Hideaway

by Nicole Lundrigan

  Gloria squatted down and painted the bottom of the door. I read the label on the can and the paint was called “Happy, Happy.” I nudged Rowan and pointed at the name. Maybe things would be better. Maybe the new door would make Gloria smile. Maybe Telly would come back after all, driving in slow and careful with no dust this time. Then we would all be happy, happy.

  Gloria threw the brush into the can and went inside. I don’t think she was mad at me no more about the school concert because I called Telly at his garage, just like she said, and I did a good job. He got on the phone this time and I told him I missed him bad. He said he missed me too and he was sad we weren’t together and that he’d see me soon. That made Gloria real excited.

  When she came out of the house she only had two lemonades. She gave one to me and said, “No sharing.”

  Rowan didn’t get one because Gloria didn’t see him no more. She looked right through him. That was partly Chicken’s fault, to tell the truth. When he was hungry, he was Gloria’s dog, because she was the only one allowed to feed him and sometimes she forgot. But when he was full, he belonged to Rowan. Gloria didn’t like that. She called Chicken a “sneaky double dealer.”

  No one was allowed to feed Chicken. Only Gloria. But last night, Rowan picked some fries off his plate and dropped them on the floor. Chicken was right there because he was half starved. Gloria probably heard the pat, pat of the potato dropping. Or she saw Chicken licking his chops a million times. Or she could’ve read my mind, like she does sometimes. She caught him. She always caught him. She grabbed Rowan’s fries and she threw the whole plate in the garbage. Then she disappeared him. She made Rowan vanish right out of her sight.

  Sometimes he was disappeared for just a day. Sometimes she couldn’t see him for a whole month. Once she told me the problem started when his two front teeth came in. She found it hard to look at teeth that were so huge and crooked and stuck out funny because “He just wasn’t cute no more.”

  Gloria gulped her lemonade. “You know it’s not easy taking care of two kids by myself,” she said. “You get that, right, Maisy? I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best.”

  I nodded.

  “Takes everything I got to juggle work and keep the house and put food on the table and clothes on your back. Trying to make it look decent.”

  “I really like the door,” I said. “It’s a good color.”

  “Isn’t it, though? I’ve got a natural skill for that, Bids. Everyone says it. And Telly’ll see all I got done when he comes home. See how much effort I put in.”

  Rowan grabbed my glass and crunched up all the ice. Gloria saw. “You didn’t hear me?” she said. “No sharing.”

  “Sorry,” I whispered. I took the glass back from Rowan and put it on the step. Then I got up and went back to the bird grave. I wanted to see in case a feather or a claw or orange beak scritched up through the dirt. Maybe the bird would come alive again. But Rowan’s footprint looked just the same. That made me feel sad. The robin’s mom should have told it not to trust the window. Like Gloria told me not to trust Mrs. Spooner. Or to watch out for wolves in the woods. If that robin had a better mom, it would still be flying or making a nest or eating worms.

  Rowan walked past me to the clothesline that went between the house and the shed. He was wearing his sneakers now, and he yanked a T-shirt off the line and put that on. Then he yanked some other stuff off too. I think it was Telly’s clothes. Gloria kept washing his work stuff over and over and hanging it out even though it never got dirty no more. Even though everyone knew Telly wasn’t even home.

  “Tell your brother he can take all the clothes off the line. Fold them proper,” Gloria yelled. Then I heard the screen door slam. She must’ve gone inside.

  I opened my mouth but Rowan said, “I heard her already.”

  He pulled underwear and pajamas off the line. Clothespins popped and fell in the grass. He rolled up the clothes and threw them in the basket. He was mad, I could tell. I knew he was going fast so he could sneak away, just like he’d been doing. He thought he was going to leave me behind again. But this time I had a better idea. I was going to follow him.

  * * *

  —

  I went in the front door to get my shoes. Gloria was yelling more. From the hallway I could see the phone on the wall in the kitchen. It was wiggling and she had the cord yanked tight. I stopped to listen.

  “No, not a chance!” she hollered. “That was your choice. One hundred percent your fault. As always.”

  Then she got quiet for a second.

  “No, you listen to me, darling.”

  I knew darling didn’t mean darling.

  “Me the problem?” She snorted. “You got real mental troubles, you know that? Everything you say is twisted.” Then she said, “It’s about time. But you better not leave them hanging. You messed around long enough.” Her words went warm and sweet. “Telly, these kids need a father. They’ve really been suffering. Especially the boy.” She puffed out air. “For a while? Of course, sweetheart. I understand what you’re saying. We all love you, Telly. We do. I’ll see you then.”

  She put down the phone. Then she saw me standing in the hallway. “Maisy. Why do you got that face on?”

  “What face?”

  She rolled up her eyes all white and stuck out her tongue. “It’s not very becoming.”

  “I don’t,” I said. I touched my cheek. “I don’t look like that.”

  “You think I’m making it up?” Her eyebrows jumped up high. “Calling me a liar, are we?”

  I shook my head. Fast. Fireflies zoomed around.

  “You’re actually calling your mother a liar. Gloria’s a big fat liar. Bends over backwards for everyone, but she’ll screw you over. That’s what you’re saying.”

  My heart started knocking on my neck, like there was a woodpecker hiding in there. Tak-tak-tak. Tears came in my eyes, but I blinked them away. “I’m sorry, Gloria.”

  “Well, I don’t got time to deal with your sorrys right now. You just better look smart at dinner. Your father’ll be here.”

  I nodded, but cold air ran up my insides. Telly was coming back. With his black garbage bags and his extra guns. Would that other lady start calling us all the time? Or showing up to throw rocks at our house? Would she leave love notes under the mat on our front step?

  “Now get out from under my feet.” Gloria put an apron on over her head. She patted her hair. “Everything’s got to be just exactly perfect for his welcome home.”

  When I went outside, Rowan was already gone. The laundry was balled up inside the basket in a big mess. I ran behind the house and around to the other side with the deck. He was there, almost to the woods. He had an armload of clothes and with his other hand he smacked a red cap against his leg and put it on his head. He went past Telly’s potato garden without no potatoes this year. Then he disappeared behind some trees.

  Gloria wouldn’t like it, but I had to follow him now. Not just to know his secret, but I had to tell him Telly was coming home. Rowan would know if that was good or bad.

  I went the same way as Rowan as fast as I could. In the woods the air was full of buzzing and cracking like the leaves were growing in the patches of sun that got in. I saw Rowan’s red ball cap up ahead. I stayed real quiet going behind him. I climbed under and over fallen trees. The moss was soft on my knees but slippery on my shoes. Rowan was whistling a song. I never heard it before. It was weird and lonely and it made me feel empty in my middle.

  We walked forever before we reached a bridge. I never been in the woods this far before, but I kept my eyes wide open and watched all over. I didn’t see no wolves like Gloria said I would. Rowan started going fast. When he got to the bridge, he pushed through the bushes and then I couldn’t see him no more.

  I crawled closer and hid behind some branches. I heard Rowan laughing. When I peeked through the leaves, I saw what he was hiding. A scary man was sitting on the rocks near a fire. He had knots in his hair. There were shiny things
in his beard. His face and his hands looked grimy and he wore way too much stuff for summer. He was smoking a cigarette. A skinny brown dog was next to him and it had its head on the man’s leg.

  Rowan had been disappearing to go see a dirty troll and a dog. My heart started banging. Gloria was not going to like that.

  The troll called out, “Hey, Magic Boy. Back again?” He knew Rowan. He even had a funny name for him.

  “I brought you some shirts. They’re good shirts, but no one needs them anymore.”

  Telly was coming home. I had to tell Rowan. Telly might need his shirts. He might be angry Rowan stole them off the line.

  He handed the armload over to the man, and the man got a big smile. He held one out. “I’m Carl,” the man said. “But I can be a Telly too.”

  “You don’t want to be a Telly,” Rowan said. “Tellys suck.”

  “Okay, okay,” he laughed. “Thanks, Magic Boy. I’ll only, urh, be a Telly if Workers come.” He put the shirts down and then he pushed a wiener on a stick and stuck it in the fire.

  A twig cracked under my shoe and I held my breath. The dog jumped up fast and ran over to my hiding spot. I tried to be as small as I could, but it started barking. When I peeked again, the troll was looking right at me. His eyes were tiny. Then he clapped his leg and the dog went back to him.

  “Urh,” he said. It sounded like someone punched him in the middle. “A little fawn is tracking you. Can she be trusted?”

  Rowan shook his head when he saw me. “Shit, Maisy. Why’d you go trailing me?” I looked down at my shoes. They were wet and had moss stuck to them. Then he said to the troll, “Sure, Carl. That’s my sister. I’d trust her with my life.” That made me feel better. But the troll still looked like he did bad things.

  Rowan stomped over and grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bushes. “Did Gloria send you after me?” He was angry.

  “No,” I whispered. There was no sun under the bridge and it smelled bad.

  “Then why are you on my heels?”

  “I thought, I thought.” My throat started to hurt. “Last summer Gloria said you weren’t allowed to leave me out. She said that a bunch of times. And now you’re leaving me out every day.”

  “I just want some time on my own. And that was a whole year ago.”

  “Still,” I said. What difference did that make?

  Then he said I could never ever tell Gloria about the troll. “Absolutely no way.” I had to promise. He made me swear on Telly’s grave. “But Telly’s not dead,” I said, and Rowan told me to just pretend he was. So I swore on Telly’s grave. Future grave, same as Mrs. Spooner.

  “Never mind, Magic Boy,” the troll said. “Why don’t you two take a seat on these fine chairs?” He waved his hand next to the fire.

  I tugged Rowan’s T-shirt. There were no fine chairs. No chairs at all.

  The wiener was bubbled up, and the man tugged it off with his huge fingers and cracked it in two. Steam came out. He offered half to me. I tugged harder on Rowan’s T-shirt.

  “We’re good, Carl,” he said.

  “We’re good, Carl,” the troll said back. Then he gave it to the brown dog.

  The dog swallowed it in one gulp.

  “We should go,” I whispered to Rowan. “We shouldn’t be here.”

  The troll turned his head to the side, whispered, “No, no. Not everyone. You can’t believe that.” Then he laughed, but it was a scary laugh. “It’s concentric reasoning.”

  I opened my mouth, but air just sat in front of my face.

  “Relax, Turtle,” Rowan said. “So he rambles a bit. Not like it’s hurting anyone. Carl’s my friend.”

  “Carl’s my friend,” the troll repeated. He had his head down and his face inside the front of his coat. “Carl’s my friend, Turtle. Carl’s my friend.” The dog barked and scritched the troll’s leg.

  “For sure,” Rowan said, a bit louder this time. “We’re friends, Carl.”

  Rowan liked saying that. I could just tell.

  Then the troll lifted his giant head and looked at us. “Who’s Carl? Nobody knows Carl.”

  I yanked even harder on Rowan’s T-shirt.

  “I thought—” he said.

  The troll mumbled into his hand and laughed again. He pulled some cards out of his coat pocket. He smeared them all around on the ground and then put them back into a pile.

  “Little Fawn! Your future awaits.”

  “Rowan,” I whispered. That troll was crazy. I yanked Rowan’s T-shirt as hard as I could, but he smacked my hand away.

  “Stop it, Maisy. If you’re such a wimp, then go home out of it.”

  “I’m not a wimp.” That was a lie.

  The troll held the deck out to me. “You have to tap it three times. With your pointer finger.”

  I shook my head.

  “Don’t you want me to see, Little Fawn? What’s going to happen to you?”

  “Come on, Maisy. Don’t be like that. It’s just a game. And Carl’s trying to be nice.”

  “Carl’s trying to be nice.”

  I didn’t like how he kept saying Rowan’s words. Why didn’t he have his own?

  I took a tiny step closer so Rowan wouldn’t think I was scared. I tapped the deck. The troll smiled, and then he flipped some of the cards over on the ground.

  “You are quiet,” he said. “Urh. You are not brave, but one day you will be brave. Very brave.” I took another step closer and got down to see the cards. They were old. Some of the corners were torn off. “But—” He tapped the third card. “But. But. Urh. Two paths here. Two paths. One will seem warm and familiar. One will be thick and dark. You need to go in, or, or, or, urh, come out.”

  Rowan poked me with his elbow and said to the troll, “I told you she was a turtle.”

  Then he laughed and scritched his beard. I could hear his fingernails. “Love,” he said. “Only love is on the other side.”

  “Maisy’s got a boyfriend,” Rowan sang. “Probably Darrell.”

  “Stop it,” I said. I went a little closer. The troll smelled like Chicken that time he rolled in rotted squirrel. Then he took something shiny from another pocket and unfolded it. It looked like one of those grocery store pie plates made of soft metal. He tore a piece off, and reached his hand out and touched my hair. My middle was shaking, but I stayed still. I would be brave. He picked up some of my hair. I closed my eyes waiting for him to yank it. But he said, “There.” When I opened my eyes I felt around in my hair. I lifted some of it and saw a piece of silver was pinched there.

  “Protection.” He tapped my nose and laughed until he coughed. “The Workers are always listening, Little Fawn. But you’ll be safe now. Don’t lose it though. Otherwise, I, I, I, urh, don’t know. Terrible stuff. Terrible, terrible stuff is coming.”

  I touched the metal. It was cold and had sharp parts. Terrible stuff was coming. I remembered then that Telly was moving back. Maybe Telly was the terrible stuff.

  “Rowan. Gloria said—”

  “Shush, Maisy. Carl, can you try mine again?”

  “Magic Boy.”

  “Yeah,” Rowan said. “Let’s see what’s happening for me.”

  The troll smeared the cards out again. Then he picked them up in a pile and Rowan tapped on them. He turned some over, but before he said anything he grabbed them up again. I saw they were all black, though. They were all upside-down shovels.

  “Broken,” the troll said. “The cards are broken.”

  Rowan looked sad because he didn’t get his future. He didn’t get a metal thing neither. Not like me. I wonder if it was because his hair was the wrong color. Gloria said my hair was spring chick, but Rowan’s hair was muck.

  I stomped my foot. “I’m leaving.” I was getting cold in the shade and flies kept landing on me.

  “Fine,” Rowan said. “I’ve got to get her home, Carl. I’ll see you later, though, okay? Bye, Girl!” The dog ran over and licked at Rowan’s hand.

  The troll tugged on his beard. “Don’t
worry. We’ll get it all evaluated. You’re not going, going, going, urh, away. Don’t listen to everything you see. Those wave particles are from the Workers. Not you, Magic Boy. That’s what I told Stan.”

  “Who’s Stan?” I whispered.

  “Never mind, Turtle. It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does too,” I said, but Rowan didn’t say nothing else.

  We walked through the bushes near the side of the bridge. In the leaves, a bird sang the same song over and over. After we’d been going for a while I said, “I don’t like him, Rowan. He smells. And he got garbage stuck on his face.”

  “It’s just metal. Besides, you’ve got metal now too. Who cares?”

  I touched the shiny twist in my hair again. “You shouldn’t go there.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because he doesn’t got a house. Because he’s a secret. Because he’s not good.”

  Rowan broke off a stick and threw it. “Not good because he offered you food? Or played cards with you? Or gave you a lucky thing?”

  “I—I don’t know. His clothes are bad. Gloria says we got to stay away from people like that. He likes you, Rowan. I can tell he does. I think he might be a wolf.”

  “He’s not a wolf. Wolves don’t even exist. Not that kind, anyway.”

  “They do too.”

  “Not around here they don’t.”

  “Well, it could be catchy. His kind of sick.”

  “Don’t be a moron, Maisy. Just because he thinks differently doesn’t mean he’s not okay. That he’s not good inside.”

  “You don’t know him one bit.” I squished up my eyes so he’d know I was mad. “Gloria said you’re not supposed to talk to strangers.”

  “Some stranger. I’ve been there tons of times.”

  “He’s bad and he’s dumb. Giving that dog half the wiener.” I wondered why Girl didn’t run away when her stomach was full. She just curled into the troll. “The big half, too.”

  Rowan let out a sigh. He shook his head back and forth. “That’s not dumb, Turtle. That’s just another way he’s being nice.”

  I kept walking. After Rowan said that, I didn’t know what to think about the troll—Carl—in my head. Maybe that was being nice. But I still didn’t like him hiding under the bridge. I didn’t like that Rowan and Carl got sparkles in their faces when they saw each other. Even that dog looked at Rowan like it just found a pile of meat bones.