I Belong To Her

by Ava Danielle

  “Let’s get you into the exam room and check you with the ultrasound,” the doctor helps Theresa out of the chair and we continue to walk into another room.

  Once Theresa lies flat on the bench, the doctor prepares for the ultrasound with a gel, everything is moving severely fast.

  “Is everything ok with the babies?” I ask nervously.

  “That’s what we’re checking right now,” she says and stares at the screen completely ignoring me.

  “I need you to get her a gown and prepare her for surgery,” the doctor voices to the nurse.

  “What?” Theresa asks shocked.

  “What do you mean surgery?” I ask just as shocked.

  “One of the twin’s heartbeats is slowing down, we need to deliver them right now,” she says like it’s no big deal.

  “But they are four weeks too early,” Theresa worries.

  “It’s going to be ok, we have a great staff that will take care of them once we deliver. We will put you under, this will be an emergency C-Section, but don’t worry, we will take care of you,” she says.

  I’m trying my best to soothe Theresa while I worry with every fiber of my being.

  “I love you Theresa,” I say as I kiss her forhead, nurses storming into the room.

  “I love you too, Michael,” she cries.

  And then they wheel her out. And I’m supposed to sit back and wait.

  By time I start to realize what’s happening, I’m being poked with needles, told to breathe, and to calm down. I was pretty sure I was calm, but I guess not. “Count to ten please,” someone says while placing an oxygen mask on my face, but I try to ignore him, trying to get out of this mess, I’m just not sure how. I want to argue with him, I want him to stop, my babies still have a few more weeks to go, it’s too soon, but I can’t. It’s time and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  Staring at the florescent light above, I worry. Everything gets blurry and fades away. Maybe I’ll never come back. Maybe it’s all over after this. Maybe this means I’m not supposed to be happy. I’m the heartbreaker this time, for good.

  Pacing the hallways of the hospital unsure of what’s happening. I was supposed to be there with her. I was supposed to hold her hand, love her, tell her she’s beautiful, get yelled at by her, I was supposed to be doing all those things, instead I’m walking an empty hallway with no love in it. No pictures on the walls. No laughing. No screaming babies being welcomed into this world. Nothing even remotely close to what I had imagined.

  The nurse smiles as she comes out of the room, she does that every time, only this time she stops and says it’s all going well. But I don’t want it to just go well, I want them to be healthy, happy, all three of them. I want my future wife to not have to feel any of this worry and pain.

  Continuing to pace back and forth, I begin to sing. I sing our favorite songs, I hum tunes I don’t know the words to, and breathe as if I’m trying to breathe for her.

  I start to hear faint cries of babies, I say babies because it can’t be echoes. Two babies screaming for their life.

  I place my ear against the door, trying to listen to any and everything that is going on. I imagine the ten fingers and toes being counted on each child. But, I’m outside of this door listening like a creeper. Trying to get an inch closer to my babies.

  You did it I silently say to myself. My beautiful Theresa just gave us two screaming babies. I can’t even tell you what they are because we decided to let us get surprised. We have put two white bassinets into our bedroom until we knew what they were so we could finish the nursery. We’ve never known what’s going to happen and being surprised at every turn, this just added a little to our story.

  The operating room doors open and a young nurse wheels out two baby beds where my twins lie. I can’t believe it. I’m looking at them in amazement. I’m in awe at how tiny and cute they are. But they seem to be doing well. They seem healthy.

  “We will get them checked out, but it’s looking good,” she tells me as she continues to wheel them down the hallway.

  I’m a dad again. And, fuck, I never asked what they are. They were bundled up in blankets, you couldn’t even tell. I chase her down like a madman, and scream after her, “Wait!” She turns around confused. “Boy? Girl?” I manage to get out. She smiles at me and nods, “two Boys, sir” and continues to walk to wherever they take them to get them checked out.

  Two boys. I’m a dad of two boys. Not just one, but two. Two boys I can wrestle with and drive Theresa crazy with.

  Sitting back in the chair in front of the operating room, I decide to pull my phone out and send a group text to all our friends and family.

  Theresa and I are at the hospital. She just had an emergency c-section and delivered two baby boys. They seem healthy but are getting double-checked. Theresa is still being treated and not awake, will send update when I have one. Love you all.

  I lean back in the chair and think about what to say to Theresa when she wakes up. I’m excited to tell her the big news, ecstatic actually.

  “Sir,” I hear someone say. “Hi, I’m Dr. Phillips, your wife delivered two baby boys that are being checked right now. There were no complications. It seems that the bigger twin was on top of the little one nearly squashing him, they are both fine, but we still need to take precaution. Your wife needs a little while to wake up. If you wish you can sit beside her and wait for her to wake up. Congratulations,” he says and shakes my hand.

  I check my messages that I’ve felt buzz through my pants pocket.

  I’m on my way. – Sarah

  Congratulations. Let us know if you need anything and when we can come visit. Two boys, huh? ;) Love ya. – Addison and Brandon

  No way. Two boys, that’s all we needed, two little Michaels. Love ya and Congratulations. We’ll stop by soon. – Kristina, Ryan, and the hoodlums

  I call my parents to tell them the big news but they are either sleeping or out. They have so many friends you never know what their plans are. So I decide to leave them a message on their answering machine, making sure they know they have two grandsons.

  The recovery room where Theresa is until she wakes up is stale, white, with no furniture besides the bed she lies in and the chair I’m occupying. I’m ready for her to wake up. I’m also ready to check on my babies. This is all a bit overwhelming, tears start streaming down. But I need to be strong for her, I can’t be weak.

  “Hey Michael, why don’t you get some fresh air,” I hear a familiar voice.

  Looking up I see Sarah staring at me with a big smile.

  “Go daddy, I’ll take it from here. I’ll wait while she wakes up.”

  “Really? I want to be here for her and the boys though,” I sigh.

  “I know. I’ll be right here. “

  I take a deep breath and agree with her leaving the room and my beautiful girl behind.

  “Oh good, you’re already on your way. I need you to come with me right now,” the nurse from earlier says.

  “Is everything ok?” but she doesn’t answer me. “Hello? Is there something wrong with my boys?” I ask again a bit louder this time.

  “They need you,” is all she says.

  What the fuck? Why can’t she just tell me? Instead of arguing though, I continue to follow her to the children’s section of the hospital where I hear babies and children cry and laugh. We go through the doors of the newborn section. And I see my two boys lie in beds. They are sleeping and seem perfect.

  “They need a voice they know to soothe them. They are calm at the moment but it wasn’t like that a few minutes ago. They have been through quite the ordeal. But we would like you to take them to their mom once she wakes up and gets admitted to her room. They are both very healthy and strong little fellows. Congratulations again,” she says and walks away.

  “Well hello there boys, I’m your daddy.” I say sitting between the two beds in the rocking chair that is placed there.

  “You gave us quite the scare. What a way to make y
our entrance. I already love and worry about you and just met you a few hours ago.”

  Fluttering eyes make me aware of where I am. Not at home. Not in my bed. And not next to Michael. In fact, I’m in a room with nothing but whiteness around me. My mouth is dry. I’m worn out. And my stomach has pain I can’t explain.

  “The babies,” I whisper. I get nothing in return. “The babies,” I say louder, “there’s something wrong with the babies,” I panic.

  “Shhhhh… the babies are fine,” I hear Sarah.

  “Sarah?” my eyes start open a little more.

  “Yeah, it’s me. You’re in the hospital. The babies were born, Theresa. You want to know what they are?”

  “Where’s Michael? I want Michael.”

  “Michael is with the twins waiting on you,” she says holding my hand.

  “Take me there, Sarah. Take me there now,” I demand.

  “Let me get the doctor and let them know you’re awake and ready to see your babies,” she leaves the room.

  It seems like she’s gone forever. I’m ready to just get out of the bed and run there myself if there wasn’t this pain, the pain that keeps me from doing anything at the moment.

  A man with a white coat walks into the room with Sarah, “is someone ready to see her, babies?” I see Sarah raising her eyebrows at him. Code for something?

  “I’m ready to see Michael and my babies, yes, can we go now or is everyone just going to stare at me lying in this stupid ass bed?” I snap at them. “I don’t have time for this bullshit, just take me there and leave me alone with the people I love most.”

  “Theresa!” Sarah retorts.

  The doctor chimes in and whispers to her, like I can’t hear it or anything, “it’s the medicine.” He’s trying to defend me. Oh how nice.

  This is not at all how I imagined bringing my kids into this world, in fact, not being able to hold them yet is driving me crazy.

  The nurse got word that Theresa woke up and helps me take the twins to her room. We are about to be a family in one room, together. She will get to see her boys for the first time and I couldn’t be more excited.

  “You ready to see your mommy, boys? Now make sure you open your eyes, you’ll want to see her, she’s beautiful,” I whisper to them both as we wait.

  The door opens and her bed rolls in. She’s awake and smiling. Even worn out after giving birth she’s gorgeous.

  “Hey baby,” I say as they set her bed in place and lock all the wheels. She smiles up at me and one of the nurses walks over to the baby bed, she takes the first one out and places it in Theresa’s arm, she then took baby number two and places it into her other arms. If only everyone could see what I see. My beautiful wife to be has our two boys in her hands, one in each arm. And it’s a sight I never want to forget. Picture perfect. “Congratulations on your two boys,” the nurse says.

  Sarah grabs her phone out of her pocket and starts to take pictures. “Michael, get in there,” she demands as I scrunch next to the bed.

  The nurses all leave the room. Sarah places a kiss on Theresa’s forehead, “I’m gonna give you two some family time, I’ll be back later.”

  Theresa and I are alone, each holding a baby.

  “So, we need names babe,” I say to her. We’ve been deciding for a while but she didn’t want to settle on anything until she saw them first hand and could place the name with the face.

  “Beavis and Butthead,” she says as she looks down into brown eyes staring back at her.

  “Really? That’s what we’re going with?”

  “Well, if they are anything like their daddy, they will be buttheads, so why not,” she laughs.

  “Is that the medicine talking?”

  “Nope, that’s Theresa talking.”

  That’s what I love about the woman, the humor. She turns everything into a joke when it gets serious.

  I tap my foot on the floor swaying my son in my arm. Theresa is cooing at our other son

  “He’s Joshua,” she begins to say. “Come here and look at that face, doesn’t it scream Josh?” she asks.

  “I agree. And this little man is Jackson.”

  We’ve had the boy names picked out for a while, but now looking at them, we know they are perfect.

  I slide into the bed next to Theresa, and she places her hand on Joshua’s heart, “it’s beating so fast,” she says.

  I place my hand on Jackson’s, “yes it is,” and she puts her head on my shoulder.

  “Michael?”

  “Yes, Baby?”

  “I love you. I love them, I love all of this,” she whispers.

  “Me too, babe, me too,”

  10 weeks later

  Theresa is Supermom, I don’t know how she does it. She feeds them at the same time, they sleep at the same time, and she plays with them. She’s keeping our house tip top and she’s always cooking dinner for me every night. We have cuddle time in the evenings and the babies have been the sweetest, they barely cry.

  I actually had to find a new assistant for the time being, it’s a short contract since Theresa wants to get back to work when the boys are a little older. She’s always worked and needs that time away and out of the house. I understand. But we’ve agreed it would be part time until the boys go to school.

  “Hey Honey,” Theresa screams from the bathroom as I’m walking through the front door.

  “Hey, need any help?” I ask on the way down to the hallway.

  “Actually, Joshua is in the bassinet in the living room, he needs to be changed too, if you could bring him to me.”

  I walk up to the bassinet to see Joshua staring at me. He looks like me, a lot like me. They are identical twins and sometimes even I can’t tell them apart yet, I don’t know how Theresa does.

  “Hey sweet boy, what you do today? Did you have a good day with Mommy and Jackson?” I pull him out of the bassinet and into my arms. He’s cooing at me, a sound I have grown to love all over again.

  The girls come over every day after school to keep Theresa some company, well on the days they don’t have after school specials, and see their baby brothers. She says they have been a great help keeping them occupied or holding their bottles so she can keep up with the laundry.

  As I’m walking down the hallway, I hear Theresa and Jackson giggle. I stand outside the door and listen in for a little while, giving them time to bond. But, Theresa knows me too well and says, “you can come in now, silly.” “Busted” I whisper to Joshua.

  After we’ve finished changing and dressing them, we walk back into living room to lay them on their play blanket and join them on the floor, admiring our boys.

  “We need to talk wedding,” I come out and say unexpectedly.

  “We do. I have thought about it and I’d like to do it in the winter once the boys are over 12 months. That way they can walk by then and we can include them into the wedding,” she looks at me with hope of agreement.

  “Sounds great. That’ll give us time to prepare and get it all in order, to make it special,” I lean in to kiss her.

  “Perfect, I’ll get together with Sarah and we’ll start planning,” she says.

  “Do I get a say in anything?”

  “Depends on what it is, you’re not picking my dress, the boys suits, or the color of décor,” she says.

  Shocked I respond, “and my suit?”

  “Duh, I’m not picking that out for you,” and sticks her tongue out at me.

  “Ok. So Hawaiian shirt and shorts. Got it.”

  “Ha Ha Ha, you think you’re so funny.”

  “But of course.”

  “You’ll be cold though,” she adds.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well it’s going to be winter and hopefully snowing since we live in Connecticut, so shorts and Hawaii shirt will be a little cold.”

  “Ah, I’ll have to improvise.”

  “Good Luck, baby.”

  We kiss. Actually, more like we make out. Ready for the boys to take a small littl
e nap so I can ravish my girlfriend. I take that back, fiancé.

  Not much longer and she’ll be my wife and I cannot wait. These next few months are going to take forever.

  The Wedding

  I can’t believe the time has come; today I’ll actually make Theresa mine. She’ll be my wife. I have had to wait way too long.

  The boys are walking now. They are a lot more active than my three girls ever were. I don’t know if it’s because there’s two of them and they try to outdo the other, or because that’s just how they are. They are rambunctious little boys, that’s for sure. Once you get Aiden in the mix, them three are unstoppable, it’s cute, but exhausting.

  “You ready for your big day?” Ryan slaps me.

  “Uh man, I’m nervous as fuck. You’d think I wouldn’t have a problem beings I’ve done this before.”

  “It was different back then. You and Addison were way younger.”

  “True. But this time feels so much more real, like it’s going to last forever. I know, I’ve said that before.”

  “Hey, don’t doubt it before it’s even begun,” Ryan says.

  Brandon walks into the room. He’s all dressed and ready to go as well. The color scheme Theresa picked out is rocking. She put a little famine and masculine together, I don’t know how she pulled it off, well I guess with Sarah’s help, but the outcome is pretty awesome. I gave my ok on most of it, since she did show and ask for approval before going with anything definite.

  “Dude, grey’s your color,” I say to Brandon while Ryan is still getting dressed.

  “The blue isn’t so bad on you either,” Brandon says.

  Theresa asked me to find a blue or grey suit, so I took that challenge to find a grey AND blue suit, which should surprise her. I decided it would be great for the groomsmen to wear grey completely, with a blue tissue showing out of their jacket pocket.

  As for me, I’m wearing grey pants, a grey vest with 8 navy buttons, a grey and blue tie with a blue jacket. I’m hoping it’s to Theresa’s taste. I personally love the color scheme. The shoes though, I couldn’t resist my brown oxford brogue shoes.