Ten Times Guilty

by Hill, Brenda

  “Don’t you know there’s more to this life than what you see?” Maria, her hand on her chest as if to help her breathe, made her way to the kitchen, only to return a moment later with her handbag, a Diet Coke and two glasses.

  “I’m having enough trouble dealing with visible problems,” Tracy said, gulping her drink. “I don’t need to hear something ‘from beyond’.”

  “Well, you better not shut your mind to the unknown,” Maria warned her. “Sometimes we all need to listen. And take precautions.”

  “Have you seen Karr?” Tracy asked. “He’s supposed to be making rounds.”

  “Been too busy cleaning up.” Maria got up to walk to the back door and peek out. “Not here yet.” She dug in her bag and took out a tube of lotion. “I hate what soapy water does to my skin. Don’t know why I don’t quit.”

  “Same reason I don’t. Money.”

  “Tony says these late hours aren’t worth it.” Maria rubbed lotion onto her hands. “Until he wants a new gadget for his car.”

  “You know he’d rather have you home.”

  From outside, the sound of their Grand Am’s mufflers roared through the night. “He’s here!” Maria jumped up and ran for the door.

  After waving them off and throwing the deadbolt, Tracy reflected on how lucky Maria was to have a husband to pick her up. She’d never admit it to Diana, but she didn’t like walking home so late. But she would get used to it; she had to.

  She just entered the stairwell to look for Karr when the phone rang. It was someone asking about tour prices and hours.

  At eight-forty, Tracy strolled through the museum turning off lights and pulling shades behind white sheers. She was reaching for the yellow globe in the lobby when a man in jeans and a navy pullover walked through the front door and asked when they closed.

  “In five minutes,” Tracy told him, “but we’ll be open at nine in the morning. Here’s a brochure. Come on back, we have some wonderful memorabilia from the eighteen-hundreds.”

  “Too bad it’s so late,” he said. “I would have enjoyed a tour.” Tall and heavily tanned, he seemed like someone who belonged in the sun.

  “We start at ten, but if you’d like to come early, you can wander at your leisure.”

  “Will you be here?” His hazel eyes were warm.

  “Not at nine.”

  “I hear a Southern accent. Where are you from?”

  “Louisiana.”

  “Ahh, land of the Southern belles.”

  Tracy felt heat rush to her face.

  “That’s a mighty pretty blush. I didn’t know women still did that sort of thing.”

  Tracy was accustomed to people commenting on her accent, but something about the way he looked at her made her feel beautiful. And desirable. It felt good.

  She heard a floorboard squeak in the direction of the parlor. She listened, but didn’t hear anything else.

  The man offered his hand. “I’m Kevin Boyle. I’m new in town, and I don’t know many people. I wonder if you’d consider—”

  “What’s going on here?” Karr’s brusque voice interrupted. “We’re closed.” He sauntered over and stood directly in front of Kevin, hands on his belt.

  Astonished, Tracy stared at Karr.

  “It’s okay, there’s no problem. He was just leaving,” she told him. Karr usually kept in the background when making his rounds, and had never spoken unless a visitor asked something. She didn’t know what to make of his rude behavior.

  “I’m sorry,” she said to Kevin, “please feel free to return in the morning. You’ll be very welcome.”

  Karr didn’t move, just stood in front of the man, almost nose to nose like a living, breathing wall.

  Kevin opened his mouth as if to say something. Karr’s right hand slid to the butt of his gun.

  “Karr!” Before she could say anything, Kevin turned and ran out the door. Tracy rushed to the front steps, but the man had disappeared. She strode back inside, shut the door and threw the dead bolt. She was so angry her hands shook.

  “Don’t ever do that again.”

  “Do what?”

  “You were rude to a customer and you know it. It was uncalled for, especially threatening him with your gun. Good God, Karr, what were you thinking?”

  Karr rocked back on his heels. “Yeah, well, it was time for him to go. Didn’t look like you were gonna tell him.”

  “That’s not your concern.”

  “What’s the problem? It’s closing time. I got rid of him, didn’t I?”

  Tracy brushed by him and headed for the stairwell. She needed to calm down; she still had to make out the deposit. On her way to the office, she thought about speaking to Mr. Madden about the incident, then decided to let it go. For now.

  At the desk, she counted the money, sorted the receipts and entered the figures into the computer, all the time listening for footsteps. She wished Ray worked tonight. He sometimes came in before Maria left and worked until ten, but he had this evening off. Tracy made a mental note to ask Mr. Madden if she could arrange her schedule to coincide with Ray’s.

  She thought of asking Diana or Judy to pick her up, but she couldn’t call every night, could she? After all, the switch in hours had been at her request. She couldn’t inconvenience everyone else just because she felt too uneasy to walk home.

  A few minutes later Tracy took the green zippered bag out of the safe and filled it with the day’s cash and receipts.

  “Well, look who’s still here,” Karr said from close behind her.

  Tracy shut the safe and stepped back, but not before she caught a faint whiff of alcohol. Had he been drinking? No, it would be plain stupidity to jeopardize a new job that way, and no matter what else she thought of him, she didn’t think he was stupid.

  “You must be ready to leave. How about me taking you home?”

  “I don’t think so, Karr. You’re supposed to be working. Besides, someone’s coming for me,” she lied.

  “Yeah, I bet he is, all over himself. I saw how that guy looked at you.”

  The blood rushed to Tracy’s head. Grabbing her purse, she hurried out of the room, unable to take a deep breath until she got out of the museum.

  On her walk home, she kept thinking of the things she should have said.

  “Looks like you had a rough night,” Judy remarked, closing the romance novel she was reading when Tracy opened the door.

  “Horrible.” Tracy dropped her purse and jacket on the floor, something she rarely did.

  “Want me to get Mom?”

  “No, I just need to unwind.” Tracy plopped down beside Judy and put her arm around her. “Thanks for caring, though. It means a lot. It’s late, you’d better get home.”

  “If you’re sure you’re okay.” Judy gathered her things. “See you tomorrow.”

  Tracy closed the door, feeling fortunate to have a babysitter so close. Between Judy and Diana, Tracy was able to work as much as she needed. In return, she kept Diana’s youngest overnight whenever she and Greg went clubbing.

  The baby was in his question mark position again. Sleeping soundly. She needed to hold him, needed to feel close to his warmth. Picking him up, she burrowed her nose in his neck. His eyes opened and he gave her a snaggle-tooth grin before sticking his thumb into his mouth.

  Tracy hugged him close and talked to him, telling him how much she loved him. She waltzed with him around the room in time to the tune she hummed. When he got a little older, she’d dance with him the way her father had done with her.

  One memory was a favorite, one she thought of over and over, especially when she felt alone and frightened. They were at home and it was after supper. Her father had been dancing with her mother, then he turned to Tracy. He bowed deeply, extending an invitation with the sweep of his arms. Giggling, she curtsied and placed her small feet over his. Off they went, waltzing around and around in big open circles. She looked up at him, loving him so much she thought her heart would burst.

  But now she had Rit
chie to love. She gave him a loud kiss on the cheek and twirled one last time around the room.

  When he was asleep again, Tracy got ready for bed, but she felt edgy and couldn’t settle down. She brewed a cup of tea and picked up a paperback novel. But twenty pages later, she had no idea what she’d read. Instead, she kept seeing Karr and hearing his crude remark.

  She frowned, setting her cup on the end table. Had she put the moneybag in the safe? Or had she left it out on the desk? Mentally, she retraced her steps, starting from the time she went to Mr. Madden’s office.

  She remembered opening the safe for the green bag, placing the money and receipts in it. Then Karr came in. She knew she had closed the safe, but had she placed the moneybag in it?

  She couldn’t remember!

  Don’t panic, just think. Take a deep breath and go through it again. She went over each step again until she came to putting the money in the safe. Had she or hadn’t she?

  She didn’t know.

  Okay. If it was still on the desk, then what? Would it cause a problem?

  Of course it would. Even if it was safe tonight, Mr. Madden would find out and never trust her again. He just might fire her. It was no small error; it was an entire day’s cash receipts. And that would be the end of all her plans. No, she just couldn’t risk it. There was too much at stake.

  But who could she contact about it at this time of night? There was Karr. He could check, and if she left it out, he could put it in the safe for her.

  No. She couldn’t and wouldn’t ask him. Mr. Madden would really have cause to fire her, perhaps even bring charges against her if she gave the combination to anyone.

  Her tea forgotten, she sat clicking her nails on her teeth, her heart thudding.

  There was only one thing she could so. She had to go back and check. Okay, she glanced at her watch, almost midnight. How could she get there?

  If it were any other time, she would wake Diana. She wouldn’t mind, they both had occasional work emergencies. But Diana had a cold and Tracy didn’t want to disturb her. She could call a taxi, but she didn’t want to spend the money just to ride to work.

  That left walking.

  She hurriedly threw on her clothes, hoping Judy was still up, and tiptoed down the stairs and around to Judy’s window. The light was still on. Sighing with relief, Tracy tapped lightly.

  Judy pulled back the curtain. “What’s the matter? Something wrong with Ritchie?” When Tracy explained, she said, “I’ll grab my book and be right up.”

  Tracy thanked her and cut across the grass to the street, trying to ignore the black night and the crawling sensation of being the only person alive.

  Inside the museum, she locked the door behind her and breathed a sigh of relief. She made her way downstairs, wondering why there was no sign of Karr. But when she flipped on the lights in the office, there he was, asleep on the sofa.

  “Karr!”

  He woke and sat up, instantly alert. “Tracy. What are you doing here?” He smoothed his hair.

  Her eyes flew to the desk. No cash bag. She crossed to the safe and began to work the combination.

  “I have to check something.” She opened the safe. Thank God the green cash bag sat tucked into the corner. Breathless with relief, she touched it just to make sure, then closed the safe and locked it.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” Karr said as she rushed out of the office. “I was just resting when you came in. You won’t say anything, will you?”

  Tracy had to get out of there. She took the stairs two at a time. She had just reached the front door when Karr came up behind her.

  “I have to talk to you,” he said.

  “I really have to go. It’s already late.”

  “When you came in,” he told her, “I was just napping. A catnap, really, just a few minutes. The hours I work, I have to. You won’t tell anyone, will you? I’d get fired, and my career in law enforcement would be over.”

  Law enforcement? “Please, I have to go. I won’t say anything.” She avoided Karr’s eyes and opened the door. Once outside, she glanced back at the museum. Arms folded, Karr stood at the window watching her. Chilled, she kept glancing back at him until she crossed Colfax.

  Never again. From now on, she would make certain she did everything correctly.

  She hurried on, the heels of her shoes echoing through the night stillness. Everything seemed so deserted. Why weren’t any cars going by? In a city the size of Denver, people were on the move even at this hour. Where had everyone gone all of a sudden? If only it wasn’t so dark.

  From behind, she heard the deep sound of a heavy engine. Headlights illuminated the street in front of her.

  Tracy walked faster. Should she run to a house, any house, and pound on the door?

  The van pulled to the curb and stopped.

  The lights went out.

  A door clicked.

  Tracy ran.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Tracy!” Clutching his belt, Karr ran to catch up, his handcuffs jingling against his blackjack.

  Tracy stopped. “Are you crazy?” Her heart pounding in her throat, she.bent over to catch her breath. “Do you have any idea how you scared me?”

  “I didn’t mean to, I just want to talk to you.”

  God, what a nuisance. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Like you told me, that’s not your concern.”

  “I work there, Karr, it is my concern. Mr. Madden trusts you to do a job.”

  “ ‘Trusts me to do a job’,” he mimicked. “What are you, the job police?”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake.” She started walking again.

  He kept pace with her. “I know you’re almost home, but I want to talk to you a minute.”

  How did he know where she lived?

  “Please, Karr, whatever it is, can’t it wait until tomorrow? I’m tired and I have to get home. I have a babysitter waiting.”

  Why didn’t he leave her alone? Hadn’t she made it clear how she felt? “Good night,” she said firmly, not hiding her annoyance. She kept walking.

  “Wait.”

  She didn’t break stride.

  Holding his belt, he caught up. “We haven’t finished our business.”

  She stopped. “What business? If you mean about you sleeping—”

  “Goddammit, I told you, it was a nap!”

  Something was wrong; he had never used that tone with her. She looked up at him, really seeing him for the first time, and saw the anger in his eyes, anger she’d only sensed before. She felt danger as strong as an electrical charge and knew she had to get home. Now.

  The branches of one of overgrown willows to their right rustled in the breeze. Tracy glanced toward home, measuring the distance.

  “It was just a nap,” he said again, licking the spittle from the corner of his mouth. “You got that straight?”

  “Yes, you’re right, a nap,” she said, keeping her voice calm and soothing. “I won’t say anything.” She eased forward a few steps, trying not to draw attention to the fact she was moving.

  His eyes narrowed. “I know why you’re in such a fuckin’ hurry.”

  “My son—”

  “Bullshit!” He grabbed her arm, yanking her to a stop. “You got that guy waiting, don’t you?”

  “What guy? Please, you’re hurting me.” She twisted her arm, but couldn’t get free.

  “I thought it could be different this time, that I could make you love me...”

  What was he talking about?

  “That guy comes along, you treat me like a sack of shit. You’re too busy spreading your legs for him!”

  “Let go of me, Karr,” she said, trying to pull free. “Let go or I’ll scream. I’m not kidding!”

  He pulled her toward him as she tried to twist away and locked his arms around her.

  “Let me love you,” he whispered, nuzzling his face against her neck. “I’ll make it good for you, you’ll see.” His breath stank of sour wh
iskey. He ground his pelvis against her.

  “Stop it!” She tried to strike out at him but he grabbed her arms and pinned her wrists to her sides.

  She screamed.

  His hand clamped onto her mouth, pinching her nose.

  One of her hands was free! She grabbed for his hair, his eyes, anything. Her nails dug into his cheek.

  He drew back and struck her, hard across the face.

  Tracy’s world shifted. Her ears rang. She tasted salty copper as the hit bloodied her nose and split her lip. She reeled and lost her footing.

  He grabbed her and held her tightly against him. “Dammit, you could be a little more cooperative.” He lifted her so their crotches met.

  Her liquid body slumped against him. She fought to stay conscious. With what strength she could summon, she pushed against him and screamed. All she heard were whimpering sounds.

  “Shut up,” he ordered, dragging her toward the clump of willows.

  No! She had to get away. She kicked. And connected with something solid.

  He dropped her. “Goddamn son of a bitch!”

  She hit the ground hard, her face digging into the grass. She pulled herself up and scrambled to her hands and knees. Before she could get two steps, she felt excruciating pain explode on the back of her head. Her knees buckled and she went down.

  ***

  Tracy lay with her eyes open. She breathed, but there was no recognition of anything or anyone. Images passed in front of her with no connection between her eyes and her brain.

  She wasn’t aware of hands rolling her onto her back. A man was close to her, but she didn’t know who he was or what he was doing. And she didn’t care. She didn’t even care when he yanked her blouse, popping buttons as he ripped it open, or when he pulled off her jeans and panties. Then the man was on top of her, grunting, but she wasn’t concerned. She didn’t notice when he stood up again.

  ***

  Cold...so cold. She shivered and felt pain. Pain everywhere, her nipples, stomach and between her legs. Her head throbbed violently and she felt nauseated. Groaning, she drew her legs together and curled up on her side.