Risking Her Heart: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Rochelle Katzman

  “You came here on your private plane?”

  Livvie tried to make it sound as if it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. She was used to people having money since she worked on the television show, and she had money herself, even though her savings account was quickly diminishing. But she’d never met anyone who was as wealthy as these people were.

  “So what do you do, besides being a lucky raffle winner?”

  Livvie knew he was just making conversation, but how was she supposed to answer him?

  “I’m a writer.” Livvie swallowed hard.

  “A writer? That’s great. I always wanted to write, but I’m no good at it. What do you write?”

  Livvie hated being asked that question. When she wrote for Raven’s Edge, she’d felt proud. And now, even though she was finally following her dream and writing a novel, most people would judge her because she wasn’t making money from it yet. But Stephan had asked the question, so she had no choice but to answer.

  “I’m writing a novel, but I usually don’t like to talk about what I’m writing until I’m finished, if you don’t mind.”

  “No, not at all. In fact, I completely understand.”

  Livvie smiled up at him, unsure what else to say, so she delved back into her decadent meal. She had never tasted anything so good. Well, those scones Drake had fed her yesterday were equally delicious. Or maybe it was his fingers that had tasted so yummy. Feeling a sudden urge to look at Drake, Livvie glanced out of the corner of her eye at him and Kayla. His head was thrown back, and he was laughing. It made her feel bad. She wanted to be the one who made him laugh. With her appetite completely gone, Livvie put down her fork. What a shame.

  Veronica cleared her throat loud enough that everyone around the table went silent.

  “Livvie, dear, why don’t we change seats for a bit? I’m dying to pick Stephan’s brain about the latest lipsticks.”

  Livvie hated the idea. She’d feel uncomfortable sitting next to Drake right now, and she felt sure Veronica had no urge to talk about lipsticks. Stephan had been like her lifeline at this horrific meal. How could she leave him and make it through dessert? But she had no choice, as Veronica was already standing, and Livvie didn’t want to make an unnecessary scene. Instead, she glanced at Stephan and gave him an apologetic look. He looked upset too. Then she grabbed her wineglass and stood. All eyes at the table were fixed on her once again. She couldn’t understand why. Drake and Kayla had been flirting like crazy. Shouldn’t everyone be staring at them?

  Veronica passed her and winked at her. Livvie smiled. What else was she supposed to do? She didn’t want to move. The idea of sitting next to Drake and watching him with Kayla made Livvie sick. And she didn’t know if she could behave herself since she was on her third glass of wine.

  Slowly, she sat down and avoided eye contact with Drake, who seemed to be glaring at her again. Was he mad at her? Why? She wasn’t the one flirting shamelessly. She and Stephan had been having a normal conversation. And it wasn’t her fault he had touched her knee. Besides, Drake wouldn’t have seen what Stephan was doing anyway. And that brought up another thought. What were Kayla and Drake doing under the table?

  Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her to find out. Mr. Birkshire placed a napkin on her lap. By mistake, Livvie dropped it. When she picked it up, she looked under the table and saw Kayla massaging his upper thigh. Another half an inch higher, and she’d be massaging his penis. Drake might as well have punched her in the stomach right there and then. If he intended to remind her that she was nothing more than a raffle winner, then his plan had worked. But on the rooftop he’d told her if he were going to try to commit to a woman, he would try with her. Was he purposely trying to push her away?

  Livvie placed the napkin back on her lap and stared at her hands, feeling defeated. In the big picture of her life she knew she would get through this, but in the immediate future—and in the present moment—she didn’t know how.

  “Congratulations on winning the raffle.”

  Livvie looked up and realized Melanie was trying to make conversation with her. She wasn’t in the mood for small talk, but what choice did she have?

  “Thank you. I was excited to win, and it came as a complete surprise.”

  Melanie smiled. “I love that feeling. Everything in life that is unexpected is usually life changing. In a good way. I met Jeff on a miserable rainy day in a long line at a bagel store.”

  “Really?” Livvie loved hearing stories like these.

  “Yes, I’ll never forget how we met. I was in a bad mood because the night before I got into a meaningless argument with my roommate at the time, and the rain was falling hard. My umbrella had turned inside out, and my hair was drenched. I was also running late to work, but I needed my morning bagel and coffee. I walked into the café and groaned.

  “The man in front of me, Jeff, turned around, took one look at me, and said, ‘Some days it’s better to just stay in bed’. We started talking, and since the line was so long, we spoke for a while. He gave me his phone number, and six months later we were engaged.”

  “Thank you, but I’m not sure how this week will change my life.”

  Melanie grabbed Livvie’s hand and squeezed.

  “I think it already has. It may look dismal, as my day had looked when I walked into the café, but it changed into something beautiful. I believe yours will, too.”

  Livvie was speechless, but luckily, Melanie’s husband was trying to get his wife’s attention.

  Having no one else to talk to, Livvie glanced at Drake again. And in that moment, he crushed what little hope she had left. She forced herself to watch him gently caressing Kayla’s hair. When we kissed, hadn’t he caressed her hair like that?

  She watched Kayla touch his thigh under the table again, but this time she moved her hand even higher. When she caught Livvie watching, Kayla winked. Livvie forced herself to listen to Drake inhale and hold his breath, as he obviously enjoyed the feeling of having his dick rubbed. Livvie glanced around the table to see if anyone else could see, but they were all engaged in conversation. Only Veronica caught Livvie’s attention, looking at her with deep compassion. One thing Livvie hated more than anything was when other people felt sorry for her.

  When she had been let go from the television show, the writers who stayed on gave her the “compassion” look. Yes, she had been upset when she was let go, but at the same time she felt relieved. In truth, she hated that show, and it felt good to remember that. Even though the pay had been amazing, and she could afford a small but beautiful house by the Pacific Ocean, the actors were high maintenance. She would write a scene for them, and they would do nothing but complain. All they cared about was winning an Emmy. But all Livvie cared about was writing from the heart, which she had not done again until Drake had given her the journal.

  When Mr. Birkshire started serving dessert, Livvie had never been so relieved in her entire life. In just a few more minutes, she could excuse herself, go upstairs, climb into her big, fluffy bed, and put an end to this day. Day number four had been the worst day yet, and she only had three more days to go.

  Mr. Birkshire placed a slice of cake in front of her then bent down and whispered, “Your favorite cake, Ms. Collins.”

  Livvie smiled at him. She would miss Mr. Birkshire. She would miss this castle. The idea that she would be leaving soon really upset her. Not even a scrumptious piece of cake would make her feel any better.

  “Aren’t you going to eat your cake? Yesterday, you seemed to really enjoy it.”

  Livvie looked up from her cake and realized Drake was talking to her. When she looked into his eyes, she saw a twinkle in them, but his tone sounded cocky. He was behaving like a jerk. She guessed that was to be expected. They had been arguing a lot, and he had already moved on to the next woman. Livvie wasn’t surprised. She had only hoped she wouldn’t have to know who the woman was. And she wished the woman wasn’t as beautiful as Kayla.

  “Livvie, isn’t the cak
e as good as yesterday?”

  Trapped in her thoughts, she had forgotten to answer Drake. She took a quick bite of the cake, and the sugar exploded in her mouth. It tasted decadent, but instead of making her happy as it had yesterday, today it made her feel sad. In fact, everything at this lunch made her sad.

  “It’s delicious. Thank you.” Livvie smiled. Not the type of smile where her teeth were showing; she didn’t have energy for that.

  “If it wasn’t for you, I’m not sure I would have hired the baker.”

  “Why?”

  They stared at each other for a moment, but Drake wasn’t the same warm man she had seen yesterday. Now his eyes were cold and distant, as if they were strangers.

  “You seemed to have enjoyed the cake yesterday, so I hired him.”

  “If I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t have hired him?”

  “Probably not. He didn’t have the strongest of resumes.”

  When it came to Drake, Livvie felt conflicted. His actions confused the hell out of her. One minute he was flirting with Kayla, and the next he was telling her he had hired the baker because of her opinion.

  “I’ve been dying for him to hire the baker at my country club. He makes the most phenomenal desserts. And he has recently moved out west,” Kayla chimed in, much to Livvie’s infuriation.

  “And I was scheduled to meet him next week,” Drake added.

  “But unfortunately he was too late.”

  So they were finishing each other’s sentences? This felt wrong.

  “You could still hire him,” Livvie suggested.

  Drake looked at her, and for a split second she saw warmth return to his eyes. And then, just like that, it disappeared.

  “From the way you were devouring the cake and scones yesterday, I thought I had found the one.”

  Drake lifted one eyebrow, as if he were daring her to issue a comeback. But what could she say? Besides, she didn’t think the baker was the one. Deep down, she had thought maybe Drake was.

  When she failed to respond, Drake turned his head away from her and continued speaking with Kayla. After a few more dreadful minutes, he spoke to Stephan. Then Mr. Birkshire came back in and poured more wine in everyone’s glasses. Everyone had a comment.

  “This one tastes like vanilla.”

  “This wine tastes like licorice.”

  “This one is divine and would give Bordeaux a run for their money.”

  And then everyone was comparing Burgundy wines to Bordeaux wines, and so on and so forth. Livvie simply sat there and smiled when appropriate, but other than that, she remained silent. She only cared about Drake’s wines because he had created them. From now on, no matter how painful it would be, she would only drink Morganthal wines. Luckily for her, not all of his wines were expensive.

  She noticed Stephan glancing at her every so often, and mostly, those were the moments when she smiled. Other than that, Drake ignored her. Kayla only had eyes for Drake, and Melanie was drunk and flirting shamelessly with her husband. Livvie thought it must be nice to A) have a husband, and B) flirt shamelessly at a lunch because you were drunk.

  When there were no more bottles of wine left, and everyone was sipping what remained in their glasses, Livvie rose, ready to exit. She was nervous to be the first, but she didn’t fit in at this table. Everyone was nice, and she had enjoyed their company, but she couldn’t stand watching Drake and Kayla flirt and touch each other.

  So she made an excuse about wanting to take a walk after the meal. She smiled as warmly as she could.

  “It’s been a pleasure meeting you all,” she said.

  There were a few murmured responses, and everyone returned her smile. A moment later, she left the room, managing to avoid Drake’s gaze altogether, but she felt his eyes on her as she walked out the door. What did he expect? That she would stay until the end and continue to be tormented, watching him and Kayla? No way would she subject herself to that willingly. She came to eat lunch. Not to be humiliated or shamed.

  The second Livvie left the dining room and stepped into the entrance hall, she sighed with relief. She had gotten through the horrid lunch and without visibly falling apart. No tears. Nobody had made a scene. She’d suffered in silence. Livvie reached the stairs, dying to go to her room, when a hand touched her arm. She jumped, not because she was scared but because she didn’t want anyone to physically touch her.

  “I’m sorry, Livvie. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  Livvie turned, relieved to see Stephan and not Drake. She honestly didn’t know what she would have done if it had been Drake, especially if he touched her.

  “Oh, that’s totally fine. I was just in my head.” Livvie smiled at him.

  “I’m sorry about how badly my sister behaved.”

  Livvie could see the compassion in his eyes, and she hated that.

  “Please don’t. Drake and I aren’t together. And I think they make a beautiful couple.”

  “They’re not together, either.”

  “But I’m sure after this afternoon they will be.” Livvie turned around, no longer wanting to talk about Drake’s love life. She also had no intention of breaking down in front of a man she had only just met.

  “Wait. Please.”

  Already on the middle of the stairs, she stopped climbing and turned back toward Stephan. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and she shouldn’t be taking her frustration out on him. He had only been nice to her.

  “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little tired from all the wine.”

  “That’s a lie. I think you’re tired of watching Drake and my sister flirting.”

  “And there’s that,” Livvie said as she looked down at her hand gripping the banister.

  “They’ve been friends for years. I don’t know what got into my sister today.”

  Livvie walked back down the stairs and rubbed her hand on his arm.

  “Hey, it’s okay if they want to be together. They’re adults.”

  “But she’s usually distant when it comes to men. She likes them worshipping and pursuing her. Today, she was pursuing Drake.”

  “And you’re surprised?” Livvie laughed. Well, she tried to laugh, anyway. It came out as more of a humph.

  “I guess women find him good looking,” Stephan said quietly.

  “Yes, women find him very good looking.”

  “I don’t know why.”

  “What do you mean?” Livvie’s hand rested on his arm.

  “I think it’s odd that women would be attracted to a man who has a track record of breaking women’s hearts.”

  Livvie dropped her hand. He was right. But she had fallen for him anyway, as many women, including Kayla, had done.

  “You’re right,” Livvie whispered.

  “Well then maybe I can give you my phone number, so you know what it’s like to be with a different type of man.”

  Livvie swallowed. “And what kind of man is that?”

  “A man who isn’t afraid of a commitment. I’ve had long-term relationships before, Livvie. I just haven’t met the right woman to marry, but I’m open to the idea.”

  Livvie smiled. “And you’re good looking, too.”

  They both laughed, easing the tension until Stephan became serious again.

  “Will you take my phone number? I live in New Jersey. And you?”

  “Los Angeles.”

  “I think you’re beautiful and warm. I enjoyed the short time Veronica let us sit next to each other. I’d like to get to know you better.”

  Livvie inhaled deeply, as she tried to figure out the right thing to do. Although he was a really nice, successful, and handsome man, he wasn’t Drake. She’d only known Drake a few days, so her feelings didn’t make sense, but it didn’t make them any less real. And even though she knew the chances of Drake being her future husband were slim, she wasn’t healthy enough within herself to date another man. She wasn’t talking about forever, only for now.

  “I’m sorry, Stephan,” she said. “I don’t think I�
��m the woman you deserve.”

  “Right now,” he responded.

  She nodded. “Right now, I have a few things I need to figure out, and it’s not only about a man.”

  Stephan gently touched her hair. “I think you’re wrong. You are the woman I deserve, but for now, I will give you what you need.”

  Livvie didn’t know what to say to that, so she smiled softly. She felt relieved that she didn’t take his phone number, even as he walked out of the entrance hall and didn’t look back. Stephan was a great guy, but it would have been wrong to take his phone number when her mind and heart were all jumbled.

  It felt good to do the right thing. It felt better that she took care of her own needs. Maybe she was getting back to her old self. Just that alone made coming here worth it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Stephan left, Livvie ran up to her room, stopping momentarily when she saw Drake’s bedroom door. She placed her hand on the doorknob as if she was touching Drake. Her heart felt like it was aching, as sadness consumed her. Drake touched this doorknob every day and slept behind this very door. Then she touched his wooden door and closed her eyes. When the week had started, she didn’t think she’d be this torn about leaving and never seeing him again. But with only three days left she was a complete emotional mess. Maybe she should have chosen Plan A. Maybe then he wouldn’t have felt the need to be with Kayla. Maybe if Livvie slept with him, she’d get him out of her system. She wished she were one of those women who could sleep with a man and stay detached.

  Livvie pressed her head against the door and took a deep breath. She was dying to go inside. So fucking badly. She wanted to touch the bed he slept in and run her hands through his clothes. She knew that was inappropriate. But then suddenly, she thought, what the hell? Who cared what Drake thought of her? Who cared if she was invading his private space? He’d done far worse to her when he’d kissed her.

  With surprisingly steady hands, she turned the knob, but the door was locked. Livvie groaned, but deep down she knew she would be better off not going in there. He probably had cameras all over the place. Instead, she opened her own bedroom door. She closed the door, leaned against it, and closed her eyes. She was finally safe. Safe from having to watch Drake with Kayla, and safe from having to pretend she was happy in front of a group of strangers.