LOVING ELLIE

by Brookes, Lindsey

  “I should have been up hours ago, but my alarm didn’t go off.”

  “I know.”

  “You…” She stopped swinging, her green eyes narrowing in on him. “You did it, didn’t you? You shut off my alarm.”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  “Why would you do that?” she demanded.

  “Because it’s Sunday. You don’t have to go in to the coffee shop today, and you need to get more rest.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re driving me crazy with your bossiness.”

  “If you want to debate who’s driving who crazier, I’d be more than happy to oblige.” He’d begin with her constant need to push herself, working herself into near exhaustion day after day, and if she really got him going he’d make mention of the mental and physical strain her sexy little pout put on him as well.

  “I’ll pass,” she said, pushing up off the swing. “It’s too pretty a day to spend going at it with you.” She walked to the edge of the porch and looked longingly out over the ranch.

  Lucas sat back in the saddle and tipped his hat up as he too looked out over their property. The afternoon sun glinted off the melting snow, warming the day. “Spring isn’t too far off.”

  “I can’t wait for the nice weather,” she admitted with a sigh.

  He smiled. “Tell you what, you go put on your snow boots and we’ll take a walk.”

  “Waddle would be more like it.”

  Laughter shook his chest. “If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ll waddle right alongside you.”

  “Now that I’d like to see.”

  “Give me ten minutes to get Cash settled back in his stall, and then we’ll go.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  With a click of his tongue, he rode off toward the barn.

  Ellie was still on the porch, waiting for him when he came back from the barn.

  “All set?” he asked as he met her at the top of the steps.

  “Yep. Are you? Ready to waddle, that is,” she said, a playful smile sliding across her face.

  “I’d prefer to do a manly, cowboy swagger.”

  “That wouldn’t be fair,” she protested as he walked her down the steps.

  “Why not?”

  “Because a swagger is sexy,” she said as they started off across the yard. “A waddle is not.”

  He slowed until he was walking two steps behind her. “Oh, I don’t know. Looks pretty good from my point of view.”

  Giggling, she covered her backside with her hands. “Stop that.”

  He caught back up to her and reached for her hand, threading his fingers through hers. “So where would you like to walk to?”

  “Anywhere as long as it’s out in the sunshine.”

  Hand in hand, they crossed the pasture through the melting snow.

  Lucas couldn’t take his eyes from her. Ellie was getting prettier every day. And he was feeling more and more drawn to her. To the life he wanted them to have together. All three of them.

  He nodded toward her stomach. “Won’t be long before that little one there makes his grand entrance into the world.”

  “He’s going to kick his way out.”

  He slowed his step, slowing her with him. “Is he kicking now?”

  “Yes.”

  Lucas stopped and turned to place his hands on the swell of her stomach. Nothing.

  Ellie smiled. “Your touch calms him.”

  “If my touch is so calming, maybe I should use it on you.”

  Her gaze snapped up to meet his.

  He chuckled at her reaction, letting his hand fall away. “All I’m saying is that if anyone needs to be less tense and more calm, cool and collected it’s you.”

  “That so?”

  “That’s so.”

  She looked past him. “How did Flo get out of the barn?”

  “What?” he turned, following her gaze to the distant barn. A second later, something wet and cold exploded against the back of his neck and slid down inside his shirt. He spun around, swatting at the chunks of snow still clinging to the collar of his jacket. “Hey! That’s cold.”

  A mischievous grin stretched across Ellie’s beautiful face. She walked past him, brushing the glistening evidence from her bare hands. “Guess I’m not the only one who has trouble staying calm, cool and collected.” She glanced back at him over her shoulder. “Oh, wait, it appears you’ve got the ‘cool’ part down pat.”

  He watched her go, that sexy little ‘waddle’ of hers leading her away. She couldn’t be more wrong. He was hot if anything – for her.

  “You going to walk with me or stand there watching my ‘waddle’ all day?” she called back sassily.

  Grinning, he picked up his pace to catch up to her. “You sure are a feisty little thing today.”

  “It’s the pregnancy.”

  “Sorry, not buying it,” he said with a chuckle. “Something tells me you can be pure sass whether you’re pregnant or not.”

  She smiled. “You think?”

  “I know.”

  They stopped beneath an aging cottonwood and turned to face each other. “Tell me something about yourself,” Lucas said, never having enjoyed a walk outdoors more.

  She leaned back against the thick trunk and lifted her chin, letting the sun kiss her face. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. Something no one else around here knows about you.”

  “You mean like how I’m really a magical fairy disguised as a human?”

  He chuckled. “You’re petite enough to be a fairy.”

  She ran her hands over her stomach and shook her head. “One who would never have enough wing power to get this belly off the ground if she tried.”

  “I’m serious, Ellie. What were you like as a little girl?”

  “I’d rather talk about you.”

  “I asked first.” He crossed his arms. “I’m waiting…”

  She looked up at the sky with a sigh. “The one time I remember really well, I was about nine or ten. I climbed up a huge tree to rescue a stray kitten that had been chased high up into the branches by a couple of dogs. Going up went really well. Coming down was a different story. I fell the last ten feet and broke my arm.”

  He winced at the thought. “And the kitten?”

  “Was in my other arm.”

  It didn’t surprise him that Ellie had risked her own neck to save a stray kitten. That was the kind of person she was. Only he wasn’t so sure she realized that about herself.

  “So the kitten became your loyal and loving pet.”

  “No,” she said, looking away. “I wasn’t allowed any pets at any of the homes I was sent to.”

  He frowned at her reply. “That’s too bad. Every child should experience having a pet of their own.”

  “I think it was better that I wasn’t allowed to have a pet. I couldn’t imagine loving an animal only to have to give it up when I was sent to live in a new foster home.”

  “Did that happen often?”

  “Often enough.”

  Meeting someone like Ellie made him truly appreciate the life he’d been given growing up. A secure home. Two loving parents. And a ranch filled with animals.

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?” he replied.

  “Tell me one of your best kept secrets.”

  “When I was younger I wanted to grow up to be a doctor like my father, but the desire to care for horses overtook my desire to follow in my father’s footsteps. Or, wait…” he drew out playfully, “did you want to know about my other deep, dark secret? My lifelong fantasy of kissing a beautiful, green-eyed fairy?”

  A second later, he was doing just that.

  Ellie gave a soft little moan of protest when Lucas finally pulled away.

  “We should probably head back now,” he said, his voice rough. It appeared Lucas had been every bit as affected by that kiss as she had been.

  She nodded, pushing away from the tree. “You’re probably right.”

  Sl
ipping his arm around her expanded waist, he walked her back toward the house.

  Her gaze moved past the house to the barn where Anna’s journal lay, along with the truth. Thankfully, Mrs. Mulrooney had kept her promise not to say anything until she’d had a chance to talk to Lucas, because he’d been out to see Alice Mulrooney twice since returning from Brazil.

  Ellie frowned at her cowardice. It was almost impossible to gather up the nerve to approach the subject of his wife’s journal. Not when Lucas held Anna up on such a pedestal. Maybe it was better not to say anything.

  He opened the pasture gate to let them out and then muttered a curse.

  She followed his gaze to the truck coming up the drive. “Who is it?”

  “Dusty.”

  “Oh,” she gasped, knowing that could only mean another emotional confrontation for Lucas.

  “Go into the house, Ellie.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He looked down at her with a frown. “There’s no need for you to be involved in this.”

  “I already am. Besides, I’m not about to run out on you.”

  “It’s not running out,” he said with another troubled glance toward the drive.

  “Yes, it would be. Believe me I know all about being run out on.”

  “Ellie,” he pleaded once more.

  “I’m sorry, Lucas. I can’t leave you. Won’t leave you. If Dusty has something to say, then he can say it to both of us.”

  He opened his mouth to argue then cursed again as the old Ford pickup pulled up to the house. A second later, Dusty Andrews stepped out and started for the porch.

  “Looking for me?” Lucas called out as his lengthen strides carried him toward Anna’s father.

  Ellie followed, falling quickly behind.

  The older man swung around, his face twisted with an emotion Ellie couldn’t quite read. Anger? Pain? Frustration? “Figured if you wouldn’t come to me, I’d come looking for you.”

  “Well, you’ve found me.”

  His gaze moved past Lucas to her as she closed the gap between herself and the two men.

  “Miss Sanders,” he greeted stiffly.

  “Mr. Andrews.”

  “I’d appreciate a word alone with Lucas if you don’t mind.”

  “Truth is, I do mind,” she replied.

  “Ellie…” Lucas pleaded.

  Crossing her arms over her swollen belly, she stood her ground.

  Lucas sighed in frustration before turning back to Dusty. “Nothing’s changed.”

  “You’re wrong,” Dusty said, surprisingly sober. “I’ve changed. If you’re going to be living here, I intend to make certain folks know the truth about what happened.”

  “Don’t you dare say anything bad about Lucas,” Ellie snapped beside him. “He’s the best man I’ve ever known and he deserves so much more than he’s been dealt in life!”

  “Does she know the truth?” Dusty asked as he glanced between the two of them.

  “I know Lucas wasn’t responsible for Anna’s death and it’s time you knew the truth.” She stated off toward the barn.

  “Ellie!” Lucas called after her. “Where are you going?”

  “To get proof.”

  “What’s she talking about?” Dusty asked as she disappeared into the barn.

  “I have no idea,” Lucas replied with a frown. He turned back to Anna’s father. “But I meant what I said. Nothing’s changed.”

  “Folks will understand,” the older man said. “Anna did wrong, but her actions were done out of love. It’s time to let go of the guilt. You had no way of knowing.”

  Ellie stepped from the barn, drawing Lucas’s gaze that direction. Holding a small, floral book clutched in her hand, she made her way back to them.

  “Your daughter’s journal,” she said when she reached them, holding the open book out to Dusty.

  “What journal?” Lucas asked in confusion, emotion thick in his voice.

  “The one stored with your wedding album and other things inside the barn.”

  “What are you talking about?” he said, his brow creased in confusion. He thought back to the days before he’d left Eagle Ridge. He’d put his and Anna’s house up for sale, his brother promising to handle things with the realtor. Everything left in the house was to have gone to charity or the trash. He’d wanted nothing left to remind him of everything he’d lost.

  Lucas’s gut clenched. Was it possible that Jarrett hadn’t done as he’d asked him to? Anna had kept a journal, not that he’d ever read it. Surely, his brother wouldn’t have kept that of all things.

  “Nothing of mine is in there,” he said, wanting to believe that to be true. “Jarrett got rid of everything I owned after I left town.”

  “Not everything,” she said, confirming his fears. “He must have hoped that down the road you’d be able to face your past again.”

  His gut twisted. “You read her journal?”

  “Not all of it,” she said. “Just enough to know Anna convinced you it was safe to have a baby despite her doctor’s warnings not to conceive.” She looked to Dusty. “Lucas loved – still loves – your daughter. It’s time he stopped paying for something he was innocent of doing.”

  “I know,” Dusty said quietly.

  A soft gasp left her lips. “You know?”

  “Yes,” Lucas said coldly. “I made him promise not to say anything. Anna’s choice cost her the life we could have had together, taking the blame was the least I could do to protect her memory.”

  “I don’t understand,” she said softly. “But you and Dusty had words before you left for Brazil. You couldn’t even face him once you came back.”

  “I didn’t want him taking the blame,” Dusty admitted. “Didn’t want him to leave. That’s what we fought about before he left. Lucas was the son I never had. It hurt real bad to see him go so soon after losing Anna, and on those terms.”

  All Lucas could focus on was the betrayal he felt. He’d trusted Ellie and she’d pried into his past and kept it from him. His body went rigid with anger. “For someone so opposed to gossip, you didn’t waste any time snooping into my wife’s private thoughts.”

  “I never meant to pry. I was going to tell you.”

  “When?” he demanded.

  “I don’t know,” she replied, her words catching on a sob. “I’m so sorry.”

  “No,” he replied. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “Don’t be so hard on her,” Dusty said, coming to Ellie’s defense. “She didn’t know.”

  “And that’s how it was supposed to remain,” Lucas said, his words low and controlled. He dragged his hands down over his face. “All these years…”

  “Anna wouldn’t want it to be like this,” Ellie said, placing a hand on his arm.

  “What about what I want?” he said. “Does anyone else know?”

  Her hesitation was an answer in itself.

  “Who?” he demanded.

  “Mrs. Mulrooney, but she promised not to say anything.”

  Shaking his head, Lucas turned and walked away.

  “Lucas, wait.” Ellie hurried after him. “I thought Dusty blamed you for his daughter’s death and it wasn’t fair. You did nothing wrong. I only wanted to protect you.”

  He looked her way and said flatly, “Don’t do me any more favors.” Then, pulling his keys from his pants pocket, he walked over to his truck and climbed in.

  “Where are you going?” Dusty called after him.

  “I don’t know.” All he knew at that moment was that he needed some time alone to sort through his feelings and work through the pain that had been stirred up again inside him.

  Ellie stepped between the open door and laid her hand on his arm. “Please don’t leave. Not like this.”

  He eased her hand from his sleeve. “You had no right to do what you did.”

  She stepped back with a sob, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I had every right to stand up for you, Luca
s Tanner. I love you.”

  “Not enough.” He closed the door, needing to shut out the pain of his past – of the present. His gaze shifted to the rearview mirror as he pulled away, seeing the forlorn expression on Ellie’s face as she watched him go. But all he could do was drive away.

  *

  Lucas fought the painful lash of emotions that day had brought about. He was furious with Ellie for what she’d done, yet his thoughts kept going back to her admission before he’d driven away. She loved him. If only he could believe that. With love came trust and she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about finding the journal. Just as Anna hadn’t about the risks of her getting pregnant.

  If Ellie truly loved him, she would have agreed to marry him. Agreed to let him raise her son. But she hadn’t.

  He supposed it was possible she didn’t know what real love was, growing up the way she had. But that didn’t excuse what she had done.

  After hours spent driving to nowhere in particular, Lucas finally returned to Eagle Ridge. To a place he hadn’t been to for three long years.

  The cemetery gates were open and with only a moment’s hesitation he drove through them. Emotion rode him hard as he turned onto the road leading to the spot where he’d laid his wife and child to rest.

  He cut the engine and sat in his truck for a long while, staring out across the sea of headstones and grave markers. He’d always felt like he was alone in his pain, but sitting there now he realized there was always someone left behind to go on. To hurt.

  Opening the door, he stepped from the truck and crossed the slushy hillside to stand at the double heart gravestone he’d stood at three years earlier.

  Hot tears pricked the backs of his eyes as he bent to run his fingers over the names engraved on the marble stone, remembering. Closing his eyes, he knelt there in silence. For how long, he had no idea. It was only the sound of footfall in the snow behind him that had his head lifting.

  “I called the ranch to see if you’d come home,” Dusty said, his gaze fixed on his daughter’s grave. “When Ellie told me you hadn’t, I took a chance I might find you here.”

  “I can’t do this. Not now,” he said, getting to his feet.

  “Hear me out,” his father-in-law said.

  Lucas remained rooted where he stood.

  “I came to apologize. I did you wrong, son. Letting you take the blame all these years. You were a good man. Are still a good man. It’s no wonder my daughter loved you. But Ellie is right. You deserve better.”