by Brenda Ford
I hang my head low, thinking about how strained she appeared, how much she wanted me gone. She might have stood up for me against her mother, but that doesn’t mean she wants me, does it?
“What’s going on?” Leo asks me softly. “You’ve gone all weird. What’s going on?”
“Are you having issues?” Noah joins in. “A panic attack or something? Do we need an ambulance?”
“No, no.” I shake my head hard. “It’s just… well, Mary’s daughter is over there in the café.”
“Which one?” Noah practically stands up in his desperation to see Rue. I yank him back down, really not wanting to drag her attention over here as much as possible. “Oh, come on, which one is it?”
“The red head. Rue, is her name. But she isn’t like her mother. She’s actually a nice person.”
“Yeah, I can tell. She looks like a nice person.” Noah nods along. “Really nice. She’s beautiful as well.” I can feel his eyes upon me. Really staring at me. “Do you like her? I wouldn’t blame you if you do.”
Immediately a heat tears through my body, reaching my cheeks before I can stop it. “She’s okay. I don’t really know her though because she grew up in England. From what I know, she’s alright.”
“Alright.” Noah wiggles his eyebrows. “I bet she is. You like her, don’t you? You like her a lot.”
His teasing winds me up, mostly because it hits too close to home. “I just said I don’t know her.”
“Ooh.” Leo seems to think that it’s appropriate to join in. “I think you might be a little sensitive about this, James, and there has to be a reason for that. I think you might have a little crush on this girl.”
“She’s basically my stepsister,” I bark. “Legally she is. Her mother is married to my father. So, it’s sick.”
“You can’t help who you fall for.” Noah punches me playfully in the arm. “And in all the time that I have known you, I haven’t ever seen you really like someone before. Trust you to fall for someone who you can’t have. I told you, didn’t I? That relationships are messy, and all this love stuff is nonsense.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. There is no ‘love stuff’ here. It’s just awkward. She was there when the big argument broke out and I don’t want to face her again now. It’s weird.”
I can tell that they have more to say about it, both guys have more teasing that they want to send my way, but I have shut them up for the time being. That gives me a little bit of space to work out what I’m doing. Not that it helps because I have no idea. I don’t have the slightest clue where my head is even at. This is all just a fucking mess. I suppose it doesn’t even matter really what I think or want anyway. She has made her feelings perfectly clear. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. The kiss was a mistake.
“Okay, well anyway, James, I want to talk to you about where classes are going…”
Thankfully, Noah changes the subject. He seems to see that I need it. I can follow this conversation much easier, while still half watching Rue out the corner of my eye. I can’t stop my eyes from watching her, from wanting to know what’s going on, what she’s up to. It’s like there is an powerful magnet between us, and I can’t pull away. No wonder we ended up kissing last night.
We need to find a way to navigate that though, to work through this magnet, to be okay again.
Maybe I should make an excuse and go over there. Perhaps I should speak to her, to see if we can clear the air now in this much calmer environment with no other family members around. I could make the excuse that it’s a sensitive time and emotions are high which is why we ended up kissing. Even if we both know that isn’t the truth, it will give us both a way out. We can use that as our excuse to help us move on…
“Buddy, hey, James.” Noah clicks his fingers in front of my eyes. “Where are you? On another planet?”
“Oh sorry.” I shake my head and bring myself back to the present moment. “I’m just lost in thought.”
“We are sorry for teasing you about Rue, we didn’t realize that it was such a sensitive thing. If you want to talk to us about it, you know that we’re here for you. Whatever you need.”
“Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. But it isn’t that, not at all… it’s everything.” I rise to my feet. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I need to go. I need to take a walk and clear my head. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, of course not. You go. Like I said, take all the time you need. Whatever you need to do, you do it.”
I nod gratefully at Noah before waving my hand goodbye to Leo. I feel bad for leaving them in the middle of our lunch, which I’m pretty sure they only brought me out on to cheer me up, but I need to get away. I need to be alone. I need to clear some of these thoughts from my head before they drive me crazy.
Once the fresh air hits me hard, I glance my eyes towards the café one last time. Thankfully, Rue hasn’t noticed me yet, I don’t think I want her to either. Much as I of course want to hear her voice, I don’t know what to say. I put my head down and stuff my hands in to my pocket, before walking off away from it all.
I think that I might head towards the college to go and have a quiet time in the library, but my feet aren’t exactly going in that direction. I don’t really know where I’m headed. I’m just going…
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
At first the sound feels like it’s coming from my dreams, but soon it shakes me awake as I recognize that it’s my actual cell phone blasting out. I jump up from my couch and grab it, wondering when I passed out. Actually, I’m not even sure when I made it back to my apartment. I don’t remember much.
“He… hello?” I garble, barely making any sound. More of a croak than anything. “Hello?”
“It’s your father,” Mary howls, sounding more drunk than I have ever heard her before. “They are fucking up his treatment and he’s going to die, James. Do you get it? They are going to kill him.”
Fucking hell. I don’t know if she’s serious or not which is challenging. She has a tendency to be dramatic, there’s no denying that, but after what happened this morning, would she really be contacting me of all people if it wasn’t real? I know that I need to be by his side to check it out anyway.
“Okay, don’t panic, Mary. I’m on the way. I will see what I can sort out.”
“Be quick, James. I don’t know how much longer he has. I’m scared, really scared.”
My heart begins hammering hard against my rib cage. I thought that Dad was getting better, but how can I be sure? How can I know for certain that he won’t take a sudden, unexpected downwards spiral again? It happens, doesn’t it? I am more freaked out than I have ever been about my father passing now.
“I am coming. I’m on the way. Just wait there. I won’t be long.” I scramble around looking for my keys. “Just… just let everyone know that I am on my way. The doctors, my father…” If he can hear her. I don’t know what the situation is, and I don’t want to ask more. I don’t want to know until I see for myself. “All of them. Just let them know that I will be there soon, and I can… can sort things out.”
“Can you call Rue too? I can’t get through to her. She should be here as well.”
“Er, sure… I will try.” Oh God, can this get any worse? I make a snap decision to not even try to call her until I’ve checked in on my father. My head can only sort out one thing at a time. “But just hang on tight because I’m coming. I will be there soon and… and I will fix things.”
I race to the car and speed all the way to the hospital as quickly as I can without breaking any laws because if my father really is dying, the last place I want to be is locked up in jail over something stupid.
He won’t be dying; I tell myself seriously. It’s just Mary. Everything is going to be okay.
Chapter Twelve
Rue
My head aches as I lie across the couch, sleep drifting in and out of my vision, the television still flickering in front of me. I don’t know
what I’m watching really, nothing in particular, some reality show or another, just something to fill the house with noise. I don’t know where anyone is and it’s weird.
It’s been a strange day, actually. Lunch with Annie was nice, but it’s given me a lot to think about. Life in England, life in America, everything that has happened… I wanted to see if my mother would be home, so we can sort out the stupid argument from this morning. I wanted to see if James would be here so we can have a proper conversation, because I feel like I need that now. To know where his head is at.
But I found myself alone and that’s the way that I have been for hours, just drifting in and out of sleep. Waiting.
“This is a fucking joke!” That sound makes me bolt upright into a sitting position. That was far too loud and shrill to come from the television screen. Plus, it sounds like my mother, so I guess it is. “They are wrecking him at the hospital. You know that, don’t you, James? That they are killing him?”
“No, Mary.” As I rub my eyes, I hear James’s calm tone dealing with my mother in a way that I don’t think I ever could. “No, they aren’t killing him. He’s just less responsive today, that’s all.”
“He’s supposed to be getting better, not worse. I don’t get it. It isn’t right. They are useless. What we need to do is get him moved to another hospital. A better one, with competent doctors. One where they won’t kill him.”
“No, moving him is the last thing we want to do. My dad is fine where he is.”
They enter the living room, and both spot me. Mom gives me a bleary-eyed look, like she doesn’t even know I’m around, which means she’s already blocked out the argument with booze. James also meets my eyes, but only for a second. Mostly because my mother nearly tumbles to the ground, unable to hold herself up.
“I’ll help.” I jump up and scoop my hands underneath Mom’s arms to help James. “Everything okay?”
“Does it fucking look okay?” Mom screams. “Benjamin is dying. They are killing him.”
“It isn’t that bad,” James reassures me. “He’s just having a bad day, that’s all.”
“No, that isn’t the case. It isn’t like that at all. He’s dying, Rue. You should have been there. You should have come to help me. I wanted you to. I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t answer me.”
“I didn’t have any missed calls from you. From any of you. I didn’t know what was going on.” I shake my head, realizing that doesn’t matter. “You know what, let’s get you up to bed, shall we?”
James and I walk Mom towards the stairs, but that doesn’t stop her from ranting the entire time. She has really got it in her head that the hospital has done something wrong, and when she begins going on about suing, I know why. She is on another money making scheme as if she doesn’t already have enough. She’s so embarrassing, I don’t even want to look at James because it’s so damn humiliating.
“Come on, here’s the bed, Mom. Let’s lie you down. You need to sleep this off.”
“But I’m not even in my pajamas or anything. I need to be in my night gown. I can’t sleep in my dress.”
“Mom, I can’t undress you. We don’t need to. You will be fine. Just lie down and give it a try.”
She fights me a little, still making comments about the hospital, but soon she passes out asleep. A drunken sleep complete with all kinds of snoring and heavy breathing. It’s almost funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing.
“God, let’s get the hell out of here.” I roll my eyes at James. “Before she wakes up and starts again. Has she been like that at the hospital? All yelling and drunk? Causing trouble? You should have called me.”
“Well, she called me and told me that Dad was dying, so I was in a panic when I raced to the hospital. Then I had her to deal with while trying to listen to the doctors and work out what was going on.”
“That’s awful. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help. I must have been hard. I only didn’t go because of today…”
Actually, it wasn’t just today. It was last night as well. The kiss and the confusion that followed. The advice from Lydia and Annie has me all kinds of mixed up. The more that I dart my eyes towards James, the more I get mixed up. My body wants him, way more than it should, and I don’t know if I can ignore the warning voice in my brain telling me that it’s wrong.
“So, er, your father is okay then?” I ask, needing to keep the conversation on the same topic.
“He’s good. Or he will be. They think that he will be anyway. It isn’t as dramatic as she’s making out.”
“Well, she’s drunk, isn’t she? Drunk and filled with a life of drama. That doesn’t surprise me.”
All of a sudden, me and James are standing in front of one another, just staring. The atmosphere has shifted into something new entirely. Something dangerous. It’s like the heightened emotions surrounding us have taken us right back to that place where we can be reckless all over again. My heart races in my chest, banging hard against my rib cage, basically threatening to break free at any moment.
One of us needs to do something, to either break the moment or embrace it, but I don’t know who.
Until James takes a step forward and scoops me up in his arms. He kisses me with much more passion than he did last night, and it absolutely sweeps me off my feet. His lips tingle everywhere, my whole body sets alight. All of a sudden, flames lick up and down my skin, covering me in fire.
“James, what are we doing?” I whisper, my breath tickling all over his lips. “This is mental.”
But instead of answering me, he literally lifts me from my feet and rests my ass against the dining table, before pressing himself against my core. I spread my thighs just a little further so I can feel his incredible bulge.
Oh my God, my brain screams with excitement. This is crazy. It’s going to be amazing. However wrong it is.
We should probably put a stop to this, but as his hand hooks around the back of my neck and he kisses me once more, the shudder that tears down my spine is overwhelming. The throbbing at my core is powerful, no man has ever made me feel this way, and I can’t stop it.
My hands slide gently down his body, and I rub his bulge on the outside of his trousers. A moan rumbles at the back of my throat before finally making it free, showing James just how much I want him.
James takes the hint and moves his hands over me as well, cupping my breasts exactly like I imagined him to in my fantasy. The fact that he’s making that come true causes my head to loll back in desire. He takes advantage of this and he kisses and sucks on my neck, making the sensations that much more intense.
“Oh, fuck,” I moan as I pull him free from his material prison. His thick throbbing length feels incredible between my fingers, I want more from him. So much more. I want him deep inside. “Fucking hell, James.”
I stroke him gently but eagerly, watching his face contort in ecstasy as I do. His fingers work their way down my body and hook into my panties. I can’t stop my hips from rolling off the table, wanting more from him. His fingers fall further downwards until he’s grazing against my soaking wet, sensitive clit.
“Oh wow, Rue, you really do want me, don’t you?” he groans, nearly sinking to his knees. “I love that.”
I grab his neck and whisper against his ear. “This is wrong. You do know that, don’t you?”
“Oh.” He moans like he’s half in agony, half in heaven. “You’re right. This is so wrong. It’s wild.”
But I press myself against him more, letting him know that I’m still in if he is, and he plunges his fingers inside me. He massages with an expert touch, hitting all the right spots.
“Do you want me?” His words cause a flush through my body. “I mean, really want me?”
I can’t find the words, even though all I need is a simple ‘yes’ because he’s stripped the air from my lungs. So, instead I nod eagerly and lift up my leg so he can yank my leggings down. They are so tight I think of them as a second skin, but James peels them away eas
ily. It doesn’t take him any effort at all. In fact, as I glance downwards, I notice that my panties have gone as well, leaving me completely naked for him.
Well, almost. In a fit of passion and bravery, I rip my top off as well, letting my braless breasts free.
“Fuck, you are so beautiful.” James’s hands tremble as he pulls a condom from his pocket. “So stunning.”
I lean forwards and take the little silver square from him, before tearing it open with my teeth. I keep my eyes fixed on his, the entire time, and I love the way his green pupils dance with a deep dark desire, like he really wants me. I’m turning him on, and I love it. It’s making me feel like I’ll die if I don’t have him inside me soon.
I tug him in my direction and push his pants and boxers out of the way while I roll the latex down over him. Once he’s sheathed, he teases my entrance, begging to be let inside, and much as I know that once we cross this line there isn’t any going back, I pull him in. I need this, I want him to fill me up, and make me feel amazing.
“Oh shit.” It’s phenomenal, better than I could have expected. His cock is everything. I might have had sex before, but it hasn’t ever felt like there is such a sizzling connection. It’s never been so powerful.
“Oh my God.” James buries his face into my neck and groans, causing the vibrations to run all the way through me. Every thrust makes my head spin even more, until I don’t know where I am anymore. My mother could damn well walk into the kitchen and catch us, and I wouldn’t know, or be able to stop. “Shit, Rue. This feels so…”
By the time the hot wave of pleasure hits me, I’m ready for it. My body has been building towards this for what feels like forever, so I open up and embrace every inch of it. As the tsunami of waves crash over me, I slip my eyes closed and enjoy every second. The orgasm shatters through me, crushing my bones, squeezing my organs with bliss in the best way possible. Annie’s advice is definitely the right one to follow because this chemistry is something else. I don’t think that I will ever be able to turn my back on it again…