by Leann Harris
Erin explained what had occurred. “Both Sawyer and his brother want nothing to do with her. There is no forgiveness in either of them. Caleb seems more set against his mother than Sawyer, but I think Sawyer received most of the beatings. It’s as if I’m dealing with another man when the subject of his mom comes up.
“I haven’t said anything to him about it, but it’s there sitting between us much like a huge rock—cold and solid. He was the one who encouraged me to talk to both you and Dad and straighten things out, but he seems unwilling to follow his own advice.”
“He’s not the first man to say one thing and do another.”
Truer words were never spoken. “I fear if he doesn’t settle this with his mother, it will poison his life. I don’t want that to happen to him.”
Mary leaned back in her chair and beamed. “So your heart has succumbed.”
She did a double take. “What?”
“Your heart beats for Sawyer.” Mother had that smile on her face that made Erin crazy. When her mom had that particular look, it said she knew the truth even if the other person didn’t.
“Of course I have a heart for him. He’s hurting.”
“Not that way. Your heart beats with his.”
Erin opened her mouth to protest.
“I’m sorry, Daughter, but too often I’ve seen you walk away from a man who wanted to court you, and you’d have none of it. I’ve seen you freeze out a man who would try to get to know you. Now that your heart is on the line, you will need to learn patience, and grace.”
Erin shook her head, wanting to dislodge the cotton in her ears. Surely she heard wrong. “What are you talking about?”
“Sawyer. He’s touched your heart in a way no other man has.”
Mary stood and placed a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “When the time is right, you’ll understand. But don’t fight it too long, or the opportunity will pass by.”
“What are you talking about?” Erin still couldn’t comprehend her mother’s words. Or was it that she refused to understand?
“Trust your heart.” With those final words, her mother left the room.
Erin stared at the doorway. She hated when her mom went all Native on her, giving her pieces of wisdom that she had to figure out. She wanted some concrete answers. And wanted them now.
Okay, Lord, I have no idea what Mom is talking about. Show me.
* * *
The next morning, after breakfast had been cleared, Mary called a family meeting. “I have decided to bring your father home. I will hire someone to come and give him therapy as often as he needs it. I know Betty misses her husband and needs to go home, today.”
“But, Sister, I’m okay.”
“Nelson misses you. It is time for you to go home. Besides, I don’t want my son to be alone again, so his parents will be here.” She turned to Tate. “I think if your father sees you, he’ll know he has someone to work for. And he can be your support. I know he worries that you will drown in all this woman talk.”
Erin hid her smile, not believing how her mother stated the problem. Mary wanted to get Tate involved with their father’s recovery. “And he can see the progress on the rodeo grounds,” Erin added.
“That would give him a goal,” Betty said.
“What do you think, Son?” Mary asked.
Tate looked at Erin, then rubbed his hands over his jeans. “I think your plan, Mom, is a good one, but where are you going to find someone to come and help Dad with his therapy?”
“Before we leave the hospital today, I’ll ask for a name.”
“Sounds good,” Tate replied.
“So, we’re all agreed on the plan?” Mary asked. “Betty goes home and we go and get your father.”
“Mom, why don’t I stay here to get things ready? Besides, if you take Tate, he’s stronger to help with Dad than me.”
Tate’s shoulders straightened, and he seemed to accept the responsibility. “I can do that.”
“Then let’s get going.”
* * *
Erin went into town to see if Bob had any sort of shower chair for her father. He didn’t but promised he’d order one.
Her next stop was at the rodeo office. The door stood locked. Where was Sawyer? She missed talking to him, discussing the rodeo; she missed being with him, missed his energy and the challenge he threw her way. There’d been a wall between them as they’d worked on the rodeo the past two weeks. He’d been polite, laughed with others, but she felt the barrier he’d thrown up, cutting himself off from her. She didn’t know if others felt it, but seeing him every day and having him beyond her reach broke her heart.
Had his mother’s reappearance thrown him that much off his stride that he couldn’t recover? Was the hurt inflicted in his youth going to be the thing that defined his life? If that was the case, she needed to discover that now before more of her heart belonged to him.
Pausing by her truck door, she took a deep breath and finally admitted she loved him. Her knees buckled.
She didn’t welcome the truth. If Sawyer couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive his mother, how would he react to her if she made a mistake? Or a child of his own who made mistakes?
He had reasons for his feelings, the logical side of her brain argued, but her heart didn’t buy it.
After a quick stop by Lulu’s for a sandwich, she drove back home.
Not wanting to think about her confused feelings, she called Wind Dancer in from the field where all the horses were grazing. “Let’s do barrels.” That’s all it took for her horse to come to her side. Erin quickly saddled Dancer, rode to the corral set up for barrel racing and started the workout. Maybe she could outrace any questions she had.
She lost track of time and used the workout to avoid facing the situation. She paused after the last run and realized Wind Dancer’s sides heaved, but her horse would go again if asked. Erin knew it was time to stop. She patted the horse’s neck. “Sorry, girl. I didn’t mean to run you like that.”
“It looked like you were running from something,” Sawyer called out.
Her heart jumped at the sight of him. “I guess I’m not the only one.”
He jerked as if she’d punched him in the chin. “I deserve that.”
That wasn’t the way to start a conversation with him.
Erin walked Wind Dancer around the corral, letting her cool down and catch her breath.
She didn’t know what to say to him.
“Where is everyone?” He scanned the area.
“They went to Albuquerque to get Dad. The hospital called last night, telling us that Dad can be released. Aunt Betty went home.”
“Why didn’t you go with them?”
“The house needed to be readied for Dad, so I drove into town to get a couple of things, which will have to be ordered.” She opened the corral gate and led the horse forward.
“I thought your mom and dad might stay close to the hospital for medical reasons.”
“The family decided last night to bring him home and have a therapist come to the house. We thought Dad might recover quicker here. Also, Tate wouldn’t be without his father again.”
“Good idea.”
She waited for him to say more, but he just stood there looking at her. “Why are you here? Did I forget to do something?” She guided Wind Dancer into the barn, stopped and grabbed the cinch under the horse and unbuckled it. When she started to pull the saddle off, Sawyer stepped in front of her and lifted it from the back of the horse. He put the saddle on the saddle stand outside the stalls.
“You didn’t—”
He leaned forward and stopped her words with a kiss.
Erin didn’t object. She wanted to throw her arms around the man, but Wind Dancer was at the end of the reins.
W
hen he drew back, he rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve missed you.”
Wind Dancer shook her head, setting the reins moving. Sawyer raised his head.
“I need to tend to her.”
He gave her room and allowed Erin to unbuckle the horse’s reins and turn her out in the corral.
Her heart pounded as she faced him. Her gaze caressed his face. The lines etched in his forehead and around his eyes spoke of his restless nights. Welcome to the club. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in several days, wondering about him, praying for him.
“I went by the office today, but found it locked,” she told him.
“I’d gone out to talk to the artist hired to create the mural on the wall between the restrooms,” Sawyer answered.
The artist proposed creating a mural of a scene involving several horses thundering across the desert. The drawing he submitted could be framed and used as a piece of art. She walked to the corral fence and watched Dancer.
He stood beside her. “It’s peaceful out here. I can see why your grandfather settled in this place.”
She knew instantly what he meant. She felt a special connection to the land and the ruggedness of this place. He’d understood, too.
“I’ve missed you,” he said as he moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
His warmth and strength surrounded her, letting her know she could rest on him. “I’ve missed you, too, but you put up a wall I knew I couldn’t scale.”
His arms fell away, and he stepped back. “I just needed some time to sort things out. With Mom suddenly appearing in my life, there’s lots of old baggage I’m tripping over.”
She couldn’t fault him for that. “And have you come to any decision? Know what to do with those old bags?”
“No. I talked with the pastor who helped Caleb and me when we were teens. You remember me talking about Pastor Garvey?”
“I do, and what did he say?”
Sawyer ran his hands through his hair, then over his face. “He said just forgive her. I didn’t have to feel warm and fuzzy or have a blazing revelation, rather that it was a choice on my part.” He shook his head. “I thought he was teasing us. He wasn’t.”
“And you find that hard to do?”
“It makes no sense. Surely there’s more to it. It can’t be that simple.”
“What your pastor said isn’t simple. It’s the hardest thing you do, but you choose to do it.”
“So says the only logical female I’ve ever run across.”
“So says my pastor and yours.”
He stepped closer. “And have you done that? Have you practiced what you preached?”
She heard the challenge in his question and the tone of his voice. “Yes. I had this smart cowboy tell me that my mother was unconsciously using me. I talked to her and worked things out. You should try it. I also talked to my dad, too. I forgave him for voting for you instead of me, because I believe Dad had a plan.
“It wasn’t easy, nor did I feel like forgiving, but I did it.”
Whirling, she marched into the barn. There were stalls that needed to be mucked out, and she couldn’t think of a better time than now to deal with that mess.
Chapter Fifteen
Sawyer stood there watching Erin march into the barn with a full head of steam. She’d certainly turned his wisdom back on him. Nothing like getting smacked with one’s own words.
He could stand out here and think, or he could help Erin with her chores. She might kick him out.
No, she wouldn’t do that. No matter how mad or put out you were with someone, if they wanted to help muck out the stalls, you’d let them.
He grabbed a pitchfork and a broom and headed down the rows of stalls.
She didn’t look up when he stepped into Duke’s stall, which was next to the one she worked in, but she didn’t object. That was a positive indication. They worked quietly for the next hour, cleaning and putting out fresh hay.
As he worked, he thought and prayed. Pastor Garvey and Erin had told him the same thing, and he trusted both of them. Pastor Garvey had taught him a lot of things, and never had he led him astray. He’d backed up his words with scriptures. It was easy to forgive someone if they’d just lied or cheated you out of some money, but what his mother did fell in a different league. But, he’d never read any qualifiers in the Bible. In other words, there were no limits on forgiveness.
They had just finished putting clean hay in the stalls when they heard engines. Vehicles pulled into the driveway.
Erin walked outside. He followed.
Two cars pulled into the parking area. The family sedan parked next to Erin’s truck. Inside were Tate, Mary and her father. A second sedan parked beside his truck. Inside sat Sawyer’s mother.
The kick to his gut wasn’t as dramatic as it had been the first time she’d entered Detrick’s room. This time he felt a peace.
Erin walked to her family’s car and opened her dad’s door, squatting in front of him. “Welcome home, Dad.”
He grasped his daughter’s hand. Silently he mouthed, Home.
Tate appeared by Erin’s side. “Let me help, Dad.”
Erin stood and stepped back. Tate grasped his father under the arm. Sawyer moved closer and took Detrick’s other arm. Together all three of them walked into the house.
As Sawyer looked over his shoulder, he saw his mother embracing Erin.
Could he do it?
Over the weeks that he had shut Erin out, he knew he’d fallen in love. Could he fix the problem with his mother, and would it open up the way for him to tell Erin what was in his heart?
* * *
Mary opened the trunk, and Erin saw different pieces of equipment inside.
Sylvia stopped by Erin, reaching into the truck. “Let me help with unloading the equipment you’ll need.”
Erin hugged Sylvia. “I’m glad you’re here. Are you going to be the one doing physical therapy with Dad?”
“No, I’m not going to do it, but your mom wanted me to come out here on my day off and show her how to set things up until the therapist gets here on Monday.”
Erin wondered at her mom’s plan. For the next hour, things were carried into the house and arranged to help Detrick and Mary deal with her father’s hopefully temporary limitations.
After completing the setup, Mary invited Sylvia to stay the night. “It’s too late for you to drive back,” Mary argued. “I would feel better if you stayed.”
“I hadn’t planned on it. I have nothing with me.”
“If you need anything, you can borrow it from me,” Mary countered.
“Please stay,” Erin added, understanding her mother’s motives.
Sawyer hadn’t left. Erin looked at him. His expression remained neutral.
“Thank you, I will,” Sylvia replied.
“Good.” Mary turned to Sawyer. “I’d like for you to share dinner with us, too. Both you and Sylvia have become very important to the Delong family, and we want to celebrate with you.”
Sawyer remained quiet for a long time. Finally, he said, “Thank you, Mary, but I need to get back into town. I have some business to take care of.”
Sylvia’s disappointment showed in her face. No one said anything when Sawyer walked out of the house.
Erin started after him, but her mother caught her arm.
“Let him prove himself, Daughter. If his heart kicks in, then you know you can depend on him. If it doesn’t, then you’ll know to let him go.”
Her mother’s request made sense, but letting Sawyer walk away was the hardest thing Erin had ever done in her life.
* * *
Sawyer lay on his bed in his motel room and stared at the ceiling, wrestling with his decision to forgive. Was it worth it?
>
His entire future rested on this decision, because he knew if he chose to hold on to his resentment, he’d lose Erin.
Before he came to this city, there had been a calmness inside him, but now there was no peace. He knew both peace and love were within his grasp.
“Okay, Lord, You win. I forgive Mom.”
He expected a huge weight would be lifted off his shoulders, but nothing happened. No lightning. No earthquake. He sat there a moment in the quiet. He’d done what he needed to do, so where was that marvelous moment of peace? It hadn’t shown up. Now what?
He needed to tell his mom his decision. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was only ten fifteen. They would still be up, and he wanted to see his mother tonight.
With the radio off, the drive to the Delong ranch passed in silence, but the silence wrapped him in harmony.
He pulled by his mother’s car and turned off the engine. Before he got to the back screen door, Erin appeared.
“Hi.”
That soft welcome sound settled in his heart. He smiled at her, and she opened the door. Everyone at the table looked at him. “Excuse me for interrupting, but could I talk to Sylvia for a moment in private?”
Sylvia’s eyes glistened.
“Why don’t you go in the library?” Mary said. “Do you know where it is, Sawyer?”
He nodded and escorted his mother to the room. He looked straight into his mother’s eyes and saw hope, fear and longing. “You asked me the other night if I could forgive you.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve wrestled with the decision. How could I do it, let go of all the stuff in our past? But the pastor who taught both Caleb and me said it was a conscious action and not feeling.
“I forgive you, Mom, and want to put the past behind us and start over.”
Tears ran down Sylvia’s cheeks. “That’s all I’m asking.”
“You may not like me or who I’ve turned out to be, but I think we should get to know each other,” Sawyer added. She started sobbing, and Sawyer didn’t know what to do. He looked around and saw Mary and Erin standing at the door.
Mary motioned for him to hug his mother. He stepped forward and awkwardly wrapped his arms around Sylvia. She fell into his arms. He felt the sobs that racked her body and panicked. “Mom, did I do something wrong?”