Unfaded

by Sarah Ripley

  The other thing was Kian. I'd almost kissed him. That wasn't cool. I was not a cheater. Not boring, predictable Mai. What was it about Kian that made me lose all normal thought? Why did he have to be so damn easy to like?

  Sunday afternoon I really did have to work at the shop and Connor came over for a bit to keep me company. He talked about the skiing he’d done (he ended up taking Eugene) and that kept the conversation going for a while. He good naturedly tried to rub it in by mentioning several times how the powder had been fantastic and that I’d missed out on some good moguls. They’d stayed on the mountain for the entire day and then went to a party hosted by some university students at the chalets. Apparently Breanna was there and got pretty drunk and passed out in the bathroom. Someone snapped a picture that was currently making the rounds on Facebook. Connor promised to send me the link. He didn’t ask me about my day which was good. It meant he believed I’d spent the day underneath a car, covered in oil or some other engine fluid.

  I felt guilty about lying to him and swore to myself that I wouldn’t do it again. Kian was going to be my friend and nothing more. I decided I’d have to be more assertive if I wanted to keep Kian in my life as a friend and it meant I’d have to get Connor to accept him. If not, I'd have to give up Kian. I couldn't throw away four years.

  I gave it a try.

  “He’s a nice guy,” I said after Connor frowned and rolled his eyes over the mention of Kian’s name. “I want you to meet him. I think the two of you would get along.”

  “Why are you making such a big deal about this?” Connor asked, narrowing his eyes.

  “I’m not,” I said. “I just think he’s cool and a lot of people like him.”

  “Yeah, yeah, he’s Mr. Popularity. He’s just a flavour of the week. Like that will last. Give him a week or two and no one will remember his name.”

  I sighed. Since when did my boyfriend become so jealous? Was this something I’d never noticed before or was it new? I tried to remember other times when he’d been annoyed with me talking to guys? I couldn’t think of any but that didn’t mean a thing. But most of the guys I knew were Connor’s friends. That was the problem. If only I could get him to open up with Kian. Once he got to know him things would be different. I was sure of it.

  “Just give him a chance.”

  “Does he play basketball? Maybe we could get him on the court.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “You could ask I guess. I was thinking more about bringing him out for coffee at Bean’s. I mean, Amber really likes him...” I bit down hard on my cheek after I spoke those words. “It might be a good opportunity to get the two of them together.” I didn’t think that Kian was interested in Amber in the slightest but I’d do anything at that point to make him appear neutral. I wanted Connor to like him. I didn’t want to be sneaking around every single time my new friend asked me to hang out. If I could make him completely nonthreatening I knew I stood a chance.

  Connor nodded. “Yeah, I suppose.”

  “Great,” I said. “I’ll invite him tomorrow night.”

  Connor hesitated and I could see he didn’t really want to do it but was going to because I’d asked him. Beggars can’t be choosers; I’d have to accept what I could. I gave him a quick kiss and then had to shoo him out the door because Dad started calling my name. There were cars to be fixed and his teenage daughter had to put her life on hold in order to earn a paycheque.

  Dad left the shop around five but I stuck around because I was working on my Algebra. The shop was always quieter than home. It wasn’t the first time I’d done it, last semester during finals I completely took over. At one point I had so many textbooks out on the customer service desk no one could get around to the cash register. I was lucky to have such an understanding father.

  The doors were locked and I had on my iPod so I had no idea how long Kian was knocking at the door. When I finally did look up, I was surprised to see him, trying to balance hot cups of coffee in one hand while tapping on the glass with the other. He wasn’t wearing anything warmer than a shirt and a pair of jeans either and our sunny spell hadn’t lasted past Saturday. It had been snowing since about ten that morning and the wind was heavy and freezing. I could see him shivering through the glass.

  I opened the door and an icy blast of ice and snow hit me straight in the face. Kian entered quickly and handed me both cups. Immediately he began brushing the white stuff off his shirt and arms.

  “Wasn’t there something you said about teenagers being stupid and not dressing properly in this weather?” I said as I shoved aside some books so I could put the coffee on the counter.

  “I was only walking across the parking lot,” he said. “I didn’t think I’d end up banging down your door for ten minutes trying to catch your attention. Perhaps I should have slayed a dragon on the way over. Maybe then I’d be worthy.”

  I snickered. “I had on my iPod. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

  “I see that.”

  “You must be freezing,” I said. “I think I’ve got one of Dad’s sweaters around here. Do you want it?”

  “No, I’ll live. But if I don’t, you can have my worldly possessions.”

  “Wow. How lucky am I?”

  I picked up my cup of coffee and opened it. Kian immediately reached into his pockets and pulled out packets of sugar and creamers. He handed them over and I poured in some of the cream and watched the white swirls mix in with the brown liquid.

  “Here,” Kian said and he handed me a spoon. “I swiped it from Thelma’s kitchen. It’ll be our little secret.”

  “Oh? So now I’m your accomplice in crime?”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll take the fall if I have to. I’ll cover it up and do the time. Just don’t forget me while I’m in the big house.”

  “I’ll bring you a chocolate cake with a big file inside.”

  “Sounds good.” He picked up his coffee and took a gulp. The proper colour was returning to his face. Only his cheeks were still bright red. His shirt and pants however wasn’t doing so good. His jeans were covered in wet splotches.

  “You’re going to catch a cold,” I told him. “You’re soaking.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “You’ll get sick.”

  “I never get sick.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “There’s always a first time.”

  “No, not for me.”

  Fine. If he wanted to play the strongman role I wasn’t going to try and persuade him. I’d much rather wait for the ‘I told you so’ I could give him the next day when his nose was all runny. Besides, his shirt looked good wet. I found myself staring at his chest to the point where I had to force myself to look away. My eyes darted to his and he was watching intently. His lips were parted and I swear I could see the breath as it entered and left his mouth.

  I had to turn away. It took every ounce of willpower created in the world but I finally managed to do it. My eyes scanned the room, frantically looking for something to focus on. I found my textbook open on the table, patiently waiting for me to return to it. Notes scattered the desktop and the numbers on the old office calculator glowed green.

  “What are you studying?”

  “Algebra” I said and the look on my face gave it all away.

  “Not your favourite subject, huh?”

  “Not even close,” I said. “I don’t mind the numbers part. I just can’t seem to understand why the letters have to get involved.”

  He laughed.

  “But I should really get back to it,” I said, regretting every word that came out of my mouth. What I really wanted was for him to sit down and stay with me. “You’re welcome to stick around but you can’t talk. If I fall any further behind I might not pass.”

  “Then I’ll leave you to your studies,” he said which were not the words I wanted to hear. But what we want and what we need are never the same things.

  “We’re going to be at Bean Town tomorrow night,” I said. “My friends and m
e. I’d like you to meet them. We kinda do a study group there but we mostly just hang out. We meet around eight.”

  “Are you sure your boyfriend will be all right with that?”

  Was there nothing that didn’t get past him? Was the guilty look on my face that obvious? “He’s fine with it,” I said. Or at least I knew he would be once the two of them sat down and talked for a bit.

  “Ok,” he said.

  “And I’ll see you in English tomorrow.”

  “Yep.” He opened the door and a gust of wind immediately forced itself into the room. He stepped outside and then turned back to face me. “Make sure you lock the door after I leave. And don’t let anyone in you don’t know.”

  There was that paranoia again. I wanted to make a joke about how monsters never come up and rang the doorbell but the look on his face stopped me. He was so deadly serious. His jaw line was tense enough to break rocks and his eyes were fiercely concerned. I had this feeling that if I were to tell a lie, he’d instantly see right through me. So unlike Connor who never saw anything—I couldn’t even remember the last time he’d ever made a comment like that to me.

  “What are you afraid of?” I finally asked. “Addison is a safe town. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Any place that has a road is unsafe,” he simply said.

  Once he was gone I locked the door as promised and tried to resume my studies. But a nagging doubt had crawled into my brain and laid some sort of paranoia eggs. Maybe he was rubbing off on me but every time I glanced out the window I couldn’t escape the feeling that someone was watching me. The trees across the road, once so beautiful and majestic, suddenly appeared omniscient. The cars in the back lot became hiding spots for people to lie in wait.

  I shivered although the shop wasn’t cold. This wasn’t going to work. I gathered up my books and shoved them in my bag. It was getting late and I should probably head home anyway. Granny would be going to bed soon and I wanted to spend some time with her. She was remembering less and less every day and I had seen the pamphlets Dad had about Pine Valley Care Centre in the city. None of us wanted Granny in a home but it was getting harder to take care of her. Marley could only do so much. Dad had the store and I had school.

  Setting the alarm, I headed off into the night. Once inside my car, I locked the doors, keeping one eye on the woods behind me as I started the engine. I glanced over at Thelma’s motel. The lights were on but I couldn’t see anyone at the windows. If Kian was watching me, he wasn’t making himself obvious.

  But I couldn’t shake the feeling. It followed me the entire way home. It wasn’t until I was safe in the house and Marley told me she’d left some spaghetti on a plate in the fridge, that I began to feel safe again.

  * * *

  My Algebra test was over in the morning and I managed to get through it without having any major meltdowns. Lunch was easy; all I had to do was sit there while Amber talked about her date with Scott on Saturday night.

  “He didn’t even try to give me a kiss,” she wailed. “He must think I’m a whale.”

  “You’re not a whale,” Claire and I echoed.

  “Something’s wrong with me.”

  “Maybe he’s a gentleman,” I suggested. “Not all boys want to suck your face on the first date.”

  “The good ones do.”

  That was the extent of lunch.

  English wasn’t much better. Ms. Gray wanted to go through the movie step by step for those who were too lazy to read the book. She spent the majority of the class asking questions that no one was able to answer. As it turns out, Kian and I weren’t the only ones who hadn’t paid attention. But at least we had read the book. I was thankful when class was over and she told us we’d be reading the Knight’s Tale for the rest of the week. The wedding of Palamon to Emelye was one of my favourite parts.

  “Are you still coming tonight?” I asked once the bell rang. Everyone was making enough noise for me to ask without being overheard by a certain girl whose name started with B and rhymed with banana.

  “Absolutely.” He gave me a wink and my stomach bounced around inside my belly.

  * * *

  Bean Town was full when Connor and I pulled into the parking lot. I had wanted to meet him there but he insisted on driving to the point where I finally gave in. It probably had nothing to do with me, but Connor was acting weird. He was quieter than normal, he barely said two words to me once I got into his car. I chalked it up to basketball practice earlier. They were getting ready for a big game and there was a lot of stress on the team.

  Amber, Claire and Eugene were all ready there. Amber, excited for the chance to finally meet Kian, was dressed as if she was ready to go party. It even looked like she’d spent a significant amount of time on her hair. She looked lovely and I smiled when I noticed that quite a few boys were staring in her direction as she waved at us from across the room. If only that girl could truly see how beautiful she really was. She’d get over that fear of being overweight in a hurry.

  We took a seat and Connor pushed his chair over until he was just inches beside mine. I had planned on pulling out my laptop and tossing my notes over the table but he was making it hard for me to have any room. The table was full as it was, but it seemed odd to me that he wanted to get that close. But I discovered the answer quick enough. Kian had walked in and Connor had noticed him before me.

  “Ohhh,” Amber said. “There he is!”

  Great. I had a boyfriend who was jealous of my new male friend and my best friend was acting like he was some sort of movie star.

  This was going to be an interesting night.

  Kian approached the table and Amber immediately took her jacket off the chair she’d been saving for him. He sat down across from me and smiled as he waited for introductions. I rambled off all the names of my friends.

  “Claire, Eugene, Amber and Connor,” I said. “This is Kian.”

  “I’m Mai’s boyfriend,” Connor corrected me. He held out his hand to shake and I could see him squeeze Kian’s hand as hard as he could. Kian only smiled. If he was in pain he didn’t show it. I was proud for him. It was like passing the first test in some sort of teenage competition that boys have. Before long Connor would be inviting him to play basketball and they’d be hanging out in no time.

  “Where are you from, Kian?” Amber asked.

  “Quite a few places,” he said which was the answer I all ready knew. “But I was living in California before Addison.”

  “Really?” Amber’s lifelong dream was to move to Hollywood, mix amongst the people in Beverly Hills, and become a professional surfer or hairstylist to the stars. She had pictures of Hollywood Blvd on her laptop and images of James Dean in her locker. “Wow. Lucky you! Why on earth would you leave and come here? Addison is lame compared to Cali.”

  Kian shrugged.

  “And you have such a neat accent,” Amber said. “You must have lived in Europe.”

  “England for a while,” he said. “I was born there.”

  She continued to ask questions and Kian did his best to answer. But when Amber was on a role there was no stopping her. The words spewed from her mouth so quickly he was unable to answer them before she came up with new ones. It was amusing and I watched Kian with a grin on my face. He was doing well. He answered what he could and never appeared put off by the intrusion.

  However, I was beginning to get annoyed with my boyfriend. Connor pushed his chair closer and put his arm around me. Why was I suddenly beginning to feel like he wanted to own me? I moved my chair away a bit but that didn’t help. When I reached for my coffee he grabbed my hand and tried to hold it. I pulled away and picked up my latte. Wasn’t his arm around me enough?

  “I spent a few months in Spain when I was younger,” Kian said. “Hablo un poco de español. I think I can also say ‘you have a very nice cat’.”

  I swear, Amber swooned.

  Claire stepped in and asked a few questions about the Mediterranean. She planned on backpackin
g through Europe once she graduated and was thrilled at the chance to get some knowledge from someone who’d actually been there. Kian spoke about the villas and the shops and how everything was warm and beautiful.

  “The beaches are extraordinary,” he said.

  Connor snorted laughter. Kian paused and continued on, determined to ignore him. Our eyes met and I gave him a sympathy look which he returned with a sly grin. Claire noticed the exchange and immediately stopped talking. She raised an eyebrow in my direction. Amber and Eugene didn’t detect anything but Connor’s grip around my shoulder tightened.

  “Mai wants to travel too,” Claire said. “She wants to go to university in England.”

  “Really?” Kian glanced over at me.

  All eyes turned on me. This was a tricky subject. Connor didn’t want me to go because it meant being away from me for four years. I tried not to bring it up when he was around.

  “I’ve thought about it,” I said. “It’s expensive but I might be able to get a scholarship.”

  “I thought we discussed you’d be going wherever I go,” Connor said. “That basketball scholarship is in the bag. Coach is sure I’ll get it. Or there’s the ski shop.”

  Oh boy. No, never. Passing on university to work in his Uncle’s ski shop was not high on my list. Neither was community college. I wanted to escape Addison, not spend the rest of my life there. I wanted to go with Claire to Europe or hang out in California with Amber. I wanted to do things. But at the same time I wasn’t ready to discuss it with Connor. It was something I avoided talking about. I mean, I still had a year and a half of school before I had to make up my mind. And if Connor loved me, he’d wait for me to get a decent education. He knew how important it was to me.

  “She’s too smart for you, man,” Eugene said and Connor shot him a death look. “And now she’s playing it safe and not talking.”

  “It’s not that,” I said. “I’ve still got time before I graduate.”

  “You’re not going to England,” Connor said.