Risking Her Heart: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Rochelle Katzman

  Livvie plopped down in her big, fluffy chair and placed the bag of scones on the coffee table. Then she slumped back on the chair with her hands hanging over the arms and closed her eyes. Already, she missed Morganthal Winery like crazy. Or maybe she just missed Drake.

  She must have dozed off because when her text message went off, she literally jumped in her chair. When she opened her eyes, she thought she was still at Morganthal Winery, but then reality hit her. And an intense feeling of despair consumed her. Yet she knew how the mourning process worked. On day one it was hard to breathe because the sadness was so overwhelming, but each day would become better. She would get through this. She had survived through all of her other disappointments.

  She found her purse, which was by her suitcase, and grabbed her cellphone. She remembered turning on her cell when her plane landed, but she had been too tired and depressed to check her messages. Sitting back down in her chair, Livvie took a deep breath, ready to face her life again.

  Glancing down at her screen, she sucked in a breath, and her heart flipped. The text was from Drake. She wouldn’t have known it was from him except in the scone bag Mr. Birkshire had left a note with both his cellphone number and Drake’s. She’d thought it odd that there wasn’t anything else on the note, but she had been touched by his gesture. She had no intention of calling either one of them, but now she felt thrown. She had assumed there would be no further contact. Or maybe he had sent a message out of nothing more than politeness. After all, he was a gentleman, and this text was definitely the gentlemanly thing to do.

  Livvie read and reread the text about ten times.

  Please let me know when you arrive home safely.

  There was nothing emotional about his text. No, I miss you, or, I miss you more than life itself or come back…I realize I can’t live without you, or, you are my soul mate. So Livvie exhaled and responded in the same tone.

  I’m home safe. Thank you for asking.

  She placed the phone against her heart and closed her eyes. There, that was it. Now he would go on with his day and never text her again. A tear slid down her cheek, but she didn’t care. She had cried in her car, in the airport, and on the taxi ride to her house.

  She gripped the phone a little tighter, and then she felt it vibrate. Her heart did a little leap. She immediately checked to see if it was Drake, and it was!

  The week was beautiful and perfect. Just like you.

  He went there, thought Livvie. He actually went there.

  She quickly typed a reply.

  Thank you. I thought the week was beautiful and perfect, just like you, too.

  She hit “send” and then groaned. Had her response been lame? Maybe she should have come up with something more original. She sighed. Yeah, her response was stupid.

  Once again, the phone vibrated.

  That’s good to know.

  Livvie stared at her phone. Was she supposed to respond to that? What could she even say? So instead, she took a deep breath and didn’t text back. She hated being the last person who texted, especially with a man. Now she had no idea if or when she would hear from him. Livvie sighed. It would be best if she never heard from him again. That way she would heal faster.

  Needing to keep herself out of her head, she finally played her voicemail.

  God, Livvie thought, Carly is definitely going to kill me.

  There were six messages from her, all absolutely frantic. Then she received a message from her mom, checking in on her, and three messages from Zach. The last one was enough to make her want to stay in bed for rest of the week. And these latest messages didn’t include the messages she’d played the first few days at Drake’s. But Zach’s last message was the worst.

  “Hey, Livvie,” he said, “Look, I know you’re not returning my calls for whatever fucking reason, but I miss you. I miss us, baby. Where are you? Why are you not calling me back? I know I fucked up. I know it, baby, but don’t ruin what we have. I love you. I love you, Liv. Please talk to me. Just talk to me. I can come over anytime, day or night. Please, Liv. I need you. I love you.”

  Livvie wished with her entire heart and soul that Drake had left her that message. But Drake wouldn’t leave a message like that. But then again, his text messages were really nice, so maybe there was hope?

  Livvie sighed. Drake wouldn’t leave a voicemail like that. From the text he sent, it sounded as if he was done with her. They had a great week, and now it was time to move on. But she had no idea how to do that, especially being unemployed. At least if she had a job maybe it would help her get over him. Maybe it would give her something else to think about.

  Why had Livvie slept with another unavailable alpha-male? Because there was a side to him that was humble, caring, and warm. But he still didn’t want a commitment. Her next man needed to be humble, caring, warm, and ready to commit. She was getting closer, though, right?

  Livvie quickly called her mom to let her know she was okay, which ended up being a lot more difficult than Livvie had thought. Her mom knew her well, and it was hard to cover up her emotions. And there was no way she wanted to start crying on the phone. Then she would have to explain everything. She ended the call with the excuse of having a headache due to the hot flight, and then she went into her kitchen to grab her emergency pint of Heath Bar Crunch ice cream. Unfortunately, someone was knocking on her door, and she wasn’t ready to see anyone.

  “Livvie, I know you’re in there!”

  Livvie sighed. She should have called back Carly the minute she got home. It was wrong of her to make her best friend worry. Carly had a way of knowing what was going on inside Livvie’s mind, even if Livvie didn’t. So she placed the ice cream on the kitchen counter, ran her hands through her hair, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

  “Hi, Carly.” Livvie put on the best smile she could.

  “Oh, God, you look like shit. What the hell happened to you?” Carly walked right past Livvie and plopped down on the couch. “So are you just going to stand there, or are you going to grab the ice cream on the counter in the kitchen, sit your ass down, and tell me why you haven’t called me all week?” Carly softened her words with a grin.

  Livvie sighed. She could never escape the wrath of Carly even if she tried. And she didn’t try. She loved Carly. They had been best friends since childhood. Then when Carly was fifteen, her dad had gotten a job in Los Angeles editing movies, and Carly had moved. Livvie had been devastated, but they’d remained closer than ever. Carly had been one of the main reasons Livvie had wanted to move to Los Angeles after the whole Liam incident. Knowing Carly was here made everything much easier. She was like a sister, and Livvie trusted Carly with everything. Livvie didn’t have a lot of female friends. She found most women competitive and had no time for that, but Carly was always legitimately happy for Livvie when things went well for her and sad for her when things turned to shit. They had such a special friendship, and Livvie had no intention of ruining it by lying to her, so she walked back into the kitchen, grabbed two bowls, two spoons, and a bunch of napkins and placed them on the coffee table. She then went back for the ice cream and surprised Carly by taking out two chocolate chip scones—one for each of them.

  “Scones! I love scones.” Carly grabbed her plate and took a bite.

  Considering the noises Carly made as she closed her eyes and chewed, Livvie would swear her friend was having an orgasm.

  “Yeah, Drake’s new baker made them.” Livvie thought that was a perfect place to start. “And you won the bet.”

  Carly stopped eating and stared at Livvie, wide eyed and obviously shocked.

  “You bitch. You saw Drake Morganthal, and you didn’t immediately call and tell me?”

  Livvie bit her bottom lip. Carly was right. Livvie should have called. “I’m sorry.”

  “And he was there for the entire week?” Carly’s mouth was practically hanging open.

  Livvie nodded. “Yes.”

  Carly sighed. “Please tell me you didn’t fall i
n love with Drake Morganthal.”

  Livvie sat down, looked at her very best friend, and started to cry. In between sobs, she began to tell Carly how she fell for another unavailable man.

  * * * * *

  Hours later, Livvie awoke to someone pounding on her door.

  “Who is it now?” she said, putting the pillow over her head. She was exhausted. After crying for hours on Carly’s shoulder, Livvie had barely been able to keep her eyes open and had passed out shortly after her friend had left.

  As the pounding on her door continued, Livvie groaned. She lay there for a few more minutes, contemplating what she should do, including calling the police. Where was Mr. Birkshire when she needed him?

  Groaning even louder, she forced herself out of bed. She was afraid the pounding would wake up her neighbors. She’d felt so much safer at Morganthal Winery. If it were some random drunk guy, she’d totally freak. Looking at her clock on her night table, she saw it was two o’clock in the morning. She wasn’t dressed appropriately for answering the door at this time of night…well, the morning. She could wrap a blanket around her shoulders, but there was a strong chance she’d call the police. If that were the case and they showed up, she’d feel a lot better if she was dressed. There was also a chance she wouldn’t answer the door at all, but it could be Carly making sure she was okay. Carly had a huge problem sleeping. Livvie was used to her coming over at weird hours.

  Her black tank top with matching silk pajama bottoms would have to do.

  Her best bet was to grab her cellphone in case she had to call someone. She hated living alone at times like this.

  Livvie picked up her cellphone from the coffee table and then tiptoed to the door. It was hot in her house, so she was sweating. Her heart was also beating like crazy. Livvie stood on her toes and looked out her peephole.

  “Oh, fuck,” Livvie said out loud. Why is Zach here, and what the fuck am I supposed to say to him? Should she leave him standing outside? No, she couldn’t do that. He would just continue pounding on her door, and then she would get in trouble with her neighbors. They weren’t the friendliest group of people. Not that it mattered. Without bringing in any money, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could afford this place anyway.

  Livvie sighed and then opened her front door. “What do you want, Zach?”

  Catching Livvie off guard, Zach pushed her away and stormed into her house.

  “Where is he?” Zach shouted.

  “Who are you talking about?”

  Zach ran his hands through his short blond hair and walked through her house as if he was looking for someone.

  “Your new man,” Zach said through a clenched jaw.

  There was something different about Zach tonight. Livvie couldn’t put her finger on it, but his behavior made her uneasy. Just in case, she left her front door open, so she could make a hasty exit if she needed to get out of there.

  “I don’t have a man, Zach.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “I never lie. You know me.” But her uneasy feeling intensified because she was kind of lying. No, she didn’t have a new man, per se, but her heart was still very much connected to Drake.

  Zach stopped walking and then stood in front of her, staring at her as if he was looking through her. This wasn’t good and so not like him. Was she safe? Zach looked at her for a few more seconds, smirked, and then walked into her bedroom. Livvie stayed still while he opened her closet door and then slammed it shut. She then heard him going into her bathroom, opening the shower door, and then closing it again. What was she supposed to do?

  Zach stormed back into her living room and grabbed her shoulders. Livvie gripped her cellphone harder.

  “If you don’t have a new man, then why have you been avoiding my calls for a whole week?”

  Zach was grinding his teeth, but it was the look in his eyes that scared her the most. They were glazed over and haunting. Livvie swallowed hard and gripped her cellphone even harder. If she could get away from him long enough, she could call the police. Something definitely wasn’t right.

  “Zach, let me go,” Livvie said quietly.

  Luckily, Zach let her go and began pacing around her living room. She sighed with relief.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, Livvie. I know that’s what you’re thinking.” Zach appeared calmer, but she still didn’t trust him. They were together for one year, and she had never felt like he would physically hurt her, but she had heard stories that he had a dark side. When they first started dating, he was five years sober from alcohol. She thought that was long enough for him to be in a relationship, but his addiction cropped up in different ways, such as cheating on her. He couldn’t be with only one woman, and she should have known better. He refused to go to therapy, and he wasn’t part of a recovery program. He had just decided one day that drinking made him sick, so he stopped. At the beginning of their relationship, he spent hours telling her stories of his past drinking habits. None of the stories were pretty, but she believed he was on a healthy path. He worked hard as a successful talent agent with many celebrity clients, and that’s how she had met him. Zach represented one of the actors on her television show…a guy she’d become friends with and who had spoken very highly of Zach. Livvie met him one day on the set, and they had clicked. At first, she wanted to just be friends with him, but their attraction was too strong. They’d started dating, but he didn’t believe in being monogamous. And foolishly, she’d thought she was different from all of his past women. That she was special. But she was wrong. Out of the blue, he’d told her that he had been with his assistant the night before…as if he had done nothing wrong. And in a way, he hadn’t, as he had made himself very clear regarding how he felt about such things, right from the beginning of their relationship.

  “That’s what you’re thinking, aren’t you, Livvie? I know you pretty well.”

  Zach’s question jarred her out of her thoughts. She had to figure out a way to get him out of her house. Her only sanctuary.

  “Yes. You scared me for a sec.” Livvie took a step back toward her front door.

  “Liv, please close the door and sit down. We need to talk.”

  Livvie’s heart began to thud. If she closed the door, how would she escape if she needed to?

  “I promise I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.” Zach ran his hands through his hair again.

  Livvie looked up into his eyes to see if he was telling her the truth. She saw tears. He was crying over her? This was getting stranger by the second. But she did believe him, as he had never hurt her physically. Why would he? Livvie inhaled, closed the door, and sat down on her big chair.

  She nodded toward the couch, indicating for him to sit down. Zach sat close enough that their knees were touching. Livvie hadn’t planned for that. She also hadn’t planned for Zach grabbing her free hand and holding it.

  “Liv, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being with other women when I was supposed to be with you.”

  Livvie looked at him but felt numb. Tears were pouring down his face.

  “Women? I thought there was only one,” she whispered.

  “No, I’m sorry. There were a few.”

  Luckily, she always insisted he use a condom, and thank goodness she had been tested when they broke up.

  “You fucked them all?”

  “No, I mainly got them off with my fingers, and they would blow me, except for one. The one I told you about.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because you scared me this week, Liv. I thought I’d lost you.”

  “Zach, we broke up four months ago.”

  “That’s not true. I mean, yes, technically, we broke up, but we continued talking. Our connection never died. And we have a rare and powerful connection, Livvie.”

  “Zach, you cheated on me over and over again, and I’m supposed to be okay with all of that?”

  “I promise you, I’ll never do that again. I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever you want.
Do you need money? I’ll put money in your account first thing tomorrow. And besides, I didn’t technically cheat. I told you right from the beginning that I’d be with other women. I thought I’d made myself clear. But if you want me to be monogamous, I will.” Zach gripped her hand harder.

  “No, I’m fine. Thank you,” she said.

  “Liv, let me explain. When I hadn’t heard from you, I felt something different when I thought of you. I felt as if there was another man around you. Like you were fucking another man. I came here every night for the last three nights, but you never answered your fucking door.” Zach’s voice became louder.

  “I wasn’t here. And can you please lower your voice? I don’t want my neighbors to hear you.”

  She shouldn’t care what they thought of her, but she did. Maybe because when she was growing up, her family was friends with all the neighbors. Here, they all ignored her, and she tried so hard to be friendly. She even baked them all brownies when she moved in. Maybe that was why they didn’t like her…she was a terrible baker. Speaking of baking, Livvie saw the bag of scones still sitting on her coffee table. She’d been too tired to clean up when Carly left earlier. Livvie needed to get Zach out of her house. It somehow felt wrong that he and the scones were in the same room.

  “Sorry. So are you going to tell me where you were?” Zach smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “I went to some charity event with Carly, and I won a raffle ticket for a week in Napa. That’s where I was,” Livvie said as nonchalantly as she could.

  “You went by yourself?”

  Zach was smart, and after dating Livvie for a year, he also knew her well.

  “Well, sort of. I mean, I stayed at a winery, and there were a lot of other people staying there, as well.” Livvie wasn’t exactly lying. Drake did have a lot of staff staying there.