Gode put her finger to her lips. ‘My lady comes. I will have your promise, Northman. Nothing about my little bother. No need to worry her. She has enough to keep her occupied.’
He blinked in surprise. Gode had sharper hearing than he’d credited. But he, too, could hear the slight cracking of twigs and the delicate hum of Alwynn’s voice. His heart ached to see her.
He ruthlessly ignored it. Starting something between him and Alwynn was a poor idea. It was simply because she had saved him. If it suited her purpose, she’d betray him and he could never trust her to give him her heart.
His father’s words echoed in his ears: a witch had cursed his grandfather that neither he nor any of his descendants would ever find love. Any woman they loved would never love them back.
He and his brother had refused to believe the pronouncement. His brother had been happy until his untimely death. And Valdar’s sister-in-law had grieved, but had confessed after her husband’s death that she wasn’t sure she had loved his brother in the way she should have done.
Valdar had taken a chance that the curse had lost its power and had fallen hard for Kara. But Kara had only sought friendship and a way to keep her home for her son. She’d never given him her heart. He’d been too blind to see her holding back, always giving an excuse why it could go no further than a few kisses and chaste hugs until their wedding night.
Kara’s leaving him on their wedding day had ached worse than any physical blow he’d received. And it was then he knew the curse retained its power.
He grasped Gode’s arm. ‘Will you tell her? Give me the truth, instead of riddles.’
The old lady’s gaze held his. ‘When the time is right, but such things come best from the source. No woman likes to think her lover has kept secrets. But of course they do keep secrets. Always.’
‘We’re not lovers, the Lady Alwynn and I,’ he replied. ‘And are never likely to be.’
‘Not yet.’ The old woman laughed. ‘But I saw how you watched her and she watched you. My lady is entitled to a bit of happiness, but I don’t want you breaking her heart. Promise me that as well.’
Valdar silently cursed under his breath. Gode was far too perceptive. But desiring Alwynn was different from doing something about it. Alwynn was a lady, not some common hedgerow wife. ‘I don’t understand...’
‘Will you tell my lady about me? About my illness?’
Valdar regarded the old lady’s sallow complexion, understanding finally. ‘I have no intention of doing so.’
‘Underestimate me at your peril, Warrior. You treat her right and you will have no trouble from me.’
‘A threat?’
‘Fair warning.’
Alwynn entered. Today she wore a dark green gown which set off her dark hair and made her eyes seem the exact shade of the sea on Midsummer’s day. His heart did a slight leap at the sight of her. He ruthlessly stamped it down.
Once the harvest came in, he would make his way northwards. Alwynn wouldn’t grieve when he was gone.
Something ached deep within his gut. No one would grieve. No one ever would. His sister-in-law and nephews might be sad if he never returned, but for a few weeks only. They had their lives and he had been away a long time.
There was no one waiting for him like Kara, who had carried Ash in her heart until his return seven years later. Most women didn’t give their heart like that.
His mouth twisted as he thought of his mother, how she’d waited until his father was on a voyage and then she’d divorced him, leaving him for a warrior his father had considered a close friend.
All women were alike and he would allow no woman close, least of all a woman who could betray him so completely and so utterly.
‘My lady, an unexpected pleasure.’
Chapter Six
Alwynn stopped on the threshold when she saw Valdar was up and moving about. She’d half-hoped that he would have remained in bed and that Gode would need some assistance.
‘Is something wrong, Valdar? Gode? You both are wearing guilty expressions.’
‘My lady?’ Gode asked, giving Valdar a significant look. ‘When have I ever hidden anything from you?’
‘That is no answer. Valdar?’
Valdar instantly pasted a smile on, but she saw the troubled glance he gave Gode.
The pair were definitely up to something. Maybe it was good after all that she’d come here, instead of supervising the weaving.
‘I feel better than I have since I arrived here. All appears to be healing.’ He inclined his head. ‘Thank you for asking.’
‘Your warrior is an admirable patient.’
She nodded as the pair continued to stand stiffly without saying anything.
She cleared her throat as the silence began to stretch. ‘Gode seems to have everything under control, even down to making the knit-bone poultice.’
Gode beamed, the first genuine smile she’d seen from her in a long time. ‘I still know my way around a sickroom, my lady. I was the one who first taught you the potions.’
‘How could I forget my old teacher?’
‘The poultice smells rancid,’ Valdar commented. ‘Surely something could be done about that?’
‘It appears to work better that way,’ she retorted. All the ease between them from the other day appeared to have vanished. She concentrated on the table with its multitude of wooden bowls and cups. Maybe she had simply imagined it and built it up in her mind. He had no memory of the kiss they had shared. He’d been fevered and probably thought he’d been kissing the woman whose name he’d cried out...Kara.
A dagger twisted in her stomach. She knew what Theodbald had thought about her, how she had nothing to offer a man beyond her lands, and the memory of his words rose unbidden in her mind. Valdar probably thought she’d trapped him into this.
Gode curtsied. ‘It does the job. If you were dead, you would not be able to smell it.’
‘Beyond the smell, I’ve no complaints,’ Valdar said rapidly.
‘Gode will take it under consideration...for the next time. Perhaps some lavender or rose petals?’
‘I’m not planning on getting hurt again.’
‘No one ever plans for it. Sometimes it just happens.’ She tilted her head to one side. ‘Why were you standing in the doorway earlier?’
‘If I told you that I wanted to make sure no one was coming for me, would you believe me?’
Something died a little within her. A tiny part of her had hoped that he might be watching for her. She was behaving like a young maiden, not a widow with a stepdaughter and many responsibilities. ‘Now that I see everything is under control, I should go. The weaving...’
‘Stay!’ Gode said, moving between her and the door. ‘The weaving can always wait. I need you here to keep an eye on our patient. I fear if he is not watched, he will do too much and cause more injury to himself. You know he threatened to repair the thatch on the roof.’
‘When the time is right...’ Valdar’s laugh sounded like liquid gold.
Alwynn narrowed her gaze. Gode surely couldn’t be matchmaking. She wouldn’t put it past her nurse. And she hated that Gode was obvious about it as well. As if she needed someone to matchmake for her! She was happy as she was, far happier than when she’d been married to Theodbald. Love and desire were things which happened to other women, or in bard’s songs.
‘Why? What do you have to do?’
‘My doves. My darling doves. If you will excuse me, I need to see to my doves. I have been away from them too long. It will take but a moment.’
‘Doves?’ Valdar asked.
‘Gode keeps doves instead of chickens.’
The old woman laughed. ‘They are far more reliable, my lady, and they look good on the wing. But I haven’t paid them enough attention since I returned. I had our patient to think of. Now that you are here, I will take the opportunity.’
Gode practically ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
‘I hardly need a nurse
maid,’ he said, turning his back on Alwynn. ‘You may go. When I am well enough, I will make my way to the hall to get my orders.’
Her cheeks flamed and she turned towards the table, pretending to rearrange the bowls. So much for Gode’s matchmaking. Valdar wasn’t interested. Inwardly she cringed. Why had she hoped that he would be different from Theodbald? She knew how plain she was—far too inclined to speak her mind and her neck and hands were all out of proportion. Then there was her failure to do the one thing required of a woman of her class—bear a living son.
‘Gode has decided you are her chick and need looking after. I’d hardly like to be on the wrong side of her.’ She stacked the bowls for a third time. ‘I stay for her sake, rather than yours.’
‘Just as long as you know I don’t need it.’ His voice flowed over her like honey. ‘I’m healing rapidly. When I’m well, there will be time enough to discuss your estate and what needs doing to it. If the rest of the buildings are like this one, there will be plenty to keep me busy.’
‘Are you always this stubborn? Whatever must your wife think of you?’
‘I have no wife. No children.’
She dropped a bowl and it rolled across the floor to Valdar’s feet. ‘Oh.’
He handed her the bowl back. Their fingers brushed and a tremor went up her hand. ‘Some day. My sister-in-law is always after me to settle down.’
‘Sisters-in-law can be like that.’ She cleared her throat. ‘That is to say, I hope you do find a wife one day.’
‘When the time is right...’ He tilted his head to one side. ‘Are you tired of being asked about your plans to remarry?’
She inclined her head. ‘We will speak of something else, then.’
‘Choose a subject.’
‘Oswy obviously has spread the word about my new steward. I had a visit from Lord Edwin. He explained his misgivings.’ She tossed the pestle from side to side as she rapidly explained about her meeting with the man.
She placed the pestle down awkwardly. Valdar rescued it and put it back on the table, being careful not to touch her this time. Inwardly she cringed. She had been far too obvious. He was being kind.
‘What was the true reason he came?’
‘He offered again to take Merri for fostering. Apparently I don’t provide her with the right opportunities, but I know what will happen if I do. Merri would hate it and she’d...’
‘Did this happen to you?’
‘The only part of my marriage which was good was finding that little girl.’ She shook her head. ‘I won’t lose these lands. They were part of my dowry.’
‘Why do you blame yourself?’ Valdar asked. ‘Gode told me about how you saved the estate.’
‘Gode is biased.’
‘You give yourself too little credit.’
Her anguished gaze met his. Valdar’s insides twisted. Here was a woman who was trying to do the right thing.
Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms. For a brief heartbeat she rested her head against his chest. He hated how right she felt and he knew in his heart that his dream about kissing her had been real.
She wasn’t looking for anyone. She had made that very clear. And it would be wrong to start anything. Alwynn was not the sort of woman you took for one night. She was the sort of woman who needed more than he could offer.
‘Why would Lord Edwin want to foster Merri or take your lands?’ he asked against her hair, which smelt of sunlight, wild flowers and her.
She lifted her head and he forced his arms to fall away. He had no right to hold her, no right to ask anything of her. Once she knew who he truly was, any desire would fall away. She stepped away. ‘I refused an earlier offer of his. A less-than-honourable offer.’
It was easy to guess what sort of offer it had been. An unaccustomed surge of anger and jealousy swept through Valdar. He wanted to run his sword through the man. Instead he concentrated on breathing steadily.
‘I see,’ he said when he felt he could control his emotions. When he was a boy, his father had taught him that a good warrior does not give in to his emotions. It was only through detaching himself that he could fight effectively. Uncontrolled emotions had no place in his life. He had to put duty above everything, including any woman. The gods had given him a second chance when they had washed him up on these shores. But their purpose had been so that he could right a wrong done to his friends, not to end his family’s curse.
‘I hope you do.’ Her direct gaze met his. ‘I am not in the market for becoming some man’s plaything. I have worked too hard to give up my independence...for any man. The one good thing about my husband dying is that I have gained a sort of freedom. I am not about to give it up. I’ve no intention to remarry or to be forced into a convent.’
‘In my experience, it is best to wait to be asked.’ He made a bow. ‘In case the other party takes offence.’
‘Our relationship must be chaste.’ She tugged at the neck of her gown. ‘What happened just now...me in your arms. It can’t happen again. Ever.’
‘What did happen? I held a woman in my arms who was upset because she’d been betrayed and needed comforting.’ Valdar tightened his jaw. Alwynn was rejecting him as surely as Kara had done. At least she was being honest about it, but there had been something about the way her eyes darkened when she was in his arms. ‘I would do the same for any woman. My sister-in-law, for example.’
‘Or the healer?’
‘She doesn’t need my help, not any more,’ he said far too quickly as he waited for the ache which always came when he spoke of Kara these days. He silently cursed. The ache was a tiny niggle, almost unimportant, but certainly not the great empty ache he was accustomed to. He had carried the weight of it around for so long that it had become a part of him and now it had gone.
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Her husband became a friend after he saved my life in battle,’ he explained. ‘She followed her heart and chose the right man for her. It took me a little while to see it, but she comes alive when her husband is nearby in a way she never did around me.’
‘I see. I apologise for speaking bluntly, then.’ She made a mock curtsy. ‘I doubt I will need any comforting. Our customs are different from yours. In my country it is unusual for a woman...for a woman to behave as I did. I didn’t want you to get ideas. At court they whisper that I am as cold as stone. But I have only done what I had to do to protect my stepdaughter and her inheritance. That is my sole focus now.’
He caught her arm. A tremor went through him, rocking him with its intensity. He concentrated on breathing steadily. Cold as stone? Hardly. Heat as intense as a blacksmith’s fire rushed through him.
The family curse was real—he always fell for women who could not return his affection.
But he had learnt his lesson; he would slay the curse by never giving his heart, by doing what the gods had given him a second chance for. Avenging Horik’s murder and bringing Girmir to justice.
‘No need to apologise. Know that I would do nothing to dishonour you. I’ve pledged my sword to you and your family. My duty comes first.’
His insides twisted. His duty should have come first several weeks ago. He should have anticipated the potential for treachery. But there was no need to tell Alwynn of his failings as a warrior.
‘For this summer...’ Her lips quirked up in a smile. ‘It promises to be a quiet one. I doubt your sword arm will get much use.’
‘For this summer,’ he agreed. He knew then he would seek to defend her as best he could, even to the point of dying. And the knowledge frightened him. He had learnt from his past mistakes. If she discovered his heritage, she’d betray him to her king. The gods had given him a second chance to put things right. And he never mocked the gods.
* * *
Alwynn walked quickly away. She had been a thousand times an idiot to go and check on Valdar while she was still upset about Lord Edwin and she should never have rested her cheek against his chest or listened to the steady t
hump of his heart. She struggled to remember the last time she had felt that safe.
He’d been the one to take his arms away. It was obvious that he had no desire for her. Her mouth twisted, remembering all the cruel things her husband had called her.
‘My lady!’ Gode came hurrying after her. ‘You left too quickly. Before I finished with the doves. You didn’t ask about my niece and her new daughter.’
Alwynn halted her steps beside a large oak. The summer sun filtered down through the green leaves as Gode gave a long account about her niece and the latest addition to the family. It shouldn’t hurt hearing about other people’s babies, but it did. The familiar knot of longing in her stomach started.
‘Valdar is doing well thanks to your nursing,’ she said to distract her thoughts away from the babies she’d never hold in her arms.
Long ago before her marriage, she’d envisioned having the nursery full. But the cradle had stayed stubbornly empty. Theodbald proclaimed it was her fault; after all, he already had one child. She had to wonder if she had been cursed.
To her, Theodbald had appeared the perfect hero on their wedding day. Someone to keep her safe from the storms and protect her lands. Nothing had turned out as she’d hoped. And she’d learnt a hard lesson about the futility of believing in dreams and heroes.
‘The warrior is an easier patient than most.’ Gode glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice. ‘Did you discover where he is from?’
‘He told me the name of the place when we arrived at the cottage. He made no secret of it.’ Alwynn shrugged. Gode did not even know where Mercia was. She would not have heard of Raumerike either. Valdar was no demon in human form. He was far too kind and considerate. ‘Anyway, the threat from the Northmen has been exaggerated according to Lord Edwin.’
‘And you are spouting that jumped-up no-good’s opinions now?’
‘Who am I to judge? Valdar swears that though he comes from another land he comes in peace. Thus far good fortune seems to follow in his wake and I could use some of it.’
The tension went out of Gode’s body. She suddenly seemed like a frail old woman. Her hands went about her stomach. Alwynn thought again about insisting Gode consult one of the monks. But every time she mentioned it, Gode found an excuse.
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