Lust & Leverage

by Kaye Blue

  My eyelids had finally dropped closed, and I opened them and locked eyes with Alex, saw him looking at me passively, patiently, like he could wait here all day.

  I couldn’t, certain that I would go insane if he didn’t give me satisfaction.

  “I need to come,” I said, a shiver of both shame and desire rippling through me as I hissed the words.

  “Then make yourself,” he said, dropping his hands.

  I stared at him for a moment, shocked, could see the tension in his face, but also could see the resolve.

  I shook my head wildly, looking at him, knowing I was imploring.

  “No, with you,” I said.

  Some reaction that I couldn’t identify crossed his face, and he lifted his hand and put it back between my legs. But he didn’t move. Instead he locked eyes with me.

  “Make yourself come,” he said.

  I didn’t need to be told twice.

  I entwined my fingers with his, and used our combined hands to touch myself.

  I gripped the countertop with my free hand, needing something to anchor me in this storm as I rocked against our fingers, moving critically, wildly, desperately in search of the climax that was within reach.

  I found it, and thought I would crack the quartz countertop with the strength of my grip. I cried out, too taken with passion to feel any shame, and instead I gave myself to my climax, held Alex’s hand as tight as I did the counter as I rode it out.

  When I returned to myself, I saw that Alex was still staring at me, his expression dark, the emotions in it deep, intense.

  Seeing that sobered me just enough to ask the question that had been brewing at the back of my mind, my attention too distracted for me to fully form it.

  But now that I had found what I’d been seeking, I gave voice to it. “What was that?” I asked.

  Seventeen

  Alex

  *

  I was silent after Mia’s question, half of me marveling at her beauty, the way she stood there, her full body glistening with a sheen of sweat, her breasts heaving from her heavy breaths, but her eyes as clear as her question.

  Part of me wondered why she still had the ability to read me so easily, why I still felt compelled to answer her questions.

  “What was what?” I asked.

  A stall tactic, one I knew she recognized, but I wasn’t exactly sure what else to say.

  “It’s obvious something is bothering you. Why don’t you just tell me what?” she said.

  With each second that ticked by, the goddess who had so unabashedly taken what she had wanted was disappearing and Mia, the one who could still throw me off with a question, a look, was back.

  I was at a loss for what to do, so I went on the offensive.

  “You’re so fond of asking me questions, Mia,” I said.

  “And you’re so fond of not answering them,” she replied sarcastically.

  “Something that’s going to continue. But I have a question of my own,” I said.

  “What’s that, Alex?” she asked, her patience clearly stretched.

  “You told me once that you could never imagine sharing yourself with a man who wasn’t your husband. You had this beautiful fairy tale about how you would save yourself for your true love,” I said.

  I could hear the disgust in my voice, the pettiness, and as much as I disliked that, I couldn’t mask it.

  “What are you asking me, Alex?” Mia said, her voice firm.

  “I’m asking what happened. You’re certainly not a virgin,” I growled.

  Voicing the words out loud was harder than I’d ever thought it would be.

  It was a question that had plagued me for days, one that had only grown to loom larger in my mind as I had spent less and less time with Mia. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt about it.

  Wait, that was a lie.

  I knew exactly how I felt about it. I tried to tell myself it was good, that I could enjoy myself without worrying about something as unimportant as her virginity, but as much as that seemed reasonable, logical, I couldn’t make myself believe it.

  All of the years that had passed, all the anger, all of it, was meaningless in the face of the little voice whispering that Mia was mine.

  Except she wasn’t.

  And knowing that was slowly driving me insane.

  “So who was he?” I asked.

  Mia scowled at me, literally scowled, her expression one of the fiercest I had ever seen from her. Rather than answering my question, she stepped forward, bumping into me, her eyes locked on mine.

  I could see her intent was clear. She wanted me to step out of her path. That wasn’t going to happen.

  We stood that way for a moment, Mia glaring at me, me not glaring back but not willing to move either. Then, finally, after one more scowl, she stepped around me and headed toward her clothes.

  “Leave them off,” I said over my shoulder.

  She turned to look at me, her expression incredulous, angry, and for a moment I wondered if I had pushed her too far.

  But she soon schooled her expression, didn’t do anything but stand there, her hands at her sides, her face a serene mask.

  I knew what roiled behind that mask, could practically feel her rage, but she was doing a very good job of seeming unbothered.

  In fact, she was a sight to behold. Standing there, bare, regal and her nakedness, matching me toe to toe.

  “I asked you a question,” I said, stepping in front of her again.

  “A question I chose not to answer,” she replied.

  Her voice was calm, serene, a sign that she was angry, probably furious.

  “You think you can do that? Not answer my questions?”

  “I don’t think I can do anything, Alex. I’m not going to answer your question,” she said.

  She locked her eyes dead on mine, everything in her expression, her stance unyielding. The urge to push her was strong, one I couldn’t resist.

  “Why? Are you embarrassed? Don’t want to do anything else to ruin your wholesome image?”

  “I don’t think my wholesome image is something I need to worry about anymore,” she said.

  She lobbed the words with an icy chill, one that was sharp enough to pierce. It might not have been her intention, or perhaps it had been, but I felt the sting nonetheless. Her words were a reminder that no matter how much money I made, how far away I got from that town, I would always be unworthy, unwelcome.

  Never good enough.

  “Yeah. It must be hard for you, having to lower yourself for the likes of me,” I said.

  I managed to add some levity to my words, keep my voice buoyed around the dull ache in my chest.

  Mia didn’t respond, and that silence only intensified the ache.

  There’d been a time when she would have immediately contradicted me, jumped to my defense, told me that I was as good as, better than, anyone.

  But not now.

  Now she just looked at me, her expression serene.

  I stared back at her, wondering what to do, what to say, knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do or say to make this right, hating that it felt like I needed to.

  So I took the only option I had.

  Without taking my gaze from Mia, I began to unbutton my suit jacket.

  I made a conscious effort to move slowly, not do anything to give away the emotion I felt underneath.

  I slipped out of the jacket and then tossed it onto the kitchen island, uncaring when it fell down and landed on the floor.

  Then I began to work at my tie, remembering how it had taken years to finally master them.

  I slid it off and tossed it away with the same lack of caring that I had with the suit jacket. And then went on with my shirt.

  “I have to give you credit, Mia,” I said as I continued to unbutton my shirt.

  She looked momentarily surprised, but then quickly hid her expression, kept it the same mask it had been before.

  But I knew I had her interest piqued, and cont
inued on. “You’re right. What happened in the past doesn’t matter,” I said.

  A lie, one that I wanted to disavow as soon as I said it, but I couldn’t. What had happened in the past was something I couldn’t change, but this, now, was completely in my control. I planned to take full advantage of it.

  “What matters is that you’re here now, that I’m here now. And you are mine,” I said.

  Her eyes widened slightly, with alarm, happiness, I couldn’t decide.

  I peeled off the shirt, tossed it aside, and then did the same with my undershirt.

  I watched Mia as she watched me, her eyes checking out my body, her gaze almost like a physical touch against my skin.

  I could see she was reacting now, and seeing that only fueled me.

  Her gaze dropped when I reached for my belt, and I knew there was no way she could miss the hardness that was tenting my pants.

  She shifted, the move slight, almost imperceptible but I had seen it nonetheless, knew that I had her.

  I loosened my belt, pulled it from my pants slowly, the soft swish of the leather a low, sensuous sound in the room.

  I unbuttoned my pants but kept them on and then looked at Mia again.

  “Go to the bedroom,” I said.

  She was still for a moment, but then began to move, walking away slowly.

  I watched her until she was no longer in my sight, my eyes drinking in the sight of her delicious body as she walked away from me, anxious to experience her yet again.

  But I’d sent her away intentionally, needed the space and time to gather myself, try to keep calm.

  And in that time, I reminded myself that what I had said before was true.

  Mia was here, now, and I was going to devour her.

  Eighteen

  Mia

  *

  I was shaky with emotion, anger, desire, always desire, leaving me breathless.

  I stood at the edge of the bed, not bold enough to lie down, not wanting Alex to see my eagerness, but feeling awkward standing there. Like always, anticipation strummed through my blood. I’d thought there would become a point when I didn’t want him so much, that there would be a time when the mere thought of Alex touching me wouldn’t set my body aflame.

  But if anything, having him only made me want him that much more, and my entire body trembled as I waited for him.

  The wait was short.

  Alex walked in slowly, and the first thing I noticed was that he had removed his socks and shoes. If I ever doubted how much I wanted the man, I didn’t anymore. Even his feet turned me on.

  I lifted my eyes and again drank in the sight of his strong, bare chest, let my gaze trace his tightly defined abs. But I didn’t move any closer to him. It wasn’t shyness, or only shyness, that kept me still. I wasn’t exactly bold, but in this moment, I hesitated to move because I didn’t want to break the spell, not until he did.

  The seconds ticked by, each heavier, more intense than the one before it until I thought I would explode. Then Alex moved, allowing an escape valve for some of the weight of those moments.

  He worked his zipper open and then pushed his pants down his slim hips, taking his underwear with them.

  “Lie down,” he said as he walked toward me, each step emphasizing his power.

  I wasted no time in complying, not caring that I seemed eager, not even caring about the little shiver of fear that went through me as he approached. It seemed a strange feeling, but I knew exactly what it was.

  I wasn’t afraid of Alex and never would be. But what I feared was my reaction to him. Each day we spent together, each night, only brought me closer to falling for him again, this time losing myself completely. And at moments like these, I thought it might be worth the risk.

  In the next breath, Alex laid his body against mine, and again I marveled at how perfectly we fit together, how it felt like I’d been made for him.

  Him for me.

  He brushed his lips against my collarbone, sending my thoughts scattering, save for the anticipation that heated my blood. His cock lay against my thigh, hot, hard, seeming to ache for me as much as I ached for it.

  Alex shifted, the motion centering his cock at the edge of my sex. I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside me, so I shifted, spreading my legs wide and shifting my hips to pull the first inch of his hardness inside me.

  He breathed out hard, his breath fanning my face. His head was near mine, the corners of our mouths touching. If either of us shifted a millimeter, we’d be kissing. Something I’d wanted since I’d walked into his office that first day, something I sensed would be more meaningful than sex.

  I looked at him, saw his eyes glittering and saw what I thought was desire to kiss me.

  But before I could examine the expression too closely, he lowered his lids, shielding his eyes and his emotions from me. I felt a moment’s disappointment, not surprised that he was shutting me out but hurt by it nonetheless.

  Still, that hurt soon dissipated, washed away on a sea of sensation as Alex pushed inside me, moving torturously slow. His jaw was clenched tight, his face set in a mask of determination that told me he wasn’t unaffected.

  On instinct, I reached out and brushed my fingers against his jaw and then kissed him softly where I’d touched him. It wasn’t nearly the connection I wanted, but it would do, and when Alex stilled, lifted his eyes to mine, and showed the searing emotion in them, I knew it was more than enough.

  I froze for a moment, and then shifted, tightening my legs around his waist. The pleasure that rocketed through me was almost indescribable, and Alex’s low grunt told me he felt the same.

  He filled me to what felt like overflowing, almost to the point of pain, but the entire moment was perfect, and I couldn’t imagine anything could be better. At least I couldn’t until Alex thrust again and then again until my entire body was racked with sensation, my breath coming out in pants that felt like they were ripped from my lungs.

  Alex matched me breath for breath, filled me with thrust after thrust, so close that I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began.

  Wishing it could be that way forever.

  Nineteen

  Alex

  *

  All of my encounters with Mia had been explosive.

  Simply being in her presence was explosive.

  But nothing I had experienced before compared to this. The emotion of the moment, the despair I felt, had given way and transformed into passion, and the way her passion had met mine moment for moment was almost more than I could handle.

  I lay flat on my back, my heart pounding, my breath heavy.

  Mia lay next to me, and though her eyes were closed, I knew she was awake, could practically feel her mind as she turned over what had just happened.

  Not for the first time, I found myself wondering what she thought, how she felt about what had happened.

  My initial instinct was to push that thought away, pretend I didn’t care, but it was soon swayed by the instinct that demanded I ask, that told me there was no way to pretend I didn’t care.

  I couldn’t have that, couldn’t allow myself to give in to these emotions, so though I was drained, both physically and mentally, I pulled myself from the bed, and prepared to dress.

  Mia didn’t move, and I found myself missing her expression, the unspoken question that hung between us.

  Instinctively, I knew she hated that, knew she found my leaving without so much as a word intolerable. She’d never said as much, but she hadn’t had to. Knowing her as I did, which I could admit now was more than I wanted to accept, I knew there was no way she could handle that without some pain.

  Whatever I might think of her, whatever I might want to think of her, I knew that Mia valued herself, would have difficulty accepting a purely physical, and frankly disrespectful relationship.

  Something she had been forced to do because of me.

  For the first time since I had set off on this path, I felt something far too much like guilt.

/>   Tried to ignore it, tried to tell myself she was here because she wanted to be, but as they had done before, those reminders didn’t quite work now. Instead they rang hollow, sounded like the ravings of a desperate and ashamed man.

  Because they were.

  I’d intended to dress, leave, go hide and try to recover from my time with Mia, but I stood where I was, the darkness of the bedroom, the faint sounds from outside giving the intensity of the moment, the thickness of the air a heaviness I hadn’t anticipated.

  As I stood there, looking at Mia as she didn’t look at me, I was suddenly seized by the wild thought that I should end this now. Tell her it was over, that the debt was paid, and that she could go on with her life.

  Before the thought had even managed to fully form, I dismissed it.

  I wouldn’t deny that I was being selfish, but there was no way I could let her leave, not yet. I’d been foolhardy, had a whirlwind of emotions that were more intense than I was ready to handle. If she left now, I’d be stuck with them, with no way to work past them. No way to get over her, something I was still intent on doing.

  So that couldn’t happen.

  Not yet.

  But there were other options.

  I stayed a moment longer, stood there, looking at Mia, willing her to look at me.

  For a while I thought she wouldn’t, certain that as the seconds ticked by she wanted me to be gone, was so angry that she didn’t want to see my face.

  But then, finally, when I was on the verge of giving up hope, she turned and looked at me, her expression curious.

  “You’re still here,” she said.

  I could hear her surprise, the same emotion reflected in her expression.

  “Yeah. I think I’ll stay.”

  She didn’t respond, but I studied her expression, trying to figure out what she might be thinking.

  Saw nothing.

  “Is that all right with you?” I asked.

  I hated the way my voice sounded, uncertain, like I was at the mercy of someone else. I had sworn to myself that I would never be that, not ever, ever again, but in this moment I was.

  I stood there, naked, offering Mia a choice, put myself in a position where I would have to bear her decision, whatever it might be.