Unfaded

by Sarah Ripley

  “You almost fell out of your desk,” he whispered. “I managed to stop you just in time. No one noticed a thing.”

  “Thanks, I whispered back.

  “Will you tell me what you saw later?”

  “Yes.”

  * * *

  “How do you know I’m Apani?”

  It was after class and Kian was driving me home. When the bell rang, I raced out of class so quickly he had to chase after me in order to keep up. I wanted to get into the parking lot and out of the area before anyone else.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I mean, how do you know I’m not Dialexa? I could be. We were identical twins. We're always being reborn. How do you know for sure?”

  “I just know.”

  I sighed and looked out the window. “That’s not good enough.”

  “What’s this about?”

  I told him about the vision. He pulled up to my house halfway through my story so we sat outside with the heater running while I finished.

  “See, how do you know who I am? Why else would the girls want me to question that? It must be my subconscious telling me something’s not right.”

  “You’re not Dialexa. You’re not evil.”

  “I could be,” I said. “I’ve read about nature verses nurture in psychology. Maybe it’s because I’ve been raised better every time I’m reincarnated. There’s no way to know.”

  “Yes, there is,” he said. “You’re the one. I've never been wrong yet. And Dialexa always shows her face eventually. I’ve told you. When you were Ann, the girl in the picture, Dialexa came for you and you left me for her. Trust me, it’s you.”

  “If I loved you then why did I leave you?”

  “You had no choice,” he said. “Blood calls to blood.”

  “If she shows up here, will I leave you again?”

  “Maybe.”

  I wanted to reach out and hit the dashboard as hard as I could. It was infuriating, not being able to pass judgement because I didn’t have enough information.

  “Will you tell me more?” I asked. “About myself?”

  “Absolutely. Let’s get together tomorrow. I’ve got some things to do tonight and you look positively exhausted. If anything you should sleep.”

  I nodded. That sounded like the best idea in the world.

  * * *

  Marley was thrilled to see me home.

  “Can you watch Granny for a bit?” she politely asked although she was all ready putting on her coat. “I need to get to the post office before it closes.”

  “Sure,” I said although what I really wanted to do was collapse into bed.

  “I won’t be long,” she said as she rushed out the door.

  Granny was in the living room watching television with the sound turned down. I went and sat beside her, resting my head against her shoulder. She immediately put her arm around me and pulled me closer.

  “Oh, Helen,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too, Granny,” I said.

  She began to sing to me, a lullaby I remembered from my childhood. She didn’t seem to remember all the words so she hummed through some of the parts. I didn’t mind. It was comforting to have her with me and it hurt all the more knowing she’d be gone soon. I didn’t want to lose her. I wasn’t ready.

  It dawned on me that I was steadily losing all the people I loved in the world. Connor was gone and no matter how much I wanted him back I knew I wouldn’t allow it. Granny would be gone next, off to live in a lonely room where nurses would do the job I’d been doing without complaint for so long. But it wasn’t going to end there. Everyone I knew would begin to age except for me. How long would it be before I would have to leave them, unable to explain why I continued to look the same while everyone else around me became wrinkled?

  Would I even last that long?

  The tears came again and I wiped them away with my sleeve while Granny continued to hum her song. She pulled me closer to her and I could feel the sharpness of her bones against my body. It wasn’t fair that her brain wasn’t going to outlast her body. She worked her entire life for those memories and they were being robbed from her.

  I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. It wasn’t helping.

  I knew I wasn’t as alone as I felt. I had Kian. But try as I might, I couldn’t imagine being with him. I wasn’t ready to face that yet. He was still too much of a stranger to me.

  * * *

  There were five new messages on my phone but I didn’t bother to check them. After dinner, I turned the ringer off and had a long bubble bath. I stayed in the tub, watching my fingers turn into a wrinkled mess. Normally I was the type to bring a book into the tub but I was just too tired to concentrate. It was nice to lie in the soapy warmth and not think about anything.

  It had been a long week.

  Afterwards, I dressed in a pair of flannel pyjamas that I managed to find in the back of my closet. They were a leftover Christmas gift, bright red with green and white candy canes. They weren’t the most attractive thing in my wardrobe but I hardly cared about that. I just wanted something warm and comfortable.

  I was in bed by eight and about to turn off the light when Dad knocked on my door. He came in and immediately I knew there was something he wanted to discuss. He’s not the greatest when it comes to communication but at least he tried. Sitting down on my bed, he picked up a stuffed toy that Connor once bought for me. There were so many items in my room that had been gifts from my now ex-boyfriend. I realised I was going to have to take an hour or so and go through everything. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you break up with someone? Throw away all the gifts they give you?

  Tear up all the pictures? It was a depressing thought and the tears almost came again. But I managed to keep them away. I was cried out.

  “I wanted to make sure everything’s ok with you,” Dad began. “Marley and I are a little concerned. You seem a bit preoccupied these days.”

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  “Are you sure? You’re not in any sort of trouble are you?”

  “No, of course not.” I sat up straighter in my bed. “Why would you think that?”

  Dad turned the stuffed toy around in his hands a few times. “I know I’ve been busy lately with what happened at the shop. But I’m still watching, Mai, and I just think you really haven’t been yourself lately.”

  He was thinking about the biology book. The lie he caught me in. He knew I was there! I took a deep breath, waiting for the next question which I was positive would be about whether or not I was involved in the fire. My brain rattled through all the excuses I could think of to explain why I had lied to the police. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

  “I just haven’t seen you smile in a long time.”

  I let out a big breath of air. “Oh, Dad,” I said. My stomach pulled itself away from where it’d been hiding in my throat and started moving back to its rightful position. “I broke up with Connor.” At least I could be honest about that.

  Dad placed the stuffed toy back on the bed. Now that he knew the answer, he no longer needed to awkwardly hold something in his hands. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. “I know how much you and Connor got along.”

  “It was my choice,” I said.

  “Does it have anything to do with that new boy?”

  “It’s not Kian,” I said. “I broke up with him because of me. But I’m really tired. I haven’t slept much in the past few days.”

  “Of course.” Dad got up off my bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead, just like he used to do back when I was a little girl. He was happy again. He’d solved the problem to why I was no longer smiling. I wasn’t involved in something dark and shady as he first thought. I was just going through ordinary teenage girl stuff. He’d be able to go downstairs now and sit with Marley and chuckle about how I was growing up so quickly.

  “Have a good sleep,” he said. When he reached my door, he paused. “There’s no nee
d to rush into anything new, Mai. Take your time. Any boy who likes you will wait for you if you need the time.”

  “I will.”

  Even Dad thought I was involved with Kian. What was so obvious to everyone else that I seemed to be missing?

  You look at him like you’ve all ready slept with him.

  Those were Connor’s hurtful words. Even Amber and Claire saw something that was worth questioning. And now Dad.

  Maybe I needed to stop lying to myself. It was time to be honest. But I didn’t get the chance because the second I was alone in the dark, I fell asleep.

  * * *

  I awoke in the middle of the night to a sound from outside my window. At first I laid there in the dark, wondering if I’d actually heard something or if it was just part of a dream.

  Still groggy, I managed to crawl out of bed and walk over to the window. Outside, the sky was clear and crisp, the moon was full and the sky was filled with millions of stars. From my window I couldn’t see anything unusual. The backyard was bright with the moonlight reflecting off the snow.

  It must have been the flannel pyjamas but I was too warm. I pulled open the window to catch a bit of fresh air and the cold blew in, rushing against my skin and instantly cooling me off. It felt so nice that I stuck my head out the window and inhaled deeply. I loved the smell of snow, there was nothing quite like it.

  It wasn’t until I looked straight down that I noticed the footprints along the side of the house. There were several of them, either a lot of people had just been wandering around and looking in through our windows or one person was pacing quite a bit.

  Was it Kian? Or was it someone else.

  I glanced over at my phone where it was sitting on my desk. He’d told me to call him if I saw anything unusual. But I didn’t know whose footprints they were. Nor could I tell whether or not they were fresh. For all I knew Dad could have been doing something in the yard earlier.

  But something woke me up.

  You’re being paranoid, I told myself.

  I closed the window and locked it. I grabbed my phone off the desk before leaving my room. From the hallway I could hear Dad snoring softly in the bedroom he and Marley shared. Granny’s room was a little further down. I went in and checked on her and found her sleeping soundly, her iPod headphones still in her ears.

  Walking downstairs, I went from room to room, starting with the kitchen. I checked the back door to make sure it was locked. It was. From the door I could see the yard and it was still empty. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was someone or something close by.

  It was the energy. The same tingly feeling I’d gotten at the motel the night of the fire and when the strangers knocked on the library window. It was coursing through me, my fingers buzzed and I was sure if I touched the counter I’d get a shock. But this went deeper than a bit of static electricity.

  There were Unfaded close by. Kian had been right. We were good at recognizing our own kind.

  I moved down the hall towards the living room. The curtains were closed and I stopped at the edge of the couch so I could pull back the heavy cloth and take a peek out at the street. At first I didn’t see anything but that changed when someone came into view. There were a few of them, dark shadows moving along the street, far enough from the house that I couldn’t get a good glimpse at their faces.

  They stopped in front of the house and waited for a few minutes. I watched them carefully, positive that they couldn’t see me from my hiding spot. Unfortunately I still couldn’t see enough to tell who they were. Was it Kian and Micah? I didn’t think so. Kian felt different. He looked different. The two on the street didn’t have the same body sizes. One of them was much larger and the other was too tall.

  Who were they?

  Eventually the people on the street started moving again. I watched them until they were far enough away that the energy pulsating through my body subsided. They were gone.

  But that didn’t mean I was safe.

  I went back to bed but I was no longer tired. My mind raced about what I’d just witnessed. Who were those people? Was it Anique and Sobek? Kian hadn’t said a word about them since they tried to drive us off the road except to assure me that I was safe from them. Had they moved on? Perhaps they weren’t as arrogant as Kian thought and had brought backup. What if Addison was filling up with Unfaded as everyone slept?

  I needed answers but I wouldn’t get them until tomorrow. But I decided I’d ask him first thing about it when he picked me up. He’d probably be mad that I didn’t call him but I didn’t care about that.

  I was tired of being kept in the dark.

  Thirteen

  Kian was at my house a little before eight. He was early but thankfully he waited at the car instead of coming to the door. Dad still noticed, appearing in the hallway just as I was putting on my shoes.

  “How come you’re not driving to school anymore? Something wrong with your car?”

  “No,” I said. “Kian just likes to pick me up.” I grabbed my coat and bag and rushed out the door before he got the chance to say anything else. “See ya.”

  Last night I had been positive I’d ask Kian about the people outside my house but now that it was morning, I wasn’t sure whether I was making a big deal over nothing. Besides if I told him he’d probably get angry. He’d made me promise that I’d call him if anything odd ever happened. I hadn’t been keeping my phone by the bed either. It just seemed so excessive. For all I knew, they could have been my neighbours just out for a walk. I’d been pretty tired and not fully awake. Now that it was morning and the sun was shining brightly, I convinced myself that the whole thing was just my imagination.

  I decided to let it go. There were more important things in life.

  There were Pep Rallies.

  “I can’t believe I forgot game night’s tomorrow,” I said as we pulled into the parking lot. It had completely slipped my mind. But it was impossible to ignore the amount of students wearing green and silver, our school colours. The entire area looked like it had been taken over by leprechauns.

  “That’s a lot of school spirit,” Kian said with a smirk.

  “They take basketball seriously here,” I said. “There’s a PR this morning. I should have stayed in bed.”

  “PR?”

  I grinned at him. “Pep Rally. You know—cheerleaders, basketball players, lots of people screaming and acting like idiots because they’re not in class.”

  “Sounds thrilling.”

  “We could always skip,” I suggested. The thought was on my mind. I didn’t really relish the idea of sitting in the gym with hundreds of screaming students. Connor and his team would put on a small basketball demonstration to show everyone just how undefeatable they were. Breanna was head cheerleader and she’d be driving everyone into a frenzy with her short skirt and pompoms. The Principal would give a long speech about how important it was for everyone to play their part.

  I used to love it, back in the days when I was proud to be the girlfriend of one of the best players. I’d wear my green sweater and lots of silver bracelets and sit on the front bleacher with Claire and Amber at my side. We’d cheer and stomp our feet and laugh like crazy along with everyone else.

  Now the whole thing seemed distasteful. It would be uncomfortable, especially with everyone knowing Connor and I weren’t together. That was the worst thing about dating a popular guy. Everything we did was front page news.

  “I’d like to see it,” Kian said. “I’ve never been to a Pep Rally. Might be interesting.”

  I sighed. He’d been my last hope. But how could I refuse him his chance to be a normal teenager.

  “I’ll see you in a bit,” I said to him and headed off to my locker.

  I wasn’t overly surprised to find both Amber and Claire waiting for me. Amber was done up for the occasion, wearing a bright green dress and a pair of silver heels. Claire was dressed normal like me. She didn’t go for the whole school spirit thing. Her excuse was she looked ter
rible in green.

  “Where have you been?” Amber said. “We’ve both been trying to call you! I must have called twenty times last night but your phone was off.” She looked seriously hurt by this. Best friends didn’t avoid each other.

  “I’m sorry, I was sleeping. I was exhausted.”

  “See,” Claire turned to Amber as if the answer had been there all along and I just confirmed it. “I told you.”

  “Are you ok? We heard what happened from Eugene and of course the whole schools talking about it. As usual no one knows anything but that doesn’t stop them from making it up as they go along.”

  “I’m fine.” I was beginning to think I should just get the words tattooed on my forehead. It seemed that those two words were most spoken in my repertoire these days.

  “Is it true then? Did Connor break up with you?”

  “No,” I said, genuinely surprised. “I broke up with him. Who told you that?”

  “I don’t think anyone knows,” Claire said. “I ran into Connor yesterday and a bunch of the guys came up and started harassing him. He’s refusing to say a word about it. So I guess everyone is just assuming it was him.”

  “He just doesn’t want anyone to know he got dumped,” Amber said. How nice of my friends to immediately jump to my defence, especially when what I’d done, wasn’t worth defending. I wanted to be treated like the jerk. I’d dumped my boyfriend of four years without giving him a reason or just cause. Connor deserved better.

  “I think he just wants privacy,” Claire said. “The gossip hounds can get pretty bad here. Right, Mai?”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I said.

  I could tell that Amber was nearly bursting, she wanted so badly to know why I broke up with him. But she was still a good enough friend to wait until I brought it up. But I didn’t want to talk about it. How was I going to explain that without hurting her feelings?