If We Fall

by K. M. Scott

  Cayden’s eyelids slowly fluttered closed, and within seconds, he was fast asleep like his mother a few feet away. I left him lying there peaceful and looking like an angel and took Serena in my arms to carry her back to bed.

  Just before I reached our room, she opened her eyes and asked in a groggy voice, “Did you put a diaper on Cayden?”

  “I got it covered. He’s dry and fast asleep already.”

  Happy to hear that, she curled up in my arms and lay her head on my shoulder. “Good. Thank you.”

  By the time we reached the bed, she had fallen back to sleep, so I gently set her down and covered her legs with the blanket. I stripped out of my clothes and slid under the covers next to her, pulling her close because I needed the feel of her body next to mine.

  Everything those FBI guys said repeated in my mind as I lay there with her in my arms. I couldn’t lose her and our son. Whatever I had to do to keep them safe and keep me with them I’d do, but every time I tried to convince myself that I could turn on Robert after all he’d done to us, one thing kept coming up to haunt me.

  If he found out about my turning on him for the FBI, he’d kill me for certain, but what would he do to Serena? I’d thought he would simply marry her off to another man who could benefit his business, but I’d forgotten about one important thing.

  His obsession with Cayden.

  Now I feared he’d marry her off to someone else and take our son from her to raise him on his own, just as he had done with her and Janelle when he sent Alita away.

  Could I risk that happening and undoubtedly crushing Serena when it did? She’d never recover from the loss of Cayden after losing me.

  I closed my eyes to force back the tears at the reality in front of me now. I couldn’t gamble on that future never happening, but what choice did I have? Either I did as the FBI wanted and risked Robert ruining all three of our lives, or I let them send me away and the same thing would happen.

  It wasn’t a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea. It was no choice at all. Either way, Serena and Cayden might be hurt, and I’d be the one to blame.

  My past had finally caught up with me. Now it was just a matter of who would suffer because of it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ryder

  The sound of a police siren woke me from a deep sleep, and I bolted straight up in bed, barely awake but terrified. My heart slammed into my ribs at the fear that after my meeting with those agents just a few hours before, I’d set my future in stone.

  I turned to my left and saw an empty spot where Serena would normally be. Did she get up to take care of Cayden? I hadn’t heard the baby monitor make any noise. Was she in the shower?

  Thoughts of how to protect Serena and Cayden raced through my mind. They’d have to leave immediately. Robert would try to stop her from taking the baby away, but if I created enough chaos as they arrested me, she might be able to get away.

  Fuck! Why didn’t I tell her about the bank account I’ve been filling with every spare dime? How will I get all that information down before they take me away?

  I leapt from the bed and searched frantically for my clothes. What the fuck had I done with my clothes when I got back from the store? I couldn’t find them, so I just grabbed a shirt and pants from the hamper and threw them on, desperate to find Serena before the police got me.

  The shower wasn’t running and the bathroom was empty, so I ran down the hallway to the nursery and found her on the floor with the baby playing peekaboo with him. It never failed to make me smile when I watched her cover her eyes and Cayden looked up at her with worry in his eyes because she seemed to disappear before she showed him she was still there with him and squealed, “Peekaboo! Mommy’s here!”

  She turned around and smiled sweetly at me. “Look who came to visit, Cayden? Daddy’s here!”

  I hurriedly picked up my son and held him in my arms as Serena stood from the floor, clearly not understanding why I’d interrupted their game of peekaboo. She touched my arm, and I looked down at her to see confusion in her eyes.

  How the hell would I get to say everything I needed to before they came for me?

  “Ryder, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s going on?” she asked in a voice full of fear.

  I cradled Cayden’s head and kissed him on the cheek before turning to face her. “I need you to know some things before…”

  The rest of my words got trapped in my throat as the baby pushed his tiny fingers against my face and made babbling sounds like the feel of my morning stubble amused him. Damnit, I needed to get my head together and keep my fucking emotions under control so she knew what I had to tell her.

  “Did something happen? What’s wrong, Ryder?” Serena asked, clinging to my forearm as she waited for me to explain.

  The look of desperate fear in her eyes made my chest ache. How could I go on living if she wasn’t by my side?

  “I’ve done a lot of bad things, Serena…” I began and then the words got lost.

  “Ryder, I know what you’ve done. You’re not that person now. What’s this all about? Did you have another one of those nightmares?”

  Quickly, I hatched a plan. It was stupid and careless, but if that’s what it had to be to keep her and Cayden in my life, then that’s the way it had to be.

  “We need to hurry. Get the baby dressed and then get yourself ready. Nothing too elaborate. Just a few necessities.”

  Serena shook her head in disbelief. “What? You aren’t even wearing shoes, Ryder. Why do we need to go somewhere now? What’s going on?”

  “We just have to go. I’ll explain later. Right now, we have to leave here,” I said as I laid Cayden down on the changing table to get him dressed.

  I grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and began wrestling with him to get them on his body. Serena stood next to me staring at us and shaking her head.

  Turning to look at her, I pointed at the stack of diapers I’d just brought home a few hours earlier. “We’re going to need those, so stuff as many as you can into his diaper bag. Actually, just go get dressed. I can handle things in here.”

  She placed her hand on mine to stop me. “Tell me what’s wrong. Don’t leave me in the dark. I’m not some child. I can handle whatever you have to tell me.”

  “We don’t have time for this, Serena!” I yelled, frightening her and Cayden.

  A look of pure hurt settled into her face as the baby began crying. I hung my head while regret for what I’d done coursed through me. I just wanted to get us away from this place before the police took me away. I never meant to upset her or Cayden.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. We just need to get away from here before everything goes bad.”

  Gently, she rubbed my back. “What do you mean? What’s going to go bad? What happened?”

  The sound of footsteps outside in the hallway made my body stiffen, and I pulled Serena close. I hadn’t moved fast enough, and now they were at the door. I’d refused to turn on Robert, and the FBI did just what they said they could.

  I’d lived on borrowed time for months, and now that was all about to end.

  Pressing a kiss to the top of Serena’s head, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I have an account at Sun Bank. The account number is written on a piece of paper I hid in the back of my sock drawer. I put a checkbook in the box you put all the stuff from the hospital on the shelf in Cayden’s closet. There’s enough in the account to help you for a while. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. I really am, Serena.”

  She looked up at me and I saw the tears well in her eyes. “Why are you telling me this? Are you leaving me? Why? Why would you leave me and Cayden?”

  A knock at the door made my blood run cold, and I held her tightly to me. “I love you, Serena. I don’t want to go. I hope you know that.”

  I heard the door open and turned around to see Robert standing in the doorway. Studying his expression, I found nothing to say he felt
the least bit upset about me being hauled away for what I’d done.

  “Ryder, I need to speak to you alone.”

  I didn’t know what he wanted to talk to me about or how he’d gotten the police to wait until we had this conversation, but I couldn’t keep hiding out in my son’s nursery. I needed to face the consequences for what I’d done.

  Looking down at Serena, I hated seeing the sadness in her eyes. I’d put that sadness there. I’d never meant to hurt her like this. Fuck, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I was supposed to protect her from being hurt. Now I was the reason for that look in her eyes.

  I held her by the shoulders and took a deep breath before I whispered, “Remember what I said about Sun Bank. Take care of Cayden, and get away from here as soon as you can, okay?”

  She opened her mouth to say something, but I just shook my head. I didn’t want Robert knowing Serena might have a way to finally escape from this place.

  I gave Cayden one last kiss as my emotions began to unravel inside me. Christ, I might never see him again. “I’m sorry, bud. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

  Then without looking at Serena because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I turned and followed Robert out into the hallway. I stopped dead at the stairs when I didn’t see any police waiting for me. He said nothing and silently walked to his office, so I did the same.

  I found him standing at the bar making a drink. Since it was barely nine o’clock in the morning on a Saturday, it seemed strange that he’d already be drinking his bourbon and branch. Maybe he was toasting my leaving.

  “Where are they?” I asked, looking around his office for where he had them waiting.

  He turned around and shook his head. “Who?”

  “The cops, Robert. I heard the sirens before when they came onto the estate,” I said, nervously clutching the back of one of those red leather chairs.

  Once he finished making his drink, he slowly walked to his desk and sat down in his chair. He extended his arm to offer me a seat and tilted the glass up to his lips.

  “Sit.”

  I did as he ordered and waited impatiently for the news of when the cops would swoop in and take me away. He seemed disinterested in saying much of anything, though, and simply stared straight ahead for nearly a minute before turning his focus to me.

  “My wife is dead. They found her this morning.”

  I realized I’d been sitting up perfectly straight and holding my breath, and now I sagged against the back of the chair as a mixture of relief and utter sadness threatened to overwhelm me. Alita was dead. That’s what the police had been there about. Not to take me away but to tell him she was dead.

  “How? How did this happen?”

  He shrugged. “A home invasion in the middle of the night. The young man who lived with her was found dead too.”

  My mouth dropped open, and I sat there in shock as what he said sunk in. He’d killed her. He’d found her even after I tried so hard to keep where she was a secret and killed her and Michael.

  Had I been sloppy, too confident and led him right to her? I sat there rethinking every time I spoke to Alita. She only called on the secret phone Serena and I used between ourselves. I’d made sure that every time Serena went to see her that Robert and his men were gone from the estate.

  I’d been so sure we were being careful, but somehow he’d found her and he’d finally done what he’d threatened so often to do.

  “You look upset, Ryder. Considering you never knew my wife, I have to assume your emotion is for me.”

  He knew damn well I’d cared for Alita. He knew I’d been the one to get her out of that house before Jesse arrived to do the job he’d been ordered to do by the very man who sat in front of me right now pretending to be upset over his wife’s death. And he knew I’d helped Serena and the baby see Alita.

  Pleased with how he’d taunted me, he said, “I need to tell my daughters about their mother’s untimely passing.”

  “I think this news needs to come from me with Serena. Let me tell her.”

  “Hmmm…you might be right. Fine. You can be the one to tell her. I’ll handle telling Janelle, and then I have to make the arrangements for the funeral.”

  He sounded like he was looking forward to that, like he used to when he gave those parties we all attended. My stomach turned at the thought of him playing the grieving husband in front of all his friends when he’d been the one who killed her.

  I stood to leave as I struggled to keep my emotions hidden. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much what he’d done devastated me. He already seemed to be enjoying her death too much.

  * * *

  Stopping outside the nursery, I tried to think of how I would tell Serena her mother was gone. Jesus, I’d never had to say anything like this to anyone. She was going to be shattered when she heard, but I knew I had to be the one to tell her.

  I opened the door a crack and saw her standing next to the baby’s crib. After what I’d told her a few minutes before, she was already upset. How was I going to tell her this now?

  She turned around and saw me, rushing into my arms and holding me tightly. Resting her head on my chest, she said, “I thought you were leaving. What was all that about, Ryder?”

  I gently ran my hand over her hair and dreaded what I had to say. At the very least, I needed to get her away from Cayden when I broke the news.

  “Let’s go to our room, okay? We can talk there.”

  Serena tilted her head back and tried to smile. Wiping the tears from under her eyes, she nodded. “Okay. I just want to know why you said all those things.”

  Holding her hand, I walked back to our bedroom with her and prayed to God I’d find the right words to break this news to her. I remembered when the police had to tell me both my parents had been killed in that car crash. The old cop seemed more irritated than anything else that he had to be the one to tell me. He sat down in front of me and made a clucking noise like what he had to say disgusted him. Then he just blurted it out without any emotion or feeling.

  I couldn’t do that to Serena. Losing her mother again, this time forever, would be devastating. At the very least, she deserved to hear the horrible news from someone who cared how it would affect her.

  She sat down on the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them like she always did when she was afraid. Watching me with wide eyes as I closed the door and walked toward her, she looked terrified to hear what I had to say.

  If only I had to explain that I’d made a horrible mistake and thought the police were here for me.

  I sat down and kissed her softly on the lips. “I’m sorry for before. I thought it was the police coming for me because of what happened in West Virginia. I didn’t mean to upset you like that, Serena.”

  A sound like a whimper came out of her mouth, and she began to cry. “Oh, my God! But that didn’t happen? I was so worried. What did my father want with you on your day off?”

  Looking away, I searched for the right words but found none. “He had something he had to tell me.”

  “On your day off? He can’t even give you that without bothering you about something?” she asked as she took hold of my hand.

  I felt the tears begin to fill my eyes and willed them to go away, but it was no use. My heart broke for what I had to say.

  “Ryder, what’s wrong? Did my father do something?”

  The word yes echoed in my brain. Yes, he did something. He did what he’d threatened to do all this time. He killed her.

  I turned toward her and hung my head, not sure I knew how to tell her the mother she’d searched for and finally found was now gone. I looked up at her and saw the frightened look in her eyes again. I couldn’t drag this out anymore. She had to know.

  “Serena, I have something to tell you. I don’t know how to say this.”

  “What is it? Are you hurt, Ryder?”

  Shaking my head, I blew the air out of my lungs and
realized I couldn’t put it off any longer. “Alita and Michael were found dead this morning at their house. The police think it was a home invasion.”

  The words seemed to hang in the air between us, and Serena narrowed her eyes as her brain processed the news that her mother was dead. At first, she simply stared at me like she couldn’t believe what I’d said, but then she began shaking her head back and forth quickly.

  “No. No, that’s not possible. I just talked to her last night. She’s not…she’s…she’s fine. She’s okay, Ryder. Tell me she’s okay.”

  Pulling her into me, I held her tightly to me and said the words I knew I had to. “She’s gone, Serena. I’m sorry.”

  Like the news took everything out of her, she slumped against me and began sobbing. “No! No, Ryder! Please tell me she isn’t gone. Please! She can’t be gone. She can’t be.”

  “I’m sorry, Serena. I’m so sorry.”

  I held her as she cried like a baby, her body wracked with the total sadness that came from losing someone you loved. I wanted to fix this for her, to protect her from this, but I couldn’t. All I could do was hold her in my arms as wave after wave of grief rolled over her.

  “Please, tell me it’s all a mistake,” she sobbed into my shoulder. “Tell me they made a mistake. I can’t go on without her, Ryder. It has to be a mistake.”

  “If I could tell you that, I would,” I said quietly, stroking her back as she began to cry again. “I wish I could.”

  “After all the time I had to wait to find her, she’s gone. She’s really gone.”

  I wanted to say all the right things. To find a way to make her pain go away. But my sadness at losing Alita mixed with Serena’s and the rage I wanted to hide from her about what Robert had done, so I sat there not saying anything.

  Then when I thought she couldn’t cry anymore, she sat back away from me and began to shake her head again. “I don’t believe this was any home invasion like the police say it is. He did it. He finally did it. He killed her.”