The Alice Stories

by Davina Bell

  ‘I’m in the same boat myself, actually,’ said James.

  ‘Moi aussi,’ said Mama. ‘My job at the bank is finished. You must both come over to keep us company.’

  ‘A fine idea,’ said James. ‘That dessert is so beautiful, it’s a shame to cut it, Marie-Claire.’

  And it was. The way Mama had done the chocolate bark, the Bûche de Noël looked exactly like the branch of a real tree. But it was so velvety and rich and delicious, they soon decided they didn’t mind chopping it into logs and then twigs. Soon it had disappeared, and they all sat back, feeling a little ill, but Christmas ill, which wasn’t bad at all.

  ‘Oh my,’ said Miss Lillibet, sitting back with her hands on her belly. ‘That was phenomenal.’

  ‘You’d better take a turn around the garden for some air, Miss Lillibet,’ Alice said eagerly. ‘You’re looking a little pale. James will go with you in case you faint.’

  ‘I’d be delighted,’ said James, and as they pushed their chairs back, smiling, Alice wondered if her plan might be working before she’d even begun it. Were they falling in love? How did you tell?

  ‘Mama, that was so scrumptious,’ she said with a happy sigh.

  ‘Papa Sir would have loved that Bûche,’ said George. ‘He was a fiend for chocolate, wasn’t he, Maman?’

  ‘Oui. Let us raise a glass to him. To Papa Sir!’

  ‘To Papa Sir,’ they said with lots of clinking.

  ‘Dearie me, seems I’m just too late,’ came a voice from the dusk – a Scottish voice. And there was Mrs McNair, Jilly’s mother, in her Sunday-best clothes, a parcel under her arm, her lips thin and drawn together.

  Alice hadn’t seen Mrs McNair since the day she’d forbidden Alice to see Jilly ever again. But even though she’d heard from Jilly how much her mother had changed, Alice’s chest felt tight with worry. Was Mrs McNair going to be awful and ruin their perfect Christmas dinner?

  ‘Joyeux Noël, Madame McNair. Please, sit down,’ said Mama, standing up to kiss her on both cheeks.

  ‘Och. Aye, well . . .’ said Mrs McNair, shifting uneasily on the spot.

  ‘Is that a present you’ve brought?’ asked Mabel.

  ‘Aye – some Black Bun. It’s meant for Hogmanay – Scottish New Year’s Eve – as a sign of good things to come. But that’s not why I’m here.’

  ‘George, pour Mrs McNair a glass of water, s’il vous-plait.’

  Mrs McNair sat down and started fidgeting with a napkin. She’s nervous too, Alice realised, and let out a deep breath.

  ‘There are things that’ve happened . . . things I’m not proud of,’ said Mrs McNair. ‘With my Douglas, as you know.’

  ‘But that wasn’t your fault – that was the war,’ said Alice, and they all nodded. Alice was surprised by how good it felt to be kind to Mrs McNair. I’m forgiving her, she realised. And it isn’t so tricky after all.

  ‘Nice o’ you to say, I’m sure, but there’s things that came before that.’ Mrs McNair was trembling now. What on earth was she going to say?

  The laughter of James and Miss Lillibet floated up from somewhere quite far away – perhaps as far as the big elm tree, which would be a nice place to kiss, Alice thought. A romantic place.

  But her imaginings were cut short as Mrs McNair cleared her throat noisily.

  ‘It was . . . it was me who put the white feathers in the mail to your Teddy,’ she said, all in a rush. ‘It was me who baited him into goin’ to war by calling him a coward.’

  Alice felt her cheeks go hot and her insides turn cold.

  Mabel gasped. ‘You didn’t!’

  ‘So I’ve done somethin’ to make amends,’ Mrs McNair continued hastily. ‘My husband’s high up in the forces now, and he’s arranged that Teddy be allowed to come home on the next ship – instead o’ my Hamish. Teddy’ll be home in six weeks’ time. It’s not enough, I know. But it’s something to show that I’m sorry.’

  Alice felt a big hate pooling in her heart. She stood up and realised she was going to do something awful. She was going to slap Mrs McNair.

  But then Mama was stroking Alice’s forearm with her cool, long fingers. ‘There is not one of us who ’as come through the war without regrets – not one,’ she said. ‘Me, I regret that often I was not ’ome – that my family was alone when they needed me. I regret that I did not protest when the Schultz brothers were taken away and put in that ’orrible camp on Rottnest Island. Oui, the war ’as brought with it many types of shame.

  ‘But with this comes chances, non? Chances to do better. Forgiveness is what stops wars from beginning. And so I forgive you, Nettie – oui. I do. I love my son, and ’e is safe. So with the thanks in my heart, I forgive you.’

  Alice felt she had never heard Mama speak so beautifully, and her chest ached with admiration and her throat hurt with pride. If Mama can be so brave, perhaps I can be, too, thought Alice. She pulled herself up very straight, as if she were standing at the barre.

  ‘Thank you, Mrs McNair,’ she said, ‘for letting Teddy take Hamish’s place and come home. That was very kind.’

  ‘Thank you,’ murmured Mabel and George and Little together.

  ‘Oh, no, thank you. I dunnae deserve your forgiveness – least, not so swiftly,’ said Mrs McNair.

  At that moment, Miss Lillibet and James came back around the corner, arm in arm.

  ‘An addition to our party!’ said James warmly. ‘Merry Christmas, madam. I’m James Busby-Wilks. Do you like to dance? I’m suddenly in the mood.’

  After they had put out their shoes in front of the fireplace for Père Noël to fill with gifts, Alice lay in bed, thinking about what Mama had said about everyone having regrets from the war. Is my big regret that I gave up dancing? Should I start again? she wondered. Now the war is over and Teddy will be home and Miss Lillibet is free, why shouldn’t I do nice things?

  But the idea filled her with dread, and suddenly Alice knew the reason she hadn’t started again; she realised she’d known it all along. I’m worried I won’t be any good, she thought. I’m afraid that I won’t be perfect. I’m just scared.

  he shock of what Mrs McNair had revealed at Christmas was quickly overtaken by the realisation that Teddy would soon be with them. And so for the next few weeks they worked harder than ever in the hot January sunshine to tidy the garden, and dust and air his room, and shine his shoes, and make the whole house pretty.

  Without anyone asking, James came each day to help, sometimes even before breakfast, stopping only to go down to the river for a swim at lunchtime. Even with one hand, he was fast and strong, and he left a frothy churn of water behind him that made Pudding very excited when they went down to watch.

  They all loved James, each for a different reason. He was kind and gentle, like Teddy, and a great tease, like Papa Sir. And just like Papa Sir – like all of them – he loved silly nicknames. For no particular reason he called Alice ‘Birdy’ and Mabel ‘Ducks’ and Pudding ‘My Bonnie Robin’. And when he was with them, it was easy to forget there was anything bad in the world.

  But there was someone that Alice wanted to love him the best – to love him enough to move to a fruit farm. Luckily, that someone was also at the house a lot, chatting with Mama and helping to paint the high-up bit of the front gate because she was so tall.

  Each time they smiled at each other across the table, Alice jiggled her feet with excitement. James hasn’t come home for nothing, she thought with happy relief. He’s come home for love, after all.

  The big day finally came, and it started with crepes and fresh butter, which Mama had whipped herself. When Alice came down to breakfast, she found James at the table, tucking in next to George. To Alice’s surprise, so was Miss Lillibet.

  ‘Miss Lillibet! What’s brought you here so early?’

  And to Alice’s delight, Miss Lillibet blushed, the kind of pink, pretty flush that could only mean one thing. James gazed at her across the table, almost knocking over the little pitcher of Honey’s milk.

  ‘
Well . . . it’s a special day,’ she said. ‘I can’t stay till the afternoon, but I wanted to – to help you make things nice for Teddy.’

  ‘Oh good, because there’s still lots to do. Would you mind hanging up the streamers around the front door?’ said Alice. ‘And James, if it’s not too much trouble, could you please mow the tennis court and paint on the white lines this morning? I want to play against Teddy as soon as he’s back so he can see how much my serve has improved. Mabel, could you go and double-check that his paint brushes are all lined up? Now Pudding, what are you going to say when Teddy arrives? Remember what we practised?’

  Pudding nodded.

  ‘Little, you’re on baking duty of course. And George, have you finished the banner?’

  ‘It’s drying on the back verandah.’

  They had spent a lot of time arguing over what the banner should say. George thought it should be in Latin, while Mabel had been determined to rhyme ‘Hip Hip Hooray’ with ‘You’ve lived to fight another day’. In the end they had settled on something simple: Teddy, We’re SO Glad You’re Home.

  By lunchtime, James was still finishing up the lines on the tennis court, but everything else was exactly how Alice wanted it.

  Eventually, Miss Lillibet had to leave, but she made Alice promise to give Teddy her special love. The table was set for tea and groaning with food.

  Only Mama wasn’t there – she’d ducked over to the McNairs’ house to invite them all to join the tea later. Since Christmas, she had tried very hard to be friendly, and Mrs McNair had tried even harder in return.

  Then came the merry parp of a horn, and they all rushed out to stand under the banner.

  ‘Teddy,’ Alice cried as Uncle Bear edged Rough-and-Tumble up the driveway. They all waved madly, bouncing on their toes with the thrill of seeing Teddy again. He looked just the same as ever.

  Actually . . . that wasn’t right.

  In his uniform, he looked older and even more handsome. His chest was broader, his arms thicker. His hair was cut so short that you couldn’t see the curls. Alice couldn’t look away from his face; it made her so happy.

  But as they pulled up to the verandah, Teddy wasn’t looking at her. He sat in Rough-and-Tumble’s sidecar, peering out at the garden. ‘Who’s that on the tennis court?’ he said, his voice sharp and frosty.

  ‘Oh, that’s just James – you’ll like him.’ Alice leaned over the sidecar and threw her arms around him. ‘Teddy, you’re back! It’s so good to see you. And we’ve all sorts of things to show you tomorrow. First I thought we’d have a game of tennis. Then after breakfast we’ll pack a picnic with your paints and go down to the river. There’s something you need to see down there,’ she said, thinking of Papa Sir’s boat, which Uncle Bear had finished for them. ‘You won’t believe it, it’s too wonderful. Then –’

  ‘Can’t I just do as I like?’ Teddy said sharply, his arms stiff at his sides. ‘I had enough people ordering me about in the army.’

  Alice stepped back. ‘Of course,’ she said, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘Those were just suggestions. You must be very tired. We’ll carry in your things.’

  He climbed out of the sidecar and walked past them all and up the front steps, not stopping to look at the banner and the streamers.

  Pudding stepped forward and took a deep breath. But Teddy didn’t even glance at her. He kept walking through the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom.

  ‘Join us for your welcome tea when you’re ready,’ Alice called after him as his bedroom door clicked shut.

  Alice wanted to run, then, and leap back onto her bed and tuck her head under her pillow to weep her disappointment away. But as she turned to go, she saw the others standing frozen in the hallway, waiting for her to say or do something to make it right.

  ‘Who feels like something to eat?’ she asked briskly. ‘Mama’s made frangipane tarts. She’ll be back any moment, and Teddy will come down when he’s had a little rest, I’m sure. He’s come a long way, hasn’t he.’

  But Teddy didn’t come down for tea, or for supper, and when Alice tapped on his door with some cocoa as the sun set, there was no answer at all.

  It took days for Teddy to leave his room, and when he did, he would only come down in small patches to sit on the verandah, scowling at James as he worked in the orchard – scowling at them all.

  At first, Alice tried to cheer him up. She told him about the Apple Blossom Fair and Uncle Bear finishing off Papa Sir’s boat. She told him about Lionel Logue and Pudding learning to talk. She read to him from the newspaper about how Spanish flu had reached Australia, how in Victoria and New South Wales they’d closed the schools and theatres, and people had to wear masks when they went outside, even to church.

  But Teddy didn’t seem to care. Most of the time, he didn’t even seem to be listening.

  ‘Would you like us to put on a play for you? What about the one with the Scottish bears?’ Alice asked one afternoon, desperately trying to fill Teddy’s prickly silence.

  ‘Wasn’t the war punishment enough?’ said Teddy, glowering at Pudding, who was driving Tatty’s cart around the neat, mown lawn.

  ‘Hi!’ she called. ‘Hi, Teddy, hi! See my nice goat?’

  But though Alice was sure that was the first time Pudding had ever said his name, Teddy acted like he hadn’t heard.

  Alice tried to tell herself that it wasn’t her job to care so much, that it wasn’t her fault that the littlies were all frightened of Teddy now – that she was, too. ‘Well, what about a swim? I bet you’re even faster now. You could start training for the Swim-Through.’

  Teddy gritted his teeth. ‘Stop your goddamn meddling and leave me the hell alone.’ He jumped up and grabbed a handful of gravel from the big stone vase by the door. Then he hurled the stones at Tatty, and they flew through the air like sharp little bullets, hitting the lawn just a few feet from Pudding’s shocked, pudgy face.

  o Alice’s astonishment, the next morning Teddy came down before they’d finished breakfast and he sat in his normal seat at the table. Alice felt her insides swoop, as if she’d just taken off in a hot air balloon. Everything’ll go back to how it was, she told herself. It might take time, but it will – you’ll see.

  ‘It’s a lovely day outside. Perhaps you could do some painting today,’ she said to Teddy as she spread jam on her toast. ‘Mabel cleaned all your brushes specially.’

  Teddy scoffed. ‘As if I paint anymore. Pointless waste of time. You can throw all that stuff away. I won’t be using it.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Alice sadly, thinking suddenly of her ballet shoes, stuffed at the back of her closet.

  ‘But why?’ asked Mabel. ‘What’s that got to do with the war?’

  ‘Everything,’ said Teddy, and gritted his teeth again.

  ‘Tell us about the war then – you haven’t said a word about it,’ said Mabel impatiently.

  ‘I’m not sure he wants to,’ said Alice quickly. She turned to Teddy. ‘We know from your letters that it wasn’t very nice.’

  ‘Still, it must have been quite an adventure, mustn’t it?’ said Mabel. ‘Going all the way across the world, and seeing France and things? That would have been exciting. And you survived! That was jolly lucky.’

  Teddy looked at Mabel with dead, flat eyes. And then his chest started heaving, and as he put his hand to his throat, he started coughing – the most horrible cough that Alice had ever heard. On and on he rasped in hoarse, gasping moans, his eyes streaming. Pudding climbed off her seat and up onto Alice’s lap. Mabel leapt up to pat him on the back, but he shoved her aside with so much force that she stumbled.

  ‘You were gassed,’ said George solemnly when Teddy had finished.

  ‘What do you mean?’ asked Alice.

  ‘I’ve read about it. The Germans used mustard gas – the British, too, eventually. As a weapon. It caused soldiers to . . . to . . .’

  ‘Go blind,’ Teddy croaked, and swallowed to clear his throat. ‘Burst out in vile sores. Hack and c
ough until their lungs bled. Die writhing in agony. That sort of thing. I suppose that was quite exciting, Mabel.’ He swallowed. ‘That, and seeing rats chewing dead men’s ears off. And watching the skin on my feet peeling off in putrid layers because I had trench foot from the mud that came up to my –’

  ‘Stop,’ cried Little, putting her hands over her ears. ‘Stop stop stop.’

  Alice had never seen Mabel look so terrified. She hugged Pudding tight, not knowing what to say.

  ‘I’m sorry, Teddy,’ Mabel whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  But Teddy just stared at her. ‘You’re right. It’s jolly lucky I survived so I can lie awake thinking about that,’ he said, standing up.

  Alice looked at the others, and saw that Little had crawled under the table. She saw that George had tears in his eyes.

  Then a storm was building inside her, and suddenly she jumped up and ran after Teddy, and grabbed his forearm so sharply that she felt the pull of his shoulder. He turned around in surprise.

  ‘How dare you be so horrible to Mabel,’ she shouted. ‘And how dare you mope around all day and scare the children. I know you’ve seen awful things and I’m sure it was very hard. But so has James, and he’s still nice to us. And even though he only has one hand, he helps us every single day, and he goes and swims in the river. All you’ve got is a bit of a cough and you do nothing but sit around. I don’t even know why you bothered coming back, Teddy. You’re selfish and horrible and I wish you were dead.’

  With all the strength she’d built improving the serve that Teddy refused to watch, she flung his arm back at his chest and marched off to find Jilly.

  ‘But Jilly, you didn’t see me – I was awful. I said the most horrible things. As soon as they came out of my mouth, I felt sick to my stomach,’ Alice confided as they paddled George’s canoe out to lower his kerosene tins, which they’d baited to catch crabs. Crabs were Teddy’s favourite food.