Risking Her Heart: A Contemporary Romance Novel

by Rochelle Katzman

  “Did you just call me an asshole?”

  “Yes.” Livvie had to bite her bottom lip to stop from laughing.

  “Why?” Drake honestly looked surprised.

  “Why what?”

  “Why did you call me an asshole?”

  “Because you are.” The tension in the room rose. Livvie regretted saying that. He was arrogant, but he was never an asshole to her.

  Drake ran his hands through his hair and walked away from her. He paced around her living room and stopped when he reached the empty fireplace. Then he leaned against the stone wall, crossed his arms, and looked at her.

  “Do you really believe that?” His tone and demeanor had changed. His body was tense, even though he tried to appear casual, and his tone was warm, even though he looked as if she had hurt him.

  She took a deep breath. “No. Sometimes your words hurt me though.”

  He nodded as if he understood. “Or maybe my words, which I speak from a place of truth, aren’t the words you want to hear.”

  Livvie swallowed hard. “You’re right.”

  Drake nodded. “And maybe the words I’ve spoken don’t fulfill your needs.”

  “They don’t,” Livvie instantly said.

  “Then maybe I’m not the right man for you.”

  Livvie chest tightened. “There are so many reasons you’re not and so many reasons you are.”

  Drake continued to stare at her with no expression. Livvie wished she could read his mind.

  “Obviously,” Drake said while continuing to stare at her.

  “What does that mean?” Livvie asked. She hated standing there with nothing to do with her hands and her feet, but she didn’t feel comfortable enough to sit.

  “You want it all, and I’ve never given my all.”

  Livvie blinked, unsure of where he was heading. “But it seemed from what you said earlier that there’s a chance for us.”

  “Have you thought about what I told you?”

  “I’m still processing.” Livvie’s heart beat wildly.

  Drake nodded. “So do you trust me, Olivia?”

  “I want to try,” she whispered. It was funny that earlier Blake had asked Haley the same thing.

  Drake smirked. “There’s no trying. You either trust me or you don’t.”

  Livvie wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. At this point in her Blake and Haley story, he had proposed marriage to her. Drake wasn’t even close. Still, she had a battle to fight. “But you need to earn it, Drake. You can’t expect me to trust you if I’m constantly thinking you’re going to leave me.”

  “I’m not Liam or Zach.” Drake’s eyes remained fixed on hers.

  Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them away. She had to stay strong.

  “And I’m not one of your famous actresses or models.”

  Drake’s eyebrow rose.

  Livvie swallowed. “Why are you here, Drake?”

  Without blinking an eye, he responded. “Because of the texts you sent me earlier. You were in your head. And knowing you the way that I do, I know that’s a dangerous place for you to be.”

  She looked down her hands. “I only asked you about the woman I saw on the magazine cover.”

  Drake smiled softly. “But you wanted to ask me so much more, and you didn’t.”

  Livvie nodded, but she felt as if he wasn’t telling her the whole truth.

  “Why else are you here?”

  “To negotiate with you.”

  “Why? I thought you didn’t negotiate. I thought you always got what you wanted.”

  Drake nodded and then smirked. “I want you, but you have trust issues.”

  “And I want you, but you’re not willing to have a real relationship with me.”

  “Which is why we’re negotiating.”

  She bit her bottom lip. “How?”

  Drake paused, and his eyes darkened “Come here.” With the crook of his finger he motioned for her to come.

  Livvie anxiously walked toward him. She was clenching and unclenching her hands unconsciously, and only noticed when her nails dug into her palm too deeply.

  When she stood a foot away from him, she stopped. Drake had other plans because he grabbed her, picked her up, and pushed her against the stone wall. It hurt her bare arms, but she didn’t care. Her body was pulsing so strongly that she could barely feel the pain. She wrapped her legs around him, and he pushed into her even closer.

  “I want you, Olivia. I want you so fucking much. You’re the hottest fucking woman I’ve ever seen.” He pressed his lips against hers and seductively moved them. But the moment the kiss intensified, he pulled back and looked her straight in the eye.

  “So you see, we have a problem. And I’ve figured out a solution.”

  Livvie smiled. She couldn’t help herself. “What happened to us negotiating?”

  Drake’s answer was to move his hand under her tank top until he found her hard nipple. He moved her bra up, so he could get better access, and then he pulled her nipple and circled it in between his fingers. It felt so good that Livvie moaned.

  “So this is what I’m thinking.” He continued the torture on her nipple and then moved to her other one. “You stay here, in my cottage, for the remainder of the time it takes to finish writing my mother’s book, which I assume will be at least a month. And we will fuck. In your bedroom. In mine. In the vineyard. Wherever I fucking want. And if you don’t want to stay in my guest cottage, you can have the room next to mine, the room you stayed in when you came for the week.” He moved away from her nipples and began to unzip her jeans.

  Livvie’s vagina clenched. She had to think clearly, but she didn’t want Drake to stop.

  “Drake, that’s not really negotiating. You’re giving us an expiration date.”

  Drake moved his hand inside her jeans and pressed firmly against her wet crotch, leaving her panties as the only barrier of protection.

  “You’re wrong.” He pressed his hand even firmer.

  She grabbed his shoulders and pulled her chest back, trying to create a little distance between them.

  “I’m right. After I’m done writing the book, we’ll be finished, too.”

  “We can see what happens after that. See what the universe has in store for us.”

  Livvie dropped her legs and pushed him away, forcing his hand to leave her pussy. And then she stepped away from him. Not far but enough so she could think.

  “How can you expect me to trust you if we’re going to wait and ‘see what happens’?”

  She tried to say the last part in his dominating tone.

  Drake ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t promise you anything.”

  “But you’ll try,” she said in a lot stronger voice than she felt.

  He nodded. “Yes, I’ll try. But you’re trying to lock me into a future.”

  “I see.” Livvie paused. “Then how is that any different from me trying to trust you?”

  “Because we’ll be making each other feel good. I’ll make you come more than you could ever have imagined.”

  Livvie rolled her eyes. “That’s exactly what a normal man would say. And yet I thought you were extraordinary. I thought you were the one man I could learn to trust, and that the love I feel for you was returned.” She blurted the words without really thinking, but she did love him. He was offering her nothing but fucking without a real relationship, and she wanted everything. They both couldn’t try. They had to be all in for this to work.

  Drake stormed to her door. Livvie stood there dumbfounded. She had just told him she loved him, and he wanted to leave her like this.

  “What happened to our negotiations?” she said with a desperate tone as his hand was on the doorknob. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave, she repeated over and over in her head.

  He opened the door but he stopped before he walked out without even turning around to look at her.

  “They stopped the minute you said you loved me.”

  And then h
e walked out and slammed the door behind him. Livvie stood there stunned. What was she supposed to do now? She ran to her door and opened it, but he was long gone. He wanted her, but he wasn’t willing to love her. And that was the answer she had been looking for when she came here. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the one she wanted, nor was it her idea of the perfect ending.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Hours later, Livvie knew what she needed to do. She wasn’t happy about it, but what choice did she have? Once again she was at a crossroads. Either road she took would lead to heartbreak.

  She could sleep with Drake for the next month. She may even be able to stretch it out a little longer, but then what would happen? They would try the long-distance thing. But if no commitment were made, they would soon die out. What was the use in trusting him if he wasn’t going to be part of her life anyway? And God knew what he was thinking since she’d blurted out that she loved him.

  Livvie sighed. Once again, she had to choose between Plan A or Plan B. Plan A had so many more possibilities. It wasn’t as if she was expecting Drake to marry her, but if he would commit to making them work, she could move out of Los Angeles. She didn’t need to be there to write novels. She could move to Napa, rent a small house, and not have a long-distance relationship with him at all. The possibilities were endless.

  Instead, Livvie stared at her phone sitting on the coffee table. It wouldn’t be fair to call Veronica. She had been so supportive and kind. Livvie needed to tell her in person. And if that meant having to go up to the castle again, she would.

  With her decision made, she ran to the castle, holding her head up high.

  But this time when she entered, Mr. Birkshire wasn’t there to greet her. The energy in the castle felt different. Less warm. More intimidating. She had felt safe for the week she had stayed here, and now she felt the complete opposite.

  “You’re only here for one of two reasons. You either want to clobber my son, or you want to tell me you’re leaving.”

  Livvie opened her mouth and then closed it. Veronica sighed dramatically.

  “Come, my dear. Let’s sit on the couch and talk.”

  Livvie followed her to the living room, and they sat on opposite ends of the large, brown leather couch.

  “Okay, out with it.” Veronica scooted closer to Livvie and grabbed her hand.

  Livvie was thinking of a way to tell Veronica that she had to leave without insulting her son.

  “I think I should finish your book at my house in Los Angeles. I think it’ll be easier.” There, she’d said it.

  Veronica smiled. “Of course it would be easier, Livvie.”

  Livvie swallowed. “So…you’re okay with it?”

  Veronica laughed. “It’s not for me to be okay with or not to be okay with. It’s up to you.” Veronica paused and squeezed Livvie’s hand. “But in my opinion, brilliant women like us should never do what’s easier. We should fight for what’s rightfully ours.”

  Livvie looked down at their joined hands. Veronica was not letting her off the hook as Livvie had hoped.

  “Drake wants to be with me, but he gave us another expiration date.”

  Veronica laughed again. “Of course he did, my dear. Because that’s what’s easier for him.” She gently brushed Livvie’s hair away from her eye. “Let me tell you something. Love isn’t easy. I’ve learned that lesson. But if you love someone, you have to choose not what is best for you, but what’s best for the both of you.”

  “I understand, but he’s asking me to give him my heart and soul for as long as I’m writing your book, and he said that at that point, we’ll see what happens.”

  Veronica nodded. “And how do you think he’ll be at the end of the month, after the two of you have had the chance to bond more? Do you think he’ll be able to let you go?”

  “He did last time.”

  She squeezed her hand again. “I disagree. When he thought Zach was stalking you and giving you a hard time, he left his precious vineyard and flew down to rescue you.”

  “But then he left,” Livvie chimed in.

  “But he wasn’t actually done with you like he said he would be at the end of the week.”

  Livvie thought about that. “No, he wasn’t.”

  “So how do you think he’ll be at the end of the month or at the end of three months, even? A lot has happened in my life, Livvie, and, frankly, I don’t think one month will be enough.”

  Livvie exhaled. “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that if I were you, I wouldn’t take the easy way out. If you truly love my son, I suggest you fight for him. I wouldn’t be a coward and leave if I were you.”

  “He wants me to trust him.”

  “Then trust him.”

  “But I’m scared,” Livvie blurted out.

  “Of course you are. But are you going to allow fear to dictate your life? Are you going to allow Zach and Liam to ruin your love life?”

  Livvie had never thought about it that way, but Veronica was right. Zach and Liam were both in her past. Livvie deserved to have a fresh start. She inhaled deeply and leaped into Veronica’s arms, giving her a huge hug.

  “Thank you, Veronica.” Because of her, Livvie was choosing Plan A. And wasn’t that what her heart had wanted all along?

  Veronica hugged Livvie back and then left her on the couch to contemplate her next move. But before Livvie told Drake she would accept his so-called negotiations that were hopefully still on the table, there was a certain room in his house she needed to see.

  * * * * *

  Walking up the grand staircase felt surreal. It was amazing to think that two months ago she had walked up these steps, pretending this was her home. At the time, she knew it was an illusion but a beautiful one.

  As she walked down the hallway leading to her old room, she stared straight ahead at Drake’s bedroom door. She walked extra quietly in case he was inside. It would feel extremely awkward if he happened to come out of his bedroom. She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to see where she had stayed that week. She simply knew she had to. So she decided to trust her intuition.

  When she reached the closed door, she gently turned the knob to see if it was locked. She assumed it would be, but the knob turned. Her heart beat wildly as she slowly opened the door.

  “I was wondering when you’d make it up here.”

  On hearing Drake’s voice, Livvie jumped and gasped at the same time.

  “Drake, you scared me half to death.”

  “I can see that.”

  Drake was standing by the window, facing her and looking as gorgeous as ever. He had changed into a black polo shirt and a pair of darker jeans. His arm muscles looked so good she wanted to bite them. But then she remembered she was technically trespassing on private property.

  “I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”

  Drake took a step toward her. Luckily, there was still plenty of room between them. She couldn’t think when he was near. She couldn’t breathe, either. Maybe she shouldn’t have trusted her intuition after all.

  “Please, you don’t have to leave on my account.”

  Livvie nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay then.” She agreed only because if she left, she’d look like a coward. And those days were gone.

  Drake turned away and looked back out of the window, which overlooked his magnificent vineyard.

  “Is there a reason you’re here?” he asked, still not looking at her.

  “I missed this room, I guess. And I felt an incredible need to see it.”

  “For one last time?”

  He still wasn’t facing her, which made her feel uneasy. At least if he faced her, she could see his eyes and gage what he was thinking.

  “No, Drake. Not for one last time.” She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, she spoke. “I want to accept your offer, if it’s still on the table.”

  Drake turned around so quickly her breath caught in her throat. She stared into his hypnotic eyes, hoping for
some answers, but the intensity she saw was too much for her to take in. A feeling of emotional exhaustion consumed her. The feeling was so strong that she walked over to the lavender and white bed she’d slept in two months ago and sat down on the edge of it.

  “Why?” Drake asked.

  Livvie took a deep breath. His power, which radiated off of him in waves, surrounded her and engulfed her, trapping her. She gripped onto the edge of the bed, hoping it would help keep her steady and emotionally balanced. Who was she kidding? Feeling steady and balanced in a room with Drake Morganthal wasn’t an option. He had asked her a question, and he expected an answer. No, he had demanded one.

  Livvie inhaled. “Because I love you.”

  Drake exhaled. “And you believe love is enough to sustain a relationship?”

  Livvie ran her hands through her hair and turned her head away from him, looking anywhere in the room but at him. He was right. Her love wasn’t enough because he didn’t love her back. It hurt when Zach had told her he didn’t love her, but Drake not loving her back put hurt into a different category altogether.

  “I wouldn’t know.” Livvie swallowed hard and turned her head back in his direction. “I’ve only felt this way with you. And it feels enough to me.”

  Drake raised his eyebrow.

  “What about Liam and Zach? You loved them, too.”

  So he was jealous. And that alone was the confirmation she needed to take this risk.

  “I did, but not to the degree I feel for you.” Speaking her truth was harder than she thought, and she had only scratched the surface.

  “Then why are you stooping so low as to sleep with me for a minimum of a month when I’m not guaranteeing you a future?” Drake asked.

  Livvie clasped her hands in her lap and began telling her story of what she’d been through without him for the last six weeks. This was the best way to answer his questions.

  “When you left my house six weeks ago, not even an hour later, I received a visit from Stephan Brenson.” Livvie watched Drake clench his jaw as anger filled his dark-green eyes.

  “I’ll kill him,” he said.

  Livvie smiled. “You’ll do no such thing. Nothing happened. He wanted to start something with me, but I told him my heart was still with you.”