by Leann Harris
Caleb opened his mouth, then clamped it shut. “Sawyer, I’m leaving.”
Immediately he joined his brother. “You’re not going to drive home to Peaster tonight, are you? That’s more than a seven-hour drive.”
“I’d planned on it. I’ve done harder drives with no problems.”
Sawyer stepped closer to his brother and whispered something. Caleb gave a single nod, then walked outside.
“Thanks for the meal, ladies.” Sawyer followed his words with a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Turning to Erin, he nodded to her and started outside.
“Sawyer,” Erin called.
He stopped and turned. The closed expression on his face didn’t encourage talk.
Her heart ached. “Remember what we talked about Saturday afternoon. You were right on target.”
“If my mom would’ve been as good as your mom, it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“So your advice only works if the problem’s someone else’s?”
The muscles in his jaw flexed, and his gaze narrowed. She could see all sorts of emotions racing through his eyes. Finally, he turned and walked out of the house without giving her the courtesy of a response.
She wanted to rush after him and scream and stomp her foot. He willingly gave advice but, apparently, couldn’t take it. She didn’t know how their relationship would work if he could only give advice and not follow it.
But, inside, she knew that wasn’t true. He’d listened before, but why not now?
* * *
Sawyer grabbed his cell phone and dialed Pastor Garvey’s number, putting it in speaker mode. Caleb sat in the chair beside the table in his motel room and glared at him. Pastor picked up on the first ring. Sawyer quickly identified himself. After a couple of minutes of polite talk, the pastor said, “It’s good to hear from you, Sawyer, but I think there’s another reason for your call.”
“You were always good about reading me.”
“I’m glad to hear from the Jensen brothers, but you don’t often call to talk.”
Sawyer looked into his brother’s eyes. “We ran into our mother the other day.”
The other end of the line remained quiet.
“I was hurt and taken to a hospital in Albuquerque,” Sawyer explained. “Mom works there as a floor nurse. She’s clean and sober and claims to be a Christian.”
“That’s good news. I know y’all never thought to see her again.”
“She’s in AA and church, Pastor.”
“But she asked for our forgiveness,” Caleb blurted out.
Sawyer, who sat on the corner of the bed, stared at his brother, surprised he’d revealed that.
“And you’re not willing to do that?” Pastor Garvey replied.
“No.” Caleb’s hands fisted.
During the entire time Caleb had been Sawyer’s guardian, he’d never mentioned their mother, which was why his brother’s reaction now flabbergasted Sawyer.
“She’s only asking for forgiveness, Caleb. Not absolution. There’s a difference.”
Caleb lurched to his feet and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
“I guess my explanation didn’t go over too well,” Pastor Garvey said.
“His reaction has surprised me, but I’m having a hard time with it, too. How can we just forget how she wronged us?”
“Grace, Sawyer. Let God work in your heart and quit worrying how you can forgive her. Just do it. It’s a decision, not a feeling. Choose to do it.”
“Thanks, Pastor.” Sawyer looked down at his phone. Was it that easy?
No, doing what Pastor said wouldn’t be easy. Of course, he’d advised Erin to do that very same thing with her parents. Had she done it? He didn’t know, but their offenses didn’t come anywhere close to his mother’s.
But was there a measure of grace, a point where you stop forgiving? Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven.
Forgiveness?
He struggled with that question all night.
Chapter Fourteen
Sawyer and Caleb walked to Lulu’s for breakfast. Sawyer had managed to convince his brother to spend the night by pointing out that Caleb now had a wife and child depending on him, and Caleb needed not to take risks, such as leaving Tucumcari at ten thirty at night. That did the trick.
“Lulu will feed you any meal you need,” Sawyer told his brother.
Entering the restaurant, several people called out a welcome to Sawyer. He introduced his brother with pride to the residents, talked about his adventure in Albuquerque and the helicopter ride.
“I hear it was our Erin who hauled you all in,” Bob Rivera said. He introduced the men with him, salesmen who made their monthly trip out to this part of New Mexico.
“It was her, indeed.”
“That’s not unusual for our Erin,” Bob explained to the men at the table. “I remember one time when my daughter drove to Las Vegas. She blew two tires and ended up in a ditch. The cell reception in that area of the state is spotty, at best, and my daughter couldn’t dial for help. Erin drove by, took her into Vegas, and then drove her back to her car to make sure the tow truck got it right. Erin picks up any challenge thrown at her.”
It took several more minutes before they got up to the order counter. After ordering, they grabbed empty cups and walked to the coffee urn in the corner of the room. With Lulu’s daughter away on a school trip, it was every man for himself, but Lulu’s cooking made it worth it.
They settled at a table in the corner. Caleb looked around. “Looks like you found a home, with all the greetings called out to you.”
Sawyer sat up straighter and thought about it. He’d felt at ease ever since he drove into this town. “Could be. Was it like that when you first went to the Kaye place?”
Caleb played with the handle of his coffee mug. “It was, and with each visit, I settled in more and more. I allowed myself to let down my guard. After the accident, the Kaye ranch became my refuge.”
When one of the cowboys Caleb helped as a pickup rider in the ring got hurt, Caleb nearly folded with guilt and retreated to his friend’s ranch. Sawyer had worried his brother wouldn’t recover from the incident.
“The minute Brenda showed up, well, I knew she would have a major effect on my life.”
Sawyer laughed. “Having met your wife, I knew she’d have an effect, too.”
Caleb took a sip of his coffee. “So have you run across your Brenda?”
“Sawyer, your breakfast’s up,” Lulu called out.
They retrieved their meals and began to eat.
“Are you going to answer my question? I remember you pressing me hard about my wife.”
Sawyer recalled the night they’d spent in the small living compartment of Caleb’s horse trailer, talking. “Well, I’ve never met someone like Erin. I thought she would be a headache for me while I worked on this project, but she’s helped.
“It was her idea to post the jobs for the locals, and in the future, as I do other projects, I’ll work it the same way as this one.”
“The website is a great idea,” Caleb said.
“Well, that came from another local, but without Erin pushing, it wouldn’t have happened.” He leaned in. “It’s a weird experience to argue with her, because she argues back and meets my arguments with her own. She thinks and can be reasoned with, and I can change her mind.” He shook his head.
Caleb grinned. “Did it throw you off your stride? Make you wonder what was happening?”
“It did. She’s a strong woman, so unlike—” He clamped down on the word, not wanting to mention their mother. They purposely hadn’t discussed their mother after they’d talked to Pastor Garvey, but they needed to. She was the elephant in the room.
Sawyer sat
back and took a sip of coffee, determined to clear the air. “You know we’re both going to have to deal with it.”
Caleb stared down at the table. “I hear ya.”
“And what? Did you talk to Mom?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Sawyer pressed. He felt like a hypocrite, unable to do it himself, but things needed to be said.
“Why am I suddenly the bad guy here? How crazy is that?” Caleb demanded.
“Since you’re going to be a daddy, you need to deal with some of the garbage we went through. Garbage left in our lives and stuff you don’t want to pass on to that new baby.”
“I’m not the only one. Have you forgiven Mom?” Caleb didn’t pull any punches.
“No, but I need to.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Caleb sighed. “I need the time and space, Sawyer, to think it through.”
“I hear you.”
It wasn’t until they stood outside by Caleb’s truck that Sawyer brought up their mother, again. “I think if you talk to your wife about Mom, she might help.”
“That’s a frightening idea.”
They patted each other on the back, then Caleb hopped in his truck and drove off.
It would be a struggle for the brothers to forgive, but Sawyer knew he had to. Was it as simple as Pastor Garvey said last night? Just do it? Surely not.
But when had Pastor Garvey ever steered him wrong?
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, Sawyer walked into the rodeo office. He arrived first, started coffee and sat in the boardroom with the contracts. Working his way through them, a hundred different thoughts bombarded him. He needed to get things going to meet his deadline.
The front door opened, and Lisa called out and joined him in the conference room. “I’m so glad to see you. When I heard about your accident, well, it shook me to my core. You, Tate and Erin. All three of you, and when the helicopter flew in—” She shook her head. “Folks met at church and prayed together. Then when you didn’t wake up immediately, panic raced through this town. Bob kept us updated. The man hasn’t ever seen so much business.”
That sense of home embraced Sawyer again.
“Your prayers mean a lot to me. Thanks.”
“That’s what neighbors and friends do, hold up each other in prayer in times of crisis.” She walked back to her desk.
Moments later, he heard the front door open again and Lisa squealed. “Oh, Erin.” He heard talking and crying. Curious, he stood and investigated. Erin and Lisa stood by her desk hugging.
His eyes drank in the sight of Erin. What an amazing woman. He’d been a jerk at the hospital, he admitted to himself, cutting himself off from her, but after what had happened, he still didn’t have his bearings and couldn’t risk—what? His heart? His pride? And he’d just admitted he wanted to talk to her.
Finally, Erin noticed him and stepped back from Lisa. He noticed a tenseness in her body that he hadn’t seen since she’d walked into the conference room that first day. She still had on her sling. “I’m a little late for work today, but it’s not due to having to drive Tate to school. Mom’s taking over that chore. He claims his broken arm won’t interfere with his driving, but Mom wouldn’t hear of it.”
“I’m sure that was an interesting conversation.” Amusement laced Sawyer’s words.
She rolled her eyes. “You don’t want to know.”
“That’s a teenager.” For a moment, they shared memories of dealing with Tate. “Our detour to the hospital has created a backlog. So I welcome your help.”
“Good, because I’m here to work.”
“Then let’s get to it.”
* * *
Over the next two weeks, the contractors started work at the rodeo grounds. In that time, Sawyer saw Erin watching him, but she never brought up the accident, how she’d rescued him and Tate. She didn’t trade on what she did, but when he thought about what had happened, Erin’s actions overwhelmed him. She’d risked her life to save Tate and him.
And with his mother’s reappearance in his life, Erin said nothing about his attitude toward Sylvia, but, like a thorn in his side, his reaction to his mother sat between them. He wanted to talk to her about his mother, then he didn’t want to talk. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, except there was a tugging at his heart.
Finally, one Friday afternoon, after they’d inspected the concrete work done on the rodeo grounds by the company from Albuquerque, they started back to Sawyer’s truck. He’d planned to talk to Erin about his mother, because the more they danced around the issue, the more the distance grew between them.
Mel zipped into the parking lot and stopped his truck next to Sawyer’s. “I need to talk to you two,” he said, slamming the truck door.
Sawyer stiffened, waiting for the complaint to be thrown out. He noticed Erin also braced herself.
Mel rubbed his neck, sighed and took a deep breath. Finally, he pulled a check out of his shirt pocket and handed it to Sawyer. When he unfolded the check, it was for more than the amount of the discrepancy Sawyer had discovered on the books for the concrete bill.
Sawyer glanced at Erin, then Mel. “What’s this for?”
“I know you’ve been comparing final costs for the rodeo and talked to the folks at the concrete company, so I don’t doubt you’ve found the discrepancy.” He took a steadying breath and continued. “I ran into problems that year. My wife had health issues, and I took the money.”
“That’s more than the difference, Mel,” Erin said.
He shrugged. “Interest.”
“Why are you doing this?” Sawyer asked.
“Because I couldn’t live with it anymore. I wanted a clean slate. Besides, you two have made a difference in Traci’s life. Putting her in charge of the website for the rodeo has changed her. I see the little girl I loved after she’s been lost for a long time.” Mel turned to Erin. “You could’ve made it difficult for her. I know she wasn’t nice to you and caused all sorts of problems, but you gave her a fair shot and it’s made the difference. And, I know Traci was worried about Andy, but her worries proved to be unfounded.”
He grinned. “I figure I might as well straighten out my life, too.” Mel smiled. “It sure feels good.”
Sawyer heard all sorts of lessons in Mel’s words.
“If you feel a need to report me to authorities, I’m prepared to own up to my mistakes.”
Sawyer had been quietly talking to the members about what he’d found. They’d debated it privately, not wanting to get the authorities involved, worried it would take away from the rodeo relaunch.
“It’s not my call, Mel. I’ve discussed this with the board, but I think the repayment of the money might satisfy them. I don’t know if they’ll want you to resign your position,” Sawyer said.
Mel’s face didn’t cloud up. “I understand, Sawyer. I’ll work with the board however they want to do it.” He looked around at the new concrete work done that morning. “Looks like the company did a first-rate job. I’m thinking the day this place reopens will be something to be proud of.” He turned and walked back to his car, whistling.
Erin and Sawyer stood there staring.
“I’ve never seen Mel like that. It’s an amazing thing.” She smiled at him. “It seems God has a lot of things in store for us all, and we’ll need to keep our hearts open to receive those blessings.”
Sawyer flinched at her words. He watched her walk to his truck. The woman didn’t play fair.
* * *
After dinner that Friday night, the hospital called, telling Mary that her husband had been okayed for release. During the call, the doctor talked to her about the aftercare and the therapy that her husband needed. Since there wasn’t a facility in Tucumcari that could handle Detrick’s needs, he’d either have to hire a the
rapist who would come to the house several times a week or rent a room in Albuquerque where they could stay and finish the rehab.
When Mary hung up, she explained the situation to Erin and Betty. Tate had been allowed to spend the night at the high school, helping with the senior play. His teacher would bring him home.
Betty spoke. “Stay with me and Nelson in Bluewater until Detrick finishes his therapy. We’re only forty minutes away.”
“That’s a possibility.” After several minutes discussing different plans, Betty left and went to her room.
“What do you think, Daughter?” Mary placed her napkin on the table.
“It would be easier on you and Dad to stay in Albuquerque. If you stayed with Auntie in Bluewater, I think the drive would be too much. But if you choose to do that, Tate will need somebody here. I’m willing to stay with him, but I think you should involve him in the decision.” At least she thought that would be the approach Sawyer would suggest.
Sawyer. Erin would love to discuss this with him, but he wasn’t talking. He’d removed himself emotionally from her, leaving her heart bleeding. She’d finally fallen in love with what she thought was the perfect man, but he’d seemed to disappear in an instant. She understood the scars on his heart but prayed God would give him the strength to see those scars and not let them have power over him anymore. When Erin looked up, she met her mother’s knowing gaze.
“What’s wrong?”
Erin didn’t know how to put it into words. “Nothing.”
“Then why are you frowning?”
“Things are going well with the rodeo. And all the support we get is encouraging.” Erin told her mother what had happened with Mel that day.
“I know, I noticed a heaviness in Mel.”
Her mother saw with her heart as much as with her eyes. “Daughter, I hear your words, and I see your heart. What is wrong?”
Was she ready to open up? Who better? “Sawyer.”
“That’s the name of the trouble. What has he done?”
“You knew that Sylvia was Sawyer’s mother.”
“No, I had not heard that.”