Wildflowers

by Debbie Howells

  She hands me another posy which on first glance, is similar to the last one, with rosemary and other herbs and tiny little flowers that haven’t opened yet.

  ‘’Them flowers open at night, duck. That’s when it’s at its strongest…’

  But this time, as soon as I take it from her, a strange feeling comes over me, as though there’s a magic actually seeping into my pores.

  ‘Wow,’ I say. ‘This is powerful.’

  She nods. ‘You wouldn’t want it to get into the wrong hands, duck. Give it to her quick like, when she gets back.’

  I place the posy in a vase on my desk, but every so often my eye is drawn to it. Then Milo comes in and he notices it too.

  ‘Blimey, what’s that?’ he says.

  ‘A present,’ I say vaguely, then out of the corner of my eye, watch him and Skye, standing close to each other, their heads almost touching as they talk. Oh yes… It’s the posy at work. And I now know for certain that he fancies her – his body language is suddenly obvious and before he goes, he kisses her on the cheek. She blushes bright red.

  ‘Somebody’s taken a shine to you,’ I say smugly. ‘Told you so, didn’t I?’

  She doesn’t even respond, just carries on with her work slightly in a daze. This mellow, soporific mood persists until Honey comes back in and shatters it.

  ‘I’ve just met the wedding organiser from hell,’ she announces. ‘She was rude about your portfolio, patronising about our shop…’ Yes – Honey actually said our shop. ‘…and then asked what kind of discount would we give them, at which point I stood up and told her she’d completely missed the point and that if her clients weren’t discerning enough, there were plenty of others elsewhere who were. Then I left.’

  Needless to say, I’m horrified. ‘Honey! You can’t talk to people like that!’

  ‘Frankie, she was thoroughly obnoxious and she wanted to pay less money, not more…’

  I shake my head exasperatedly. ‘Look, I thought the idea was to get referrals. That way, we get to deal with clients directly and negotiate the costs with them, not the venue. I thought you understood that.’

  ‘Oh…’ Honey looks crestfallen.

  ‘Look, it’s not like being a lawyer. You have to schmooze… Network... Be the supplier they fall in love with, so that they remember you for the right reasons, not because you pissed them off. D’you see the difference?’

  But she’s distracted by the sight of Mrs Orange’s posy. ‘What’s this?’

  She walks over to the desk and picks it up and I swear, before my eyes, her demeanour changes. The frown vanishes and she seems to shrink, as she looks at me bewilderedly.

  ‘Next time I’ll do it differently, I promise – if you trust me?’

  I nod. ‘One last chance – but only one.’

  That evening, Julia calls. Giles died – peacefully and as far as she could tell, without pain. If it was anyone else, I’d have dropped everything and gone rushing up there, but the sad fact is, there’s nothing I can do for her. There never has been. Perhaps now that she has no choice, she’ll start to work things out on her own.

  She surprises me though, by ringing back the next day, to ask if I’ll do his funeral flowers.

  ‘Be careful,’ says Alice, when I tell her about Giles. ‘You can’t just prop her up because Giles has gone. You know what she’s like. She’ll hang around while it suits her. Just long enough so you think you have your mother back, then she’ll bugger off and leave you.’

  I know she’s right and I’m being careful not invest too much emotionally. But we all make mistakes. Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?

  25

  Sunday starts damp, but fortunately for Briarwood, the clouds soon thin out and by mid- morning, the sky is blue and it’s hot again. Honey’s agreed to help set up, which is as well, because there’s tons to do.

  It’s just after nine when we arrive, and already I can feel the excitement in the air. Honey’s not exactly sparkling this morning – but she’ll be fine. The only cloud on the horizon is when Lulubelle tells me she’s a little worried about Cosmo.

  ‘He isn’t ill, Frankie. Call it instinct, but I have this feeling that something’s not right with him.’

  ‘We’ll keep an eye on him,’ I reassure her. ‘He looks good to me!’

  She follows my gaze to where you’ve guessed it, he’s kicking a football around.

  ‘I know,’ she says. ‘Thanks, Frankie.’ But there’s an anxious look in her eyes.

  Honey’s awfully quiet as she sets out cups and saucers. Even Lulubelle notices – I take her aside to fill her in.

  ‘Date with Johnny,’ I whisper. ‘Didn’t go well. Not at all… Sshhh, Don’t say anything. I’ve told her, it’s only the start. I suppose it can’t get much worse.’

  ‘Oh. Poor Honey…Are sure she wouldn’t rather be at home?’

  I shake my head most emphatically. ‘Oh God… A hundred times no. She’s terrible in her own company. Sorry to land her on you like this, but I couldn’t leave her. Just keep her busy. And don’t let her boss you about.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on her.’ Not that Honey’s capable of any bossing this morning. She looks miserable.

  But for now, it all has to take second place, because meanwhile, there are awnings to put up, stalls to organise and while Honey and Lulubelle finish setting up the tea tent, Cosmo and I sneak away for a quick row in one of the boats, which apparently one day he’s going to sail across the ocean – or so he tells me.

  ‘Wow. You’ll be famous,’ I tell him. ‘Maybe I should get your autograph now.’

  ‘Then in between sailing, I’ll come back here and help people,’ he says, looking as though he’s thought it all out. ‘And they’ll see how it’s possible to get better.’

  And even I have nothing to say to that.

  I have to bribe him out of the boat with the promise of cake. As we make our way back across the garden, I can’t help but think how lovely it all looks. The flowerbeds, lovingly tended by volunteers, look sensational, the grass is newly mown and the early rainfall has left the colours vivid and refreshed. There’s bunting strung up between the trees and a little track marked out for novelty races. And in no time, it’s filling up with people.

  As we get back to the tea tent, her problems forgotten, Honey’s reverted to type, her strident tones clearly audible, even before I see her.

  ‘Frankie – the flowers…’ she calls imperiously as soon as she sees us, reaching down and waving a jug at me. ‘I thought you’d forgotten.’

  Feeling several pairs of eyes swing round to stare, hastily I take it, bringing it back just minutes later overflowing with lilies, grasses and daisies, with mint stuffed in here and there.

  ‘Perfect,’ says Honey firmly. ‘I’ll take it.’

  I hand it over gladly. In fact, much to my surprise, far from moping, Honey’s risen fabulously to the occasion, hobnobbing with customers and pouring dozens of cups of tea, while I get waylaid at the face painting stall, creating tigers, zebras, clowns, fairies, whatever the children ask for.

  Eventually it quietens down and I make a bid for freedom. The teas, however, are still in full swing.

  ‘Brilliant day, isn’t it?’ I catch Lulubelle briefly. ‘I’ve just done Florence as a tabby cat! Ooh, thank you.’ I take the tea and large slice of cake she gives me, taking a large bite just as a very smartly dressed woman approaches me.

  ‘Are you the florist?’ the woman barks loudly. Her polka dot dress is tightly cinched around her ample waist and there’s a straw hat perched on her head.

  ‘Who – er – me?’ I splutter just as Honey chips in.

  ‘Ah. Mrs Summersley. This is Frankie Valentine. Mrs Summersley’s daughter is getting married next summer and she’s looking for just this sort of thing.’ Honey nods towards the jug of flowers.

  ‘Quite,’ barks Mrs Summersley. ‘August the first, Roselin Castle. Do you know it? Perhaps you could give me a card.’

&
nbsp; ‘Er, actually I don’t think I’ve…’

  ‘Here.’ Honey produces one and hands it to her.

  ‘Thank you. I’ll be in touch.’

  As she marches off leaving me standing there with my mouth open, Alex appears in front of me.

  ‘There’s nowhere quite like a hospice fundraiser for doing business is there, Frankie? Excuse me…’

  His words are still ringing in my ears, leaving me in no doubt yet again as to what he’s thinking – as without waiting for a reply, he just turns and walks away.

  This time, it doesn’t just sting, it really hurts. Shocked, I just stand staring at his back, as I feel Cosmo’s hand reach for mine.

  ‘Please will you take me on the boats?’

  I glance over at Lulubelle and she nods.

  As we leave the tents and stalls behind us and walk down towards the lake, I’m truly glad to escape. At that moment, the simple world of a six year old boy is infinitely preferable to my own.

  ‘So, which boat this time?’ I ask Cosmo, already knowing the answer and determined that I’m not going to let Alex spoil our day. ‘The blue one?’ I tease. ‘Oh, I know, the green one! Your favourite!’

  He pulls a face at me. ‘The yellow one, silly…’ Rolling his eyes, pulling me towards the lake.

  ‘Go on, I’ll catch you up,’ I tell him, watching his skinny little legs as he runs down the hill.

  Screw Alex and his misconceptions, I decide. He’s a self-righteous, sanctimonious big-head and I don’t care a jot what he thinks about me.

  Then break into a run to catch Cosmo up, just as he slows down and turns a ghastly shade of white.

  ‘You alright, sweetie?’ Filled with concern for Cosmo, I forget about Alex. A minute ago he’d been running and shrieking his head off – and now he looks dreadful. Maybe this is what Lulubelle was talking about.

  I’m about to suggest we go to find her, but just as quickly he picks up again and the colour’s back in his cheeks.

  ‘I’m okay,’ he says brightly. ‘Look – that’s our boat!’

  He points to the yellow one, which right on cue is just coming in and we sit on the bank and wait until the guy on the jetty waves us over. He winks at me.

  ‘Been seeing quite a bit of you round here, young lady! Addictive, isn’t it?’ As he pushes us away from the side.

  ‘It really is,’ I say as we drifted away from the shore, realising how true it is. I can no more imagine not coming here, than I can imagine not having my shop.

  Out on the water, even with Cosmo chattering nineteen to the dozen, the lake works it’s magic. After what seems like ages, I notice Lulubelle alone, watching us.

  I know she’s watching Cosmo’s every step, every move, as he runs along the shore and hurls pebbles into the water. I drop down onto the grass beside her.

  ‘You know, I don’t want to worry you but he had a funny moment on the way down here.’

  She tenses. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He turned white as a sheet and went very quiet – but for less than a minute, or so it seemed, then he was completely fine. Otherwise I’d have come straight to find you.’

  Suddenly I panic. This can’t happen. It’s too cruel. Not on such a beautiful day… Not when he’s been given the all clear and he’s been so happy…

  ‘You don’t think…’ It comes out as a whisper. The question I can’t bring myself to ask. But I don’t need to.

  ‘It’s like before, Frankie. It may be nothing, but I’ve a bad feeling he’s not right. I think it’s back.’ Her hands are clasped round her knees, her knuckles white and tensed. She’s seen enough of this illness to have an idea what she’s looking for.

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  She shrugs. ‘Keep watching him. Try not to let him see I’m worried. And if it happens again, we’ll have to go to the hospital.’

  Suddenly the happy mood vanishes. I reach for her hand. We just sit, watching him, playing at the edge of the lake and it’s like a cold vice grips my insides and twists them.

  26

  If there’s one person I never want to see again in my whole life, it’s Alex. After all, it was hardly my fault that someone liked the flowers I’d most generously donated and asked if I was available for her daughter’s wedding. What was I supposed to do – say no?

  ‘You were right,’ Honey says that evening, bubbling over with enthusiasm. ‘I did love it there. I wasn’t at all sure about going. You know – I’m not good with kids – but I really enjoyed it. And I’ve decided – I’m running the half-marathon for them too.’

  ‘Wow! That’s fantastic of you!’ I high-five her. ‘This calls for a proper celebration.’

  ‘We could go for a run?’ Honey suggests, but even to the new, healthy motivated me, a run isn’t exactly what I was thinking.

  ‘I was thinking more along the lines of the pub…’

  We end up compromising – a three mile run and then the pub, only my first thought is to turn round and go straight back out again, because the first person I see in there is Jessie. It’s not that I don’t like her – I really do – just that everywhere she goes, Alex seems to pop up, only as I glance around, tonight there’s no sign of him.

  She waves at us to go and join her.

  ‘Wasn’t it great today?’ she says, her gorgeous eyes glowing, then she holds her hand out to Honey. ‘Hello – I saw you helping today, didn’t I? I’m Jessie.’

  ‘Jessie’s a receptionist at Briarwood,’ I explain. ‘And she’s not really of this world… She runs ultra-marathons which are a mere seventy miles long across the Sahara and the Rockies and other exotic places – in a hundred degrees of heat. Honey’s running for Briarwood too!’ I tell her, as Honey stares back, shell-shocked.

  ‘It’s really not how you make it sound. I started just like you are – with a half-marathon for Briarwood,’ says Jessie. ‘And my friends tell me I have an unhealthy obsession. Ask any of them.’

  ‘Gosh. But at least it’s nobly unhealthy,’ I say. ‘They’re probably all jealous.’

  Jessie laughs. ‘Honestly Frankie? When I cancel dates because I’ve decided to pop an extra twenty miles on the end of my run, or I can’t fit in to any of my nice shoes because my feet are so sore… It’s not unknown for me to go out to dinner in my trainers! I can’t wear sandals. I’ve got no toenails…’

  ‘Enough!’ I hold my hand up. ‘Okay, I agree, you’re crazy…’

  ‘Now, you have to tell me – I’m dying to know. How do you know Alex?’ she asks.

  ‘He came into my shop to pick up wedding flowers. Two weeks running. And ended up coming back because I was the victim of a spurned boyfriend – well, not me, my flowers were…’

  ‘Oh…’ Enlightenment dawns on her face. ‘That was you…’

  ‘You heard about it, did you? Then I suppose you heard also that he thinks I’m the most shallow, pointless person on the face of the earth.’

  But she’s shaking her head and frowning. ‘I really don’t think he does…’

  ‘So how long have you known him?’ Expecting to get a blow-by-blow of their romance, which undoubtedly is made in heaven.

  ‘Forever,’ she says simply. See? I knew there was something between them. But I’m not expecting what she says next.

  ‘Frankie… Alex is my brother.’

  ‘And there I was thinking,’ I tell Lulubelle, a few days later, ‘that Jessie was his girlfriend.’

  ‘I could have told you that,’ she says. ‘I’ve known Jessie for years. Well, the last four, at least – it just feels like much longer.’

  Cosmo’s in bed and we’re drinking wine in her garden watching the sun go down.

  ‘How has he been?’ I’ve been worrying about him, ever since the fundraiser.

  ‘Okay, I think,’ she frowns slightly. ‘It hasn’t happened again.’

  ‘What was your life like before?’ I ask her, because every time we talk she never mentions it.

  She leans back in her chair. ‘H
onestly? Very different to now. Very different…’ A faraway look comes into her eyes.

  ‘Did you work?’

  ‘Not really,’ she shakes her head. ‘Well, kind of. I messed about with friends on our guitars, that sort of thing. Wasted quite a few years, looking back. I was just thinking about going back to college, when I got pregnant with Cosmo.’

  ‘Oh…’ I try to imagine what that was like. ‘Do you ever see his Dad?’

  ‘Very rarely. He can’t handle Cosmo’s illness.’ She laughs, a brittle sound. ‘What kind of parent says that!’

  The most useless kind, as I know all too well. Like my mother…

  ‘You know, I wonder all the time how you do,’ I say softly. ‘Truly, I think you’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met.’

  Her cheeks take on a tinge of pink. ‘I’m really not, you know… But thank you. I’m just doing what any mother would, Frankie, that’s all.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I say slowly. ‘I don’t think all mothers, especially on their own, could stay so calm and strong and selfless. It can’t be easy.’

  She’s silent, gazing ahead, into some distant place I can only guess at. ‘I’m blessed, Frankie. To have him at all. And he has this way of touching people. I’m sure you’ve noticed. They respond to him. Look at your friends and they’ve only just met him…’

  ‘Anyway,’ she tries to smile at me. ‘For now, we have to make the most of every day.’

  She’s right. It’s so easy to forget how precious each day is. But I realise too – not only is she living with his illness - there’s the fear too, that one day he’ll be taken from her.

  27

  Monday dawns, the start of Hindu wedding week, which is actually rather exciting. Plus Honey’s gone out to more meetings and Maria wants me to go and see her again, which honestly, in that incredible house of hers is such a chore I can’t tell you.