Becoming Faith

by Joy Eileen

  “Listen. I’m not doing anything wrong. Van knows what I’m doing. The JackholeS are going to be my ticket to senior partner. We’re going to have a little fun, while we both rise to the top. He’ll scratch my back and I’ll scratch his.”

  “I’ll personally ruin you and your career if you hurt him.” I stood up as tall as my frame would let me.

  “He’s the one who suggested we mess around. He isn’t as innocent as you think. Now if you don’t mind, I need to get them to their photo shoot before they have to be at another radio interview.” Lissa walked around me, and I had to stop myself from tripping her. Or yanking her back by the bun.

  I leaned against the hallway and tried to calm down. She was right. Van was a big boy, and he could make his own decisions. There was nothing wrong with him having some fun.

  He wasn’t hurting anyone. Anyone but himself, my heart screamed. This wasn’t the man who adopted me as his younger sister. The one who would have walked over hot coals to keep my best friend happy. This was someone else, and I didn’t like who he was becoming.

  Van’s door opened. When he spotted me, his face turned crimson.

  “Be careful,” I told him, giving him a big hug.

  “I know what I’m doing. And before you start, this is different than Bailey. I’ve been the good guy for all my life and look where it got me. My parents refuse to talk to me, and the one woman I recognized as my soul mate ran back to Texas, where there may or may not be another man. I’m sick of being stepped on. Lissa understands I don’t want anything permanent. She doesn’t need me to get ahead like Bailey did. Lissa’s a smart, determined woman. We both agreed this was just going to be about sex. I won’t ask her for anything, and she’ll do the same.”

  Tears burned the back of my eyes. His eyes were sad as he spoke. It was evident in the slump of his shoulders this was tearing him up. It wasn’t like him to pretend he didn’t care about love anymore. Watching him turn his back on who he was felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart.

  “I love you, Mr. Snuggles. Don’t give up on love. It’ll come. I can’t have two Ds surrounding me.”

  He chuckled. “I’m not giving up. I just need a break. Love has crushed me, and I need to rebuild.”

  Van slung his arm around my shoulder as we went downstairs to meet the rest of the band, his words banging around in my brain. Lissa’s eyebrow rose when she saw us together, but I didn’t care. Van was my appointed big brother, and she wasn’t going to mess up our relationship.

  Chapter 11

  Kill’s phone rang as he held the door open for me at the studio for their photo shoot. His jaw clenched, making his dimples jump on and off his cheeks. “You guys go ahead. I need to take this.” His phone was already pressed to his ear as he moved away.

  Jet bumped his shoulder into mine. I watched Kill’s whole body tense while he talked to whoever was on the other end.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know. He got a call last night, and when he came back to bed he was upset. He acted like he didn’t want to talk about it. Something’s up with him,” I admitted.

  “We’ll meet you in a second,” Jet told the rest of the band. He stood next to me, and we continued to stare at Kill.

  Everyone walked into the building, leaving us alone to stare at Kill through the thick glass door.

  “He was grumpy this morning at breakfast too. When we were going over our schedule he was really edgy. Don’t worry. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  “Thank you.” My body slumped against his, accepting the support.

  “No problem. That’s what family’s for.”

  Kill stuffed his phone in his back pocket and headed toward the door. His face was filled with fury, but when he spotted us it softened.

  “Who was that?” Jet asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

  “It was someone from the label. They want to talk about copyrights or something like that,” Kill answered, pulling me into his arms. They wrapped around me, and there was desperation in his hold. “I love you, Slick,” he whispered before kissing me hard on the lips.

  “I love you too, Killer. You can tell me what’s going on.” My words were as desperate as his hug felt.

  “I know. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to take care of everything. Now let’s go take some pictures.” Kill had an insincere smile on his face. He gripped my hand as we went to find the rest of the band.

  I turned and glanced back at Jet, wondering if he bought Kill’s flimsy excuse. Judging by the crease in between his eyes, he didn’t. Jet shot me a worried look before walking past us.

  “What’s up with Kill?” Amy asked, handing me a bag of Skittles.

  We stood against a wall and watched the boys pose.

  “I’m not sure. Someone called him last night, and he seems to be upset. I think whoever it was called him again just now.”

  “That’s weird. He never keeps stuff from you. No wonder he’s acting strange. Whatever’s going on it’s probably messing him up that he can’t tell you.”

  “But he can tell me. He can tell me anything,” I insisted as the photographer ordered the boys to look sexy and unobtainable.

  “I bet my sugar stash whatever it is involves you, and he’s trying to protect you somehow.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. I watched Kill pose and mulled over Amy’s words. It was hard to concentrate with the amount of sexiness in front of me. They were dressed all in black and were sexy as hell. “You don’t think it’s Jason, do you?”

  Amy’s reasoning made perfect sense. Kill and I had sworn to each other we weren’t going to keep secrets. And the only possible threat I could think of was Jason.

  Amy squinted her eyes. She peered at Kill, trying to extract his secrets from him using her Amy telepathy. Kill gave us both a tense smile before turning around to give the photographer a perfect view of his sculpted ass.

  “Jet will find out what has him stressed out,” Amy said with certainty.

  “I hope so.”

  The photo shoot ended, and the boys moved to the back room to change.

  “What did you think, Slick?” Kill asked, kissing me on the cheek. His mood seemed to have improved.

  “I think we need to stock up on skank away with how yummy you looked.” I tried to joke, but the underlying strain between us was palpable.

  “The ring does its job.” He pulled our intertwined hands up so his ring glinted from the overhead lights. “And if the ring fails, all those articles about us should let everyone with an Internet connection know how loyal I am to you.”

  My stomach twisted when we climbed into the van. His words sounded sincere, but the mysterious phone calls kept banging around in my head.

  “Okay, we have a radio interview next,” D announced as the van pulled out into traffic.

  “Do we have time for food?” Jet whined, rubbing his stomach.

  “We can get something afterward. It’s going to be a short interview. I promise,” D ensured him.

  “There’s nothing else on the agenda for today, right?” Kill asked, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

  “After the interview I think we’re done for the day, but I’ll have to confirm with Lissa,” D answered, pulling his phone out.

  “No, we’re clear after the interview,” Van said, typing something out on his phone.

  D turned and looked at him with a questioning gaze. We all moved so we could face Van. I already knew the reason he was up to speed on the band’s schedule. I wondered if he was going to let the rest of them in on his escapades.

  Van took a deep breath and rubbed his bald head. When he faced us, he had determination in his eyes. “Lissa and I have been seeing each other.”

  “We all see Lissa. She’s up our asses all day long,” Jet said in confusion.

  Amy smacked him on the back of the head. When he turned to her, she opened her eyes wide like she was trying to push knowledge into his brain.

  “Oh,” Jet
replied, getting the drift. “Ewww, Van, you can do so much better.”

  “Do you think that’s such a good idea?” D cut Jet off.

  “Yes, I do. We’re both grown adults. Neither of us has time for a relationship, and we both understand the demand the business puts on us. We decided to have some fun with no strings attached.”

  Kill gave Van a look of sympathy. I squeezed Kill’s hand, and he returned the gesture.

  “You’re better than that,” Jet said, surprising me.

  “No, I used to be better than that. I’m done being rejected by people I care about.” Van turned to look out the window, letting us know he was done with the conversation.

  “She’ll be back. And everything will be better. Just wait,” Jet said, settling into his seat, while Amy ran her hand through his huge mop of hair.

  “Jet, you need to give up on fairy tales,” D chided, rolling his eyes.

  “Man, you’re going to fall the hardest out of all of us.” Jet laughed, slugging D in the arm.

  Kill hit Jet, trying to get him to stop instigating.

  “I’ll be good,” Jet mouthed to Kill, grabbing a candy bar out of Amy’s purse.

  It was my phone’s turn to ring, after the boys went in for their interview. Lissa shot me a dirty look as I pressed decline. It was a number I didn’t recognize, and unease ran cold in my veins. Just talking about Jason to Amy earlier brought out the paranoia in me.

  My phone beeped, indicating whoever it was had left a message. Lissa’s lips pulled down in a frown, and I fought the urge to flip her off.

  I moved to the hallway to get away from Lissa’s stern look. With nothing better to do I pressed listen to my pending voicemail.

  My hand dropped to my side after I listened to the voicemail three times. I had to make sure I’d heard it correctly. Blood rushed through my ears, and my mind raced with possibilities.

  Kill rushed into the hallway, his face lined with worry when he spotted me. He ran over and put his arms around me, his mouth on mine as soon as I was secure.

  “You’re done already?” I asked when we broke apart.

  “We are. It was a short interview, and then they played our single. What’s going on? Amy said you got a phone call.” Kill’s eyes darted to my phone clenched in my hand.

  “Lissa was annoying me, so I went to check it. They left a voicemail.” I pressed the listen button and handed it to Kill. I was numb, unable to wrap my head around the call.

  Kill’s face furrowed with worry. As I heard the murmur of the voicemail I’d memorized from repeating it so many times, I twisted my ring. Kill’s face lit up with pleasure. His dimples carved into his cheeks. He yelled loudly when he finished the message.

  The boys, Amy, and Lissa ran out into the hallway to see what was going on.

  “Kill, you need to be quiet. There’s a show in progress,” Lissa scream-whispered.

  Jet rolled his eyes, moving closer to us and away from Lissa, the rest of the band following him. Lissa narrowed her eyes when Kill opened his mouth to answer. I nudged him and nodded toward the door leading outside, not wanting to get yelled at by Lissa again.

  Kill complied but continued to smile down at me.

  As soon as the door clicked shut, D asked, “What’s going on?”

  Jet, Amy, and Van nodded, making them look like synchronized bobble heads. Lissa stood near them, scowling as she waited for one of us to answer.

  “It’s not a big deal,” I started.

  Kill hugged me, and my feet left the ground.

  “Bullshit. Slick just got a call from Andrea Hurst, one of the biggest publishing agents around. She wants to represent Faith. She already has publishing companies wanting to get her contract exclusively.”

  The boys rushed me, swinging me around and bouncing like puppies on crack.

  Amy’s tiny vice grip arms encircled me, taking my breath with them. “I’m so happy for you. I need to make you a website.”

  “I didn’t even think of that. That would be awesome,” I wheezed when she unhooked her arms, allowing me to breathe.

  Kill’s phone rang and he frowned when he looked at the screen. “I have to get this.” He swept a light kiss over my lips and walked away.

  I frowned at his back.

  Jet’s arm descended on my shoulders. “I’m going to find out what’s going on with those phone calls. I’ve got your back.”

  I smiled up at him, some of the unease that settled in my stomach disappearing. The trust Kill worked so hard for was strong. I didn’t want to think he was doing anything wrong. But I hated that he was keeping something from me. Jet was my only hope at wheedling it out of him.

  Amy put her arm around my waist, her eyes shining with happiness. “This is going to be so much fun.”

  Lissa cleared her throat, and the three of us glanced at her obvious attempt to get our attention. She wore a smug smile, and one of her eyebrows arched over her sunglasses. Van stood next to her with his arm around her, similar to the way Amy’s arm was around me.

  Van grimaced when Lissa had garnered our attention. It was apparent she was judging us as we celebrated. Van moved away from Lissa and hugged me again. “Don’t worry about her, she’s just jaded. She doesn’t know how we family, sis,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Then why do you even bother?”

  He shrugged instead of answering. Before he placed his sunglasses over his eyes, a look of pure heartbreak blanketed his face.

  Jet slapped Van on the back. “She’ll be back, and then you can get rid of stupid ole Lissa.”

  “She’s not coming back,” D and Van interjected.

  Jet just slapped D on the back before pulling Amy to him. “You guys make this love thing so hard. Look at us.” He kissed Amy on the top of the head before grabbing a handful of Skittles from the bag in her hand. “I knew Amy was the one for me the moment I saw her, and we just got together. We didn’t have any miscommunications, or allowed our pasts to hurt us. I’m telling you, it would be so much easier if you just got over yourselves and loved who you were meant to be with.”

  Van and D stood still, shock written on their faces.

  “It’s not that easy,” Van stuttered as D continued to stare.

  “What’s not that easy?” Lissa asked, coming to join us.

  “Nothing,” we answered in unison.

  Lissa moved over to Van but didn’t show any sign of affection. My heart ached for Van. When he was with Jessie, he showed her constant attention, always trying to make her feel like she was the only girl in the world for him. With Lissa it was just as he said—a business agreement. A means that allowed them to touch each other’s naughty bits, without any emotions. Hell, I wasn’t sure Lissa was capable of emotions.

  “Congratulations, Faith.” Lissa’s voice didn’t have an ounce of sincerity. “I almost wish I had thought of it first. Your book’s going to be huge with the JackholeS behind you pushing for your success. I’m going to have to see if I can get involved somehow and make this work for both of us.”

  My stomach pitched around at her words. I clenched my clammy hands to my sides, while I watched Lissa’s red lined mouth spew her ugliness. I knew she was trying to prove a horrible point. The sad thing was she had one.

  “Lissa,” Van warned before giving me an apologetic smile.

  “What’s going on?” Kill asked, encircling me, bringing my back flush with his chest.

  “Lissa’s just giving Faith some advice,” Jet said curtly. He turned with Amy and walked toward Gunther and the waiting van.

  Kill’s stomach muscles tensed against my back at Jet’s words.

  I pushed into him, trying to get his attention. “Come on. Let’s get home so I can make some phone calls.”

  Kill took my hand, and we followed Jet and Amy’s lead. D was right next to us, leaving Lissa and Van alone.

  While we waited for Van, D turned to look at me. “Faith, don’t listen to her. You know she’s a sad human being.”

  I squirmed
in my seat, everyone watching me. “I don’t know what to think. I’m sure the reason I have publishers wanting me is because my affiliation with you guys. In a way I’m doing the same thing Lissa’s doing. Maybe even worse.”

  “Stop,” Jet interjected. “One, if we can help you, then why not take it? That’s what family does. Do you think Amy’s website business would have taken off as fast as it did if she didn’t have our connections to other bands?”

  “They just boosted me up. My talent took me where I am now. And it will continue to take me further,” Amy said before biting into a licorice stick.

  I opened my mouth, not sure what to say. It was Kill who cut me off.

  “What if it were the opposite? What if your book took off, and we were still at Ray’s struggling to get a deal? If you had the opportunity to help us, would you?”

  “In a second,” I answered, understanding where he was coming from.

  “Let us help you then. Like Amy said, we might be able to open more doors for you, but it’s your talent that’s going to keep it open, and I know you are talented.”

  “You haven’t even read my stuff.” Even as I said it, I knew my argument was weak.

  “When we get home I want to read it then. I know it’s going to be awesome because you wrote it. But you’re right. You have supported us as a band since the moment you came into our lives. It’s my turn to support you in your dream.”

  “You have been supportive. You’re the one who pushed me to write in the first place. I would have quit that class the first day if you hadn’t talked me into finishing it.”

  My heart swelled thinking back on my boys, supporting me in all my decisions. With them behind me I knew I could accomplish anything. “All right, I’ll call Andrea and hear what she has to say.”

  The van shook as everyone applauded and screamed. Kill gave me a searing kiss that made me forget we were surrounded by everyone. It wasn’t until Van opened the door and got in that we remembered where we were.

  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to help you with your contract. I’m pretty good at negotiating, and I don’t want anyone to take advantage of you,” D said.