by Blue Saffire
I reach for the back of my neck and rub it. I’m tugging my ear, before I catch myself. Shit, you didn’t think about that one did you? I inhale deeply as I think on her words.
“Umm, if…if you’re okay with that. I guess we should hold hands or hug or something,” I murmur, looking anywhere but at Lucy.
“And you’ll help me with my branding and pictures?” she says with a little more enthusiasm.
My stomach twists. I’m totally taking advantage of the information Ginger gave me. Lucy hasn’t wanted to go to just anyone to take her pictures. She’s willing to get naked or whatever, she’s just been trying to find someone she trusts. I don’t think I could be that bold either way.
“Yeah,” I nod, the guilt twisting into a bigger knot. “I can totally help.”
I look into Lucy’s face and see the stars in her eyes. If only I knew in that moment, that those stars weren’t for the promise of her career and business,—I would’ve walked away. No, my selfishness missed the details. All the things that should’ve stopped me, fly over my head. If only I could take that entire day back.
Chapter 22
Not With Me
Braxton
I’m beyond pissed. Pissed isn’t even in the vicinity of the words to describe what I am. Yeah, I knew Heather would do her best to run from me. I knew she would work damn hard at it too. I just didn’t think she would go this far.
For four weeks she’s managed to dodge me. First, with a lame two week vacation. Then, she manage to plant the seed for Dad and Uncle Rob to pick me to send on an New York case. That shit alone has me pissed as a motherfucker.
Now, here I stand in Mom and Dad’s backyard and Heather has a fucking date. Not just any fucking date. She brought a damn beard. Is she fucking serious with this shit?
I look over at my brother, Wyatt’s face. He looks about as confused as I feel. It was one thing when she was allowing people to assume shit, this is pushing things too far. Was our time together really that bad for her?
I see my opening, as Lucy gets up to go into the house. I figure she’s going to the bathroom, which should buy me some time. I ignore everyone else and make my way to Heather’s side. She looks as if she’s looking around for something. When her eyes land on me, only a few feet away, they widen. Her head whips from side to side, looking for an escape I’m sure.
I pick up my pace, not letting her get away that easily. I grab her elbow, when I reach her, continuing to move. I march us right around to the side of the house out of everyone’s view. I don’t release her, as I back her into the house and crush my mouth to hers.
She melts into me at first, her hands flying into my hair. She kisses me as if she’s as starved as I am. Her little moans soothe the anger inside me. I wrap my arms around her waist. Groaning into her warm mouth, I can taste the beer on her tongue.
Just when I go to deepen the kiss some more, Heather breaks it. Turning her head, she begins to push at my chest. I back off immediately, but keep my eyes on her. Her chest heaves beneath her baggy t-shirt.
I miss having those curves pressed against my body. I miss having my hands on her. I miss the way she looked at me when we made love. I miss everything about her.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she hisses low.
“Why are you avoiding me?” I snap back.
“Brax, don’t do this. I’m seeing someone. I cherish our night together. It was amazing, but it just showed me that I want something else,” her last words are barely audible.
I lick my bottom lip, trying with everything I am not to lose my temper. I just glare at Heather. I take in her facial expression to see if she’s truly trying to be serious with this bullshit.
I point my finger between the two of us. “Again, you want to deny this? Come on,” I huff, raising my voice louder than I intend to.
“Shh,” Heather hisses, looking to first the front, then back of the house nervously.
I move closer, caging her in with my body and dipping my head to her ear. I allow my lips to brush her ear as I speak. Feeling satisfied when my words make her shiver.
“You feel that. I bet every cent I have, your panties are wet. You still remember the way I feel inside of you. Your soul yearns for me the same way mine yearns for yours. Yet, you want to drag other people into this,” I breathe.
“Braxton, this has nothing to do with you. Lucy and I…we have something together,” she tries, her voice trembling with lust.
“Yeah, you two do have something between you. A fucking lie,” I mumble, backing up. I point at Heather, pulling a frown. “You want to see the beast come out of me,” I point to the house. “If that chick were a guy, I’d beat the shit out her. I don’t care if this is all bullshit. You’re playing a dangerous game. How long do you think it’ll last?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Heather huffs, placing her hands on her hips.
I roll my eyes and throw my hands in the air. “You really want to play this game?” I look at her pointedly.
I can feel my face heating. I’m just about ready to snap. I would much rather be kissing those soft lips, than listening to the lies she’s feeding me.
“I’m not playing any game, Braxton. The sooner you come to understand that the better off we’ll all be,” Heather growls, straightening her shoulders and holding her chin up.
“Lies! Pretend all you want. Just know this. We belong together. No amount of deception will change that. You’ve taken a little white lie and made it a monster, Heather. For what? Because you still think I’m a baby? God, if it’s because of—,” I clamp, my mouth shut.
I can see she’s holding on by a thread. I’m pissed, but I never want to hurt her. I blow out an exasperated breath, running my hand through the front of my hair. Reaching for her with my free hand, I tug her into my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I sigh.
“Don’t lie to me. If you need to do this, fine. Just don’t lie to me. Not only are you trying to kill my ego, but you’re killing our trust,” I say into her hair.
“I wasn’t a virgin, Brax. I…I can’t open that door. I just can’t, but in the back of my mind,—it’s there. Every time I think about our night together,” she stops to shake her head. “It’s there in the back of my mind and then I…I can’t breathe…he took—” her words cut off and my heart shatters in my chest.
My brows wrinkle. I want to ask so many questions. Why is this a surprise to her? What the fuck happened to her?
Don’t push her asshole.
“Brax, this is why I didn’t want to say anything,” Heather pulls me from my thoughts with her hand on my cheek.
I just notice that I’m vibrating with anger, literally. I cup her fingers and kiss them, closing my eyes. I try to calm the storm inside of me.
“Do what you need to do,” I say quietly. “But the lies stop.”
“I don’t think you’re a baby, Braxton. I just think you’re too young for me. You deserve better,” Heather whispers.
“I deserve you,” I say firmly. “I need to get out of here.”
I kiss her forehead, then turn to leave. I hear her calling after me, but I can’t turn back. I need to hit something. Since I made the promise to wait for her, before I go after that piece of shit, I have to find something else.
Heather
I watch as he walks away from me, feeling like my heart is going with him. I ache for Brax and not just with desire. I ache to be in his arms to feel safe and I ache to be what he needs. I’m hurting him, just like I wanted to avoid doing all along.
I reach behind me to use the house to hold me up. I feel like I’m going to crumble right here. He wanted the truth. That was my truth. The box I tried to keep sealed shut. Now, I don’t think I’ll get that lid back on the damn box.
My night with Braxton was so amazing, but it was tarnished by that one single thought in the back of my head. When he slid into me without any resistance, it confirmed what I feared since I was ten.
I feel so col
d inside. Hollow to the core. I thought my plan would keep facing this at bay. I hadn’t planned to unpack this revelation anytime soon.
“Heather?” I hear Lucy’s voice.
I look up at her, my eyes unfocused with tears. I blink a few times, but that only causes them to spill over. I open my mouth, but words don’t come out.
“Hey, hey, are you okay? What happened?” Lucy says with genuine concern.
I close my mouth and swallow. “I just need to go. I’m sorry. I need to go home,” I reply.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take you,” Lucy says, wrapping an arm around me to help support me.
I lean into her, unable to respond. I just want to go home to my new place, get under the covers, close my eyes, and stay there for the rest of my life. This pain has a physical weight to it and I don’t know yet if I’m strong enough to overcome it.
Sometimes the truth is heavier than the lie, but we’ll survive. We’ve always survived and he’s always been there when we needed. It’s not his fault.
I know the words in my head to be true, but they don’t feel like it. I feel lost or wrung out. All of the bones have fallen out of the closet and scattered across my life.
This will take time.
Chapter 23
Third Wheel
Braxton
A year and a half later…
Heather’s words have haunted me for almost a year and a half. She’s been pretending to date Lucy for just as long. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I miss her.
With each day, I grow almost desperate with the need to just hold Heather. I have the simple need to be close to her and know she’s mine. I feel like my heart is bleeding out. However, to fix my bleeding heart would be to force hers to bleed more, which is the part I struggle with. I won’t unmask her pain for my own pleasure. Only a shit bag would force her to relive the things in her past, just so he could be happy.
Yet, I need to find a way to bridge the gap between us. I constantly think of how I could’ve done things differently. Still, it all leads to the same path.
I have to go about this differently. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, no matter how much I want to. I need to figure out how to reach beyond her demons. It kills me that when she thinks of us, she thinks of that monster. However, deep down, I understand.
I need to find a way to get Heather to see me. I need her to connect with her feelings for me. If I don’t figure something out, we could remain like this for forever,—me longing for her and Heather denying the incredible connection between us. Hell, a year and a half has been too long already.
It’s not just me anymore. Others are beginning to see our chemistry. Shit, it’s undeniable. Whenever I’m in a room with Heather, it’s like magnets are pulling us together. I’m drawn to her.
No one misses this fact, everyone’s just confused as hell because Heather has been holding up this charade. I still think this game she’s playing is dangerous. Someone is going to get hurt. It’s only a matter of time before it all blows up. This tension between us is like a forgotten pressure cooker. At some point, the lid is going to explode clear off.
Our love will stand bare before the world. Something this strong can’t be hidden forever. Now, if only I could figure out how to help it along.
I frown at the bullshit I’m about to pull. I blame it on my dick. Heather and Lucy were at the bar earlier for beers. Lucy had a few and things got…interesting. The sexy way she danced around Heather—, I’m sorry, I’m a man,—that shit was sexy as fuck.
Honestly, I vaguely remember Lucy from high school, despite everyone saying she went to the same school with us. She sure as shit has changed, since the first time Heather showed up with her as her date. Before, I might have said Lucy was cute.
Now, Lucy comes around looking like a fucking knock out. Her honey blonde hair is now streaked with hints of platinum blonde. The long locks fall down to her waist in soft layers that complement her.
Those little tight jeans and the t-shirts that show off her body are always spot on. Forget it if she puts on a dress like tonight. Those shapely legs are a nice sight to fixate on.
However, when she danced around Heather, it only drew attention to how hot Heather is. Standing there in jeans and a baggy t-shirt. Her short hair framing that gorgeous face. Those lush lips, begging for my attention.
Heather was the star of my fantasy. Lucy just added a little something extra. I’ve been tugging at my own shit for almost two years. I definitely banked that show for my lonely nights.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to sleep with anyone else, since being inside of Heather. I’ve known Heaven, I’m not interested in the brochures for anywhere else. How can you have perfection and settle for spoiled milk or filthy rations?
My body craves Heather as much as my heart does, which is why it’s time to switch it up. I’m tired of whispering dirty secrets to Heather just to insure she still remembers me. Oh, she hasn’t forgotten. I see the lust in her eyes, before my words even reach her ears. This is not a one sided thing. If it were, I’d back off.
I’m an asshole, but I know when to throw in the towel and walk away. That time hasn’t come. Heather just needs to face the truth. This distortion of life she has needs to come to an end.
“Papa’s here,” I mutter to myself.
With the same grin on my lips that makes my mother call me a little shit, I lift my hand and knock on Heather’s door. I know she and Lucy came back here after the bar.
Yeah, yeah, I have a tracker on my girl’s car. So sue me. I protect what’s mine.
Finding out that Heather has been running across town to check on her little sister almost made me lose my shit. Knowing that fucker could have access to Heather makes me want to set shit on fire. It’s going to happen sooner or later. I’m going to get my hands on him.
I haven’t been idle all of this time. I called in a favor with the one person I trust to dig and not ask too many questions. The one person crazy enough to just know I need to handle some shit. Uncle Ronan warned me to be cautious. He’ll let me know when it’s safe to put that dog down.
Yeah, waiting for Heather to give me the okay or her blessing has gone out of the window. I plan to handle this my way now. The only problem is who Ernest Kline works for.
My cousins have some things in the works that I can’t afford to fuck up. The Alliance hasn’t been set in stone, but I could tip the scale on the plan that’s brewing. That’s the only thing keeping that motherfucker alive.
I’m pulled from my thoughts of filleting that piece of garbage by the opening of Heather’s front door. Lucy’s cute little face comes into view. Her cheeks are red and her hair is pulled up into a messy bun. I figured she would be here with Heather.
You’d have to be a fool not to see how serious she takes this whole farce. I don’t want to give breath to what I truly think. I just know this all does not end well.
I shake my head at my thoughts. “Where’s Heather?” I ask strolling into the apartment, despite the small crack Lucy has provided in the open door.
Her gesture isn’t welcoming at all. Not to mention, I notice the agitation my arrival has placed on her face. I wave that shit off in my head. Strolling right over into the kitchen. I grab a cold beer, making myself at home.
“Good to see you too,” Lucy mumbles, as she follows me and flops down on the other end of the couch.
“Likewise,” I mutter and take my first sip of my beer.
Now this place looks like Heather. I smile to myself, taking in the light blue sofa and accent chairs. She had to have the pink vintage looking coffee table. The thing was custom made from an old chest and repurposed window. I spent the day with her waiting for it to be finished.
Over the last year and a half, Heather and I have had our moments. Days when we call a truce to spend time together on neutral terms. I don’t give her shit, she doesn’t tell me lies. It works.
“What are you doing here?” Heathe
r says, as she appears from the hallway that leads to the two bedrooms and the small bathroom.
I lift my shoulders and take another pull from my beer. “Thought I’d stop by. Not in the mood to go home. Ry took off. Don’t want to be alone,” I reply.
“You’re afraid to be home alone,” Lucy snickers.
“Bite me,” I toss at her.
“If I weren’t into girls, I possibly would,” she lifts a brow at me, as if she just said something to shock me.
I turn my head and let my eyes roll over her. “I’d pound your skinny ass into next week. Don’t go barking at trees you can’t climb,” I say, knowing my words hit their mark, as her eyes widen and her mouth drops open.
“Ugh, none of this. It’s been a long freaking week. So much is going on,” Heather huffs, taking the seat between myself and Lucy.
Her scent engulfs me, calming my nerves and soothing all my thoughts. She also snatches my beer from my hand, finishing it off. I press my lips at her, but get up to get us two more.
“It has been a busy week at the office. You’re off for the weekend though, right?” I call over my shoulder.
“Yeah, but I’ll be spending the weekend on a little assignment for Dad,” she sighs.
“What kind of assignment?” I ask, my curiosity lit.
“Dad wants me to help talk Nellie into moving back. We’ve been talking on the phone a lot the last few weeks. I think I almost got her,” Heather says with a satisfied grin on her face, as I hand her a fresh beer.
I decide to play nice, bringing a third beer over for Lucy. She takes the offering, but places it on the coffee table. I’m fine with that. The sooner she sobers up, the sooner she can get the fuck out.
I never said I was willing to share Heather. If you ask me, Lucy is just a cockblocker. I would be able to make so much more headway if Lucy weren’t always around. I toss those thoughts aside, as Heather’s words set in and peak my interest.