Throughout the ceremony our gazes continued to connect. We’d lock onto one another, and at times I worried that someone may notice. The energy buzzes between us. It seems impossible that we were the only two people here that could sense it.
When it came time for them to read the vows they’d written, the mood shifts.
Sean spoke first.
"Kathleen, I marry you with my eyes wide open. You have helped me let go of the past, and I embrace the future. Thank you for making me laugh again. I offer myself to you as a partner in life. I vow to love you in sickness and in health. I commit myself to encourage you in good times and in bad. I will cherish and respect you all the days of our life together. Starting anew once again, I give thanks that I have found you. May our marriage be a gift to the world and our families, as your love is a gift to me. God has given us a second chance at happiness, and I intend to make every second count."
Damn, Sean. The beautiful words spoken took me by surprise, as did the tears now beginning to stream down my face. This man did truly love my mother. I looked to Alec, but when he locked his gaze with mine there was something new behind his eyes. I furrowed my brow in confusion, but he looked away.
Next, my mother began to read out her vows.
"Sean, since I have found you, I have found a new life. The decision to commit to share that life with you is one I make happily and with full confidence in our love. Because of you, I laugh, I smile and I dare to dream again. I look forward with great joy to spending the rest of my life with you, caring for you, nurturing you, being there for you in all that life has in store for us, and I vow to be true and faithful for as long as we both shall live. I come today to give you my love, to give you my heart and my hope for our future together. I promise to bring you joy, and to learn to love you more each day, through all the days of our lives."
There isn’t a dry eye in the place, well- not counting Alec. He looks pained, and he refuses to meet my gaze.
The rest of the ceremony is a blur. All I can think about is getting to him and finding out what’s wrong. His mood shifted so quickly, and it hurts to see him upset.
After the minister announced them as husband and wife, it’s time to walk out together. With our arms linked, we walk out in silence.. Once out the large double doors he releases me and walks away, leaving me standing there alone.
"Alec?" I call after him, but he ignores me disappearing into the men's restroom.
Chapter Twenty-Four
He misses the reception. He misses the first dance, and he misses the cutting of the cake. I find myself staring at the doors waiting for him to walk into the ballroom and apologize for bailing, but he doesn’t. I want to go look for him, but I can’t. I can’t leave my mother, not on her wedding day.
When it comes time to give my speech as Maid of Honor, I take the microphone and try to rally my spirits, but it’s hard. There’s so many emotions swirling inside my head, but mainly it’s confusion.
"When you told me that you had met someone new, and that he'd asked you to marry him there were many thoughts and emotions running through my mind. I had no clue what to expect, and most of all I was terrified of watching you get hurt again. Losing Dad was excruciating, but even worse was watching my strong and fearless mother suffer. Seeing you in so much pain was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience, and I would rather walk through fire than to ever see you hurt that way again. This whole thing scared the crap out of me to put it candidly. But, then I saw you with Sean. You have found someone who treats you with love and respect; who is a real partner; and who treats you like the incredible woman you are. I am so happy for you and Sean, and wish you both nothing but happiness as you get this second chance at a lifetime of love."
I raise my glass of champagne in the air, "Cheers to the happy couple."
The room erupts in cheers and glasses clinking together, and the newly married Mr. and Mrs. Sean Miller both embrace me lovingly.
"Thank you, Josephine. That was beautiful." Sean says.
Just then I notice the venue host look to Sean and gesture to the microphone. Sean shakes his head as if to tell him to move on. It hits me that the host is wondering about the Best Man's speech, and my heart breaks.
Allie's gaze catches mine and I can see that she is disappointed in her brother.
"He left didn't he?" I ask her quietly.
"I don't know, probably. I don't know why I'm surprised, it’s to be expected." She replies.
"No, it isn't. It wouldn't have killed him to just- to just fucking be here."
Her eyes widen. "You okay?"
"No. He should have stayed, he should have been here for his family." Tears prick at my eyes again. "Dammit, I don't want to cry anymore today."
"You mean he should have been here for you?" She whispered, taking my hand in hers. "We all knew he wasn't exactly thrilled about the wedding, but you thought he'd do it for you. I won't lie, I kind of thought so too."
She’s right. I knew he didn't give a shit about this whole circus as he'd called it, but I did think he'd deal with it for me. I thought he'd want to spend time with me, not bail as soon as his duty was finished.
I fought the urge to pull out my phone and text him, instead taking Allie's outstretched arms and heading to the dance floor.
It didn't take long before Nate asked if he could cut in, and I let him.
"Looks like Alec bolted." He says when I press my head against his chest.
"Yep, looks like it." I respond, coldly.
"Don't be too hard on him, Jo. This wasn't easy for him. You know that."
I look up at Nate and narrow my eyes.
"Look, I'm not saying him leaving is okay. I'm just saying-"
"Don't defend him on this one, okay? Just don't." I interject, and he simply nods. "Let's just dance, no more talking. Please?"
Instead of responding, Nate tightens his grip on me and we dance to an instrumental version of some Elvis song.
A few hours pass before it's time for the big send off. Two rows of guests form on either side of the walkway and toss hand-fulls of birdseed over the heads of the bride and groom. They are ushered into a white stretch limo and without another word are off to the airport. This time tomorrow they will be lounging on a sandy beach off a remote island.
∞∞∞
I take Nate up on his offer for a ride home, and when we pull up, I exit the car and thank him. He doesn't ask to come in, instead silently pulls away. I think he knows I'm emotionally exhausted. I walk in on the tail end of a conversation between Allie and Alec.
"You're an idiot, you know that right." I hear her say to him.
I still, trying to silence my breathing so they don't realize I've come home.
"Al, it's not that big of a deal. I doubt anyone even noticed I left."
I hear her scoff, "She did. You know she did. You should have seen her face."
"I don't know what you’re talking about." He deadpans.
My stomach lurches.
"Yeah, okay. I guess you think I'm an idiot. I see what's happening between you and Jo. I don't know what you are trying to get out of this, but she cares about you. Like she really cares about you. Is it just another game? Are you just trying to screw with her?"
Silence.
I imagine that his mind is reeling over the realization that his little sister knows about us.
"Nothing? You're just going to ignore me too?" She prods.
"There is nothing going on with Jo."
His voice is so flat, so callous. A wave of nausea hits me.
"I knew you could be cold, but to deny something so obvious is just- well it's really disappointing Alec." Allie's voice is direct.
"Drop it, Al."
"And what about her? Will she drop it?" She asks.
"I don't give a shit, there is nothing-"
I can't listen to anymore, so I do the only thing I can think of that will stop the conversation.
"Don't worry about me, I'll drop it. I mean, it'
s not like there was anything going on in the first place. Right, Alec?"
His face goes white.
Good.
"Jo, I-" Alec begins, but I hold up a hand.
"Don't bother." I convey my disgust with my eyes, and I can tell by the shudder that he got the message loud and clear.
I turn on my heels and take the stairs two at a time, needing to put as much distance between us as possible. I turn the lock and slide down the closed door, pressing all my weight against it. The tears are falling, and I hear him approach the door.
"Please, I didn't mean that and you know it." His voice is quiet.
"Just go away, I can't do this tonight." I say through the sobs.
"Jo, please." The pleading in his voice makes it hard to stand my ground.
But I do.
"No. Not tonight. You need to go."
There is silence for a while, but then I hear his footsteps leading away from the door and down the stairs. A few seconds later there is a loud slam from his bedroom door.
I can't explain why I am so upset, but my heart is being ripped to shreds.
I riffle through the small clutch resting on my bed for my phone. My fingers quickly type in Drake’s number and I try to hold back the tears as it rings.
Please pick up.
“JoJo?” His sleepy voice calls out.
I lose all composure and sob into the phone.
“Jesus, what’s wrong?” He sounds more alert now.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself so I can speak.
“I’m an idiot. That’s what is wrong.”
I can hear him shift in the bed.
“What did he do?”
It should be a sign that he knew exactly what I was upset about.
“For one, he left me at the wedding. He just fucking bolted. That isn’t even the worst part. I walked in on him making it very clear that I mean absolutely nothing to him. How could I be so stupid?”
It’s a wonder that he can understand anything I am saying through the tears.
“JoJo, you aren’t stupid. If anything, he’s the idiot here, not you.”
“I’m sorry I woke you, I just- I just need my best friend.” My words come out in almost a whisper. “Could we maybe do that thing where we stay on the phone until I fall asleep?”
We hadn’t done that in years. After my father died there were many nights that I couldn’t sleep because if I did, the nightmares would come. They forced me to relive that day over and over. Drake would stay on the phone with me, not saying a word. I don’t know why, but it helped. It helped to know that someone was there with me.
“Of course.” He coos.
I lie down with the phone against my ear and bury myself in the blankets. I try not to think of Alec, but it’s impossible.
He never promised me anything, and we'd never exclusively defined what was happening between us. He'd never guaranteed that he'd stay at the wedding once his role had been completed.
That didn't change the fact that I'd hoped he would stay. That he'd ask me to dance like Nate had, or that he would give his father the gift of actually saying a few words in support of his happiness.
If it had just been that I may have been okay. I figured all the intimacy of the ceremony spooked him. I knew that was probably why he bolted.
What hurt the worst was that he'd lied when he said he would gladly tell anyone that I was his girl. That night when he'd drunkenly claimed that he was proud of it... that he would tell everyone if that's what I wanted. Tonight proved that those claims were nothing but a load of shit. He'd been presented with the perfect opportunity to admit his feelings for me, but instead he'd insisted that I meant nothing. That we were nothing.
In this moment I couldn't even gauge my own feelings anymore. Had any of this been real? Were these feelings genuine? Or had we just been sucked into some whirlwind fling because it was forbidden? We all want what we aren't supposed to have, but was that all this was?
Chapter Twenty-Five
I wake up this morning to the sound of light knocking on my bedroom door.
"Jo? It's Allie. Can I come in?"
I roll out from under my comforter and walk to the door.
When I open it she stands there with a sweet smile.
"I made breakfast, come eat with me?"
How could I refuse that? Not that I wanted to. I didn't actually eat much yesterday, and my stomach started growling the moment she mentioned food.
Downstairs, I plopped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and took in the spread. She'd made pancakes, though I couldn't tell if they were blueberry or chocolate chip.
"This looks great." I cut into the stack of pancakes and shovel a bite into my mouth.
Blueberry.
"And they taste incredible. Thanks, Allie." I give her an appreciative smile, and she beams.
Alec must’ve heard my voice because he enters the room and takes a seat next to me.
"Can we talk?" He asks.
I completely avoid eye contact, "I'm eating."
Allie puts a plate of pancakes in front of her brother and lets out an exasperated breath.
"Thanks." He grits out.
"Sure. You know, you missed a pretty great reception last night. Dad and Kathleen had a blast." I raise an eyebrow at Allie, wondering why she’s bringing this up again.
Alec nods, but didn't respond.
She continues, "The DJ was really good. He actually played some current music every so often, stuff we could actually dance to. Right Jo?"
Where was she going with this?
I shrug my shoulders and take another bite.
"I mean, our dance was interrupted when Nate cut in... but I was fine with it. He's such a gentlemen, you know?" The look Allie was giving Alec was intense, like she was daring him to respond.
His eyes are on me, burning through me.
Allie shows no sign of backing down. "In fact, he gave you a ride home didn't he Jo? I mean, I'm sure you were planning on riding back with my brother- but we all know how that turned out."
Shit. She was baiting him, looking for a reaction.
"What the fuck, Jo?" He growls out.
Excuse me? That’s it, I broke.
"I'm sorry, but who the hell do you think you are?" I ask him through gritted teeth. "Do you actually think you get to be angry here? Do you seriously feel like you have a leg to stand on? How dare you."
I push away the plate of uneaten pancakes and stand. "Yes, we danced together because you fucking disappeared and left me alone. He drove me home because it was either that or call an Uber because I had planned on coming home with you."
His eyes shifted. Regret? Maybe, but right now I don't care.
"Oh, and by the way-" I pointed to Allie, "She knew. She knew the truth when you tried to lie about it last night. She figured it out weeks ago. And Nate? He knows too. So does V."
I take a step towards him. "It’s obvious to them, and when they confronted me about it I didn't hide it. Not like you did last night. What was it you said? There was nothing between us? Good to know."
"Can we please talk in private?" He asks, but I shake my head.
"No, I don't want to. Not yet. Hearing that last night hurt. It hurt really fucking bad."
He stands and closes the space between us, placing his hands on my cheeks. "I'm sorry, okay? I messed up. I'm sorry."
The tears threatening to fall, but I blink them back.
"Hearing my dad say that stuff to your mom... I just- it brought back memories. I don't like hearing him talk that way about another woman. And then you just looked so happy. When they were talking about love... and commitment. I could see it in your eyes. That's not me. I got freaked out, Jo. I'm sorry."
I try to wriggle out of his grasp but he tightens his hold.
"I shouldn't have bolted, and I damn sure shouldn't have left you with fucking Nate to look after you."
"Is that what this is about? You’re jealous of-"
He cut
me off. "No, of course not. I’m pissed at myself for giving him that opening. It should have been me there with you." His grasp on my face loosened, and I looked away.
When my eyes meet with Allie's she was looking back and forth between us, and I can see the confusion. This is the first time she'd seen him interact with me like this.
"Look at me." He said softly.
I couldn't. If I looked at him now I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears.
"Jo, look at me. I fucked up."
Keeping my head turned away I whisper, "You said we were nothing."
"I lied. You know it was a lie. This-" he pressed his forehead to mine, "This isn't nothing."
Dammit. There go the tears.
He looks at Allie, "You hear that? I lied. I care about her. It's not nothing."
He turned his attention back to me. "You could never be nothing, not to me." He pressed his lips to my temple and my final wall of defense fell away. I let my arms wrap around his waist and I could his body relaxed a little. He actually let out a sigh of relief.
"What the hell is going on?" A deep voice boomed and we instinctively ripped apart from one another.
What I saw in front of me made me want to vomit.
Sean and my mother stared at us with a mixture of confusion and anger.
No-one spoke.
My mother's hand was placed over her mouth but it didn't hide her shocked expression.
"Is everyone suddenly mute? I asked, what the hell is going on?" Sean growls.
Allie breaks the silence as she stammered, "Wh- what are you doing here?"
"Passports. We forgot the passports." My mother says, barely above a whisper.
"Allie, upstairs. Now."
It was evident Allie had never heard her father speak that way by the fear in her eyes.
"Daddy, don't-" She attempts to calm him, but he shuts her down.
"Now."
The command was clear, and she obeyed.
Sean takes a step forward and Alec moves in front of me protectively.
"How could you do this, son? Do you hate me this much? Was it so hard for you to just let me be happy?" The accusation in his tone was harsh. He was insinuating exactly what Allie thought at first, and what I had feared the most. He thought Alec had done this to get back at his father.
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