New Title 3

by Michael Poeltl

  “Alright,” I replied, coughing up smoke from the night before. “I forgot, be out in a sec.” I maneuvered around Sara, careful not to wake her. Then I kissed her forehead and got dressed.

  Earl was making his rounds when I reached the addition, checking all of the windows and doors.

  “Sleep in, Joel?” Caroline asked, gun at her feet as she sat in a patio chair facing the north windows.

  “Guilty as charged,” I replied. “I’m exhausted: I must have woken up a hundred times last night.”

  I grabbed a chair and sat down at the east wall while Jake covered the west. I pulled the pistol from its holster and popped the clip out, double-checked that it was full, and forced the barrel back to be sure there wasn’t a bullet in the chamber. “Anybody see anything this morning?”

  “I ain’t seen much,” answered Jake. “So much rain, I can’t see through it.”

  “I think the rain will keep people inside,” added Caroline. “Earl went out for a minute to get something out of his truck and-” She stopped as Earl entered the room.

  “The rubber on the wheels is starting to disintegrate – not good!” he reported. “It’s brutal, man. At this rate we won’t have a vehicle that’ll move from the driveway, and what’s worse is we can’t do anything to stop it.”

  I put the gun back into its holster and set it on my lap. “Can we fit them all into the garage?”

  “Yeah, I was thinking that. I’ll get the boys and start the move before any more damage is done.” He threw me a half-assed salute and walked off.

  “Joel, hey Joel...” It was Jake. “You got some more of that pot?”

  “I’m not giving you any, Jake.” There, I said it. He wasn’t getting any weed unless there was a party going on and the majority of us was partaking, never mind while on duty. His gun hand began to shake, and the sweat teetering on his eyebrows broke through, burning his eyes. I felt sorry for the poor bastard, but was not going to make him worse.

  “But Joel, I-I’m dying here, man. I really need something to settle my nerves. I-I smoked and ate all my stash... “

  “Good, because I don’t want to have to worry about you being high and not doing your part.” It was tough love. I knew he understood the concept on some level, a level he’d forgotten. His gun hand shook more violently. I approached him. “Jake, we couldn’t do much for you in the past, but maybe now is the time.” I knelt in front of him. His head dropped against his chest. “What do you say, Jake? You want to get clean?” I took his gun and put my hand on his.

  “It’s too hard,” he whimpered. “I’m not worth it.... it’s too hard.” He raised his hands to his face and started to cry.

  “You are worth it, Jake. Don’t say that shit, man. You just lost control. You lost your way and I know we can get you back on track. I know it.”

  His eyes met mine and I saw the Jake I grew up with, the best friend who gave me his lunch when I had forgotten mine in sixth grade. This wasn’t some burnout, this was Jake. This was my buddy Jake, who was a kind and giving soul before an awful accident took all that he was away from him. His dad had always been weird: he’d never been able to talk to him like I could with mine, leaving his mother as the only parent he could relate to. His mom was killed along with my dad in the untimely car crash that sent us both into therapy. It did a wealth of good for me, but Jake couldn’t get past the pain.

  “No! God damn it! I don’t want to, I don’t care anymore... I don’t care.” Now he was pulling his hair and sobbing. I held him close.

  “Caroline, go get Connor, get him up here. I don’t know what else to do,” I begged. She wiped her eyes and hurried out of Skylab.

  When Connor arrived, he sized up the situation right away, and produced a joint he’d never lit up the night before. I nodded, and he handed it to me.

  “Jake, here- I’ve got something that’ll take the edge off. But know that this is not going to happen again.” I gave it to him, hoping he’d decline the offer, but he snatched it eagerly. “Never again man. If you smoke it’s because we’re all smoking, never again by yourself.”

  Through the frantic puffing, he thanked us. “My last one,” he said, exhaling. “This’ll take me...”

  “He wants to clean up,” I told Connor.

  “Clean up? No more drugs? Yeah, right!” He almost laughed out loud. That angered me and he felt it. “Sorry, but you’re talking about...”

  I butted in. “Yeah, I know who I’m talking about. He’s a mess and wants to change all of that.”

  While we discussed him, Jake consumed the whole joint in under a minute. He leaned back in his chair, and that blank look took control of his face once more.

  “Hey, that’s commendable, Joel. Don’t get me wrong, I remember Jake too when he was like us. He’d be a great addition to the group if he was clean. The thing is, this isn’t going to be easy what with the end of the world to work through and all.”

  “I know it, but he’s reaching out. I feel like we should have done more for him before it got so bad. I should have done more...”

  Connor interrupted me gently. “Don’t go there again, Joel. We went through that two years ago.” He laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m not. I- I just think he wants help now.”

  Caroline spoke up. “Joel, I think Connor’s right. Don’t put it all on your head. Jake hasn’t said once that he wants to quit. You told him he wants to and it’s my experience you can’t force someone to do something they aren’t prepared to do.”

  My back went up when she said that, but in reflecting on the conversation, I had to admit that my dialogue with Jake had been basically one-sided. “Listen, I just think it’s worth a chance. He’s not this waste case we see here, there’s more to this guy. You never really knew him when he was a regular guy, Caroline. He wasn’t like this.”

  Jake remained in his chair, slouched over in a stoned paradise. Hell, I’d have liked to join him but then that was the difference between us: I knew when I should and when I shouldn’t. Jake had lost that particular ability long ago.

  “I’ll stay and do his shift,” offered Connor. “You have his gun?”

  I handed Connor the rifle and reclaimed my seat.

  An hour later, Kevin came through the door with a determined look on his face. Everyone noticed. He marched to his paintings and grabbed a large pad of paper. Sitting on the floor, he began to draw tenaciously. I hadn’t seen him inspired like this since before the weekend. It made me feel good, like a piece of the past just barged in and reminded us who we were. I turned to Caroline to see her reaction. She was smiling and studying Connor’s face, as he was the only one close enough to see what Kevin was drawing. But suddenly Connor’s face changed radically from that of an amused spectator to someone scared.

  “Who is that supposed to be?” he asked. Kevin looked up at Connor and frowned thoughtfully before continuing to sketch.

  “I’m not sure really,” he answered. “I’ve been drawing him since I was a kid, but I haven’t for awhile now. I just woke up this morning and felt I had to draw him, to see him again.” Kevin handed the pad to Connor. “My mom always said she thought maybe he was my guardian angel. She thought that was why his image would always come to me so clearly.” Remembering his mother, Kevin flinched.

  Connor studied the picture in his hands, and then lifted his gaze to Kevin. “Then he’s mine too.”

  “You know, some of the others have seen the same drawing before.” Kevin walked over to his pile of art in the far corner and sifted through several sheets and sketch books until he found an example. We were all standing in a semi-circle now around the first drawing. He rejoined the group with three other portraits of the man he called his guardian angel. “I did these within the last four months.”

  We each took one and compared them to the most recent version. “Yeah, uh, Freddy saw this one last month and couldn’t believe his eyes.” He pointed to the one Caroline was holding. “He thought I’d drawn someone he kn
ew. He couldn’t place it but he was sure he’d seen this guy or even knew him. That didn’t shock or surprise me, but the very next week me and Earl were up here just getting high and hanging out when he came across the same picture and goes, ‘Don’t I know this guy?’ That’s when I got a little freaked out.”

  I asked Connor why he thought the face was familiar. He answered, “Like I said, I’ve seen my guardian angel, man... that’s him.”

  “What do you mean, your angel? When?”

  “Listen, Joel, it’s not a Biblical thing so much as a spiritual one. You know me and my sixth sense. I’ve seen him, and I don’t have to be a God-fearing man to have a guardian angel. Fact is, the first time I ever saw him I found a Bible and read the whole thing.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “It was a phase, and I forgot about the angel, at least until yesterday.” He paused. “I was about to tell you, Joel- when you were sitting on the floor sorting through those boxes of shit, he was standing over you. You called me on it; you knew I was hiding something.”

  “You saw this guy with me?” Though I knew he’d never lie, the idea of it blew my mind. He just nodded.

  “This is starting to scare me.” Caroline shuddered as she handed the drawing back to Kevin.

  “I draw him,” Kev said, “but I can’t say I’ve ever seen him beyond my mind’s eye. Others have recognized him though, and I’ll bet that if we took this picture around the house, almost everyone here will say he’s a familiar face. The thing is, they won’t be able to place him!”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as Kevin took his flair for the dramatic to a new height. “Alright,” I said, “let’s test that theory. Post ‘em up. All the pictures. And we’ll see what everyone says.”

  While Kevin complied, Connor and I resumed our seats.

  “So, you’ve got to tell me more about this vision, old man. What else did it do?” I asked.

  “Nothing more to tell. He knows I can see him, and it’s not just when I’m high either, if that was your next question.”

  “Hey, man, I believe you. I just want to know when you started seeing it- I mean, him.”

  “I can’t remember exactly when I first saw him, but I’ll guesstimate it at around two years ago, when we were at the lake, with Jill and Ruby!” He snapped his fingers.

  “Ruby? Oh God, Connor!” Caroline was disgusted.

  “Anyway,” he continued, ignoring her, “it was up there. That’s weird though, eh? For sure it was at the lake. Nothing spectacular, just a sighting, really. He stood in the darkness just beyond our campfire, then turned and walked into the woods. Jesus, I almost got up and followed him.” He stopped to exhale at the rising temperature and mop his brow. “Since then, I bet I’ve seen him thirty times, but seeing him with you was different. Usually all he’s doing is walking by, staying distant, but now I guess he’s looking out for all of us. We might all share the same angel.”

  Boom! It suddenly dawned on me that maybe the skunk was his way of approaching me. Maybe he couldn’t show himself to me directly, and only Connor could see him because of his gift. It was all pretty out there, but these were unrealistic times, and it fit.

  “It makes some sense though,” offered Caroline. “The idea that we all share the same guardian angel, I mean. We are all alive.” The tears came as she realized the enormity of what she’d said.

  “It’s alright to cry, Caroline.” I squeezed her hand. “No one expects an early recovery from any of this.”

  “Why us, though?” She asked the question we’d all had on the tip of our tongues. There was no answering that one.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Hours later, Sidney, Sonny and Julia came to relieve us in Skylab.

  “Alright, kids.” I addressed the new blood. “We saw absolutely nothing this morning and I can only imagine your shift will be no more productive than ours.” They rolled their eyes, and we went downstairs to breakfast.

  Sara, John and Caroline were in the kitchen, frying up some bacon. Bread was toasting for sandwiches as Sara cut tomatoes.

  “Hi guys,” she greeted us, winking at me. “Heard your watch was pretty uneventful on the outside.” A pause. “But Caroline mentioned what a fiasco it turned into inside. For the record, and I’ve already admitted this to Kevin, I know the man in his drawing too.” She returned to cutting the hothouse tomatoes. They were so red that I couldn’t help staring. It was like I’d forgotten colour until I saw those tomatoes.

  Caroline chimed in. “It’s really spooking me, because Gil and Seth also recognized the portrait. I still don’t think I’ve ever seen him and neither does John.”

  John turned from the frying pan where, until that moment, all of his attention was focused. “We were, uh, feeling kind of left out of the whole guardian angel thing. Like maybe we didn’t belong here with the rest of you. Because, you know, we weren’t actually supposed to come on the camping trip.”

  “Hey, listen, don’t think like that!” Connor interrupted. “Sonny and Sidney haven’t yet admitted to recognizing the picture. Nor has Julia.”

  It was funny how this whole idea of a guardian angel had taken off. For a bunch of skeptics who a few days ago had been arguing the existence of religion around a campfire, we had grabbed onto the guardian angel with both fists clenched, as if it were the last thread of reason in an unreasonable world.

  We ate in silence at the kitchen table and listened to the rain fall outside. When would it stop? First the ash and now this: a paralyzing rain holding us hostage in this house. Reality hit me again and a wave of paranoia crashed like thunder in my head, or was that real thunder? You’re too damn sensitive, Joel, I scolded myself. Take a lesson from Earl. Learn a thing or two about keeping it all down. God, I respected that cool son of a bitch! I didn’t think anyone save Connor was holding up as well. I wondered where Jake was, and hoped he hadn’t done anything stupid.

  “You seen Jake since his shift ended, John?”

  “No Jake sightings this morning to report.” We all laughed, recalling the novelty of a ‘Jake sighting’ in the past. “Of course there aren’t any ditches or park benches in your house so I wouldn’t know where to look!” he added. More chuckles.

  Speak of the devil and he’ll appear. Jake strolled into the kitchen. Caught off guard, we went quiet, and I greeted him with a wave. He went to the fridge, pulled out a Coke, and left without a word.

  Shit, did that ever make me feel like a first class asshole, especially after the speech I’d given Jake about cleaning up. I could see that we were all feeling the same: ashamed, of ourselves and our thoughtless words.

  “Sorry, Joel.” John studied the crumbs on his plate.

  “We’re all to blame, John. I’ll go talk to him.” I pushed my chair back.

  I found Jake curled up on the floor in a corner of the family room, shaking. Coming down, I guessed, and too embarrassed to ask for another hit. I knelt and laid a gentle hand on his back. He wasn’t responsive, but I couldn’t blame him. God, I felt like shit.

  Sensing the presence of someone behind us, I looked over my shoulder and saw Connor standing in the hall, staring at the air above us. His gaze was fixed, his expression indecipherable. When I questioned him with a single raised brow, he slowly approached.

  “Joel,” he whispered, “he’s back. He’s with you both.”

  My skin crawled and the tears came in force. I buried my face in my hands. A strange feeling of calm replaced the angst and paranoia that had overcome me in the kitchen, knowing we were being watched by a higher power. As a soothing presence engulfed us both, even Jake’s shaking stopped.

  Kevin approached Connor in the hall and noticed his bizarre stance. He realized right away what was happening.

  “You see him, don’t you? It’s the angel isn’t it?”

  Connor didn’t speak. At this point the girls and John joined the group in the hall and Kevin explained what was happening. Sara crouched next to me and kissed my face. After severa
l minutes, Jake’s body relaxed. He sat up and looked at his hands, which had stopped shaking.

  “Did you feel that?” he asked. “It’s like I shed my skin.” Wonder and bliss settled over his features, drying the tears and restoring colour to his hollow cheeks. In a moment of fleeting clarity, I saw a changed man. I touched his arm, wanting to tell him how proud I was, how proud he should be. But words wouldn’t come; nothing would, so I just let it go. Sara, smiling, helped me to my feet.

  *****

  Later in Skylab, Kevin brought me the Sweet Bitch, which had been making its rounds behind me. The group had gathered here again to blow off some steam.

  “Hell of a party, eh Joel?”

  I nodded and pulled deeply on the pipe. He was fidgeting, probably a side effect of the pot. “That was really something we witnessed today,” he coughed. “Jake’s obviously been hit pretty hard by the scene. How you doing?”

  “I’m fine, man.”

  “Man, I got a few seriously wild paintings to do soon.” He changed the subject, realizing that he wouldn’t get much more out of me. “I had this dream the other night. It was so surreal... like what’s happening all around us, you know? Surreal.”

  “Dream, huh? Do tell, Kev, what are you dreaming about these days?” Ironically, it was the same question he’d asked of me when searching for new material to create, not long ago.

  “It freaked me out when I woke up because I never remember my dreams, besides the reoccurring face.” He struggled to remember it now though. “Yeah, it went like this. First I saw a leg, without a foot.” A shiver ran through me as I recalled the same dream. He continued, “Next came a wing, a feathered wing and following that was a hand... sickly looking, you know? Sickly. The background was a blue watercolour, really working into the deeper tones of the body parts.” Now he was fully reliving the dream, using gestures to demonstrate how the images would glide in front of him. “And some other disturbing things. Body parts, animals… a horn…”

  “What do you think it all means?” I asked, wondering if my interpretation of the dream would match his.