Love on the Free Side

by Mariah Ankenman

  Last night as she fell asleep in the warm embrace of Tony’s arms, a terrifyingly familiar feeling clawed its way into her chest. Even though she’d promised herself this time would be different, she found herself falling again. How could she not? He’d saved her butt when she needed a replacement cook—even putting out feelers himself for a permanent replacement for her. The list of chores she had to accomplish were almost done thanks to Tony working tirelessly every day to fix up every out of place nail and loose board.

  The man took such care every day to help her out…and at night, he helped her out of her clothes.

  Her body still hummed with the after effects. It had been hours, but she swore she could still feel his gentle touch. Heat pooled low in her belly just thinking about all the wicked ways he’d taken her. The sweet words whispered in her ear reverberated in her mind, taunting her with their promises of devotion and second chances.

  How was a girl supposed to stay afloat?

  She needed sugar and advice, and she needed it now. Parking her truck—with a brand new coil wire—in front of Cupcakes Above the Clouds, she slipped the keys out of the ignition and into her pocket. She waved at a few friendly faces as she made her way to the front door. The bell above chimed when she entered the shop.

  The sugary smells hit her nose, immediately calming the emotional storm churning though her. The lunch rush must be over because other than Maggie handing off a box to the elderly woman at the register, Jamie was the only person in the dining area.

  “Enjoy, and come again,” Maggie told the customer with a smile.

  “I always do, dear.”

  When she turned, recognition hit Jamie. Mrs. Anderson, her high school chemistry teacher. Worries faded to the back of her mind as warm memories of the smart and encouraging woman filled her.

  “Mrs. Anderson, it’s so good to see you again.”

  Pale green eyes stared for a moment before they lit up. Wrinkled lips parted with a smile. “Why, Jamie Thompson. Look at you all grown up. It’s wonderful to see you again, my dear. I hear you’re starting up an equine therapy ranch. I always knew you’d make the world a better place.”

  Her cheeks heated at the outlandish compliment. Biting her lip, she shook her head. “I’m just opening a camp. Not saving the world or anything.”

  Her former teacher raised her brow, a move crafted from years of handling rowdy teenagers. In her day, it made every student in Peak Town sit up and zip lips.

  “Don’t sell yourself short. One person can’t save the entire world, but one person can save the world of another, and that is exactly what you’ll be doing. Everything we do affects others, for better or worse. Every action we take forms who we are. Never discount your impact.”

  She never thought of it that way. All she wanted to do was help people. Leave it to Mrs. Anderson to continue teaching lessons, even though she knew the woman had retired two years after Jamie graduated.

  “I’d love to stay and catch up, but my book club is starting in a few minutes, and I’m bringing snacks today.” She held up the box with a smile and patted Jamie’s cheek. “Lovely to see you again.”

  “Great to see you, too.”

  The bell chimed as the former teacher left the shop. Mrs. Anderson’s words bounced around in her head, knocking on a door she couldn’t seem to open. They held such weighty importance, but she couldn’t figure out why they were affecting her so much…or she didn’t want to see.

  “Hey, Jamie. Is Tony with you today or, as Lizzy would say, did you doink him into a sex coma?”

  Maggie’s cheerful voice brought her back to the moment. Intending to smile, she glanced up at the baker, but to her absolute horror, a sob wrenched out of her the moment she opened her mouth.

  “Oh, sweetie.” The small woman came rushing out from behind the counter. “Lizzy,” she yelled over her shoulder. “Get the secret stash, now!”

  Gentle hands grasped her shoulders, steering her to sit at a table in the corner. Warm, wet tears poured down her cheeks. Utterly embarrassed, she tried to choke back the flow, but found she couldn’t.

  Moments later, Lizzy came running out of the back of the bakery with a box in her hand. “What is it? What’s going on?”

  Through her tears, she saw the tall, beautiful woman glance at her with sympathy.

  “Oh, Jamie, honey. What’s wrong?”

  Before she could blink, both women had taken a chair on either side of her. Maggie grabbed a handful of napkins from the dispenser on the table, passing them over.

  She hiccupped out a grateful sound, wiping at her eyes before blowing her nose in a very ungraceful manner.

  “Is this about what happened to your house?” Maggie asked, patting her hand in a soothing manner. “Ryder will get the guy responsible, don’t you worry.”

  She knew? Of course she did; everyone would by now. This was Peak Town, nothing stayed secret.

  “No, it’s n-not that.” She sucked in a shuddering breath of air, the waterworks finally subsiding. “I mean, yes it is a little off-putting. It seems someone has a grudge or something against me, though I can’t imagine who or why. But I’m not upset because of that.”

  Lizzy took her other hand. “Then why?”

  “I messed up.”

  Her former bosses exchanged a skeptical glance before resting their gazes on her again.

  “I did. I…um, did something I promised myself I wouldn’t do.”

  “And that is…”

  “Details, woman. We need detail if we’re going to help.”

  The two spoke at the same time, causing a small smile to tilt up the corner of her mouth. Happiness infused her. She must have been born under a lucky star to have such wonderful friends ready and willing to help.

  “I told myself I wouldn’t go there again…told him it wouldn’t be like before, but…”

  “Wait, wait, wait.” Lizzy released her, holding up a hand. “Does this have to do with Tony?”

  Biting her lip to hold back a fresh wave of tears, she nodded.

  “Did he break your heart again? Do I need to go beaick his ass?”

  “Lizzy!” Maggie swatted at her. “That’s not even a word.”

  “Yes it is, beat and kick. Well, did he?”

  “No. He’s been amazing. He’s helped me fix up the ranch, cooked me delicious meals, made me forget my name on a nightly basis.”

  Lizzy gave a low whistle. “Sounds pretty awesome to me.”

  “It is.” Ducking her head down, she ran her hands though her hair, tugging at her scalp. “He’s so flipping wonderful and sexy and…and…dang it! I fell in love with him again.” Defeated, she slumped into her chair, raising her head to glance at the two women who meant the world to her.

  “Again…or never stopped?” Maggie gave her a sympathetic smile.

  Heaving out a sigh of resignation, she answered, “The second one.”

  “Oh boy, you were right, Maggie. This does call for the secret stash.”

  Lizzy—finally—opened up the box she brought from the back. The tempting smell of rich chocolate rose from the depths of the plastic container. Leaning over to take a peek, she saw a dozen chocolate truffles sitting there like a treasure for the brokenhearted. She reached out her hand to grab the waiting treats, but was rewarded with a slight smack from the holder of the box. “Ouch!”

  One pale, strawberry-blonde eyebrow rose. “Not until you tell us why this is a bad thing.”

  “But, you said this situation calls for the secret stash.”

  “I did, for us. To eat in celebration of you finally realizing your stupidity.”

  “My stupidity?”

  “Lizzy, be nice.”

  At least Maggie was on her side.

  “But to her point, Jamie. Why are you upset at being in love?”

  Then again, maybe not.

  “Because it’s Tony.” The women stared, eyes as big as owls, like she was the crazy one. “The boy who broke my heart.”

  “But he’s
not a boy anymore. He’s a man.”

  A fact she was well aware of. Still… “How can I give him my heart again? What if he breaks it all over? I don’t think I can come back from that.”

  “Oh, honey.” Maggie squeezed her hand. “Love means taking risks, laying all the cards out there, and putting them back together if they get ripped to pieces. Sometimes…the timing is off, but the people are meant to be. They just have to wait for the right moment.”

  “And men can be idiots,” Lizzy chimed in, shoving a truffle in her mouth. “I say give them one big mistake every few years. As long as it’s not something unforgivable like doinking your sister.”

  She didn’t have a sister, so no worries there. And Tony hadn’t made a mistake. Yes, he might have gone about breaking up with her in the wrong way. If he’d simply admitted his fears they might have worked out…then again maybe not. Perhaps Tony had been right, and the pressure of school and maintaining a long distance relationship would have gotten to her. She’d never know, but the point was, he didn’t break her heart out of maliciousness.

  He did it out of love.

  “Everything we do affects others, for better or worse. Every action we take forms who we are.”

  Mrs. Anderson’s word came back to her, pinging on a light switch in her mind. She was who she was today because of her past, every wonderful and terrible part of it. All this time, she’d spent harboring anger and resentment, pushing the good parts of her and Tony so far down, she’d forgotten. Forgotten how it had all been worth it. Every kiss, every touch, every deep conversation about their hopes and dreams hadn’t been wiped away simply because they ended. They’d stayed with her, forming her to this very day.

  Even the heartbreak made her stronger, gave her insight into the pain of others. She knew how to help people mired in despair because she herself had been there. No one got through life unscathed by pain, why had she assumed she’d be any different?

  “Was it worth it?” Maggie asked softly. “The first time you two were together. Was the pain in the end worth everything you got from the relationship, from Tony?”

  Worth it? Oh yes, it had been worth it and more.

  The question now…would it be worth it again? Could she put her heart on the line once more, knowing it might end up broken again?

  “Yes.” Yes to everything. Wetness tracked down her cheeks again, but this time their trail ended at the curved rise of her lips.

  “Good. Now you can have a truffle.” Lizzy passed over the box with a knowing smile.

  Jamie ignored the chocolates. She didn’t want sugar. The only thing she wanted right now was to find Tony and tell him she loved him…still. It didn’t matter if he broke her heart again tomorrow, she needed to tell him. Love wasn’t something you kept bottled up because you were afraid; you needed to let it out for all the world to see. And if your heart got crushed, you picked yourself up, dusted off, and carried on, stronger for the experience.

  She realized, even though she didn’t feel like it, she’d been strong before, and no matter what Tony’s reaction, she’d be strong again, because of the time she’d spent with him.

  Giddy with anticipation, she jumped up from the table. “I have to go.”

  “We know.” Maggie gave her a gentle smile.

  “Go get him, girl.” Lizzy winked, popping another truffle in her mouth.

  Giving each woman a fierce hug, she rushed out to her truck, started up the engine, and pulled out onto the road.

  Happiness, love, and a tiny bit of trepidation fluttered about in her stomach like tiny emotional butterflies. She told herself it didn’t matter what Tony had to say to her declaration of love. This was for her, to prove that loving someone added to who you were, and she really liked herself. But the heart pounding furiously in her chest seemed to thump to a rhythm that echoed in her mind. Love me, love me, love me.

  Because at the end of the day, love made you strong, but someone loving you in return made you invincible.

  Chapter 27

  Jamie raced up the porch steps. She’d made it back home in record time, heart racing almost as fast as she’d been driving. Tony had taken his uncle to his physical therapy appointment, so he wouldn’t be back for another half an hour at least.

  Just enough time.

  Listing out her tasks in her mind, she giggled with anticipation. She needed makeup…and killer sexy underwear. Tucking her chin, she sniffed her armpit—ugh, a shower, too. If she hurried, she could fit it all in and be ready to seduce Tony when he got back.

  “Yeah, like I have to try real hard to seduce him,” she snorted to herself.

  Okay, so seduce wasn’t quite the right word for what she planned. They’d already had sex—a lot of amazing, mind-blowing sex. Giving Tony her body had been easy. Today, she planned to give him her heart.

  “Again,” she whispered into the empty house as she entered.

  Excitement and a tiny bit—okay, a huge mountain—of fear twisted knots in her stomach. She rolled her bottom lip in, biting the flesh with her top teeth. She knew Tony cared for her, he always had. But was he still in love with her? Her heart said yes—look at all he’d done for her, the way he cared—but her brain warned her she might be looking at him through the rose colored glasses of her own affections.

  Doesn’t matter.

  She had to do this. For herself more than him. When he’d broken up with her before, she’d shut herself off from love, from emotions. Every relationship she had stayed surface level, never delving deeper than a few dates or a few months of light dating. Brian had been speaking a form of truth with his accusations. No one could get close to her…because she loved Tony.

  Always had, always would.

  So, here she stood in the home of her future business, surrounded by all she’d been dreaming about for years since her heart had been shredded that night long ago, and now willing to risk heartbreak again. But this time, she knew she would survive the fall out. No matter what happened, no matter what Tony said, she’d pick herself up and go on—after a fair amount of tears and a truck full of pain, because if Tony rejected her again it would hurt, bad. She wouldn’t kid herself. Her heart would break in two, and she knew a piece of her would always feel like it was missing, but she would rather put herself out there and risk his rejection than hide forever in her own cowardice.

  What she couldn’t do was let him leave and go back to New York without knowing her true feelings. Holding things back caused their end before; she wouldn’t allow that to happen again.

  Making her way to the stairs, she paused when the sounds of rustling paper hit her ears. Had Tony made it back early? She hadn’t seen his truck in the driveway. A tingle of trepidation prickled the hairs on the back of her neck. Tilting her head, she followed the sound, realizing it came from her office. Abandoning the stairs, she made her way down the hallway.

  A cold sweat broke out on her brow when she saw the door ajar, light coming out from the crack. She hadn’t left the light on this morning, because she hadn’t turned it on.

  Someone was in her house! She placed a hand over her mouth to smother her squeak of fear.

  It’s just Tony. He parked the truck around back or something. That’s why I didn’t see it.

  Knowing it was a plausible theory, but not probable, she grabbed her cell from her pocket, ready to dial the sheriff. A familiar voice uttering a low curse stopped her fingers from unlocking the phone screen. Fear gave way to confusion. She stepped to the door, pushing it open. Her suspicions were confirmed.

  Terror over an intruder breaking in gone, she slipped her phone back into her pants pocket. “Trevor?”

  Doctor Bell’s assistant stopped rifling through an office drawer and stood stock still, pausing whatever he’d been doing to glance up at her. The skinny man’s wide-eyed, shocked expression reminded her of the time she almost hit a deer coming home from the bakery one night in high school. His deer in the headlights expression was spot on.

  “Jamie…hey.”
His perpetually pubescent voice squeaked at the end.

  She shook her head, trying to clear the fog of confusion. “What are you doing here?”

  “I, um, ah…came to give you…those files you needed.”

  That made sense and was quite a relief to be honest. One more weight lifted from her chest.

  She let out a small laugh, stepping farther into the room. “That’s great, but you didn’t have to bring them out yourself. You could have couriered them.”

  “Oh, no. It was no trouble.” Trevor shifted on his feet. A fine sheen of perspiration coated his hairline.

  Jamie’s relief began to fade as she remembered something. “I didn’t see your car in the driveway…”

  He glanced at the floor, the walls…everywhere but her.

  “Yeah, I, uh, parked down the road and walked. It’s so nice out, ya know.”

  That didn’t make any sense. She hadn’t seen any cars on the side of the road on her way home either. Jamie glanced around; come to think of it, she didn’t see the box of her patient files anywhere in the room, either. She sucked in a sharp breath. And why the heck was Trevor’s hand in her desk?

  No, none of this made any sense.

  Her heart rate kicked up. Warning bells rang loud and clear.

  Swallowing past the lump of fear in her throat, she pasted on what she hoped was a convincing smile. “Yes, it is rather nice out. Good day for a walk.” She clenched her hands tightly, trying to quell the tremors.

  His face fell, a resigned sigh falling from his lips. “You always were too smart for your own good, Jamie.”

  Oh shoot! He hadn’t bought it at all. Why couldn’t she be a better liar?

  “It’s too bad you weren’t smart enough to know when to throw in the towel. When it was time to come home.”

  “Home?” She shook her head in confusion. “But I am home.”

  “No!”

  Trevor slammed a fist down on her desk, causing her to jump at the startling display of violence.

  “Home is back with me, where you belong.”