by Brenda Ford
“Uh oh.” Leo’s face furrows in concern. “It can’t be good if you aren’t interested in hooking up. James, you are usually a stud who can have anyone what you want, and you do. What’s going on?”
“Is it the divorce stuff?” Noah hits the nail on the head. I didn’t even realize that I was thinking about that until he said it, but of course that’s bothering me. Seeing my father so hurt is killer. I might have seen it coming for a very long time, which is why we haven’t had much of a connection in the last couple of years, but that doesn’t make it any easier, now that it’s here. Now that it’s all falling apart in the worst way possible.
“Yeah, I guess it is. I mean, Benjamin Roberts isn’t the man he used to be. She has broken him.”
“She has been breaking him for a long time, hasn’t she?” Noah replies sadly. “But at least she is moving away from him now, and he can start to get his life back on track. Unless she has stolen all of his money…”
“She has taken far more than she should have done,” I reply with pursed angry lips. “But that’s because he gave it to her willingly because even after everything that she has done, he still doesn’t want to see her broke…”
“What did she do?” Leo jumps in. “Sorry, I know that I must have missed something here?”
I sigh loudly, hating dredging all of this up once more. “Well, it was more than just one thing. Dad finally worked out that she was only after him for his money because she was stealing from him. Even though he would have given her whatever she wanted, she still stole from him. But that wasn’t the only thing, he actually walked in on her cheating on him. She was with someone who worked at his office in his house…”
“Shit.” Leo claps his hand to his head in shock. “That’s so fucking bad. No wonder he’s broken.”
“I know, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to help him…”
“Listen,” Noah declares firmly. “You have been there for him. You can’t do anything else other than that. Right now, he just wants you there to listen to him and to be there with him. You can’t do anything more unless he asks you to. I know that he isn’t asking you for anything right now, which means there isn’t anything you can do.” He pats me on the shoulder. “You are doing your best, James. Just be happy with that.”
But Noah knows that it isn’t enough for me and it never will be. All I want to do is fix things, but I can’t. “Yeah. I suppose so. It just pisses me off that I always knew this was coming.”
“I’m getting in some more drinks.” Leo leaps up from his seat. “I think we need them.”
“Definitely.” I nod and agree with him. “This is a celebration, not for me to get all pissed off. I don’t even want to think about my father and his bitch of an ex wife anymore. That mess is unnecessary.
“I am sorry that you’re stuck in the middle of this,” Noah continues as soon as Leo has gone. “And if you ever need any help you know that I am always here. Whether it is to do with your work or your family.”
“I wish that you could help me,” I admit. “But I don’t know where to go.” I glance over Noah’s shoulder to see those girls still there giving me the eye. “Maybe I should go and hang out with those women.”
“No, I don’t think you should. I was only joking before. When you are in this frame of mind, you shouldn’t be hanging out with anyone other than your friends. So, stay with me and Leo instead.”
“You think so? I don’t know if you guys are being good company…” I tease. “I’m a bit bored…”
“Don’t you be such a little shit,” he growls. “You wouldn’t be where you are without us.”
“I know, I know, I’m just winding you up, that’s all. I am grateful to everything you have done.”
“Well, that’s because we believe in you.” He nods. “And we still do. We know that you will go far.”
Leo brings us drinks over and we all glug them back quickly, turning the night from a celebration into a bit of a drunken madness which might be just what I need. I have been focused for a long time; I have put so much of myself into my work that it’s nice to act like a drunken idiot. To just be a big fool.
“Right shall we head to the next bar?” Noah asks with a smile. “I think that we need to get somewhere which sells champagne because this is a celebration after all. We need to show our pride in James.”
“That’s true,” Leo agrees. “He has kicked some serious ass. We are proud as fuck of you, James.”
“Thanks guys. It means a lot coming from you guys. You have been there through it all, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” Noah agrees. “And we will be there through the rest of it as well. Whatever happens.”
As the others jump up from their seats, I do as well. I get ready for champagne and fun with the guys who have supported me through everything… not just the work side of things but the heart break as well. I wouldn’t be anywhere without them; I don’t think that I would have survived any of it. I need them.
“Are you sure you don’t want a cab home?” Noah asks with his hand on my shoulder, like he’s still the one looking after me rather than the other way around. It might only be half past six in the evening, but him and Leo have gone too hard, too fast and now they are wasted. I need to get them back. I’m a nice level of drunk, and I’m more than happy to stop here anyway. “I don’t like the idea of you walking back.”
“Don’t worry, Noah, my apartment is just around the corner. I will be fine.”
“You… you don’t be sad anymore, okay? I don’t like seeing you sad.”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” I angle him towards the cab. “Leo is waiting for you in the cab, so you need to get going before the driver ends up costing me a fortune.”
“But I don’t want to go. I’m worried that you aren’t okay. I don’t like it.”
“Noah, I appreciate it, but honestly, I am good.” I let out a little laugh. “Just knackered, that’s all.”
“Well you better go and get to bed then. Tomorrow is going to be an important day. Your future and all that.”
Hmmm, I’m thinking that tomorrow will actually be a day in bed, but there isn’t any need to tell him that. “Sure, so I will speak to you in the morning. Let you know what I decide. See ya, Noah.”
“Bye, James. Don’t forget to keep kicking ass.”
I eventually manage to slide him into the cab, and I wave him off, saying goodbye for a while before I turn to walk away from a night that has been amazing. We really have had a laugh, I’m so glad that I chose to stay with my friends in the end. It would have been a very different night if I hadn’t. That is one I will remember forever.
As I turn and begin to walk back to my home, a loud shrill voice captures my attention. The reason that it grabs me is because it chills my blood, I recognize it well and I don’t want to hear it at all. Mary.
Urgh. I turn to look at her and everything stills inside of me. There are so many things that I want to say to this woman, that I haven’t had the chance to yet because my father has told me not to, but maybe now is the time. I haven’t run in to her for no reason. This might be my chance to finally get it all off my chest.
But then I glance at her for only a second, and I see that hardened bitch face of hers and I know that there isn’t any point. There isn’t anything that anyone can say to Mary to make her see sense, so what is the point? She’s worthless, nothing. All I need to do is turn down the nearest alleyway to escape her for good.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rue
Oh my God. It’s him. The one person that I don’t want to see. James freaking Roberts. I have managed to go three successful days without seeing him, but now there he is right in front of me. The world stops spinning and my heart stops beating as I look at the last man who meant everything, the one and only person that I loved but also ran away from. The father of the little girl in the stroller in my hands, not that he knows it.
What do I do? I fe
el like I need to do something, this is my time to act, but I’m frozen to the spot, unable to even move a limb. The only action that I might be able to take is throwing up all over myself.
“What are you doing?” Mom snaps and tugs my arm. “We need to get back to the hotel already.”
“Huh? Er, yes.” Of course, I can’t act on any of these feelings because Mom is here. We haven’t mentioned my time with James, nor has she asked who Sierra’s father is, but I don’t think she will be too happy if she learns the truth. The divorce with Benjamin won’t ease me and him having a relationship in her eyes. “Let’s go.”
I dart my eyes downwards and try to swallow the big lump of terror that lodges in my throat. He looks exactly the same as he did back then, I could easily fall for him all over again as if nothing happened, but at the same time, he’s like a stranger to me. I don’t know him, not anymore, it’s been two years. Nor would he want to fall back into feelings with me after the way that I left him. God, I’m still embarrassed about that. I want to blame the hormones, to think that it was just a heat of the moment thing, but I’m sure he sees it as selfish.
It takes everything that I have to drag my eyes off the floor and look at him once more, just in case his eyes are meeting mine as well. But he’s gone. There is a big blank shape where he was, only seconds ago. I guess that it’s his turn to run away from me. My heart sinks, even if I can’t really blame him for it.
“Come on, Rue.” Mom drags me once more. “What the hell are you doing here? Why are you being a freak?”
She must not have seen James, because she’s acting like the whole world hasn’t just crumbled and fallen apart around me. It’s probably for the best, because it only would have escalated into another fight. I have had two years away from the arguing and yelling, I don’t want to walk right back in it.
“Yeah, I’m coming. Sorry, Mom, I’m just… urgh, I’m tired, that’s all.” That’s only half a lie. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just… I don’t know, I think that I might need to get to bed or something.”
“Well, I’m not surprised. You do too much for Sierra. She doesn’t need you to do what you do.”
“Mom, I’m not getting into an argument with you about the way that I raise my child. You had your chance with me, and now it’s my turn.” I think I might be being a bit too honest, because I’m all shook up about James. “I am going to do what I think is right. So, it would be better for you to keep your opinions to yourself.”
“I don’t like the way that you act so ungrateful,” Mom snaps. “I am only trying to help you out.”
“Maybe I don’t need your help.” I roll my eyes. “Now, come on, let’s get back to the hotel.”
We walk in silence. Well, I do anyway. Mom continues to rant most of the way, but I tune it out. Thinking about James and what could have happened then, is too much for me. I don’t know what I should do when it comes to telling him the truth when it comes to Sierra. I did have a chat to Lydia about it before I left, but she predictably told me not to say a damn word to him. She did have some good points, such as the fact that he hasn’t bothered over the last two years, even though I told him not to, but I do think that she prefers me in the UK. She doesn’t want to lose me as a friend, and I guess the last time that I was here I fell under the radar and didn’t keep in touch as much, but it wouldn’t be the same now. I would be much better this time around. I’m not the same person that I was two years ago, I wouldn’t get lost in a man again… not that I’m assuming me telling James would lead to anything but he might want me to stick around so that he can get to know Sierra.
Or perhaps he wouldn’t. Maybe he would reject the pair of us as revenge. He might not even have place in his life for me anymore, or Sierra. He could have someone new, a family of his own, I don’t know.
I kinda want to hear what Annie has to say as well, my wonderful American friend who surprisingly never hated me despite me running out on her job. I will call her as soon as we get in the hotel and ask her what she thinks about things. She will give me another point of view, like always. She might also be able to calm down all of my insecurities and worries, she was always good at that. I can’t believe I have waited three days to talk to her. That was silly of me. I won’t allow any more time to pass without my friend.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
“Rue?” Annie sounds excited as she answers the phone. “How are you, honey?”
“I’m in America.” No point in beating around the bush. “And if you have time, I would love to hang out with you.” My heart shakes with nerves and I’m not sure why. “If you fancy it.”
“Oh my God, of course I do! That’s amazing news. What brings you back to the US?”
“Well, Mom is getting a divorce. So, she needed my help. I’m doing what I can.”
“Ooh, really?” Annie doesn’t sound surprised. “What happened? What did your mother do to end it?”
“She isn’t telling me, but I can imagine. She must have done something terrible.”
“Another man was involved, I’m sure of it.” Annie’s words match my feelings. “But anyway, that isn’t relevant is it? How are you helping? She better not be taking advantage of you. I will go mad.”
“I’m just emotional support, and also helping her to get a place because she’s being a martyr at the moment and staying in a hotel, just for dramatic effect. Benjamin left her some money, so she just needs to get on with it. But she needs a kick up the ass for that to happen, so that’s what I’m doing.”
“Oh God, good luck with that,” she replies dryly. “That must be a nightmare. How long are you here for?”
“I don’t know really. Everything is a little up in the air at the moment. But isn’t it always?”
“Oh, I know. You can tell me all about it when I see you. What about on Saturday?”
“Sure.” I suck in a breath, getting to the real point of my call. “But I should tell you my news before I see you. It’s going to be a bit of a shock either way, so I would rather tell you over the phone.”
“Oh God, you are freaking me out now. What’s going on?” Annie groans.
“I have a baby. A little girl called Sierra. She’s a year old.” This is followed by a beat of silence.
“Oh my…” Annie breathes in a bit of a state herself. “Wow. That’s incredible. I’m pregnant myself, which is why me and Alex haven’t gotten married yet because I’m waiting to fit in my dress.”
“That’s amazing!” I squeal, hopefully not too loud to wake up Sierra… which I don’t. “Oh wow, I’m so happy for you. That’s great news. Is Alex happy? I can just imagine him as the best dad ever.”
“Well, I think he’s pretty nervous at the moment. He gets more anxious as time goes on. You know, it would probably do him good to hang out with you and Sierra, and to meet your boyfriend as well. Get to know how he coped with being a father for the first time because he isn’t sure that he can do it…”
“There is no father,” I shut her down quickly. “Well, no there is a father, obviously, but he isn’t in the picture.”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Annie pants sadly. “I didn’t mean to dredge up your past heart ache. What happened? Is he one of those asshole boys who runs the moment that he hears about a pregnancy?”
“Er, not exactly. He doesn’t know that he’s a father.”
Annie remains silent for a while. I want to break the quiet because it’s too much for me, but I don’t know what to say so I remain tight lipped as she processes this. I hope she isn’t judging me. I have been judged by a lot of people, even in the calmness of my life in England, so I don’t want to face that here as well.
“You say that your little girl is one, right?” she ponders. “And you were pregnant for nine months. Dare I ask this? I don’t want to bring anything up, but does this child belong to James? Does she have anything to do with you running away a couple of years ago because I always thought that something must have happened.”
“Yes. Wow… I’m shocked that you got it so quickly. That’s exactly what happened. I couldn’t tell him because of all the family drama, I was too freaked out to really make something of it…”
“So, now you are back, and he doesn’t know. Wow, that’s really heavy.”
“I saw him tonight,” I admit. “I don’t know if he saw me, but I saw him, and it made me panic. I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him now, or do I just leave it? Let him get on with his life as it is?”
“Isn’t that something you thought about when you came here, Rue?”
“No, Annie, it isn’t. I know that’s really bad, but I had my blinders on. I was just thinking about helping my mom. I guess because she is getting divorced, I didn’t consider having to see him.”
“Oh, Rue, burying your head in the sand… you can’t keep doing that. Not anymore. You need to work out what you are going to do. We will meet up on Saturday and discuss it, okay? I will sort you out.”
“I’m sorry, I feel like that’s all you do for me,” I apologize. “Sort my life out.”
“One day you can do it for me, I’m sure. And even if you can’t, that’s what friends do, is it?”
“Thank you, Annie. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
As I hang up the phone, I feel a whole lot better about everything. There is something about Annie which always makes me feel up lifted. She is an amazing friend and I really can’t wait to see her again. She will sort my life out yet again, and I need to let her because what will I do without her. If I’d talked to Annie about that positive pregnancy test in the first place maybe none of this would have happened…
Chapter Twenty-Nine
James
I feel a little strange sitting in an official business meeting for the very first time, but now that I have decided to write some books based on education to get my career started, I need some advice from a professional. Picking a company that edits and now publishes books seems like the perfect place to start, and Miss Dawson is full of great advice for me. She’s making me feel a lot more confident about my chances.