James the Christmas Grouch

by Ivy Smoak

  He picked it up and turned it around, twisting some of the little knobs sticking out. "How the hell should I know?" He tossed it into the cart.

  I laughed. "What did you get?" I was about to reach into the cart when he slapped my hand.

  "It's a surprise. No peeking."

  Whatever it was, he had already bought it. It was in a plastic bag tied tight. "Is that my Christmas present?" I asked.

  "Yeah. I figured I had to get you something good since you'll be giving me head come Christmas morning."

  I'm pretty sure my face was scarlet. "What are you talking about? I never said that."

  "Are you seriously not taking my advice? Every guy just wants head."

  "Okay, maybe. But that just means maybe I'll give it to my fiancé. Not you."

  "Perfect. I just tricked you into getting him the perfect gift." He thrust his hips forward suggestively. In the middle of the hardware store.

  "Stop it," I said through my laughter. I hit his arm but he didn't stop thrusting. "You're completely ridiculous." I kept my head down to hide my embarrassment as I pushed my cart toward the checkout. But it didn't stop me from being aware of the flashing lights. God, the paparazzi were relentless. Usually they didn't follow me. They preferred to bother James to no end. After all, he was the famous one. Why did it seem like they weren't letting up recently?

  Rob sensed my annoyance and stepped in front of me, blocking them from view as I checked out. I handed the cashier cash and tapped my foot nervously as I waited for the change.

  "You're the girl," the cashier said. He snapped his fingers like he was trying to place me. "The one who slept with James Hunter."

  What did he want me to say? Congratulations, you are correct? "I think you have the wrong person," I said instead as I grabbed the change he handed me.

  He looked at the paparazzi and then back at me. "If you say so."

  I loved James. I'd move to the ends of the earth for him. But sometimes I just hated New York. I grabbed my bag and walked as quickly as possible toward the car parked outside. Ian stepped out and opened up the door for me.

  "Thank you," I said and ducked into the back seat. I exhaled the breath I had been holding as soon as Ian closed the door. James was right. It was really nice having Ian around.

  Rob opened up the door on the other side and slid in next to me. "Where to next?"

  "Home."

  "Lame. Let's go do something fun."

  "I have a million things to do before James gets home."

  "Let's go get drunk and ice skate."

  I laughed and stared at him. "Maybe you can call some of your friends to do that."

  "Ugh. They're all working. We could meet up with some of your friends though. That's a great idea. Make sure to invite a single girl you want to set me up with."

  I swallowed hard. "Oh. I mean...I feel like it's last minute. They're probably all busy."

  He lowered his eyebrows slightly. I hated when he did that. It reminded me so much of James. And it made me just want to confess everything to him.

  "You're such a liar," he said. "Have you seriously made no friends here?"

  "No! I've made friends. There's Mason and Matt," I said, naming two of James' friends that hung out with us sometimes. "And you."

  Rob's eyes seemed to grow. "Those aren't your friends, Penny. They're James'."

  "And by association, they're mine too." I tried not to say it defensively, but it came out a little angry. "James and I hang out together in our free time. And everyone..." my voice trailed off. "Rumors spread, Rob. Just because we moved doesn't mean people stopped talking."

  He gave me a sympathetic smile. "Home it is."

  I looked down at my hands that were twisted in knots. "You can still go out and have fun tonight, though."

  "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

  "No."

  "Your voice just got all weird and high pitched."

  "No it didn't."

  "You just did it again. I get the hint. You want some alone time with my little bro."

  "Little bro? He's your older brother."

  "But I'm bigger where it counts." He winked at me. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket. He laughed. "Look. I'm famous." He showed me a picture of him thrusting in the middle of the hardware store, with my arm wrapped around his bicep.

  "You were already famous." I grabbed his phone from him. "Torrid affair up in flames?" I said, quoting the article. "Seriously? Now they think I'm cheating on James with you?" I tossed the phone back at him.

  He leaned forward slightly. "Well if they already think so..."

  "Don't make me lace your hot chocolate."

  He chuckled and leaned back in his seat. "I'll get out of your hair tonight. But seriously, Penny, talk to some of your classmates. I'm sure they're not all that bad."

  I thought about how the whispers always seemed to stop when I entered a room. The way guys stared at me like I was easy. I didn't want to get to know them. And I didn't need to get to know them. I was perfectly happy just the way things were.

  ***

  When I heard the key in the lock, I rewound the song to the beginning and ran over to the front door. "Merry Christmas Eve Eve!" I said as soon as James stepped into the apartment. I threw my arms around the back of his neck and attacked his face with kisses.

  He laughed and planted his lips against mine. "What is all this?" he asked as he pulled away.

  Believe by Josh Groban was blaring through the speakers, freshly baked cookies were sitting on the counter, and I had even somehow managed to get the tree into the stand without any help. Most importantly, I had also gotten Rob to spend the night out with friends. It was the romantic night I had wanted yesterday. "It's tree decorating night," I said. "Want a cookie?"

  "You've been busy." He pulled off his scarf and gloves and gave me that smile that made me knees weak. "I'd love one. What kind?"

  "Chocolate chip."

  "With walnuts?"

  "Of course. It's dessert after all." That was one of our things. We both thought desserts were better when they had nuts. I grabbed the plate from the kitchen and lifted it up to him.

  He took a huge bite. "Delicious."

  I smiled up at him. "If I'm being honest, Ellen gave me the recipe. But I made them by myself."

  He grabbed another one off the plate. "They're amazing. Did Rob help you make them before or after you two fondled each other in aisle twelve?"

  I choked on the bite I had just taken. "Neither." I quickly shook my head. "I mean, he didn't help me. And I didn't fondle him at the hardware store."

  James smiled. "I know. I'm just kidding." He kissed my forehead. "But that picture circulating is rather incriminating."

  "Are you getting those alerts now too? Please turn them off. I don't need a reminder every time something embarrassing happens to me." And I definitely didn't need to see what stupid caption they came up with next.

  He lifted the plate of cookies out of my hand and placed it down on the kitchen counter. "Spill it."

  "Spill what? You know, speaking of spills, do you want some milk? I'll try not to spill it though."

  He laughed and pulled me against his chest before I could reach the fridge. "Talk to me."

  "Why can't everyone just leave us alone, James? It's almost Christmas for goodness sakes. I mean, the cashier at the store didn't even wish me a Merry Christmas. He just asked if I was the girl that slept with James Hunter. What is it with people in New York?" I sighed as soon as I saw the expression on his face.

  "Penny, if you're not happy here..."

  I put my finger against his lips, silencing him. "I didn't mean it. I am happy. Can we just rewind to when you came in? I'll go start the song again." I tried to squirm out of his grip but he just held me tighter.

  "Let's go to your parents' for Christmas," James said. "I think maybe spending a few days in Delaware might be just what we need."

  I didn't need to go back to Delaware. I just needed him. "I want
to start traditions together. I told you I wanted to spend Christmas with you in New York. And I meant it."

  He stared down at me with his piercing brown eyes. I could tell he was analyzing my reaction. I just wasn't sure what he was searching for.

  "I know you want me to tell you what I liked best about Christmas growing up. And how we can mold our traditions together. But I don't really know what to say. We didn't decorate the tree..."

  "Trim the tree," I corrected him.

  "Trim? Why would you want to cut the tree?"

  "It's a phrase. You know...trimming the Christmas tree."

  He stared at me with a blank expression on his face. "Yeah, you just made that up. Trimming a tree is cutting it."

  "No, trimming a tree is decorating it. Look it up. It's a thing."

  He smiled. "Okay. I'll take your word for it. We didn't trim the tree. We didn't hang stockings. We didn't necessarily do anything out of the ordinary. All I can really think of is that my dad used to read us The Night Before Christmas. I remember sitting around the tree with Rob and Jen and trying to pay attention but being so excited about Santa coming. But that's when I was really young. It's been a long time since I believed in the magic of Christmas."

  "Then let's have Rob and Jen over for Christmas. It'll be just like when you were kids again." Rob was always over anyway. I had met Jen once and I really liked her. I'd be happy to share our Christmas with them.

  "They can't come."

  "But you didn't even ask them. I'm sure Rob will at least say yes."

  James touched the side of my face. He suddenly looked sad. "They're going to my parents'."

  "I thought you said they weren't doing a Christmas gathering this year?"

  He didn't have to say it. I could see it all over his face.

  "They're still having it," I said. "I'm just not invited." It stung. His parents' rejection always stung.

  "No. No," he said a little more firmly. "We're not invited."

  "They uninvited you because of me."

  He laughed. "They uninvited me because I yelled at them about being assholes. It has nothing to do with you. You, Penny, are perfect. And if they don't want to meet you, it's their loss. Not the other way around. Trust me."

  I had been living in the city for a couple months now. His parents refused to meet me. It was like I was so below them that I wasn't worth their very valuable time. "Do you want to go? I mean, if you want to go for a little while, I can just..."

  "Penny, I would never leave you alone on Christmas."

  For some reason my mind focused on the words "alone on Christmas." We had talked about his parents sucking plenty of times. And I didn't want them to ruin our Christmas Eve Eve. "Home Alone or The Grinch?" I asked and took a step back from him. "And I mean The Grinch with Jim Carrey, not the cartoon version. Oh, or Elf!"

  He raised his eyebrow. "For?"

  "What do you mean for? To watch while we trim the tree. And to get so distracted that we really just end up on the couch eating all those cookies I just baked." I grabbed the plate of cookies and then with my free hand pulled him into the living room. "And before you respond, think about it. There is a correct answer."

  "I've seen Home Alone. But I've never seen the other two. You seemed excited about Elf. We could watch that. Who's in it?"

  I set the cookies down on the coffee table. "I feel like I don't even know you right now. Elf is the greatest movie of all time. Will Ferrell is in it. Who hasn't seen Elf? It's a classic!"

  He laughed. "I'm not that much older than you, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count as a classic. It's still fairly new."

  I turned off the Christmas music and grabbed the remote. "You're insane. And FYI, the correct answer was that we should watch all of them."

  "All of them? How long does it take to decorate the tree?"

  "It takes a long time to trim the tree because you're supposed to get distracted and watch the movies the whole time." I switched on Elf. "Time for a lesson in all things Christmassy, Professor Hunter."

  He laughed and pulled me onto his lap.

  ***

  "A little to the left," James said.

  I leaned slightly to the side and hung the ornament on a branch. "You're an expert now?" The credits from Elf were rolling and I had just turned on the Christmas music again. James had been so engrossed in the movie, that we hadn't hung up a single ornament.

  "I'm an expert on the angle your butt looks best in."

  I laughed and turned around. "Help me instead of just watching me." I grabbed his hand, but instead of pulling him up he pulled me back onto the couch.

  "I like watching you," he whispered against my ear and then lightly bit my earlobe.

  I swallowed down the moan threatening to escape my throat. I had barely put up half the ornaments. And we had only watched one of the movies. We still had so much to do to make our apartment look festive.

  He bit my earlobe again as his fingers trailed along the hem of my sweater, dipping dangerously close to my ass.

  "I didn't realize how much Elf could turn someone on," I said.

  He laughed. His hot breath tickled my neck.

  God, he was so distracting.

  "I don't think I've ever seen you happier than at this very moment," he whispered. His hands wandered up beneath the back of my sweater.

  "I love Christmas. And I love you. What's there to not be happy about?"

  He kissed me slow. I had the realization that this was the first time I had ever been with someone during Christmas. The first time anyone had kissed me while listening to my favorite Christmas songs. The first time I had ever been in love during the most magical time of year.

  He shifted, pushing me down on the couch and positioning himself between my thighs. His kisses were more passionate now as his hands slid to my breasts. And I had the sensation that he was showing me just how much he loved me. I didn't try to repress my moan this time.

  I forgot about the box of ornaments. And the cocoa going cold. Because the only thing I loved more than Christmas was James. I was engaged to this beautiful man. If this was how he wanted to enjoy the Christmas festivities, I could give him this. I could give him this over and over again until he loved Christmas as much as I did.

  Chapter 3

  Christmas Eve

  So far, our Christmas traditions included being third-wheeled by Rob and drinking too much hot cocoa. And then making love underneath a half decorated Christmas tree. I could get behind these new traditions. But that didn't mean the tree had to go untrimmed.

  I placed the last ornament onto a branch and stepped back. The weight of the ornaments had caused the tree to appear even more lopsided. I smiled. It was perfect.

  I looked at the gifts I had wrapped earlier that were now sitting under the tree. I sighed. None of them were right. My eyes landed on the chess set. It was a stupid gift because I knew he'd beat me every time we played until I got sick of losing and stopped wanting to play. I had also bought a cook book and a knife set because I wanted to start cooking together. Although I knew the first thing out of his mouth was going to be that we had Ellen for that. My retaliation was going to be that we didn't have her to cook for us on the weekends. But that would probably just insult him because he'd always make me Eggo waffles in the morning. Which I loved. God, why was I so bad at giving gifts?

  I need James to believe in the magic of Christmas again. These gifts aren't going to cut it. I giggled to myself because I had gotten him knives. Stop it. I needed to focus. I grabbed my laptop and sat down on the couch. In just a moment I had the listing up on Amazon for The Night Before Christmas. But it was Christmas Eve. I couldn't get a copy shipped this late.

  Which meant I'd need to venture out into the cold. Into the paparazzi territory. I turned off my laptop. Maybe I could get Rob to go with me. He was never annoyed by the limelight.

  I walked over to the guest bedroom and knocked on the door. There was no answer. It was almost noon. How much longer could Rob sleep
? I knocked again. "Rob?"

  No answer.

  Please don't be naked. I opened up the door and peered in. I had only woken up an hour after James left. And Rob had never been an early riser. Had he not come home last night? I walked back out into the living room and grabbed my purse. I felt like such a mom, but I clicked on his name in my phone and put it up to my ear.

  He answered after a few rings. "Hey, sexy, what's up?"

  Normally I'd berate him for calling me that, but I was just happy that he was alive. "Where are you? I went to your room and you weren't there. You almost made me freak out."

  He laughed. "I know I'm always on your mind, but don't worry, I'm fine. Just out."

  "Okay." That was a vague answer. "I need your help. I was thinking about getting James..."

  "Head."

  Ugh. "No." Well, maybe. "I want to get him a copy of The Night Before Christmas like your dad read to you when you were little. Do you remember what edition it was? Or who illustrated it?"

  "Um. I don't know. That was forever ago."

  That was helpful. "You can't remember anything about it?"

  "I didn't say that. It was a pop-up book. And it was blue."

  I could work with that. "Okay, thanks, Rob. I was going to go out and look for a copy, do you want to come?"

  "Can't sweets, I'm busy. But I'll see you tonight for anti-Christmas."

  "What's anti-Christmas?"

  But there was no response. He had already hung up. Weird. I wasn't surprised though. Most of my conversations with Rob were strange.

  I pulled a knit hat low on my head and tucked my red hair beneath my coat as I pulled it on. The best part about the freezing cold winter was that I could at least go a little incognito. Hopefully the paparazzi would leave me alone.

  ***

  After going to two Barnes and Nobles and finally talking to someone helpful, I found out that whatever edition I was looking for was probably out of print. Which I probably should have realized. If James' father read it to him as a kid, it was probably published before I was even born.