So Wrong, So Right

by Brenda Ford

  It’s just the stressful situation, I try my hardest to convince myself. And the connection that we have because of it. We share something, this isn’t anything weird like Noah suggested…

  Damn Noah and his stupid ‘jokes’. Now he’s making me all confused about my stepsister, which is the absolute last thing that I need right now. As if I need anything else piled on to my plate.

  I still feel awkward as I smile back. I make sure that I take the seat on the other side of the bed so I can’t feel the warmth emanating off her body, only that leaves me opposite her which is somehow a little bit worse. Oh God, what the hell is going on with me? I really am a mess.

  Chapter Six

  Rue

  Now that James is here, I’m so damn glad that I sent my mother away. She was being incredibly inappropriate, talking about wills and who would be left what, as if Benjamin is dying or something. He’s recovering, that’s what I told her, not getting worse, so there isn’t any reason to discuss anything so gross.

  It just makes her look exactly like the type of person that everyone already thinks she is. A gold digger who doesn’t give a shit about Benjamin at all. Even though I suspect that myself, I don’t like having the evidence plastered right in front of me. It isn’t nice to think about my own flesh and blood in that way. It’s horrible. No wonder things didn’t work out with my father. He isn’t materialistic at all. Quite the opposite to be honest. I don’t know how they got together in the first place.

  I think about my father for a second in his small English cottage in the countryside in the UK, living his happy carefree life with Kira. He doesn’t live to work; he works to get what he needs and that’s it. He doesn’t need more, and that’s the end of it. He’s happy with nothing, so is Kira, and they taught me to be the same way. I don’t understand my mother’s need to ‘have it all’ when it doesn’t really mean anything.

  I get a twinge of missing England yet again, but I shift in my seat, so it doesn’t overcome me. I can’t let that happen, especially with James here looking at me like he might need someone to talk to.

  “I didn’t know you were coming this early,” I say to him, trying to get him to open up a little.

  “No, well I didn’t either.” He sighs as if he has a heavy load on his shoulders. “But school wasn’t really doing it for me today. I couldn’t keep my focus when I know that my dad is here.”

  “Yeah… I don’t know if I could either.” I glance at Benjamin. “But I think he’s doing okay. He hasn’t exactly spoken or anything, but there have been stirrings all day long. Plus, the doctor said that his vitals are still great.” I offer James a smile. “So, I think that you will get to speak to him soon.”

  He nods slowly and looks lovingly at his father. I can see a bond there between them, just from that one look. James might seem like a tough nut to crack, but he really does care about his dad. I wonder what their relationship has been like growing up, how my mother affected that, and how he feels about the whole situation. He must fucking hate her, to be honest. He must have some bad feelings about me too, because of that. Oh God, he must despise me.

  “Sorry.” I bolt up at the speed of light, needing to escape. “I will go and leave you alone.”

  “Wait, why would you do that?” He narrows his eyes at me. “You don’t need to leave because of me.”

  “Oh… well, I don’t need to stay.” I point towards the door. “You might want some time alone with your dad, and… well…” I don’t know where I am going with this. “I can be at home, checking in on her…”

  “If you have somewhere else that you need to be, then that is absolutely fine, but I’m happy for the company.”

  Okay, so judging by the look on his face, he isn’t fully blaming me at all. He doesn’t hate me because of who my mother is. That’s nice to know. That thought alone is enough to have me sitting back down.

  “I don’t have anywhere else to be,” I admit. “I haven’t exactly reacquainted myself with America yet, which is a bit sad to admit, isn’t it? I haven’t even looked up any of my old friends or anything.”

  “Are they still here?” he asks me curiously. “Or did they move away after high school?”

  “I don’t know. I barely kept in touch with anyone when I went to England. My friend, Annie, I sometimes sent emails too, but not consistently. Mind you, she’s probably the only person I would want to see…”

  God, I don’t know if Annie will still be the same person she was. I’m not the same person that I was all those years ago either. I don’t know if me and her can still be friends, but since I’m here trying to reconnect with everyone, then why not try her as well? If she is still around here anyway. Who knows? I don’t know anything anymore. I guess that’s why I don’t mind sticking around at the hospital because in here, I have a purpose and I don’t need to worry about anything else. Leaving this room brings with it all kinds of issues.

  “I haven’t ever left here, and I managed to stay in touch with everyone,” James continues, making me feel a little better. “So, I wouldn’t worry about it. Leaving the country is a damn good excuse.”

  I shrug and smile, giving him a lopsided stare. “Maybe I shouldn’t stick around for much longer. I don’t know if it was the best idea for me to come back at all. As I’ve been sitting here, I keep wondering if I shouldn’t leave America in the past and continue on with my English life. Have my future there.”

  “And what does your future hold?” James leans back in his chair and really looks at me like he’s interested.

  “I’m not a hundred percent sure,” I admit. “I studied English and History, which leaves me with a range of strange choices. I don’t know quite what I want to do with it. I took classes I enjoyed, without much thinking about what comes next.”

  “But what’s the point of heading into a future if it isn’t one you’re going to enjoy?”

  I can’t resist smiling at that, it’s a nice way to think about it. “That’s true… so what is it you enjoy? Teaching?”

  “Exactly. That’s what I’m focused on, because I love it and it’s my passion.”

  “But there is a clear path with that, right? You know which way you’re going to take it.”

  “Not exactly,” he surprises me by asking. “I have some ideas, but nothing definite.”

  As I stare at him, I can’t help but wonder if maybe we have something a little in common here. We are both seemingly ambitious people who don’t quite know which way things are going to go.

  “I would love to be like one of those teachers from the movies,” he continues. “One of those films where the teacher inspires all of those inner-city kids and gives people a chance to achieve something that they wouldn’t have otherwise. The sort that don’t need recognition but makes a big difference in their lives.”

  “Oh, I love those movies!” I declare almost a little too loudly. I stare at Benjamin for a second, but he doesn’t stir. “They always leave me with a lone tear at the end of them, wishing I had a teacher like that.”

  “Well, that’s my ambition, I suppose. That is who I want to end up becoming.”

  “I can see that.” I nod. “I can imagine you being that all inspiring person who kids thank in the Oscar awards or Nobel Peace Prizes. Thank you to Professor Roberts… the only one who ever believed in me.”

  He tosses his head back and laughs. It’s a strangely musical sound that draws me in closer to him. There is a weird flutter in the pit of my stomach that’s almost like butterflies… but not crush like. Just… different. He isn’t quite what I expected.

  “Well, I guess that despite everything, we have that much in common,” he chuckles. “Cheesy movies.”

  “Probably music too,” I declare. “Although maybe not, because I’m into English rock bands.”

  Surprisingly, he is as well. Or at least he knows some of the bands that I enjoy, even a couple of the more obscure ones that I didn’t think anyone in America would know. It certainly is a very interesting c
onversation anyway. It makes this hospital room feel even more like a safe place.

  As he drags his fingers through his black hair and I notice a sparkle in his green eyes, the fluttering becomes larger. Almost all consuming. Almost like it was, way back when… back in the days of my crush. I press my hand to my chest and feel the absolute racing of my heartbeat, because of him.

  What the hell is going on here? I ask myself curiously. Why am I feeling this way?

  “So, England must be really missing you, huh?” he asks with a wink. “Wanting you back.”

  “Some people are, for sure.” I nod slowly. “Probably more than would miss me here…”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that. I think there would be people who miss you here.”

  “Not my mom,” I shoot back wryly. “I think she might already be regretting inviting me here… not that she actually invited me. I more just kind of told her that I was coming, which may have been a mistake…”

  “Well, I have to say that I’m glad you’re here,” he interrupts my rambling. “I like having you around.”

  I don’t know if he means that, but he looks honest. Not that I I know him all too well. Even back then when I thought I knew him, it was all just in my head, the fantasies of him. He seemed like a nice guy who would sweep me off my feet and give me this romantic dream come true. Just the childish notions of a young teenager, who doesn’t really understand the real world. Of course, relationships aren’t like that. I might not have the most experience in the world with just two fairly short-term boyfriends, but I know there isn’t really a happily ever after.

  Time passes easily, it seems to go like the wind now that James is here. We talk for such a long time that barely anything else even enters our vision. Of course, there is the time when the doctor comes in to fill James in on what’s going on with his dad, but that’s about it. The rest of the time, we are absorbed in one another.

  “Erm, guys…” A nurse eventually pops her head about the door and interrupts us. “Visiting hours are over.”

  “Oh right.” A strange heat burns in my cheeks, as if I have been caught up doing something bad. “Yes, we will get going.” Weirdly, I don’t want to leave, because I’m having such a nice time with James. “Come on.”

  “Hey, do you want to go to dinner?” James asks, shocking me to the core. “You have been here all day long; you must be starving. There is a really nice Thai place around the corner. If you feel like it.”

  My stomach rumbles, responding for me, so I nod and laugh. “Sure, that sounds good. Why not?”

  As we walk through the halls of the hospital, towards the outside, I feel warmer than I have in a very long time. James is becoming a friend… or something. I don’t quite know, but I’m looking forward to finding out. This trip might not give me what I expected, but that doesn’t make it a waste. Maybe I can get something new and exciting from it after all…

  Chapter Seven

  James

  This isn’t the sort of place where I would usually bring a woman to eat. It’s inexpensive, busy, chaotic, not a romantic atmosphere at all. But the food is great, and I love it. I think that Rue might as well. She is certainly acting like she hasn’t ever eaten before, which is adorable. She really is sweet.

  But I need to get the notion of her beauty out of my mind completely, because this isn’t a date. Of course, this isn’t a romantic atmosphere, because we aren’t in any kind of romantic situation. This is my stepsister who has been at the hospital with me all day long looking after my father. Her stepfather. I need to keep reminding myself of these things, because it’s extremely easy to forget with everything that’s going on.

  Just because we have had a nice time talking, and have a lot in common, doesn’t change that.

  “You were right,” she moans in ecstasy. “This food is absolutely amazing. Messy but incredible.”

  “I know, right.” I glance down at my tee shirt which is no longer pure white. “Worth it though.”

  “So, do you bring a lot of girls here?” Rue asks me in a teasing tone of voice. “Is this your date spot?”

  “I couldn’t bring dates here.” I roll my eyes. “Girls expect so much more from me, because I’m from the Robert’s family. They know my father, they know my family is wealthy, they think I owe them something.”

  She narrows her eyes curiously at me. “That sounds terrible. Having that pressure on you. People shouldn’t have expectations on a date, other than getting to know one another.”

  “It isn’t great.” I shrug. “But I can’t complain. I don’t want to be the poor wealthy kid moaning about all the privilege he’s had. It just makes it very difficult to read people’s intentions, that’s all.”

  “I bet. And don’t worry, I didn’t see it as you complaining. It’s just… well, dating is hard for everyone. You never know what people expect from you, so you have an added layer of pressure to that.”

  I’m surprised at how easily I can talk to Rue. She just makes it so simple for me to be myself. I guess it’s better because I know for sure that she isn’t going to expect anything from me. She won’t want me to flash the cash or take her to the priciest posh places with gifts, because this isn’t like that between us.

  In a strange way, it makes me wish we could be that way. That me and her were on a date.

  “I’m going to order a drink,” I suddenly say decisively, before I can get too lost in that trail of thought. I still fully blame Noah for putting that idea in my brain at all. “Do you want anything?”

  “Actually…” She leans in and whispers discretely. “I’m only twenty years old. That’s too young to drink here, isn’t it? I better stick to sparkling water. Something that won’t get me in trouble.”

  “You can have one glass of wine.” I shoot her a playful wink. “It will be fine. I think the fact that you have been drinking in England makes it okay, right? I think that we both need to blow off some steam.”

  Thankfully, she doesn’t argue, so I order us both a glass of wine. I want to order a bottle, but I think that might be pushing it a bit too far. A glass is all that we need right now. Just to take the edge off.

  “Mmm, this is nice,” Rue says with a smile. “Good wine. I like it a lot.”

  “Better than England? Nice to know that we have something over the UK.”

  “Hey, it sounds like you might be trying to get me to stay.” She giggles adorably at me. “Yes, it is better.”

  “Maybe I am.” What is going on with me? The wine might be loosening my tongue a little too much. “I don’t know. America feels a little brighter to me with you here. The hospital certainly does too.”

  She looks a little taken back by my remark, which instantly proves that I have gone too far. I wish that I could open up my mouth, and pull all the words back inside. It’s much too late for that.

  “Well, I think the hospital has been brighter since you turned up.”

  Oh my God, something is happening here, something seems to be going on between us, and I don’t know what it is. It feels really intense. I can’t pull away from her gaze no matter what I try.

  “Well, I don’t know if… if I can stay,” she finally declares, shattering the magic of the moment. “I don’t think there is anything here for me aside from the good wine. I haven’t worked that out yet.”

  That makes my insides sink, and I don’t totally know why. Yes, we’ve had a nice time together, but that doesn’t mean I need her in my life like that. She can come and go, it’s no issue at all. Of course, she’s going to return to England because that’s where her life is, and she doesn’t exactly have a great parent here.

  “So, tell me about England,” I ask her, without thinking too much about it. “What’s it like there?”

  “You haven’t ever been? You would probably love it. Except for the cold, of course.”

  “Ah yes, the famous English cold. But then again, you also have Big Ben, the queen, history…”

  “That’s very true. The histor
y is great.” She nods. “The Cornish seaside is great as well. That’s something you don’t want to miss if you ever go there. And the Scottish Highlands. I’ve traveled everywhere.” She stares at me. “You know, I think that you would love it there. You should come and visit me one day.”

  For one second, I lose myself in the fantasy of a holiday romance in England with this beautiful red haired woman who I could see a future with… if only she wasn’t my step sister. I need to remember that. My fucking idiot father married her terrible mother, which means I can only like her a little from afar. This is genuinely the first woman that I have ever had real feelings for, and she’s out of reach. Then again, I suppose we wouldn’t have met at all if it wasn’t for them, so it’s all a big old mess.

  “Maybe I will visit England one day,” I tell her quietly. “I think it would be nice.”

  We continue to eat and drink as we chat about anything and everything, but the zinging chemistry between us doesn’t go anywhere. In fact, now that I’ve noticed it, it seems to grow bigger by the moment. It’s almost completely swallowing me. I don’t know what to do about it. The fact that I had a date with Tillie not so long ago and it didn’t feel anything like this, just makes it so much worse.

  Why do I have to want what I can’t have? I scold myself. What is my problem?

  “Right.” Eventually Rue slides off her chair and grins at me. “I suppose I better get going. I don’t want to be too exhausted in the morning. Hopefully, fingers crossed, my mother will be asleep.”

  “I’ll walk with you,” I insist immediately. “Make sure that she is asleep. Not that I’ll be much help.”

  I haven’t spent much time at the house for years, and I really don’t have the desire to, now that my father isn’t around, but even after all day with her I still want to hang out with Rue. It’s crazy, I can’t seem to get enough of her. Plus, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do to. Even if it isn’t exactly a date.