Lust & Leverage

by Kaye Blue

  Fortunately, I was in far too much of an emotional state to be bothered by my father’s rude behavior.

  In fact, as soon as I hung up the phone, thoughts of him, thoughts of Chelsea, thoughts of everything else but what lay ahead faded away.

  I felt as though I was moving in a dream as I dressed, and by the time I was finished it was 6:54.

  At 6:58, the hotel room phone rang and I answered it.

  “Your car is awaiting you, Ms. Marshall,” the receptionist said.

  I stepped into my black pumps yet again, exited the room, and headed toward the fate that I both feared and anticipated.

  Nine

  Alex

  *

  I sat in the back of the limo feeling like a kid at Christmas and alternately boiling with anger because of that.

  I hated that anyone ever had this effect on me, hated even more that it was her. I’d promised myself I had excised her from my mind, my heart, but everything I had done thus far proved the opposite. But I reminded myself I was going through with this for just that reason. Three months would be plenty of time. I probably wouldn’t even need that long. Once this was over I would finally, fully be free from her, which made the discomfort, the annoyance of all of this worth it.

  Somewhere, deep in the back of my mind, I questioned that conclusion, but I ignored that worry, kept focused on the here and now.

  It was easy for me to think about that, anticipate it.

  And with each second that ticked by as I waited for Mia to arrive, I grew restless, felt that hungry impatience. The intensity of my desire for her should have scared me, annoyed me, but it didn’t.

  That was one thing in all of this that was pure. The want for her, it was undeniable, real, and the idea of finally excising it made it almost impossible for me to get through these moments.

  I’d kept the windows of the limousine up, but knew that my driver was punctual, as was Mia. At 7:02, I heard approaching footsteps and knew it was them.

  I seldom used the limo unless I was attempting to impress a business contact, but tonight it seemed appropriate.

  I didn’t want any distractions from Mia, though I wondered if maybe I would need one.

  As the door pulled open, I stayed quiet, watching her enter. She ducked down low, then pulled first one leg, then the other inside the car.

  She looked beautiful as always, her gray pants and black sweater almost utilitarian, perfunctory, but both perfectly holding her amazing curves.

  Part of me marveled at that.

  Women who were fortunate enough to find themselves in the back of my limousine usually went out of their way to try to impress me with frilly clothes, short skirts, the highest of high heels.

  Mia didn’t.

  It shouldn’t surprise me, especially considering how she had come to be here, but it was refreshing nonetheless. Her lack of pretense, the way she had always been who she was and dared you not to like her.

  But just as quickly, my admiration of that quality soured, turned to hurt.

  She lacked pretense, but I had too.

  It had gotten me nothing.

  Not even her love.

  “What is it?” she asked quietly.

  For a moment I had wondered if she even realized I was there, but if she felt even a fraction of what I did, it would have been impossible for her not to.

  “Why are you asking that question?” I asked, keeping my voice even, unperturbed, though inside I was reeling with the memory of her back then, all that she hadn’t done.

  “Your expression. It’s…stormy.”

  “You can see my expression?” I asked.

  I’d settled in the far corner of the limo, one that was shrouded in shadow.

  “I see enough to see that something has you pissed off,” she said.

  “And you care?” I responded.

  “I care inasmuch as it’s going to make this night even more difficult,” she shot back.

  There was a certain grudging acceptance in her voice, one that I hated.

  I waited a moment, another, and then when I was sure I was back in control, I slid across the seat to face her.

  We sat, our knees practically touching, though not quite. That hint of connection, that little teasing touch only added to the intensity of the moment.

  Intensity that ratcheted up when I leaned forward, brought my face within inches of Mia’s.

  I stayed where I was, my eyes searching hers as hers searched my face.

  I could see her emotions, her curiosity, her question, her skepticism.

  She was sure she had sensed something, and though she was correct I wouldn’t give her the upper hand.

  I’d have to do better, make sure that I could shield my feelings from her, kill those feelings once and for all, hopefully.

  “So, you can see that I’m fine,” I said, sounding nonchalant, but then letting my voice lower.

  “If you say so,” she finally responded.

  There was still skepticism in her face, but I leaned back nonetheless.

  Five minutes in each other’s company and we were already engaging in a battle of wills.

  I guess that wasn’t so surprising. Our entire past, our lives had been like that, me trying to push her away, Mia never going. Then me desperate for her, Mia refusing me.

  But that would be different now, because I was different even if she wasn’t.

  I would get what I wanted from her, and then I would move on.

  “What do you have planned for me, Alex?” Mia asked.

  Something in her voice, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, drew my gaze to her.

  I studied her expression, and then it dawned on me what it was.

  She didn’t sound afraid. She sounded almost anxious, welcoming.

  That sent my excitement ratcheting up, but I tried to ignore that feeling and concentrate on what Mia had said.

  “I made the terms of this arrangement very clear,” I said. “You’ll give yourself to me—and that means sex, Mia—and I’ll overlook what you owe me.”

  She blanched, that look of disbelief crossing her features before it was gone, hidden by a cool mask that I couldn’t see behind.

  “Yes, Alex. You did,” Mia said as the limo finally pulled off.

  “So why are you asking that?” I asked.

  “Because it doesn’t make sense. If you want sex, I’m certain you have no trouble getting it,” she said.

  “I don’t,” I said.

  “Then why?” she asked, her exasperation clear in her voice, her disgust equally clear on her face.

  Seeing that disgust was like a physical blow.

  I hadn’t expected Mia to actually like me, and I had told myself that her feelings were no concern of mine. But her disgust threw me off my stride, and instantly, I knew I didn’t like it. I much preferred the curious Mia, the one who wanted me and didn’t have the guile to hide it.

  I wanted that Mia back and made certain I would have her. But for now, I answered her question.

  “I told you we had unfinished business,” I said.

  “And that doesn’t make sense to me,” she replied, her expression still vaguely disgusted.

  “It wouldn’t. You got what you wanted from me. Now it’s time for me to do the same,” I said.

  I was probably revealing too much in telling her that, but I’d decided I wanted her to know that this was payback for me and nothing more.

  Wanted to believe that myself.

  She tilted her head, looking at me as if she were confused.

  “You’re not serious?” she said.

  “I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, Mia, but have you ever known me to be a person who lies or jokes?” I asked.

  She didn’t respond, but a response wasn’t necessary. One of the things she had always said was that I was far too serious, but then again, I’d had to be. There had been no room for lightness in my life.

  “You don’t understand, but you don’t have to
. The way we left things was unsatisfying,” I said, perhaps the biggest understatement I had ever uttered as I answered her question.

  “But that was years ago, water under the bridge,” she said.

  There was a faint desperation in her voice, but I almost didn’t hear it above my anger. Anger that had intensified in just those few moments.

  “Perhaps for you. But I didn’t get to where I am by allowing things to be water under the bridge. And this is no different.”

  “You’re ridiculous!” she exclaimed, her voice full of exasperation.

  “Explain,” I responded, ignoring the insult.

  “Yes, so I hurt your feelings when we were younger, but to go through all this? Utterly ridiculous.”

  My anger threatened to go up yet another notch, and for a moment I marveled at the fact it was able to. For so long, since I had left Mia, in fact, emotion, anger, passion, none of that had come into play. My life had been a series of actions and reactions designed to move me forward. There had been no feelings involved, and that detachment had allowed me to get ahead.

  She of course had washed that all away, left me feeling a series of emotions that threw me off completely.

  But I couldn’t let her see that, wouldn’t let her see that, and instead I simply shrugged.

  “Think what you like, Mia. It’s really no concern of mine,” I said, my voice even, my words a lie that I recognized and prayed she didn’t. “The fact remains, this is what I want, and this is what I’m going to have,” I said.

  She looked at me, and for a moment I thought she would argue. The Mia I had known back then definitely would have.

  But she sat, silent, and then finally she sank back against the limo seat.

  “Whatever you say, Alex,” she whispered.

  I had won the point, made it clear to her that whatever she thought, whatever she believed was insignificant to me.

  So why wasn’t I happier about it?

  I didn’t know, but these minutes with Mia had left me more exhilarated than I had been in years.

  I wondered if I would survive this.

  Ten

  Mia

  *

  We passed the rest of the ride in silence, which was fine by me.

  It gave me time to try to process what was going on with Alex, though attempting to do so was probably futile. He seemed intent on shutting me out, blocking me, and I didn’t think I would be able to get through to him.

  I hadn’t intended to ask him that question, but I had been unable to do anything else.

  When I’d first entered the limo, the atmosphere felt heavy, thick, charged. And not just with my anger, but also with the obvious sexual attraction between us that I so desperately wanted to deny.

  There was something more, something real that went beyond my anger, his, the circumstances that had led up to this moment.

  It was a human connection, one that transcended everything else. I didn’t want that connection, wanted to deny it, but even more, I had wanted to reach out to him, see if the clouds that I was sure had been present had left. It wasn’t so different from the past, really. Something about Alex, maybe the vulnerability that he tried so hard to hide and always had, called to me.

  But unlike before, he had rebuffed me, and then done a very good job of pretending like there had been nothing.

  He hadn’t touched me, but had been close enough for me to touch, to kiss, but all I saw in his expression was his absolute determination that I see nothing.

  Not a surprise, but still disconcerting.

  I yet again reminded myself that whatever I had known of Alex before, things had changed; he had changed. Still, though I had admonished myself about those changes more times than I could count in such a short period, that didn’t change my natural reaction to him. I didn’t know why it was the case, that one moment he could be the boy whom I had cared so much about, the young man I had loved, and in the next instant be the distant stranger who clearly held some kind of vendetta against me.

  It was confusing, almost unbearably so, and I didn’t like that. I knew it was an impossible wish, but something I had always wanted, craved, tried very hard to keep and restore was a certain degree of order and understanding.

  It might not be interesting, but my life was structured such that I knew exactly what to expect from it, when, and that was exactly the way I wanted things to be. But with Alex, that was completely out the window, and I was left on uneven footing.

  I glanced at him, noticed that he looked out the window but not for a second believing that he didn’t feel my eyes on him.

  I didn’t look away. It wasn’t necessary, and I was very terrible at subterfuge. I’d managed to pull it off once, with him. But since then, I honestly hadn’t even tried.

  The same couldn’t be said of this new Alex. He couldn’t think I believed his story about unfinished business between us, about how that was all that this was.

  He would try to deny it, something I supposed I understood, but this meant more than settling the score with him. And I didn’t know what that meant for me.

  It was clear that whatever affection he had held for me was gone now, and that this was some sort of attempt to get back at me, or to purge me from the system once and for all.

  I wasn’t sure which was a better option, wasn’t sure that either of them was a good option. Because ultimately, I feared this wouldn’t end well for me.

  And though I was attracted to this new Alex, I didn’t like or respect him and certainly shouldn’t care what drove him. What mattered was what was in front of my eyes, and what I saw was that he was a very rich, very powerful, very, very angry man who had me at his mercy.

  Part of me chafed at that, but another part of me was intrigued. And it was that intrigue that scared me most of all.

  I shouldn’t want to get to know this Alex, shouldn’t care anything about him, but it was impossible for me to turn off my curiosity, impossible for me to ignore the little glimmers of the old him that I saw.

  But I would have to try.

  I was certain of very little, but I knew without a doubt that this Alex wasn’t my old Alex, and if I hoped to get out of this unscathed, I needed to remember that.

  “We’ve arrived,” he said.

  The limo came to a smooth stop, and it was only after the driver had opened the door and aided me out that I realized that I had missed my first limo ride. Too preoccupied with Alex, my conflicted feelings about my reaction to him, to really pay attention to it.

  Not like I felt any great loss, though. How could I enjoy anything, not with him sitting inches from me, simultaneously brooding and sending me vibes that made me want to jump him?

  I almost shook my head, needing some physical way to purge the intensity of my thoughts, but I held still.

  Watched as Alex emerged from the limousine and then quietly whispered something to the driver before turning to me.

  “This way,” he said.

  He didn’t pause for another moment and instead began walking through what looked to be the lobby of a nice hotel.

  But, on further examination, I realized it wasn’t a hotel, but it was some kind of establishment.

  There were tables arranged, filled with very important-looking patrons who were busily chattering.

  Alex nodded at what I assumed was the proprietor and then he continued to the glass-enclosed elevator and led me inside.

  We headed to the third floor, got off, and then turned and walked down a long hallway.

  I had no idea what this place was. And that not knowing was simultaneously nerve-racking and turning me on.

  I wiped my hands against my pants, knowing the motion gave me away, but far too nervous to do anything else. At least Alex was in front of me, though it wouldn’t surprise me if the man had eyes in the back of his head.

  Either way, I wasn’t exactly sure how to feel here. One thing that was certain, though, was that I was incredibly out of place.

  Alex was dressed impeccabl
y, something I assumed was always the case, and the others I’d seen had been too. Even people I assumed were staff were dressed in nicely tailored suits, looking pristine.

  I glanced down at my charcoal slacks, and then shrugged.

  It was what it was, and I reminded myself I wasn’t here to impress these people, wasn’t here to impress Alex. I had a role to fulfill, and that was what I was going to do. I hoped to enjoy it, but trying to fit in with these people, impress them, make them even marginally happy, was not on my agenda.

  Alex stopped abruptly, and I slammed into his back, before jumping back quickly, mortified.

  He turned, lifted one brow and one corner of his mouth, the expression making my heart skip a beat, the charm and amusement in it reminding me of how breathtakingly handsome he was.

  “Still daydreaming when you walk,” he said.

  “Old habits and all that,” I responded.

  “I told you that was going to get you into trouble one day,” Alex said.

  “Many times, you told me that. Many times,” I said, feeling a stirring of warmth at the memory, warmth that was promptly snuffed out by his response.

  “And you never listened,” he replied coolly.

  He turned away then, and in just that short period of time, the moment of bonding we appeared to have been sharing was gone completely.

  His smile dropped, his face set into that blank, unreadable mask that I found I hated. But I didn’t say anything, didn’t know what I should say.

  Instead I watched, waited, my breath practically frozen in my throat as I thought about what was happening now, what was going to happen a few moments from now.

  Alex pushed open the door and I paused a moment, breathed deep, and then followed him in.

  I froze in the doorway, shocked by the sight that greeted me.

  I wasn’t exactly sure what I had been expecting, but it wasn’t this.

  The blinds were open, giving a beautiful, panoramic view of the city, the late-evening twilight and the streetlights creating an almost fairy-tale image.

  In the middle of the small room was a table laid out with a formal place setting, as well as a buffet with two silver-domed dishes sitting atop it.

  Alex paused, then looked back at me.

  “You want dinner?” he asked.

  “I…I, um…”