“I’m...I don’t know,” he admitted.
Her eyes widened. Yeah, he understood the irony of it, even in his still-confused state. He was usually completely in control of his emotions, but right now, he wasn’t sure of much of anything.
She carefully poured water into the coffeemaker, then leaned back against the counter. “What’s wrong?”
The words poured from him without his permission. “Olivia went out for a run and I told her I thought it was a bad idea. She said she didn’t care to hear my opinion on her recovery and what she should or shouldn’t do.”
Delia let out a noise that was half laugh, half snort.
He wasn’t amused. “What the hell is so funny about that?” He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it.
“Wait, give me a moment to enjoy your confusion.” She closed her eyes, nodded, then opened them again. “Okay, I’m good. You’re being a dick, and you can’t even see it.”
He scowled. “Excuse me?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “Men. Sometimes you’re so damn clueless. I’m not a firefighter, but I am a cop. I value my independence as much as I value my submission to Colin. And I can tell you if he ever treated me like I was incapable of making my own decisions? I’d rip his balls off and hand them to him.”
Colin walked into the room dressed in a pair of sweats and a T-shirt, a pained look on his face. “What did I do now? And I like my balls right where they are, thank you very much.”
Delia’s face softened. “Sorry it took so long, babe. Gabe has woman troubles.”
Gabe’s stomach clenched. “Very funny, pest.”
“Short version?” Colin asked, leaning against the counter next to Delia.
Gabe wanted to wipe the smug look off Colin’s face. He opened his mouth to speak but Delia cut him off, a mixture of mirth and disgust in her words. “Olivia went for a run. He tried to Dom her into stopping. She told him to take a flying leap. And he can’t understand why I think he’s acting like an ass.”
Colin winced. “Delia—”
Gabe waved it off. “Tell me why.”
Colin sat down, tugging his wife, his sub, into his lap. “Be nice about it, brat.”
“Yes, Sir.” Delia blew out a big sigh. “Do you remember how desperate I was to experience D/s? I wanted it so bad I shook, was so turned on I begged. I didn’t care, and I begged more.”
Gabe nodded. “I remember. But what does that have to do with Olivia?”
“I see it on her face and in her body language. She wants it. Last night, Colin made me kneel and stripped off my clothes. And you pulled Olivia against you like a kid sister. She also heard Colin say you stripped me naked. If I knew Colin did that to another woman, feeling the way I do about him? Oh, hell no. She didn’t leave because she was uncomfortable. She left because she was green-eyed jealous. Trust me on that one.”
Colin set Delia on her feet and smacked her ass. “Come on, brat. It’s time for a shower. Let Master Gabriel work this out.” He wandered over to the coffeemaker and grabbed himself a cup of the newly brewed coffee.
Delia stopped in front of Gabe and waited until he acknowledged her. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
“I hope she’s the one for you, Sir, because I really like her and the way she looks at you when you’re not watching. If she is, cut her some slack. And I don’t mean take it easy on her. Give her your best shot, but be ready to stop on a dime.” She kissed him on the cheek and squeezed his hand. “That’s all. I want you to be happy.”
His throat felt tight, and he pulled her in for a fierce hug, watching her husband watching them at the same time. “Thanks, Delia. Really.”
Colin walked by and clapped him on the shoulder. “If she’s more than just a new sub to play with, talk to her. And good luck.” He and his wife left the kitchen, heads close together, as they headed toward the stairs.
Gabe finished getting breakfast ready, put it all in the warming trays in the dining room, and then grabbed himself a cup of coffee and sat down to wait on the back porch stairs.
* * *
Forty minutes later, Olivia came back onto into the yard, walking. She was sweaty and red-faced, but other than that, she didn’t look any worse for her run.
It was hard, but he hid his sigh of relief. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
He handed her a towel and a bottle of water. She mopped her face and drained the water in several long gulps.
“Thanks,” she said, and then she ignored him and did some warm-down stretches.
Oddly enough, his relief at her well-being overshadowed his frustration with her. “How’d the run go?”
She looked at him warily. “Fine.”
“Good. I’ve got breakfast ready if you want. Everything is in the dining room.” He pushed himself off the step and made his feet move in exactly the opposite direction than the one they wanted to go in—toward her. As he turned to head into the house, he saw a flash of surprise on her face. Good. He hated to be the only one off balance.
He went into the dining room and fixed a plate for himself, then sat, chatting with Delia and Colin, waiting for Olivia to join them. When they fell silent for a moment, he blurted out the other thing that had been keeping him up at night. “I’m not sure if I’m going to reopen Bondage and Breakfast.”
Two pairs of stunned eyes stared at him. Finally, Colin spoke. “Why the hell would you give it up?”
Gabe scraped a hand across his jaw. “After everything that happened here a few months ago...I don’t know. I can’t decide.”
Delia frowned. “You can’t blame yourself for Kayla’s death or any of that other stuff. All of that is on Hank Whitcomb. You give people a safe place where they can explore and not be judged. I wouldn’t be here with Colin right now if you hadn’t helped us work through what we needed from each other.”
He grimaced. “Easier said than done.”
She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “You’ll figure it out. Just don’t make any rash decisions.”
Olivia came into the room just as Delia finished speaking. She’d showered and was wearing leggings and loose cotton T-shirt. She filled a plate, got some coffee.
He stood and held out the chair next to him. “Come sit near me.”
She hesitated, but nodded and sat. She was introspective and quiet as she ate, answering questions when asked, and posing few of her own. She smiled at humorous things, but it didn’t reach her eyes. He let it slide, but he wasn’t the only one who noticed.
“You okay, Liv?” Colin asked, reaching out to touch her arm, a slight frown on his face.
“Just thinking.” She smiled faintly at him. “I’m fine.”
Jealousy shoved a spike into his belly. Christ, something needed to change before he lost his damn mind. She wasn’t smiling at him like that, she sure as hell wasn’t fine, and Colin needed to get his fucking hand off Olivia before he removed it for him.
His dominant personality wasn’t always conducive to him being the easiest guy to be around. It was probably his biggest character flaw, although his princess might have a few others to add to that list. But he hated the strain between him and Olivia. Maybe his friends were right and a conversation would get things back on track. He’d think about it later, once they were gone. Once he had her back to himself.
* * *
Colin and Delia left around noon, and then it was just her and Gabe again. He sat on the steps, quieter than normal. She’d only caught the tail end of his conversation about him maybe not reopening Bondage and Breakfast, and she’d been stunned. All the work they’d done, for nothing? She had no idea what was going on in his head, because he hadn’t shared that with her, had he? No, he’d done his damnedest to get her to bare her soul, but he’d never opened up to her. He’d poked at many of her emotional s
ore spots, but he’d never shared his own. Her stomach clenched.
“Excuse me,” she murmured, climbing past him up the front steps.
He stopped her with his hand on her ankle. “Sit with me?”
“Not now, Gabe.” Even though annoyance swam through her veins, she softened the refusal. “I left my phone upstairs. I’ll be back down in a bit.”
She went up to her room and closed the door, flopping back onto the bed. Her cell phone chirped and she scooped it off the nightstand, thumbing the screen on. Two missed calls, her mother and her temporary boss. Two voicemails, too.
Shit.
“Darling, it’s your mum. You haven’t rung back, and I’m still not happy you won’t tell us where you’re staying. Please call me so your father and I know you haven’t been abducted. And your supervisor rang here looking for you. I told him not to bother you.”
She sighed. Delete. Ever dramatic, her mum was, but now wasn’t a good time to talk. She opened the next message.
“Watterson, Captain Bryce here. Checking in to see how you’re doing. We’re running another Fire Med class starting in the fall, and we’re picking the team for it now. Let me know if you think you’ll be back to work by then and if you’re interested in finishing out the program.”
Oh, God. The bottom dropped out of her stomach as she hit Delete again. She was still out on disability, and going back to work was something she tried not to think about much. Right now, she couldn’t imagine herself holding a hose again, but that was what she wanted, what she was working toward, wasn’t it? Her old life, with the job that made her feel like she contributed to her community.
She shoved herself to the edge of the bed for a moment, her heart pounding as she let the idea roll around in her head. Back to work, back on the line. Oddly enough, it wasn’t as scary a thought as it had been even just a few weeks ago. She wasn’t ready yet, but it no longer seemed out of the realm of possibilities. Maybe. Maybe not. Once she started thinking about it, she couldn’t stop. She grimaced, then stood and tossed her phone into the middle of the bed.
Gabe. She went downstairs on autopilot, looking for him. In spite of her frequent frustration with his overbearing attitude, she wanted to be near him. He could make her brain stop spinning, could soothe her with a touch.
She didn’t see him on the porch anymore, but found him in his office. He sat in the easy chair near an open window, his bare feet propped up on the low stool in front of him. He was wearing those sexy-as-hell reading glasses and sorting through a pile of papers in his lap. She stood in the doorway for a moment, just soaking him in, before she spoke. “Hey.”
He looked up absently. “Oh, hey,” he said, and then he scowled at the paper in his hand, talking to himself.
Her already confused heart twisted. He seemed distant. Was it because she’d put him off earlier? Worry about that added to the jumble of thoughts rolling around in her head. God, she needed it to stop, even for just a little while. She needed—
She picked up a floor cushion that had been left against the wall under the window and dropped it next to the chair. She sank to her knees, leaning against his legs. Instantly, she calmed a little, and she let out a shuddery breath, looking at him through the curtain of her hair. He seemed stunned, but she wasn’t sure why.
“This isn’t good for your back.”
“I’m fine, Sir. I just needed...” Her soft words drifted off because she couldn’t figure out what to say next. How did she tell him she just needed him?
“Okay, princess” he said, just as quietly. He stroked her hair as he continued to read, and she rested her head on his thigh, staring out the window, listening to the chatter of the birds and the breeze in the trees. Just being with him like this soothed her, even though he was the source of much of her stress. She floated in a haze of comfort and acceptance and it felt so good. Her mind started drifting into dangerous waters, forever kind of waters, and arousal flooded her body. Suddenly she was restless, a delicious, good kind of tension winding its way through her body making her squirm. She became so wet she drenched her panties. She shifted closer to him, rubbing her head against his leg like a cat.
“Not a good idea, Olivia,” Gabe said gruffly.
Olivia. Not princess. Her heart dropped and her throat closed up. “Why?”
He pushed himself from the chair, forcing her to sit back on her heels. It felt wrong all of a sudden, so she shoved herself to her feet, wincing as her back pinched from leaning the way she’d been leaning.
“That’s why. Right there. No matter how much you want to be, you’re not ready. Even something as basic as kneeling causes you pain. How can I expect you to...” His words drifted off as he paced around the room.
That’s how he saw her? That delicate? Christ. She felt like he’d just taken his hand and shoved it in her chest, ripping her heart out. But even through the ache, she tried to get him to understand. “I’m fine. I keep telling you that.”
His face softened. “I know you think you are.”
She looked at him, really looked at him, and saw the conflict in his eyes. He was aroused, but he wouldn’t do anything about it. He cared for her, wanted her, but he couldn’t see past her injuries. She could argue with him until she was blue in the face, and she would if she thought he was talking about just right now, but she had a feeling he was never going to see her as whole. She was shocked she could even think straight, but there it was.
She’d never be enough for him.
Suddenly she was exhausted, and she just needed to go. Away from him, away from this place, away from this push and pull that thrilled her one moment and terrified her the next. Suddenly, she missed her apartment and her things and her friends and even her family.
“Okay,” she said, forcing the words out over a throat so tight she could barely breathe. “I...I’ll see you later.” She turned and left the room, ignoring him when he called her name.
Upstairs, she shoved the things she needed right away into an overnight bag. Her toiletries, her medicines, her handbag. She didn’t think she could stay here any longer, not even another hour. She slung the bag over her shoulder and grabbed her laptop, too. She opened the door to find Gabe pacing outside in the hallway.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
He looked stunned. “Why?”
She wanted to laugh, but there wasn’t anything funny about his confusion. “I really appreciate you letting me stay here, but it’s time for me to go. I’ll come back for the rest of my things another day.”
He frowned. “Is this about being uncomfortable with what you overheard about Delia? Because that was part of a teaching situation, not a personal one.”
Jealousy sank teeth into her again but she forced it back. Truly, it wasn’t about that. She didn’t love it, but she understood it. “No, it’s about me. I can’t do this anymore.”
She carried her things downstairs, sparing just a quick glance through the home she’d come to love. It hurt too much to linger. When she got to the porch, she turned to face Gabe again. It was hard, but it had to be said. “I’m not spun glass. I’m not as breakable as you seem to think I am.”
When he remained silent, didn’t demand or even ask her to stay, the already cracked pieces of her heart splintered into pointy, painful shards.
She turned and left, not looking back.
Chapter Thirteen
He hadn’t expected Olivia to leave. That one thought kept rolling through Gabe’s head as he sat on the bench out by the pasture, watching the horses nibble on the grass in the waning light. They gave him no real pleasure now, because all he could think of sitting here was the night he’d broken Olivia into anal play. She’d been so scared, but she’d been so willing.
She’d been gone a week now, and he was a fucking mess. He smelled her everywhere, esp
ecially in his room. He hadn’t slept in his bed since she’d left. Hell, he’d barely slept at all. She was in every room of his house, from the linens she’d bought to the furniture and art she’d helped him choose to the small pile of panties he’d taken off her at every opportunity.
He ran that last day over and over again in his head. Those words she’d hurled at him before getting into her car were seared on his brain forever. He’d never thought her fragile, just injured. And he’d tried to tell her that in so many ways over all those days, always explaining why he held back in his play with her. He’d known her sitting at his feet that way would wrench her back, but he’d given in. It hadn’t been easy to tell her to stop rather than order her to suck his cock on her knees the way he’d desperately wanted her to, because he’d worried that would hurt her, too. She’d proven him right by wincing when she got up, even though she’d stood there and told him she was fine. He wasn’t blind, so he’d called her on it. He’d expected her to be annoyed, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected her to pack up and leave because of it.
It cramped his gut, knowing how badly he’d misread her and how much he missed her. He’d grown tired of himself and his own company and so, a few nights ago, he’d done something he hadn’t done in years. He’d gone to a club.
It left him cold. He’d seen a few old friends and many much-younger women who’d been so eager to get under his—or any other Dom’s—hands, he’d worried for their safety. That wasn’t an environment he liked, which was why he’d opened Bondage and Breakfast in the first place.
At least going there had done one thing for him. Now that he remembered his reasons for creating this safe place to play, he was back on board with moving forward. And if he had to be a little more careful with his people-reading skills, then so be it. But his friends had been dead right. He loved this place. It was in his blood.
He’d spent the past few days getting things moving again. He’d had the inspectors out, gotten his occupancy certificate back. He’d also set up plans for a beginner’s BDSM class, the class that had been interrupted by the arsonist. It felt like the right place to start. And he’d sent out an email to his customers, letting them know he was taking reservations again. Two weeks from now, he’d be as busy as he ever was. He’d be happy to get life back to normal.
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