Except it wasn’t really normal anymore, was it? Olivia had spent four weeks with him, a mere month, and now his life felt empty and flat without her in it. Sure, he’d been frustrated with her and aroused and on edge with her, but she’d also added light and color and fun to his days. Her excitement over helping him shop and get the house set up had rubbed off on him. But she’d called safe and left, taking all that energy with her.
He pushed himself to his feet and went back to the house, straight to his office. It smelled like her in here, too, damn it. That subtle honey-vanilla scent she wore, the one that made him want to lick her all over.
He shuddered. Fuck him, he wanted her back.
He grabbed his phone and dialed the one person who could help him. One ring, two rings. He didn’t wait for a greeting. “You know where Olivia lives, right? I need her address.”
“Why the hell should I give it to you?” Marcus growled. “She was here earlier, and I didn’t even know she was home. I haven’t seen her this messed up since the accident. What the fuck did you do to her?”
Gabe’s heart clenched. “Nothing. She left. I didn’t make her go,” he said, repeating words he’d just been thinking. “It was her choice to call red, Aiello. Not mine. You know how I feel about safe words. Full stop.”
“So you’re asking for her address why?”
Gabe blew out a ragged breath. “Because I miss her. Because I want her here. Because she’s mine, damn it!”
There was silence on the other end, and then a muttered curse. “Fair enough. But so help me God, you fuck with her head and—”
“I won’t.”
He wrote down the address and was just about to hang up when Marcus interrupted him. “Liv’s going to kill me for telling you this, but she asked about local clubs. She said she wasn’t going to sit home alone on a Friday night. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t budge. I told her I wanted a text when she got home, or a phone call if she needed an out.”
Gabe’s blood ran cold.
* * *
Oh, bloody hell, quit thinking about him.
Since she was home, she’d gone back to doing her PT at the therapist’s office three days a week. It was helpful to have someone pushing her, someone who made her work harder instead of telling her she couldn’t or shouldn’t do something. Today was an off day, so she was exercising at home. Too bad, because at the therapist’s, she kept her mind focused on what she was doing, instead of thinking about Gabe. Here, though? Nothing to distract her from thoughts of him.
It had taken her nearly a week, but she’d finally come to a decision. Several of them, in fact, about herself and her work.
Marcus’s ace paramedic skills had kept her spine intact after her accident, and as she contemplated her future, she’d finally realized she could do as much good, maybe even more, if she stayed a full-time paramedic. That job was still waiting for her, and she was seriously considering it, but she’d also met with Captain Bryce one day.
The meeting had been out at the training center, and it had been hard to make herself go. But when she was there, she’d learned something interesting, something she hadn’t expected.
The fear, while still there, was muted. Maybe it was just time passing. But more likely, it was because when she’d been with Gabe, played with Gabe, she’d had to face her fears every single second. Not quite the same thing, but every ounce of confidence she’d earned from submitting to him made all her other worries a bit lighter. Strange, but true, and she was going back to the training academy to finish out her Fire Med class in the fall if her doctors okayed it. She’d explained her concerns to Captain Bryce and he’d understood, more than she’d expected. He’d told her, somewhat gruffly, that they’d be happy to have her back in whichever job she wanted.
She’d learned something else about herself at Bondage and Breakfast, something she’d never truly grasped. She’d always known she liked powerful men who were old-fashioned gentlemen with a wicked streak, but that was it. She’d never considered why, or what it was she got out of it.
She knew now, but was it just Gabe who brought out that need to submit to his will? Or was she wired that way, and he’d just been the one to show her that? Only one way to find out. Tonight, she was going to a bondage club. She’d gotten the address from Marcus, even though he’d tried to warn her off.
She looked at the clock and frowned. She had things to do. She finished her workout, then climbed into the shower, groaning as the hot water soothed her aching muscles. Once she was done, she dressed and headed out to the mall. It had been far too long since she’d pampered herself, and she needed it. Three hours later, she had a haircut and a manicure, and she was the owner of sexy new lingerie and a posh dress she’d never have considered wearing before. The minute she’d seen the dress she’d wanted it. It was black and tight and it looked perfect for a bondage club. Too bad she’d had to buy ballet flats to go with it, but heels and her back were still mortal enemies.
Back home, she sat alone at her table in her robe, eating a small meal before getting dressed, thinking of all the meals she’d spent with Gabe over the past month. They’d been frustrating at times, but also fun. He was articulate, with a dry wit that matched hers. He’d made her laugh, and he’d made her want, and he’d made her wet.
And then he’d taken it all away by telling her she’d never be ready to be the woman for him.
In the still of the night, when she couldn’t sleep worth a bloody damn, she was tortured by those final moments she’d spent with him. As exciting as their play in Harpers Ferry had been, as erotic as those hours spent in his room had felt, nothing in her life had ever felt so right in her bones as the time she’d spent on her knees at his feet, leaning against him being just who she was, without question, without regret.
And she wanted that feeling again.
If he wasn’t willing to give her what she needed, surely there was someone else out there who could. Someone who wouldn’t treat her as if a sideways look would crush her spine. Someone who saw her as a whole woman, not an invalid.
She put her dishes in the sink, shoved her confusion from her brain and went to get dressed.
She’d just put her thigh-high stockings on when the doorbell rang. She threw on a robe and went to the door, looking through the peephole. Her head fell forward against the wood with a thunk.
Gabe, as if she’d conjured him from her thoughts.
She didn’t want to answer it, but then he knocked and called her name. Arguing with herself, she opened the door a crack. He looked fantastic to her Gabe-starved eyes, but he looked positively knackered, too. She knew exactly how that felt, and she was petty enough to be glad he was as miserable as she was.
“Let me in, Olivia.”
Her eyes narrowed as she studied his rigid posture. He was in full-blown Dom mode, possessive and arrogant, but she wasn’t falling for the appeal of it. “No.”
His jaw cranked tight, but he scraped a slightly unsteady hand over his stubbled chin. “Please?”
Oh, bloody hell. She had no defense against him when he asked, not ordered. She stepped back and let him in, closing the door behind him. “What do you want?” Her tone was rude and not in any way deferent, but too damn bad.
“To talk.”
“Sorry,” she said, waving her hand across her body. “I’ve plans for a night out, and I’m not changing them. You need to leave. If you want to talk, we can do it on the phone another day.”
He locked eyes with her. “Don’t push me, Olivia. Your independent streak seriously turns me on, but that? That sounds like a challenge and you know how I feel about those.” He ran a finger down the silk of the robe covering her arm, then laced his fingers with hers. “One more time. We’re going to talk even if I have to tie you to your bed to do it.” He squeezed her hand, then let it go. “Bedroom. Now,
princess.”
Princess. The pet name was a prick of pain to her heart, but to her disgust, she couldn’t help but be turned on by the rough command in his voice and the utter control in his demeanor. Instead of being annoyed by his presumptuous words, she found herself wanting to obey him. She could no longer deny that her desire to submit to him equaled the strength of his will, and it was that push and pull that made their dynamic work.
Well, at least when it was working.
She locked eyes with him, wishing she could find an answer in them that said he wouldn’t hurt her again. She didn’t see one, but that was one of life’s risks, wasn’t it? There was a choice to be made, not because she couldn’t think for herself, but because she could. He’d told her that early on, she remembered. She had to choose to submit to him for this to work. And if ever there was a time to be honest with herself, it was now. This was what she really wanted, who she really wanted—not some anonymous Dom, but Gabe. Her Dom.
With a deep breath, she blinked, then flicked a look toward the open door to her bedroom. “Yes, Sir.”
* * *
Gabe let out the breath he’d been holding on the hour-long drive to her house, where he’d waffled between terror and anger. He took his role as a Dom seriously, damn it, and he’d always had Olivia’s safety and well-being in his mind and in his actions while he was in control. But while that was true for him and for most Doms, there were unscrupulous ones out there, and that scared the shit out of him. The last thing she needed was to hook up with one of those at some anonymous club.
He was relieved he’d found her at home, because if he’d found her at a club tangled up with some other Dom? Fuck no. The idea was absolutely, positively unacceptable, and he didn’t have enough friends who were cops to bail him out of that kind of mess.
She stopped in front of her bed and he took her chin in his hand. “I understand the attitude and why you said no at the door. But you also know no doesn’t mean anything in my world. So here’s your reminder. Red means stop, yellow means slow down.”
“Why are you here, Gabe?”
He didn’t bother to correct her use of his name. “Because I’ll be damned if I let some other Dom teach you.”
Frustration blazed in her eyes. “That’s all? The only reason you’re here is because Marcus ratted me out and you don’t want me to go to a club? You don’t want me, but no one else can have me?”
He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You’re missing my point, babe. Isn’t that what you kept saying to me? That I was missing your point? It’s not about the club.” He sucked in a deep breath and let out the thing he’d finally understood once she was gone. “It’s about you. No one else can have you because I do want you. I want you in my bed and in my life and I don’t want to share you. I called Marcus, not the other way around. I was already intent on coming here before he ever told me about the club.”
“I’m not some fragile flower.” She wrenched away from him and stepped back, pacing her room. “I won’t play that role, and I won’t let you hold me back because you think I’m weak.”
His anger flared. “I’ve never called you weak, Olivia. That’s a word you came up with, not me. As a matter of fact, I think you’re one of the strongest people I know.”
She stared at him, unconvinced. “Yet you read me the riot act for going running.”
That thought still made his stomach turn. “You could’ve really injured yourself. I was worried.”
Fire flashed from her eyes. “Did it occur to you to ask if I’d spoken to my doctor about it? Because the thing is, I had. I’d even gone for a test run on the treadmill at PT. I got clearance for it before I did it. I got everyone’s message, no stupid make-it-up-myself therapy. Point taken. But you didn’t even ask. You just assumed and bulldozed right over me.”
Well, shit. He scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “No, actually, it didn’t cross my mind. I’m sorry I didn’t think to ask.”
“And then, that afternoon after Colin and Delia left.” She shuddered and wrapped her arms around her middle, a defensive, protective posture if he’d ever seen one. “You wouldn’t let me...”
He swallowed hard. Time for him to be as honest with her as she’d been with him. “Do you know what kinds of things I do to my subs, Olivia?”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Because being a Dom isn’t something I can easily turn off. You need to understand why sometimes I’ll call a halt. Sex with me is rough. You already know I like to bite. I like to pin a woman down and fuck her slowly in the ass until she’s nearly in tears, begging me to finish, and I’m bastard enough to deny her that sometimes. And sometimes I like to force a woman to orgasm over and over again, no matter how much she begs me to stop, unless she safes out. I love to tie women up, suspend them from hooks in the ceiling or restrain them to the cross in my room, stretching them so their muscles are taut and just to the point of pain. Maybe even over it. I spank women, I flog them and, if I’m in the mood, I use a cane. I really like the marks a cane leaves.”
“Gabe, I—”
“I’m not done,” he interrupted, his voice low and rough. He shoved an unsteady hand through his hair. If he stopped now, he might not get it all out. He wasn’t one to bare his soul, but with Olivia, he figured he had one more shot, and only one.
“I’m all about the control. It’s mine, and I take what I want and I give what I want to give. And when you were on your knees, your face so close to my dick, your breath on my body, all I could think of was those things I love to do. I wanted to do them to you, to control you, to handle you roughly as I fucked you. But your body can’t handle that kind of rough right now, and I needed to pull back. That control I’m supposedly known for was nowhere to be found, so I stepped away. It was no different than that night at the pasture, when I called red. I thought you understood, but you left.” And she’d taken a huge chunk of his heart with her, although he’d never admit it out loud. Some things needed to stay private.
“So we have a stalemate,” she whispered, her eyes growing haunted. “I’ve lost count of how many times I told you I was fine over the past few weeks. But you won’t believe me, and I don’t know what else to do to prove it to you.”
The pain of her words felt like knife-cuts against his skin. “I’m sorry, princess.”
“Please don’t call me that unless you mean it,” she begged. “I fell for you in a big way. Not the just the Dom, but the man you are. I love the way you make me feel when we’re together, and I don’t mean just the sex. But this?” She rubbed the heel of her hand over her heart. “This isn’t worth it. If you expect me to accept that you’ll never see me as a whole, healthy woman, then I can’t take a risk with you. I can’t do it. I’d rather walk away now than have you cut me off time and time again because you don’t trust me to know my own body and my own mind.”
Her plea tore something loose inside him. “It’s a risk for me too, sweetheart. What I want out of a relationship isn’t something everyone can give, not even someone with no physical limitations. But you have them, and you have to accept them. You may get past them, or you may not, but you can’t avoid the fact that you’re a person healing from a traumatic injury.” He felt like he wasn’t making any sense, like he was dumping the contents of his mind and his heart, but he kept going. “And you’re not the only one who fell hard, Olivia. I’ve been alone for a long time, but you’ve reached parts of me no one else ever has. That afternoon you got down on your knees and sat with me in my office, you showed me something I never knew I was missing. I’ve only ever played with bedroom D/s, but you brought it outside the bedroom. You gave me you, all of you, in a nonsexual setting. I loved it. And then you walked out on me.”
Olivia dropped onto the bed, her head hanging forward, and Gabe sat next to her. He picked up her hand, kissed it. He tucked his palm under her chin, forcing her to
look at him. The confused, conflicted look in her eyes twisted his gut. He stroked a thumb across her jaw. “I’m fucking miserable without you, princess. One more chance, please, to see if we can make a real relationship work. Come back with me to Bondage and Breakfast.”
She stared at him for a very long time, but he held his tongue, difficult as it was. The mental fight she waged was written on her face but no one could make this decision for her. He’d made his on the way over here, and now it had to be her choice. It would kill him if she turned him down, and he might even get on his knees and beg her to reconsider if she said no, because he couldn’t imagine any other woman filling that space in his heart and soul. He was going to do what he had to do in order to keep her in his life.
He swept his thumb over her face again. “Princess? Will you give me another chance?”
She blinked and then, to his utter shock, she slipped off the bed and onto her knees at his feet. She laid her cheek against his legs. “Yes, Sir.”
Chapter Fourteen
It was late, nearly eleven, but they were back at Bondage and Breakfast. They’d driven separately so she could have her car, and the time alone had given her too much time to think, to worry she was making a huge mistake. Gabe must’ve known, or even felt the same way, because about ten minutes into the drive he’d called her and talked with her the whole rest of the way back. He’d told her about getting all the renovations finished and planning for the next round of classes he had scheduled, and then he’d told her about his family. He’d asked her questions about her family too, but mostly she’d listened. Damn good thing traffic was light and they both had cars with hands-free speakers.
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