his lips met mine again. His body moved closer, pushing into mine. I could feel his erection nudge the top of my thigh.
With shaky hands I reached down and grabbed it firmly, breaking our kiss to let my eyes study the motion my hand was making.
“Have you ever—” He didn’t finish the question because I didn’t let him.
I crashed my lips back to his. My body was hot, and I was feeling things I had never felt with anyone else. My heart was beating like a drum, desire pooled between my legs, and I was selfishly craving his touch.
He kissed me back and grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to him. His calloused hands glided along the hot skin on my sides before moving to my lower back.
He trailed up and pulled the ties to my bikini top and pulled it away from my body; then he reached down and did the same with my bottoms. I was completely exposed to him. Completely naked, oh so vulnerable, and ready.
He broke the kiss again to speak. “Jupiter…” He looked at my body and shaking hands.
“Don’t,” I said. I knew he would object and want to stop and take things slow. My body was racked with nervousness, but I didn’t want slow. I wanted him desperately.
“Are you sure?” he whispered.
I nodded. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
He let out a breath, then pushed me onto my back and hovered over me. I reached out and tugged the tie to his blue swim trunks. His sculpted abs twitched with the motion, immediately making me blush. It was crazy to see the effect I had on him—to hear his breath catch and see his muscles twitch with only a single touch.
He moved his hips and used his hand to push down his shorts, letting his dick spring free. My eyes locked onto it and didn’t waver. He had a sprinkle of hair just above his shaft that led into a thin line of hair on his stomach. The thick vein across the top intimidated me, but there was no backing out at that point.
I gripped him again and pulled him toward me. He rested his elbows on either side of my head, then leaned his face toward me. Once his lips brushed mine, my hand gripped harder on its own.
James growled in my ear. “Careful, Jupiter.”
I nodded, then shifted my body under him and opened my legs.
“Are you sure?” he asked one last time.
“Yes,” I breathed.
In a slow motion, he nudged at my entrance. It wasn’t too bad at first, but once he finally pushed inside, breaking the barrier, I thought I would die. The pain was intense, like a million tiny needles poking me all at one, but it was quickly replaced with pleasure and a satisfying fullness.
“You okay?” He stopped moving.
I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding and nodded.
He started moving his hips again, first slowly, then faster. I could feel sweat kissing my skin and my heart beating faster. His arms flexed beside my face, and his brow furrowed as he pumped in and out of me.
I could feel my core tightening and breaths quicken before white-hot heat was pouring out of me in waves. Seconds later, James pulled out of me in a rush and sent his seed all over my stomach, then collapsed beside me.
We lay there breathless for a minute before he grabbed my shirt from earlier and cleaned me and then himself.
My mind didn’t want to work, and my body was sore, but my mouth had no problem functioning. “I love you, James.” I said it before I could think.
He pulled me closer to him and draped a blanket over our naked bodies. “I love you too, Jupiter.”
We didn’t say anything else; we didn’t need to. My abandoned phone was tangled somewhere in the blankets, but the soft hum of Paramore’s “Only Exception” sung out and put us to sleep.
“He was your first?” the woman asked with wide eyes.
Seeing her get so excited over my life’s story made me happy but sad at the same time. She didn’t know it, but I was about to break her heart.
“He was.” I laugh at the memory. “We were both so young and inexperienced, but I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.”
She laughs with me, and we down another drink. My cheese fries had gone cold, so I just push them to the side.
“Do you mind?”
I bring my eyes back to the woman. She’s holding a cigarette between her fingers. “Not at all.” I tip my head to her.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a smoke, and since I’m breaking all my rules and sobriety tonight, why not? “Can I bum one?” I ask her.
“Sure.” She takes one from the red pack beside her and passes it to me with a lighter. The first inhale makes me a bit light-headed from the nicotine rush, but that fades after my third hit.
“Okay,” she says, wiggling in her seat as she crosses her legs again. “Go on, I’m listening.”
I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but my phone’s ringing woke me up. I felt my hands around the blankets and finally found it. When I picked it up, it stopped ringing but immediately started again.
“Hello?” I cleared my throat.
“Jupiter! I need you to come home now!” It was my mom, and she was hysterical.
I moved the phone from my ear and looked in the top left corner. It was a little after midnight. “Mom? What’s wrong?” I asked.
Her voice cracked with a cry. “Now isn’t the time for questions. Just come home. Please,” she begged.
“Okay. Okay. I’m on my way.” The line went dead.
My mom never cried, and she certainly never shouted. She was always known for her calm and cool demeanor. Hearing the panic in her voice sent me into my own alarm. My hands started to shake, and my stomach turned into knots.
I shook James’s body beside me as I slipped on my shorts and bikini top. “Get up. We have to go.”
I didn’t wait for a reply; I just hurried out of the tent and started calling Peyton’s name. She and Chance walked out of her tent, rubbing their eyes. She was in nothing but a bra and shorts while Chance still had on his checkered swim trunks.
“What’s going on?” Chance asked.
“We have to go. Now.” I tried not to get myself worked up or worried, but my mom’s voice kept echoing in my head, sending chills down my spine every time I thought about her words. She would never call this late unless it was an emergency.
Neither Chance nor Peyton questioned me, they just followed me to her car. James made his way to us as soon as we were opening doors. Peyton was still half-asleep trying to find the right key before sitting down. She never was very good at being woken up.
“I’ll drive.” James reached over the hood with an open hand waiting for her to hand over the keys. She did it with only a second of hesitation. “I’ll come back for my bike and our stuff later.”
I tilted the passenger seat so Chance could climb in, and James did the same for Peyton. I clicked my seat belt as James turned the key in the ignition. He backed out slowly, then floored it, sending gravel flying behind us.
I didn’t know what to expect when we turned onto my road, but what I saw definitely wasn’t it. My heart instantly sank. Lining the curb were three cop cars.
Before James had a chance to come to a complete stop, I barreled out of Peyton’s Mustang and ran across the soft grass in my yard to my front door. I pushed it open with force and didn’t bother to close it behind me.
My mom was sitting on the couch, still in her pajamas, crying softly. When my eyes met hers, everything froze. Her lips were moving fast, and I could hear her saying, “There was an accident,” but nothing registered the way it should. All my feelings and emotions disappeared, just flew out the front door with the thick air.
I stood there, a numb shell, trying to figure out what had happened. It was only a few hours ago I was telling my dad goodbye, and now he was gone? An accident? My head began to spin, and vomit crawled up the back of my throat.
My mouth wouldn’t cooperate when I tried to speak. I sunk into the couch next to my mom while all the cops talked, and my mom continued to cry. This isn’t right. This can’t be real, was all I could think.
I remember feeling wetness on my face, so I reached up and touched my cheek, then pulled it away to examine it. Tears. I was crying. I shook my head and tried to speak again, but it still didn’t work.
“Jupiter,” my mom whispered between sniffles. “J baby, please look at me,” she pleaded.
I turned my head to face her. “Don’t call me that.”
No one had ever called me that other than my dad. That was my name to him—no one else. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to say that. Some of my sadness washed away with my tears and was replaced by anger—anger toward her.
I stood and walked slowly to the front door. My body and mouth seemed to be functioning of their own accord.
I saw Peyton, James, and Chance leaning against Peyton’s car with worried expressions, and once I was close enough, they started asking questions, but I ignored them and just kept walking.
The small rocks that had come loose from the pavement dug into my feet, a harsh contrast to the soft grass I had just stepped off, but I didn’t stop. I needed out. I needed away. My life had been perfect just a few hours before, and now it was crumbling.
I heard soft footsteps behind me, but I still didn’t stop—I couldn’t stop. My mind was working in overdrive trying to process what the fuck had happened, and my body had taken on a life of its own. I didn’t know how far I walked before Peyton finally spoke.
“Jupiter,” she said behind me.
Her voice penetrated all of me, reminding me of my reality. I stopped in the middle of the deserted road and turned around. Peyton was there, her blue hair a mess bundled on top of her head and a frown on her lips. James was there too, standing tall with troubled green eyes locked on me. Chance was lingering behind them, biting his nails nervously and staring at me with sad eyes.
“Come here,” she whispered.
My feet moved in her direction before my mind could react. She opened her arms wide and embraced me once I was in front of her.
“I know.” Her voice was soft and sweet.
All I could think was, What does she know? That it hurts? That I feel my life being destroyed? That I feel guilty for being away? What does she know?
“I know it hurts,” she said like she rea
d my mind and squeezed me tighter.
I lost it. My knees went weak, and my voice came back on a scream. I fell to the ground, letting the small rocks punish my knees and make me feel a different pain. A pain that wasn’t in my chest. My body shook and tears streamed down my face.
I screamed until I couldn’t anymore. I cried until no more tears came out. I just let it all go, and Peyton held me through it all as James sat at our sides, rubbing my back, while Chance spoke soft words of sorry.
We had to have been in that road for hours. The sun started to peek behind the clouds. My knees were scuffed, and my feet were bloody, but I didn’t feel them. Peyton looked to James and nodded in some unspoken understanding. He hooked one arm behind my knees and placed the other one around my lower back before pulling me close to him and standing up. He held me and walked for me, never putting me down.
He walked all the way back to my house with me in his arms. When he stepped through the door, the cops were gone, and my mom was still a ball on the couch. Peyton walked to my mom and wrapped her in her arms.
She spoke the same words she did to me just moments before—“I know.”—then looked to James and pointed to the hall where my room was.
My throat was raw, and the feeling in my feet was starting to come back. James pushed open my door gently, then turned sideways and walked in. He set me on my bed, then went to my dresser and pulled out some pajama shorts and a tank top, before walking into my attached bathroom and running some water.
When he came back to me, his eyes had taken on a new edge. They were soft and sad. His bare chest heaved slowly as he stood and stared at me. Even in that moment I couldn’t help but admire him. Usually when I saw him all I could think about was kissing his lips, but this time was different.
Of course, he looked amazing with no shirt and his shorts hanging off his hips in the sexiest way, but that wasn’t what I was focusing on. The way his eyes stared into me and reflected hurt—my hurt—was new. It was a side of James I had never seen before.