by Brenda Ford
Of course, Noah and Leo have encouraged me, but this is someone else. This is someone in the business, who knows what she is talking about. I can already tell that Miss Dawson doesn’t sugar coat things if she needs to.
“So, your book plan is very good.” She claps her hands together and smiles. “And you have already proven to me that you have the knowledge needed… I think I might have answered all of your questions…” I nod to agree with her. This has been one of the best meetings that I have ever had in my life. “Right, so I think it’s best we end this for now, but I would love you to get in touch with me when progress has been made.”
“You want me to send you a couple of chapters when they are written? So, you can let me know what you think.” We both know that’s more for me than her, but she nods anyway. “Okay great.”
“Yes, because as you know we are expanding further and further in to publishing, so if we can help you, we will. The fact that you are a local talent makes you a much easier sell for us.”
“Thank you.” I rise up and shake her hand. “It has been great to talk to you, thank you for your time.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket for what feels like the millionth time. I already know that it’s a girl who I slept with about two months back who has decided that she wants to pursue me again for some strange reason, which is why I am ignoring it. I try not to let things get to this level because I have invited in unwanted attention in the past, but it seems that it’s happened anyway. She isn’t getting the hint.
“I can take you for a little walk around the office, if you like?” she offers. “Let you see how we work.”
“I would love that!” I jump on the opportunity. Everything that Miss Dawson is offering me professionally is going to be taken up by me. I need to know as much of this industry as possible. “Thank you, Miss Dawson.”
“Annie,” she corrects me. “Please, call me Annie. Come on, James.”
The name Annie feels like it stirs something inside of me, something that I should be remembering, but I don’t know what it is. It shakes something inside of my brain but whatever it is, doesn’t quite come loose.
It can’t be that important, I convince myself. Probably just the name of someone I once knew.
I follow Annie around the business, listening to her intently as she lets me see the company. Seeing this inside track is nice and it inspires me further. I really want to get this book written more than ever now. I never thought that I would want to write a book, but here I am with my mind turning and changing all the time.
By the time the tour is over, I have itchy fingers, ready to sit down at the laptop and get typing. I shake Annie’s hand and I get ready to back away from her, but she says something that catches my attention just before I do go. She says it too quietly for me to really hear at first, but one word alone is enough to pull me back.
“Sorry? What did you say? It sounded like you just said Rue then, which is a bit weird.”
Annie’s cheeks grow red, but it seems more in anger than embarrassment. “Yes, I did say Rue.”
Rue… Annie… oh my God. It suddenly hits me. Of course, I should know the name Annie because she is Rue’s friend. Rue even worked for her for a little bit. In this damn editing suite. How can I be so dumb?
“Rue…” I nearly fall backwards in shock. “You know Rue, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. And I know that way back when, the two of you were together. But it didn’t end well.”
“She ran away, that’s why.” I feel like I’m getting the blame here which isn’t fair. “I didn’t want things to end but the pressure from her mother got too much for her. She couldn’t handle it anymore.”
“I know, I know.” Annie nods. “She told me how rough it was.”
“Right.” All of a sudden, something hits me. “Wait, does that mean that she has been in touch with you? She hasn’t spoken to me since she went back to England. Is everything okay with her?”
Annie looks away, which has me worried. I have only been able to leave her alone, because I assumed that she would be okay in England because she always talked about her incredible friends and family there. Seeing Annie all weird when I ask this question is too much for me, I can’t hack it.
“She isn’t in England. Not at the moment, anyway. She’s here.”
Those words are like a punch to my gut. I can’t believe it. The fact that she hasn’t been in touch with me since she’s been back is killer. Especially now that our parents are getting divorced and that can’t be an issue anymore.
“She… she’s here?” My lungs are too tight, I can hardly breathe. “Oh my God, she’s here…”
As Annie reaches out to rest her hand on my shoulder, I suddenly realize that this meeting might not have been about my books after all, and I don’t even know if I care. Knowing that Rue is back within reaching distance again, takes over absolutely everything. The foundation of the world that I have been living on is shredded away.
“So, you didn’t know?” Annie asks me. “You haven’t… I don’t know, seen her or anything?” The look that I give her must answer the question on my behalf. “Nor have I, yet, but she called me.”
All the professionalism that I shrouded myself in only moments before fades away and leaves me with nothing. I’m raw, vulnerable, and exposed. I might as well lie in front of Annie naked and let her kick me.
“She walked out on me, Annie,” I tell this woman who I don’t know at all. “She left me in the dead of night without even explaining to my face why. It makes no sense to me. I don’t get it. The letter… it said nothing.”
Annie looks surprised that she left me a letter, I guess that’s something she didn’t share with her best friend. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to her. It might not have been my place. Then again, Rue didn’t exactly leave me with a list of instructions, did she? She didn’t leave me with anything.
“She didn’t give a reason then?” Annie asks me cautiously. “Because I didn’t get anything either.”
“Do you know now?” I don’t know how I can just tell; I simply sense it. “Has she said anything to you?”
“Are you with anyone now?” She completely changes the subject which has me even more suspicious. The fact that Annie knows takes me straight back to a vulnerable place I was two years ago. Back then I needed to know, I absolutely couldn’t move on without that information, which obviously wasn’t going to happen. It took me a long ass time to get my focus off that an on work, and I’ve tried my hardest not to go back there since.
Now, I can’t be anywhere else in the world than here, in this hole, in a panic.
“No. I’m not with anyone. Is she with someone? Oh God, has she come back to get married?”
“You need to stop panicking, James. You are really freaking out right now. I think it might be better if the two of you meet up face to face to have a talk. I can’t be the middle man in all of this. I’m sorry I said anything at all. I just…” She sighs heavily. “I don’t know, it doesn’t seem right to me that you aren’t talking.”
I want to get on my hands and knees and beg Annie to tell me everything that she knows, but she’s covered in regret as it is. I think that mentioning Rue at all wasn’t her plan and it just kind of happened. Now, I don’t know where we go from here. Or where I go from here at least. I don’t know if there is anything I can do. It feels like the ball is in my hands, but I don’t have anywhere to throw it. It’s too late for me to toss it anywhere.
“What do I do?” I beg instead. “Annie, she’s here. I feel like I need to do something.”
She nods slowly but I can’t tell if she’s actually going to give me any advice or not. She probably doesn’t know what I should do either. This is a God damn impossible situation. But if I don’t do anything then I know I will regret it forever more. I will always ask ‘what if?’ if I don’t get my answers now.
“Can you help me?” I plead in whispering tones. “Please, Annie? I know this puts you in an awkward
place…”
“I can help both of you,” she replies determinedly. “I think you need a little bit of intervention.”
God, isn’t that the truth? Me and Rue have proven that we clearly can’t make it work alone. “Thank you, Annie. I appreciate it. Whatever help you can give me… us, will be awesome. Because…”
I can’t finish that sentence because it’s too intense. Because I loved her, because I need to know why she left me, because she is the only person that I have ever really cared about and she basically killed me.
Or all of the above.
I pace up and down my apartment, unable to sit still. I really have gone back two years when she first went missing. I knew then that Rue was out there in the world somewhere nearby but not with me, and I couldn’t touch her, and this is the same again. She’s within touching distance, but I don’t know where.
I almost want to get out, to walk down the street just in case I spot her. I could just wander aimlessly around in the hope that fate brings us together so we can talk. That sounds dumb even in my own head. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it. It’s going to take a lot of self control not to act on that.
I grab my cell phone and consider calling her, something that I have done a lot over the years, but as always, I don’t do it. Surely it gets to a point where it is up to her to contact me? And considering the way that she left it, I feel like the time is now. She’s in the same country as me for what I assume is the first time and she hasn’t reached out… that’s telling me to continue not talking to her. Still, with Annie helping, it might be okay…
Oh God, can it ever be okay? A lot of water is under the bridge now, so much has happened. There may well be no coming back. I suppose in a way this could be the closure that I need. That will be sad, but I suppose better than always clinging on to this tiny bit of hope that isn’t going anywhere.
Chapter Thirty
Rue
“Mom, this apartment is nice,” I tell her for what feels like the hundredth time. “I think that you should go for it. It’s spacious, well within your budget which leaves you money for living, and in a nice spot.”
“It’s tiny,” she practically spits out at me. “How the hell am I supposed to fit here? All my things…”
“Mom, right now you are fitting in to a hotel room, so you can manage it.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Plus, it seems to me like you have too much stuff anyway, so you can sell things to help you out further.”
I want to make a sarcastic comment about her getting a job if she wants more money, but I stop myself at the very last moment. Just like I stopped myself from telling her that she should have treated Benjamin better if she wanted to be with him forever. I think I’m doing good at proving I have grown up because it’s really hard for me to keep my emotions inside when she’s winding me up like she’s doing right now.
“I don’t want to sell my stuff,” Mom shoots back. “And I also have things at Benjamin’s place that I want to get out of there before he brings in his next woman. A man like him is bound to have someone else.”
“Well then you need to get somewhere, don’t you?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “You can’t live in a hotel forever. You need to make some kind of decision, don’t you? Things aren’t going to change, you aren’t getting your marriage back, so you need to move forward. I don’t want to be cruel, but I can’t be kind any more than I have already been. You must see that. I have arranged all of these apartment viewings; I have done what I can to assist you, there comes a time where you need to help yourself as well.”
As Mom parts her lips, I feel all of my vows to not argue with her falling apart, because I know what’s coming. She’s going to yell all kinds of nasty abuse at me and there won’t be anything that I can do about it.
But to my surprise, that doesn’t happen. Instead, she nods and seems to agree with me. “Fine, I will take it.”
“This place?” I cock a surprised eyebrow. “That’s good. I can really see you here.”
“And the man said that it’s available now, didn’t he? So, I can move in today. I suppose that is a bonus.”
“I will help you,” I insist quickly, thrilled by the turn of events. “Speed up the process for you.”
“Will you and Sierra come and stay with me for a while?” she asks me quietly. “Just while I get used to it. I haven’t lived on my own in a very long time, and I fear it might be strange. I can even baby sit for you…”
Wow, now that is something I never thought I would hear. While I’m not too sure about the idea of her being responsible for Sierra, not until I have seen her get a bit more settled, I would like to stay with her. Every little thing that happens is progress and I’m more than happy to see where things go. Me and her are finally starting to build up the mother daughter bond I have always yearned after and I don’t want to ruin it.
“Okay sure, that sounds nice, Mom. Thank you. We can all get settled in together to start you off.”
“Maybe it will even become a permanent thing, who knows. You might want to stay with me full time.”
I decide to ignore that because I don’t even want to think about the idea of being back here full time. I assured myself that wouldn’t happen when I got on the plane and I don’t intend to change that now. I sure as hell don’t want to think about living with my mother full time. That hasn’t happened since I was a young teen.
“Right, well you better go and sign the paperwork, Mom. Get everything official. Then we can start you moving in. We can get it done by this afternoon if we move quickly. You can be sorted by tonight.”
I’m sure that’s a bit much for her, to have such a change so quick, but at the same time it needs to be done. She has been dragging this break up out for much too long, it’s time to move on. Once she does that, there is no telling what will happen from there. She may even end up meeting someone who she actually respects and likes. It would be nice for her to find actual love in this world and have a two way relationship where she can be happy at last. Happiness might change her and make her the best version of herself that she can be.
I’m meeting Annie at dinner time tonight for a bite to eat, and I don’t want to be late, which is why I’m keen for us to get this done as soon as we can. I have a lot of making up to do when it comes to Annie and I don’t want to let her down even further. I have apologized for what I did a number of times over the phone, but this will be my first time doing it face to face and I need it to be right. I don’t want to begin by being late.
Plus, she will also be meeting Sierra for the first time which is going to be a big step, but since she’s pregnant herself I’m sure this will be more exciting for her than a judgement thing. I don’t think she’s best pleased about me not telling James about the situation, and if we could avoid that conversation that would be great.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I gush as I finally join Annie at the table. “I tried to be on time, but I was helping Mom move into her new apartment and she was a nightmare, as you can imagine. Plus, Sierra…”
“Let me meet this gorgeous girl.” Annie doesn’t look annoyed at all, which is so typical of her sweet personality. She’s so laid back when it comes to things that don’t really matter. “Oh wow, she’s lovely.”
“Annie, you don’t even have a bump yet. How far along are you?” I demand. “I was big right away.”
“I’m thirteen weeks along and I feel massive. I think that you must notice it more on yourself.”
I nod and smile at her, sure I was about double her size, but maybe it is something more in your head. “True.”
“Well, this little girl is lovely, and so beautiful. I can tell that you have done a good job raising her.” She gives me a knowing look, one that freaks me out a bit. “Especially as that’s something you did alone…”
“I wasn’t alone, I had my father and my friends in England,” I shoot back, purposely ignoring what she really means. “So, I always had people to ha
nd, but yes the majority I did do by myself.”
“Well, I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you. And you look great for it.”
I smile thinly, unsure what Annie wants me to say. I can kinda tell that she is attempting to fish something from me, but I don’t know what yet. Or maybe I do and I’m just not ready to talk about it. I need to turn to focus back around on her for a while so that I can relax without the spotlight on me.
“So, how are things with the business anyway? It seems like you have been expanding massively…”
Luckily, this is Annie’s main passion, so it gets her talking for a long time. Long enough for her to have a decent cuddle with Sierra and also for us to order our food and even eat a bit. Just as I start to relax that I might get away with it, that the focus might not turn back towards me, Annie changes that.
“I actually had a new author come and see me this week.” As soon as she says this, I can tell by her tone that I won’t like it. I stare at her wide eyed and in shock until she continues. “It was a shock to me; I didn’t know that it was him coming. And at first, I didn’t let on who I was at all. We simply had a professional meeting…”
“Who are you talking about, Annie?” I demand with an edge to my voice. “Not Benjamin?”
I don’t have any issues with Benjamin, I never have done, and this divorce doesn’t change that. He’s got a lot of business knowledge that I’m sure he could make a book out of if he wanted. And who else would Annie have to be all strange about… oh God, unless it’s a tell all book about his marriage to my mother. It would probably sell for Annie, but would she do that to me? I don’t know and it scares me.