So Wrong, So Right

by Brenda Ford

  “Shit.” James’s hands work their way in to my hair. “Fucking hell, Rue, that’s…”

  He gasps and practically doubles over as I do something special to him, he drives closer to the edge and can barely hold himself upwards, which only encourages me to go faster…

  “No…” He pulls me off of him, shocking me to the core. “No, not like this.”

  “What do you…?” I start to ask, but in what I’m starting to learn is typical James fashion, he drags me to my feet and kisses me, showing me what he’s doing rather than waiting to answer my question. I lock lips with him, preferring this method of communication, it’s much more thrilling for me.

  “I want you,” he growls, stepping away from me. “Let me just get protection, hold on.”

  As he dives out the shower to grab a condom, I expect to feel a little awkward and strange, being left in the middle of things, but instead I simply feel hot and excited. I let my fingers work their way down my body until I’m touching myself, massaging my clit just like I do every time I’m alone and I think about this gorgeous man.

  “Oh God.” I grab on to the wall as the pleasure shoots through me fast. This feels so fucking good and I’m sure it’s because I had my mouth wrapped around him only moments before. “Fucking hell.”

  “Wow.” James cocks an eyebrow at me, surprised but in a good way. Thank God he’s already got himself covered and ready to go because I’m pushing myself to the edge much too fast. “You look…”

  He seems speechless. I don’t know if I have seen him with nothing to say before, so I take full advantage of the moment and I spin around to show him my ass. I peer over my shoulder and invite him towards me. I want to feel him in this position. I want to know what it feels like to be fucked from behind by James.

  He steps slowly and caresses my ass, before leaning down to kiss all the droplets of water off the small of my back. I keep rolling my hips and moaning, trying to let him know how desperate I am for him, but he doesn’t give in right away. It’s like he wants to push me to the edge of what I can handle before he finally caves.

  Well, damn it, he’s doing a good job. I already can’t hack it any longer.

  “James,” I moan while tossing my head back. “You are driving me insane here.”

  “I like seeing you all worked up.” He nips at my skin, making me squeal, but it’s a strange painful sensation that’s filled with pleasure as well. “It’s so hot to see how much you want me.”

  “Well, I want you, so will you just give me what I want already.”

  Thankfully, at that moment, he senses that he’s taken this as far as it can go. He thrusts hard, slipping that glorious cock of his all the way inside of me, and I cry out in sheer bliss. I fit him like a glove, it’s like we’re destined to be doing this, and that makes it so much better. This chemistry isn’t just a physical reaction. It seems to be a spiritual connection as well, one that goes beyond what I know possible, and I love it.

  Each thrust combined with the work of my fingers has me seeing stars quickly. It’s hard to keep up right as I tip over the edge and I drown in the crashing waves of desire, but James holds me and makes sure that I’m okay. He puts his own pleasure second, just to ensure that I don’t hurt myself and I really feel the orgasm, which is somehow even more incredible than the last one. Again, I think it must be because of those pesky feelings.

  “I hope you stay,” he cries out as James gets swallowed up in pleasure as well. “I need you here.”

  In his arms, as we are connected like this, it feels obvious that this is where I need to be. I half make the decision to stay here forever because I want to be with him so badly, even if it has to be a secret. Even if no one can know about the best thing that has ever happened to me. It’s worth it, just to have him…

  Chapter Seventeen

  James

  Two Months Later…

  Snatched kisses, secret trysts, moments of intense passion that are only for me and Rue have completely consumed me for the last couple of months. The minutes in between these times with the woman that I am increasingly head over heels for are gray and cold, I yearn for the sunshine and rainbows once more… but it’s good. It’s all fine because this is the way that things have to be. I would rather have moments with her than nothing at all. Not that I could do that because I can’t seem to keep away from her anyway.

  “How are things going with your post grad course?” Rue asks as she kisses me under the sheets of her bed. Even though everyone else is asleep, it still feels better to keep us as hidden away as possible. I like it this way anyway, because it shows that everything we share is just for me and her. It’s all real.

  “It’s good. I’m finding it much easier to focus these days.” I kiss her again. God, I’m absolutely addicted to those lips of hers. “Now that I know I can come home to you; it all feels good. And how is work for you?”

  “I love it,” she swoons. “Even more than I thought I would. Annie has an amazing company, she has done really well for herself, and I’m so proud of her. I love working there too. It’s the sort of job that I could only dream of. I know if she wasn’t my friend, I wouldn’t get the job, but I’m working to prove myself.”

  “Why are you putting yourself down?” I demand. “You are smart and amazing; any company would be lucky to have you. If Annie is building this empire, she wouldn’t just hire you because you are her friend.”

  “I hope not. I want to be good enough to work there. Especially if I’m here for a while.”

  I smile and hold her close to me, sure that I am part of the reason that she hasn’t booked a flight back in the last two months. She could have done, since my dad is practically fine now and things seem to be… well, okay with her mother, I don’t see it ever being the best relationship ever, but she remains. She’s here to see where things are going to go with me and her and I hope that means she will stay forever.

  Yep, I’m not just thinking long term with Rue, now I’m on to forever. I guess we can’t be a secret forever, but that’s a bridge we can cross when we come to it. For now, things are incredible as they are.

  “Well, I’m sure you are a real asset. Because I can’t imagine you being anything else.”

  “You’re biased.” She rests her forehead against mine. “You are just saying that because you like me.”

  I don’t just like her, my feelings are definitely deeper than that. I don’t know if it would be crazy to assume love already, but it’s headed in that direction. Maybe it is already, but I don’t want to scare her away by declaring it. It’s bound to be too quick for her, since I’m sure she is moving at a normal pace.

  So, even though I want to say it, I keep it inside, so I don’t freak Rue out. I don’t want to ruin what we have, by pushing her to move at the speed of light, just because she has turned me in to a crazy person.

  “I better go soon,” I say regretfully for her. I always hate this time of night when I have to go back to my own bed and lie there, alone, knowing that Rue is within arm’s reach, but I can’t touch her.

  “No,” she moans desperately. “Not yet. Stay here and hold me for a little while longer. Please.”

  “How can I resist that? Especially when you’re giving me the puppy dog eyes? Will you stop it already?”

  In truth, it’s intoxicating that she wants to be around me as much as I do her. I love that she’s as into this as I am, because it means I’m not about to get my heart broken the first time I put it on the line. I wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t hook me in far more than any other girl that’s come before, and that makes it scary.

  “I’m not giving you any puppy dog eyes; I just want you to stay here with me. I would prefer you to stay all night long, of course, but that isn’t possible.” She pouts out her bottom lip. “So, just a little while.”

  I squeeze her against my body to let her know that I’m not going anywhere, and Rue rests her head against my chest. I’m sure she can hear my heart racing; I hope that she k
nows every single beat is for her. While other people might not think that this is right, I know it myself really, it feels too good to turn my back on it now.

  I lean my head back on the pillow to settle down because now that Rue has asked me to stay, I want to remain here until she falls asleep so that she doesn’t have to miss me at all. I can handle missing her as long as I know that she is fine. I guess I’m protective over her in that way. In every way really. God, I’m a sap.

  Now I need to fight to keep my own eyes open as I hold Rue as well, because I can’t fall asleep. That would lead to disaster. As tempting as it is to just crash here with her tight against me, I can’t. One day that can happen, one day in a house away from this one, but not tonight. Luckily, I don’t think Rue will be long…

  “What the fuck is this?” A shrill scream rockets through my body, bolting me awake. “Is this a joke?”

  I rub my eyes hard, trying to work out what the hell is happening here. But that all becomes obvious when I feel another body stirring beside me, reminding me that I did fall asleep last night even when I told myself not to. Shit, the worst has happened, I have fucked everything up and I can’t take it back.

  “Sorry, this is… this is my fault,” I try, wanting to protect Rue again. “I did this.”

  “You did what?” Mary’s hands fling on to her hips. “You fucked my daughter? Your stepsister?”

  “Mom, don’t put it like that,” Rue tries to protect me again. “It isn’t like that. Just listen…”

  “Urgh, I am not listening to you. You’re disgusting. How could you do that? Is that why the two of you have been staying here, to ‘help’ with my husband? Just to fool around? You do understand how horrendous that is, don’t you? I’m going to assume that you do, or you wouldn’t have kept it a secret.”

  “Mary, I…” I leap out of bed and tug as many items of clothing on as I can. “I didn’t mean…”

  “There is something wrong with the pair of you. There has to be. This isn’t normal.” Mary points between the both of us. “It’s fucking wrong. It’s probably illegal. Basically incest, right?”

  “Mom!” Rue shrieks. “Don’t be so disgusting. It isn’t like that. We aren’t related.”

  “You are! It might be through marriage, but you are. How can you act like this, Rue? Your father always talks about how smart and sensible you are, but you haven’t acted like that here. I don’t know what your intentions were when you came here, but it hasn’t worked out. You didn’t come here for this, I imagine, so I think that it might be time for you to go back home. Clearly, America isn’t going to work out for you.”

  “Are you trying to send me away again?” Now Rue is angry. Really angry. I haven’t ever seen her quite as enraged before. “Like you did before? Is it because I’m in the way, or not quite what you want? Because I now know that you told Benjamin I wanted to leave, and he basically blames himself for that. Do you know how messed up that is? And now, when I’m a fucking adult, you want to send me away again?”

  “Don’t be so childish, Rue, seriously. You are being dramatic. I think that you need to leave because fucking your stepbrother isn’t a good life choice. You must understand that? It’s actually crazy.”

  This is going to escalate into a fight in a moment, a real one. I can see the anger from both of them, and I don’t think that we can trust either of them not to act on it. Not when it’s so heated and messed up.

  “We will go,” I tell Mary quickly. “We’ll get out of your hair. Don’t worry, I respect that you don’t like this.”

  “No way!” Rue yells. “I refuse to be kicked out again, and this is your house too. It isn’t fair.”

  “I have my own place. Let’s go there, just while we regroup.” I need to get her out of here. “Come on, I think that we all need to calm down right now. This is only going to get worse before it gets better.”

  She nods and agrees with me. At least Rue has got that much sense about her. “Okay, sure.”

  As she hurries getting dressed, and packing up her things, Mary continues to yell at the pair of us. She calls us every name under the sun, telling us that we are gross and unable to follow the rules. Her rules. She wants me to rise to her bait and give her some shit too, but I refuse. I won’t give Mary the satisfaction. Of course, this isn’t how I want anyone to find out about me and Rue, but it doesn’t have to explode either. We can just talk like the adults that we are all supposed to be. If only Mary would stop screaming.

  “I’m going to tell Dad that I’m going,” I hiss to Rue over the top of Mary. “Get ready to go.”

  “No fucking way. You are not going to your father about this. No chance. He won’t be able to handle it. Don’t you think that he has been through enough? I will tell him in a calm way.”

  “You will only make it worse.”

  I stalk off, refusing to be pushed down by fucking Mary, so I race to find my father who is already looking like he’s completely shocked. I don’t know how much he has heard but he doesn’t look impressed.

  “Dad, I’m sorry, but Mary is going mad, and I need to go back to my apartment.”

  “Rue?” he asks quietly. “You and Rue?”

  Oh God, he has heard. “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.”

  “You like her?” He furrows his eyebrows at me, looking very confused. “Because if you do, then I suggest you make this right for her somehow.” Wow, he isn’t going mad because of the situation, just because of the drama it’s caused. “This argument isn’t good when it comes to her and Mary. I know there are issues there, but, making it worse doesn’t help. I’m sure you have already worked that much out, haven’t you?”

  “Yes,” I reply quietly. I guess I didn’t really think about that much. “I will see what I can do.”

  “Good, because life is messy enough at the moment, so I would like to aim for some drama free days.”

  “Me too,” I reassure him. “I just don’t quite know how to find them right now.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Rue

  I have read the same sentence about thirty times and it doesn’t feel right just yet. I can’t quite work out what’s all wrong about it though, and that’s because my head is all over the place. The argument has sent me spinning in all kinds of ways, and I don’t know how to drag myself away from it for even a moment, not even to look at it objectively, to see how to make it okay again. It’s all just a mess.

  My cell phone bleeps loudly in my bag, but I refuse to look at it. It’s become a source of serious anxiety for me, ever since my mother decided that now she can’t say the insults to my face, she wants to message them to me instead. I have endless horrible texts from her that seem to get worse by the moment.

  “Rue,” Annie practically whispers to me. “Come to lunch with me, will you? It’s time for a break.”

  “But it’s only eleven AM.” I glance at my watch. “Lunch isn’t for a couple of hours yet.”

  “This is my business, and I say that it’s lunch time now. Plus, come on, it isn’t exactly like you’re getting a lot done, is it? I have seen you struggling, so maybe a bit of a break will do you good.”

  To me this seems like Annie’s way of telling me that she needs to talk to me about something, and she can’t do it here. My anxiety immediately assumes that I’m going to end up losing my job as well as everything else. I’ve lost my family here, I’m in an awkward position living with James when I don’t know how much he wants me there, not that he’s made me feel unwelcome or anything, quite the opposite, but it’s a necessity, isn’t it? Now, if I lose this job, that really is going to be a sign to back to England, isn’t it? I know that Lydia is still waiting for me to give up the American dream and to come back home, and she might be right. I have been living in the middle of a fantasy, and it might have come to an end. Crashing down around me.

  I feel like shit as I follow Annie outside and to the café across the road where we all eat a lot. She talks to me, and I
make the occasional agreeable noise, but really, I’m shell shocked. I don’t know how to feel. I’m too numb to even really feel anything. If Annie tells me that I can’t work for her anymore, then I don’t even know if any reaction will come. I might just sit there and nod slowly as if I don’t care one bit.

  I need to let Annie know that I care, I don’t want her to think that I didn’t appreciate this at all. She has done me a great favor; she has given me an opportunity, and I want her to know that.

  Annie sits opposite me with her hands in her lap and she stares at me. “What’s going on, Rue?”

  “Huh?” I wasn’t expecting that to come out of her mouth. “What do you mean?”

  “You aren’t yourself today and that has me worried. You clearly have something on your mind.”

  “Oh.” My eyes hit the floor as embarrassment floods me. “Yeah, sorry I thought that I was hiding it…”

  “You can’t hide your feelings from me. I have known you for far too long for that.”

  “Yeah, you have. You’re right. And I’m just sorry that it has affected me at work today.”

  “Are you joking?” Annie sounds offended by this remark. “You’re human. You can have feelings.”

  “You’re a good boss, I hope you know that.” I smile at her. “A really good boss. That’s why your company is so successful. It’s all because of you. And my feelings come from my family drama. I know that I shouldn’t bring my personal life in to work, it’s just… well, it’s a lot, that’s all. It’s been utterly crazy.”

  “What’s happened? Oh, hold on, let me just order some drinks and food before we start.”

  I give her my order and she sorts it out, like the amazing friend that she is, while I try and get my thoughts in order. I don’t know how to get this story out there in a way that Annie understands.