by Daya Daniels
“I’m just not ready to date anyone right now. It’s nothing personal.”
Miles took a step towards me until he was in my personal space near the stall. I gave Winnie a kiss and slowly backed away from him.
“Are you scared of me or something?” he asked squinting his eyes.
I backed away from him and he moved closer. “No.” My voice was weak and I knew he didn’t believe me.
“You couldn’t possibly find me scary. Because nothing is scarier than who you’re living with, Lily.”
I stared at him for a moment. His expression never faltered.
“How so?” I spat out at him.
Mile was so close to me I could smell his sweat—it smelled good.
“Don’t piss him off. It will all come out then,” he snickered.
“You don’t even know him, Miles.”
Miles leaned into me. He grabbed a lock of my hair, pressed it to his nose and inhaled deeply. “That’s the problem, Lily—no one does,” he whispered.
I rolled my eyes and moved away from him.
“Just be careful, pretty girl,” he said in a creepy singsong voice while I strode away from him, tempted to flip him the bird.
Asshole!
“I don’t like your friend Madison,” I said flatly to Abigail.
Abigail’s glasses slid down her nose slightly while she filled an empty container with vials. She looked up at me and cringed. “Guess what, Lily, Madison doesn’t like herself.”
I laughed. “I suspected that.” I tapped lightly on the screen to my iPhone, checking the time.
Abigail’s office was empty. I sat in her small lab and watched her work for a while. It was just after ten o’clock in the morning and there wasn’t a patient in sight in the reception area, which gave Abigail some time to catch up on lab testing. I combed my fingers through my wavy black hair in the mirror next to her desk and smiled.
“Feeling pretty these days, huh?” Abigail asked watching me look at myself. “That’s good, Lily.”
I smiled. I actually was feeling a little pretty. Most of the scars on my face had faded almost to nothing. I still had an annoying crook in my arm. On the especially cold days, my left elbow ached a lot and cracked loudly if I straightened it out too fast. Dr. Gerard said that the fracture had healed sufficiently well and that the occasional pain would go in a few months, if I made sure to continue stretching it out daily.
“Madison. Oh, Madison. What can I say about Madison?” Abigail groaned. “She’s just jealous of you. That’s all it is.”
“Of what, Abigail? I definitely am not an object anyone should be envying.”
“Gabriel,” she said simply.
I turned to look at her across the room as she placed some slides under a stethoscope. “What?”
“I said because of Gabriel. Lily, you know how our species can be.” Abigail glared at me with her green eyes.
I eyed her again. “I guess I don’t. Gabriel isn’t my boyfriend, you know. We are just friends.”
Abigail smiled without making eye contact with me. “Gabriel has this way about him, Lily. He’s my brother-in-law but I’m not blind. He’s a very attractive guy.
“Women around here like Madison and Cynthia and countless others always tried to get close to him but Gabriel wasn’t letting it happen. If he did have any one of them, it was just sex I’m sure. There was never any relationship. Gabriel doesn’t do relationships or friendships with the opposite sex, never has.”
“But Madison said Gabriel and Cynthia used to date.”
“Date? Words, Lily—just words, be very careful how you interpret them.” Abigail scoffed.
“Even so, Abigail, none of it gives her the right to be so nasty towards me.”
Abigail exhaled loudly. “Lily, you don’t get it.”
“What?” I said indignantly. “What is it I don’t get?”
“Gabriel is an enigma to everyone, even me. There are times when even Jacob, his own brother, can’t figure him out, but he’s different with you.
“He talks to you, like really has conversations with you. He lets you sleep in his bed for Christmas’ sake. You live in his house. For Gabriel that is huge and goes way out of his comfort zone.”
I listened to Abigail explain. There were practical reasons why Gabriel and I slept together which I couldn’t explain to Abigail. The first one was because I put him off of his very comfortable and very expensive Sealy Posturepedic mattress at the cabin. The second reason was because I was having incessant nightmares that seemed to be worse when I slept alone.
“Plus, you’re beautiful, Lily, and Madison knows it. You’re prettier than her and her sister, Cynthia…put together.” Abigail snorted.
“Madison finds it hard to believe that Gabriel would want to remain just friends with a woman as beautiful as you are.
“You’re an even bigger threat to them if you haven’t slept with him yet because that means he genuinely likes you and that makes them hate you double. I’m sorry but that’s just the way it works.”
I considered what Abigail said with reluctance.
“Why are you friends with her anyways? She seems awful.”
“I’m used to her, I guess. I’ve known her for years. She has times when I can’t stomach her, like a few days ago, but they are few and far between. We still remain friends though.”
“Well I don’t like her, Abigail. She needs to stay away from me.”
Abigail smirked. “You’re feisty when you need to be, aren’t you, Lily?”
“I guess I am.” I laughed.
“You ever hear the saying be careful what you ask for?”
I scrunched my face. “Yeah, I think so, why?”
Abigail sat to her desk removing her safety glasses to clean them with a white handkerchief she pulled from her breast pocket.
“Madison and Cynthia.” Abigail pursed her lips in thought. “They want Gabriel for themselves but they don’t know anything about him. In my opinion, they wouldn’t be able to handle a man like him.” Abigail paused. “But I think you can, Lily.”
I continued to stare blankly at Abigail.
“You don’t know what I mean do you, Lily?”
“No,” I said flatly. “I don’t.”
Abigail laughed. It wasn’t a giggle. It was a laugh that shook her entire body. After a few minutes, she stopped and wiped the tears from her face that gathered at the corners of her bright eyes. “If you spend a little more time with Gabriel, Lily, you will get the gist of what I am saying.”
I wanted to ask Abigail if there was any truth to Madison’s comment about Gabriel going to prison but I thought better of it. I’d ask Gabriel myself when the time was right.
“Lily, don’t believe the stories you hear around here about Gabriel. Half of them aren’t true.” Abigail laughed.
We headed over to McGavy’s for a late lunch. Gabriel picked a small round table at the far end of the restaurant and we sat down looking out the window for a moment. I pulled out my camera and quickly snapped a photo of Gabriel which he didn’t smile for. I knew he was upset. I just wasn’t sure why. I couldn’t tell exactly what was bothering him. There seemed to be a tightness in his jaw and the steam that oozed off him was enough to disintegrate the film in my camera. Gabriel took off his hat and moved his hands roughly through his hair a few times and sat back flexing in his chair. I ordered salmon with a side of garlic mashed potatoes and green beans. Gabriel settled for a steak, medium rare, with the same starch and asparagus.
“Don’t you know I care about you, Lily?” Gabriel asked with a twisted face.
“Of course, Gabriel. Why are you asking me this?” The question left me feeling insulted.
Gabriel blew out a breath and leaned towards me, placing his forearms on the table. “I thought I told you to stay away from him, Lily?”
I sat confused for a moment until I realized what he was referring to.
“I did.”
Gabriel shook his head from left to rig
ht slowly, staring at me. “I told you to stay away from him. He will hurt you, Lily.” Gabriel paused, looking at me. “Maybe not physically, Lily, but he will use you and he will hurt you.” I leaned my head to the side and sighed.
“I just went to check on Winnie. And Miles… Well, he—”
“Let me guess, he asked you out, right?” he asked, cutting me off.
This conversation made me uncomfortable. I felt like I was being accused of doing something wrong when I hadn’t.
“Yes.”
Gabriel ran a hand over his beard. “What did you say?”
“What do you think I said?”
Gabriel raised his hands up and slapped them down on his thighs. I looked at him in disbelief. I wouldn’t have said yes to going on a date with Miles if he asked me a hundred times. I couldn’t be in a relationship. I barely had a handle on myself as it was.
The waitress returned with our entrees. I picked up my linen napkin and placed it in my lap, spreading it out against my thighs with my hands. She put the plates down in front of us and scurried away. When she left, I responded to Gabriel’s question.
“I told him no, Gabriel.”
“Anything I tell you is for your own good, Lily. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you here.”
“Nothing bad is going to happen to me, Gabriel. I promise.”
Gabriel stabbed into his steak with his fork and knife, cutting it angrily. The silverware screeched loudly against the plate and echoed throughout the small restaurant.
“It’s just a stupid crush. Miles just—”
“Just do what I say,” he said cutting me off again. “This is why I don’t come down here. The people around here, they cause trouble in one way or another.
“Now I have to deal with that fucking Miles following you around all day on and off this fucking ranch. He only wants to fuck you, Lily. Then he will toss you out like the rest of his women.”
Gabriel’s shoulders tensed. I could see the vein popping out of the middle of his forehead through his hair as he spat his words out.
“How do you know he follows me?” I asked squinting my eyes at him.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll deal with Miles.”
Gabriel gazed at me for a moment and smiled. “Do you want him?”
I looked at him, startled by the question. “What do you mean?”
He snickered. “Each time I tell you to stay away from Miles, you seem to have a problem with the instruction, Lily. Do. You. Want. Him?”
“I don’t know. No. I mean I don’t even know him,” I said.
“You don’t know?”
I sat for a moment, trying to find my words.
“Are you attracted to him, Lily, is what I’m asking.”
“No. Is he attractive? Yes. Am I attracted to him? No. If that’s what you’re asking me.”
I could feel my heart starting to race nervously. I was fumbling over my answers. I sounded as though I was lying. Maybe I was lying. I wasn’t sure.
Gabriel raised his hand up to me slowly and placed it back down on the table. “Lily, stay away from Miles, before I burn his fucking house down with him in it,” he hissed.
I barely heard it. His voice was so low.
“Why would you say something like that?” I whispered, looking at him in disbelief.
I stood from the table and shot him an angry look. “Gabriel, I can take care of myself, you know.”
He scoffed at my words and continued to chew his food. “Yes, I can see how well you’ve done with that so far, Lily.”
I tossed my napkin in the seat angrily and headed for the restroom.
“Lily?” I heard a quiet voice. “Lily, is that you?”
I spun around and standing in the women’s restroom at McGavy’s restaurant was Nina, in the flesh. This day was only getting better. She looked awful. She’d probably lost fifteen more pounds from her already thin frame since I’d last seen her. Nina’s clothes were dirty and one of her shoes was coming apart from the sole.
“Oh my God, Lily. It really is you,” she said with a smile.
I was speechless. Nina moved towards me to give me a hug. Instantly, I backed away realizing how badly she smelled.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Nina?” I asked in an even tone.
I didn’t want to see Nina. She was the plague. Every bad thing that followed her was bound to affect me. I was better off without her, even if that did leave me completely alone in this world.
“How did you find me here?” I asked.
“I looked for you after you disappeared. I got word that a few people spotted someone that looked like you out here and I came to see for myself. I thought you were dead, Lily.”
Nina tried her best to seem contrite. She began to weep.
“After I disappeared, Nina, or after you left me there to die?” I questioned bitterly. “You have a lot of nerve coming here! I should strangle you! Do you know what they did to me?”
Nina dropped her head and stared at the red tile beneath us.
“They raped me, beat me and threw me in the fucking wilderness to freeze to death! I have scars all over my body that will never disappear!
“They broke my fucking arm because of you. It still doesn’t work properly!” I shouted, holding it up.
Nina broke down. “I’m really sorry, Lily. Everything just went all wrong.
“You were never supposed to get hurt, I swear. I wanted to talk to you about it first but I couldn’t. Dawson wanted you.
“He had asked me about you a lot, Lily. I swear I was going to talk to you about it but I knew you would never agree. Where are you staying here? Who is that man you’re with? I—” Nina continued.
“How did you find me in this restaurant anyway?” I asked suspiciously cutting Nina off.
“Your dreamcatcher. It’s hanging from the rearview mirror of the black Ford F-150 parked outside in the lot. I figured even if I didn’t find you in here, I’d at least find the person that might know what happened to you.”
“Well what do you want, Nina? We are not friends anymore!” I shouted in a whisper.
“It’s Dawson,” Nina said. “Dawson is looking for me. I owe him money.”
“Nina, I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t even know who these people are! I have fifty bucks cash on me. Here.” I shoved the money towards her hand. “Please take it and leave and don’t come back.”
She took the bill and began to walk slowly towards the bathroom entrance. “Lily, for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. I’ve been trying to get clean. I really have. I do love you, Lily,” she said before she left.
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to hear those same old boring repetitive lines from Nina. They were never true.
“Gabriel, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!” Abigail screamed.
We arrived back to the ranch and Abigail ran straight toward us. Gabriel jumped out of the truck and moved towards where Miles stood a few feet away next to Lee, the young ranch hand.
“Bear, we didn’t see her. We were herding some of the bison to the east and she was trampled. We took her to Abigail right away but there was nothing that could be done,” Miles said, taking his hat off, his voice shaking.
Gabriel pushed past Miles forcefully. Lee stepped aside.
“Where is she, Abigail!” Gabriel roared as he walked towards her.
Abigail led us into the main house towards the bloody blankets on the floor where she’d placed Sable’s crushed body.
Gabriel sat down on the wooden floor, picked Sable up and cradled her in his arms for a quiet moment. The dog was dead. Both of her hind legs were visibly broken and sections of her black fur were missing, exposing pink flesh. Gabriel met my eyes with the most pained look on his face. Without saying a word, he stood up and walked out of Jacob and Abigail’s house still cradling Sable and continued across the ranch to the cottage. Rocco and I followed behind him.
He rested Sable at th
e top of the porch steps and went inside. Rocco gingerly nudged Sable a few times and began to whimper after realizing she wouldn’t move. He returned from the house with a shovel, sobbing uncontrollably.
He stomped down the steps with the shovel. Then walked over to a huge oak tree that stood a few yards away from the cottage and started digging a hole. Gabriel continued to wipe the tears from his face while we laid Sable to rest, without uttering a word.
I stepped outside onto the porch and sat at the top of the steps with a cup of tea in hand. I spotted Jacob a few yards away walking towards the cottage. He stopped at the bottom of the steps.
“Where is he, Lily?” Jacob asked. I rubbed my eyes feeling the mental exhaustion setting in.
“I don’t know. After we buried Sable he left on foot.” Jacob sighed and walked to the top of the steps and sat down beside me.
“Thank you, Lily,” Jacob said sincerely looking at me.
“For what?” I asked, giving him an incredulous look.
“For being Gabriel’s friend. I can tell he cares about you a lot.”
“Well, Jacob, I didn’t exactly come from the land of happiness and flowers. Living with Gabriel and now being here with him and all of you is the most normal life I’ve had since my parents died when I was young. I am grateful to Gabriel for that.”
Jacob hung his head low listening to me. “I’m sorry about your parents. And I’m sorry for what happened to you, Lily.” Jacob looked out into the distance.
“You know, Bear and I are similar in a few ways but we are nothing alike in most.”
“No, really. I hadn’t noticed,” I said sarcastically.
“I mean Bear is tough,” Jacob said. “I’m not tough, that’s one way.” He laughed to himself. “Bear’s never really been the guy that you want to piss off, that’s another. People piss me off all the time and don’t worry about repercussions, I always found that funny.” Jacob laughed.