by Tawny Weber
A week ago, that kind of comment would have destroyed her confidence. But now? Everything felt solid. She was solid, dammit. Her career star was rising. Her love life was kicking ass. Even her dialogue with her mother was improving.
Which meant even if doubts were biting her in the butt, she could easily ignore them.
“I know the rule,” she acknowledged. “But you know what? This is actually one of those win-win deals, isn’t it? Having a Pownter backing listed on my résumé is impressive, regardless of the project’s outcome. Isn’t that worth taking a shot?”
Kind of like what she had going on with Alex. Somehow her career and her relationship with him had become symbolically intertwined. The better she felt about one, the more confident she was with the other. And right now, she was over the moon with both.
“It is worth taking a shot,” Nikki confirmed slowly, as if she was seeing the subtext and wasn’t sure if she should offer a double warning or just stick with business. “It definitely is. And—” Nikki’s face showed her conflicted emotions “—I don’t want to discourage your confidence in any way, shape or form.”
“But?”
“But what if the project fails?”
Subtext? What if her relationship with Alex failed? Dru’s happy mood took on a gray tinge and her stomach turned.
“I’d be fine.” She didn’t need to see Nikki’s face to know she sounded anything but certain. So she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and stated, “My reputation is solid, my career would stand up. I might not get the accolades or the huge boost, but I’d still have a job. I’d still be secure.”
And she’d survive emotionally without Alex, as well. Sure, it’d be hard to top the incredible sex. And she might not ever connect with another guy on so many levels. But she’d be okay. She wasn’t going to start doubting herself again.
“You’re sure?” Nikki asked, as if she could read Dru’s thoughts. “You’d be okay with that?”
Dru puffed out a breath and forced herself to nod. “I am sure. I have to start believing in myself, Nik. Believing enough to give myself permission to take risks. To have faith that those risks will pay off.” She met her friend’s dark eyes and nodded. “And yes, to believe that I’m strong enough to handle whatever happens if they fail.”
Even as she said the words, she promised herself they’d be true.
ALEX CURLED HIS ARMS around Drucilla’s naked waist and sighed deeply. Oh, yeah, this was good. He breathed in the scent of her hair, letting the warmth of it relax him even more than the mind-boggling climax that’d just ripped through his body.
“We need to get moving,” Drucilla said, her words a sleepy murmur. “I’ve got a staff meeting at nine.”
“I’ve got the same meeting.” Alex pulled her closer, not ready to let go yet. “We’ve got time.”
“Not if I’m going to shower before I leave.” Her words reflected the same reluctance Alex was feeling to get up and start the day.
Probably not for the same reason, though.
He grimaced against her hair and breathed in, needing to hold on to as much of this moment as he could. Not that he didn’t think they’d have more sexy times. They would. He was sure they would. After all, their sex life wasn’t tied to work. And he’d done what was best.
At least, in his mind, it was best for Drucilla.
He hoped. The sick ball of dread in his stomach warned him that he was hoping in vain.
So just in case…
“If you need a shower, why don’t we see what kind of water games we can play to kick off the morning.”
A few extra orgasms before she found out his plans couldn’t hurt him any, right?
ALEX WATCHED DRUCILLA lead the project discussion, pulling everyone’s input into play, encouraging them to share their findings so far, as well as ideas for expanding their experimentation.
He’d been pretty well bullshitting his way through the pitch to Charlene last week when he’d raved about Drucilla’s qualifications. Oh, he’d known he was telling the truth. He just hadn’t realized how good she was at doing her job. Not just the calculations and tests, although watching her run those had led to one very memorable, rule-breaking roll on the lab floor. But now, watching her lead the group, he realized she was simply fabulous.
She encouraged her team, but still kept things on track. She had the group not only working to their fullest potential, but also excited about how far they could push the limits of testing the hypothesis.
Her smile glowed, filling the room with a bright energy that made him feel a little gooey inside. Stupid, maybe. But he just loved how she was totally into what she did.
God, he was getting sappy.
A half hour later, he was still just as sappy, and now way too turned on for a workday meeting.
“So we’re set,” Drucilla was saying as she wrapped up the meeting. As people shuffled out to start their day, Glenn held the door open, signaling that Alex and Drucilla wait to speak with him.
“A.A., good morning,” the director said when he reached the conference table. “Dr. Robichoux, how are you today?”
He took Drucilla’s vacated seat at the head of the table without a word and set down a folder, clasping his hands over it with a congenial smile.
“I’ve got wonderful news to share,” he said as Dru subtly moved her papers to the left and took that empty chair.
She shot Alex a look, sharing her amusement at Glenn’s usual obliviousness. Her expression quickly turned from humor to heat. Alex crossed one leg over the other and grimaced, the horny heading toward that unmanageable-in-company state.
“I thought we’d wind up the project meeting with a little financial powwow,” Glenn told them as he handed them each a matching blue folder. “We’ve solidified our financial decision.”
Alex met Drucilla’s startled gaze with an infinitesimal wince. He was pretty sure what the director was about to share would eliminate Alex’s horny feelings.
Knowing what was coming, he offered Dru his most charming smile, glad to see her blink in surprise, then turn a pretty shade of pink.
Yeah, they’d be fine, he assured himself. He had everything under control. Except the sick feeling in his stomach, but that’d go away just as soon as he knew Drucilla wasn’t going to throw that folder at his head.
“The board of directors has met and considered the backing offers,” Glenn said, pushing his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose and opening his own folder. “We had a great deal to choose from, which was quite a boon for Trifecta and for which we give complete credit to A.A., his reputation and his wealthy contacts.”
Drucilla waggled her brows at him in amused recognition.
“The Pownter Institute offered an impressive package,” the director said, folding his hands on the table and smiling. “They not only are willing to buy a brand-new telescope and fund the project for two full years, but they’d welcome new project suggestions by either of you, as well.”
Drucilla’s eyes went huge and she leaned forward with her mouth open, lips glistening as if she could barely hold back her screams of joy.
“Mr. Blackstone also offered a proposal, in which he’d purchase the abandoned telescope in Mount Shasta to utilize for this project. He’d require, of course, a variety of promotional tie-ins to the telescope in return for donating it to Trifecta.”
Drucilla’s face went blank except for a hint of disdain clear in the faint wrinkle of her nose.
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
“We’ve considered both offers carefully,” the director continued, his pedantic tone making Alex want to yell at him to hurry up and get this over with. “And taken into account both the good of the lab as well as the strong backing of our guest, Dr. Maddow.”
Dru tilted her head and gave him a long, intense stare. Alex almost squirmed, wondering if women came out of the womb knowing that soul-deep, guilt-inspiring look.
“Really?” she asked slowly. “Dr. Maddow had input i
n the choice? As, what, the visiting short-term guest physicist?”
“Yes. Trifecta is ready to accept the Blackstone offer based on A.A.’s recommendation,” Glenn said. “We just need your approval as leader of record.”
It was like watching a sci-fi movie where the woman turned to ice. It started in Drucilla’s eyes. They went shiver cold. Her demeanor froze, even her skin turned pale.
Alex leaned forward to say something. He had no idea what, but he had to get rid of the chill. But she gave a tiny shake of her head, clearly not ready for his charming defrost plan.
“You know, Glenn, before I sign off with my approval, I actually have a great deal of input I’d like to offer.” Drucilla shifted her gaze to glance at the director. “But first, I need to talk to Dr. Maddow. There are a couple of details we need to clarify.”
“Of course, of course,” Glenn said as he gathered his folder and pen. He started to reach for hers, but then patted it and shot them both a look. “You’ll let me know the conclusion, won’t you, Dr. Robichoux?”
She gave a regal nod of her head, then watched fixedly as the director left the boardroom. Alex waited until the door shut then said, “Drucilla—”
“Why?” she interrupted. Her quiet tone, so dignified and at odds with her obvious fury, made him feel like a first-class asshole.
Her eyes met his again and the fury he saw there made him wish briefly for her previous icy demeanor.
“Look, I know the Pownter deal would be great. The money, the prestige, the scientific possibilities,” he said, his words tumbling over each other, he was talking so fast. “But it also came with intolerable strings.”
“Intolerable in what way?” She didn’t sound curious, though. Just…pissed.
“When I spoke with Charlene Pownter yesterday, she informed me that yes, they’d fund the project. But in doing so, they’d require not just you, but both of us, to serve on it for the duration.”
Sure, sticking around would have given him time to make certain Charlene Pownter’s influence didn’t ruin Drucilla. But that was out of the question. And luckily, that had been enough for him to refuse the deal.
“And the problem is?” she said, tilting her head to the side.
“The problem is that she’s too controlling. Her offer is way over and above what we’d asked for. That’s a bad sign,” he claimed.
She looked as if she wanted to throw something at his head. But all she did was silently raise a brow. A trickle of sweat slid down his spine. Her control was a little scary.
Finally, he confessed, “The problem is that the duration is two years. The problem is that I don’t commit to long-term projects.”
Drucilla nodded, as if he’d just confirmed a hypothesis she’d been working on. Then she leaned forward and asked, “So really, the problem is…you.”
Alex frowned, his need to pacify her starting to grow ragged around the edges.
“Look, this is a win-win deal,” he said, not quite willing to give up yet. He put on his most persuasive smile. “Buck’s money, my name, the project will be termed a success right there.”
“Money and a name won’t guarantee results,” she pointed out.
“You know how this works, Drucilla. The results could take years. I’m giving you a shot at having all the years you need to get them. Like a success safety net, if you will.”
She stared at him. The look in her blue eyes wasn’t the chill he’d learned to recognize as a mask for her insecurity. It was razor-sharp ice that sent a shiver through him. Stupid, Alex told himself. He was giving her exactly what she wanted. The safest route to long-term security. She should be thanking him, not giving him the evil eye.
“A safety net? With the choices between taking the bus, aka the grant, buying an unimpressive but probably reliable used car, aka Blackstone, or being offered a luxury sports coupe along with free gas and insurance for two years, you consider the used car the choice?” she asked icily. “And all because, what? It’s the most convenient for you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be operating under the assumption that this entire project hinges on you and you alone.”
He’d actually started to nod before he heard the words play out in his head.
“I didn’t make any such assumption,” he snapped, offended.
“You didn’t voice it,” she corrected, crossing her arms over her chest. “But you’ve been thinking it from the beginning.”
“If you’re so good at reading minds, why didn’t you figure out who I was back on the beach?” he challenged, trying to make it sound teasing. If the hard look in her eye was any indication, though, his attempt flopped.
“Tell me, Alex, what do you see as the overall goal of the cosmic string project?”
Mind racing, he shifted in his seat. He’d served on boards, made presentations to huge crowds and once actually landed a spot on Jeopardy. But he’d never felt quite so nervous searching for just the right answer to a particular question.
“The overall goal is to definitively describe a cosmic string’s influence on hydrogen gas in space.”
She tilted her head to one side. “Did you memorize the entire funding proposal or are you only going to give me a few of the choicer direct quotes?”
That did it. Alex shoved away from the table, his chair skidding back to slam into the wall behind him.
“That’s enough,” he stated.
“Enough?” she retorted, rising slowly. He was glad to see the ice cracking around the edges. “You don’t get to say what is or isn’t enough here, Mr. Rock Star.”
“Oh, please, let’s try to keep this above juvenile insults,” he said derisively.
“You had no right—”
“I’m the team leader—”
“Coleader, which means you get a vote. That doesn’t mean you get to—”
“This isn’t a class project with all the students getting a vote, Drucilla. It’s a serious undertaking that’s been years in the making and—”
“Since I’m the one who’s devoted all those years to both the hypothesis and the proposed mathematical theory, I’m very well acquainted with the time involved here. What I’m not clear on is what gives you the right—”
“Right?” he yelled. “It’s my name on this study that pulled in the funding. Which means it’s my decision which funding we’ll use, and how it’ll be handled.”
Alex gave her a “ha” smile. The I-won-the-interruption-game smile. The snotty, obnoxious, in-her-face triumphant smile.
Yeah, he was a dick. But it was damn hard to win an argument with Drucilla, so finally getting the last word meant he’d just scored major points.
And the fact that he was pathetically keeping score probably lost him a few of those points.
He winced, wondering how to apologize without giving up any ground.
“Look, Drucilla, you’re a smart woman. A scientist who clearly understands the importance of making decisions based on well-documented, emotion-free, fact-based choices.”
Tension pulled at his shoulder muscles as he watched her face for a reaction. When she didn’t scrunch it up in anger, he relaxed a little. She unknotted her arms from in front of her and folded her hands at her waist.
Folded hands and unscrunched face. Good signs. He let his shoulders relax the rest of the way.
“Emotion free?” she asked. Then she stepped around the table, walked up close to him and laid her palm on his chest to stare up into his eyes. Alex’s heart gave a huge sigh of happiness. “Emotion free is an interesting goal for the project, and for us, wouldn’t you say?”
He smiled gratefully. She got it. She actually understood. Doing a manly happy dance was probably bad form at the moment, but he was definitely boogying mentally.
“Which is how you made this chickenshit, run-away-before-someone-realizes-you’re-an-adult decision, right?” She gave his chest a stinging smack then stomped toward the door. “Because you’re incapable of being mature enough to discuss the situation, let alone
step up and consider what’s good for anyone but yourself. To ask for one second what might be best for the project, for the team and, for God’s sake, for the lab.”
“Don’t you mean for you?” he snarled, feeling blindsided. Chickenshit? He’d done this for her. And look what he got for hoping, for wishing. For risking his heart and thinking that maybe there could be something between them.
How many times did he have to be hit in the head to accept that while the sex might be awesome, it was only going to last as long as the next orgasm.
Or if her expression was anything to go by, the last.
14
SHE COULDN’T HAVE HEARD him right. Could she?
“You think I only care about myself?” Dru leaned against the table and blinked hard, trying to catch her breath after the pain his words caused.
“Isn’t that what this is really about? You using a backer’s deal to try to get me to stick around.”
“What?”
“You must have realized Pownter would require us both to contract for the project. That she’d insist I stay around for the duration.”
“You think I want to put my reputation, my career on the line so I can get you, your sexy body and your amazing lovemaking skills to stick around longer?”
Shock buzzed in her ears. Her eyes filled. From fury, she promised herself. And maybe just a little humiliation. Because, damn him, yes. That thought had crossed her mind. It wasn’t the driving reason behind her choice, but it’d definitely been there.
And he’d just made it clear exactly how he felt about it.
She might cry, mourn and dive into a pint or six of Ben & Jerry’s as soon as she got home. But she’d be damned if she’d let Alex know he’d just ripped her heart to pieces.
Alex, who had started her day with amazing sex, followed by fun and water games that’d nearly made her late for work.
Alex, who hadn’t warned her that he’d spoken with the Trifecta director ahead of time and had known that the options she’d pitched during the team meeting were no longer available.