Bearly Holding On

by Danielle Foxton

  Awen found that he was surprisingly gentle as his fingers tangled in her hair, pulling them tighter together. His tongue sought entrance, and she granted it quickly, sucking on the tip of it suggestively. Mati's hands began to wander down her body and fixed themselves on her hips, pulling her down harder on his lap for added friction.

  Awen moaned softly against his lips. Without warning, Mati’s inner beast began to surface with a vengeance. He slowed his breathing in an attempt to calm himself down, but the beast pushed back harder. Mati sat up quickly being, careful not to harm Awen.

  “Oh, no.” His voice was barely a whisper. He felt it then, that deep longing; the forest was calling out to him.

  “I'm sorry,” Awen murmured. “I'm definitely being too forward.” She reached out towards him, a calming gesture, but stopped when he flinched.

  “It isn't you.” His voice was a low growl. “I want this too.”

  Awen shuffled closer to him, her features ground together in confusion. He jerked away, skidding across the floor on all fours. He faced her.

  “Mati, what's wrong?” Awen’s voice wavered.

  Mati’s only response was a loud snarl. Awen couldn’t believe what she was seeing; his eyes began to glow yellow. She un-holstered her gun and Mati lunged out the front door, battering it off its hinges.

  Awen staggered after him determinedly. When she reached the outdoors the breath hitched in her throat; Mati was grappling with himself, tearing at his skin viciously. As pieces of flesh fell away from him, she was surprised to see patches of fur emerge, instead of the blood and gore she had expected.

  “Mati!” she screamed. She raced forward, arms outstretched, trying to reach him.

  When he fixed her with his gaze his eyes were no longer human. She watched in terror as his nose protruded from his skill, a great roar emitting from the mouth below it. He dropped to the ground suddenly, and contorted his limbs as a sick cracking noises filled the night air. One final, loud roar completed the transformation. It was no longer Mati standing before her; it was a great grizzly bear, at least eight feet from nose to tail. Awen watched in shock as the hulking form that had previously been Mati took off into the night.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “What the hell,” Awen muttered into the darkness. She couldn’t believe what she had just witnessed. Mati, snarky but sweet Mati, had just transformed into a bear before her eyes. Her knees wobbled in shock, but within seconds of the beast’s departure she was able to steady herself enough to run into the forest after him.

  Adrenaline alone kept her on her feet as she tore through the underbrush. A scream in the distance had her charge forward even faster, and she held the gun firmly in front of her as she went. Reaching a small clearing, Awen heard a roar. The moon lit the scene in front of her; a woman, half dressed, was crawling away from a stocky man. The bear closed in, a giant paw raised, ready to strike.

  “No! Stop!” Awen screamed, running towards them. She fired her gun in the air wildly. The bear’s wild gaze fixed on her. His eyes almost seemed sad, regretful.

  The man grabbed a long stick from the ground, whacking the bear hard across his muzzle. As he shifted with the blow, Awen was able to finally get a clear look at his face.

  “Chief Enyeto!” she called out. He was the chief of the Cayuse tribe nearby. What was he doing on their lands?

  At her cry, Enyeto’s eyes darted to meet hers, in shock. The bear swung blindly, enraged by the assault. Enyeto was thrown off of his feet, hitting the mulchy ground with a thud. His reflexes were fast, though, and he managed to roll quickly back into a standing position. The bear began to lunge again, and Awen threw her body between the two. The grizzly snarled, pacing but not attempting to barge through her shaking form.

  Awen reached out slowly. Is it really Mati? she wondered. The bear regarded her with bright, intelligent eyes; she realized, despite everything she knew about the world, that it must be true. The bear in front of her was the man she had been held in a passionate embrace by only moments before.

  Footfalls, padding off into the woods, caused her to glance behind her. Enyeto had disappeared. The woman that had been with him stepped out from behind a large pine tree, studying Awen and the bear with equal interest.

  When Awen turned back, the bear had begun to change in shape. His fur molted away, revealing dusky, sinewy flesh beneath it. The snap of bones moving back into place resounded through the air as both she and the unnamed woman watched. In moments the bear was gone, and Mati stood, shaking, in his place.

  “Mati?” Awen took a tentative step forward.

  Mati grabbed her arm forcefully. “What were you thinking?” He was seething. “You could have been killed. I could have killed you!”

  “You were going to kill that man!” she screamed in retaliation, wrenching her arm from his grip and regarding him with defiant eyes. “Do you know who he is?”

  “I do,” he growled lowly. “He was that man trying to kill that woman.” He pointed to the woman by the trees, who had begun to sob, clutching her throat. “When I found them he had his hands wrapped around her throat.”

  “And I let him get away,” Awen said softly to herself. She felt a pang of guilt before she remembered how exactly the situation had played out. She turned back to Mati. “You’re a bear!”

  Mati rolled his eyes and stepped past Awen, walking towards the crying woman with measured, cautious steps. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

  She nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking intently into his eyes. Her evident relief and gratitude rolled off of her in waves.

  Awen’s police training kicked in and went to move towards the woman. Her head began to spin again and her step was more like a lurch. “What happened?” she asked, choosing to ignore her sudden lightheadedness. “I need to get a statement.”

  “Not here,” Mati grumbled, his eyes scanning the surrounding forest. “We need to take her back to the reservation. We might not be alone.”

  A shiver crawled down Awen’s spine as she looked at him—not the least because she noticed he was decidedly unclothed. He’s a bear, she thought. The attractive guy I made out with is a bear. Yet, somehow, the more she thought about it, the less it surprised her.

  “Come on,” she told shivering woman. “Let’s get you home.”

  The woman nodded wordlessly. A sick feeling rose in Awen’s stomach when she realized that her vocal chords were probably too bruised to talk.

  Awen began to walk to the edge of the clearly on shaky legs, but Mati stopped her. “Oh no,” he said, sweeping her up into his arms. “You’re not walking.”

  Awen smacked at his chest. “I can walk!” she cried. “Put me down!” Her blows had little to no effect on him. Defeated, Awen allowed him to continue holding her with a resigned sigh.

  The trio said nothing as they trekked through the forest. What was there to say? One of them had been nearly killed, the other had transformed into a bear, and Awen was wondering if perhaps it had all been a Vicodin-fueled dream.

  They reached the road within ten minutes. At the same time as they emerged from the woods, a group of men, including Awen’s father, was just about to head in. Each one gripped a rifle, aiming it at Mati and the two women in surprise. Once they saw who it was they immediately disengaged. Mati put Awen gently onto her feet.

  Awen’s father rushed up to her. “Awenasa!” he cried, enveloping her in a fierce hug. “We heard gunshots. Did this man…?” He left his sentence trail off, hardening his gaze as he turned it to Mati.

  “No, father,” Awen answered quickly. “Mati didn’t hurt anyone.”

  “Why is he naked?” one of the other men asked incredulously. Awen ignored him.

  Keme relaxed slightly, but kept a watchful eye on Mati as the others surged forward to assist the other woman, who had begun crying again.

  “He tried to kill me!” It was the first time Awen had heard the woman’s voice, and she cringed. It sounded so ragged, so broken. The men, misinterp
reting her, immediately cocked their rifles and at Mati’s tall figure.

  Mati put his hands in the air in surrender, though his face remained calm and impassive.

  “It wasn’t Mati!” Awen insisted, pushing herself in front of him and raising her arms in a calming gesture. “I’m still not sure what happened, but Mati didn’t do this.”

  The men grumbled and lowered their guns. They turned their attention back to the sobbing woman.

  Awen followed suit. “Ma’am?” she asked softly. “What happened before we got there?”

  The woman inhaled deeply, steadying herself. “I met him on one of the riding trails,” she said between sniffs. “He looked harmless, so I said hi. We got to talking and he seemed nice at first. It got dark and he offered to walk me home. Then...” She took another deep breath.

  Awen patted her arm reassuringly.

  “He tackled me to the ground,” she began again. “Tried to tear off my clothes. I hit him and—” Her voice cracked with a hard sob. “He started choking me.” She glanced at Awen, then Mati. “You know the rest.”

  Mati breathed a sigh of relief; she hadn’t told them about his shifting. He glanced over to Awen, who was walking over to him with her father trailing close behind.

  “Did either of you get a look at the man’s face?” her father inquired.

  “Yes,” answered Awen, “and we know him—but I have to do this the right way.”

  Her father nodded, gesturing for her to continue.

  “I can’t give you his name,” she continued. “This could cause a lot of trouble for our people if not handled properly.”

  “I trust you, Awenasa.” He looked over at Mati and extended a hand towards him. “Thank you for helping a daughter of our tribe.”

  “Seems to be a trend here lately,” Mati said under his breath, shooting a devilish grin at Awen. “I appreciate your gratitude.”

  Keme sent his daughter a questioning look.

  “I got into a little accident on my way back to town,” she explained. “Hit my head pretty hard. Mati was there and took me to the hospital, the doctor released me into his care since I refused to stay. He was—uh—in the shower when we first heard the commotion.”

  Keme gave Mati a stern, appraising look. “I see,” he said finally. Shower indeed, his expression seemed to say. “Awen, you can stay with your mother and I. We will look after you.”

  Awen protested, “I don’t want to worry Mother. You know how fretful she can be.” She grasped her father’s hand reassuringly, still warm inside from their renewed bond. “I’m fine with Mati. He’s been a gentleman, I swear.”

  Keme pursed his lips, but ultimately ceded to his daughter’s will. “I'm just a stone's throw away if you need anything.” He hugged Awen tightly. “Are you sure you'll be alright?”

  “Of course.” She patted his back. “I'll be perfectly fine by morning. I'll only stay this one night.”

  Her father broke the hug and nodded. “Make sure your gun is loaded,” he threw over his shoulder as the group began to lead the woman home. “And god’s sake put some clothes on.”

  Awen shook her head, amused, and turned to Mati. “Well.” She sighed and leaned against his shoulder. “That was super awkward.”

  “Hmm,” he mumbled in agreement. “Let’s get back, you should be in bed.”

  Awen stifled a yawn. She was too tired to argue when he lifted her into his embrace to carry her back to his cabin. In fact, she was grateful. The day’s events had been too much for her to fully comprehend. Her brain had reached an overload.

  Mati is a shape-shifter, she thought. A bear-shifter...a were-bear. The last thought made her chuckle out loud.

  They had just stepped over the threshold into the cabin when he noticed her giggles. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “You’re a were-bear,” she explained, grinning from ear to ear as he laid her down on the bed. “It’s just fun to say.”

  Mati grimaced. “I prefer shifter.” He walked over to the door and fiddled with it until he was able to shut it. The hinges were broken, but he would be able to fix them in the morning.

  As he worked on the door, Awen finally took the time to examine him. He was all muscle—hard, defined muscle. His skin shone in the lamplight, almost golden. And his butt—well, it was just as defined as the rest of him.

  Awen giggled again, suddenly feeling very mischievous. “Were-bear not manly enough for you?” she teased.

  He ignored her, making sure the door was in place properly before he slipped on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from beside the bed. Then he grabbed a chair and spun it so the back was facing her, straddling it and fixing her with a serious stare. “You’re not terrified?”

  Awen smirked, quirking a brow. “Honestly no,” she replied, leaning back against the pillows. “I know I should be, but somehow I’m not. I don’t think you’ll hurt me.”

  “No,” he answered softly. “Never intentionally, at least. But when I’m a bear...you have to understand. It’s all instinct...all primal rage. I could have hurt you tonight and I would have never forgiven myself.”

  “So how does it work?” Her voice was eager, damn near enthusiastic. “Can you change at will?”

  He grabbed a canteen from the end of the bed and took a long swallow. “At times. Though sometimes I can’t control it. When someone is in danger it’s like I receive a call—a call to protect your people.”

  “So when we found those men close to Nez Perce…” She let the question hang in the air.

  Mati’s stare was even, calm. “I killed them.”

  Awen held his gaze, refusing to let him shock her.

  “They weren’t innocent men. They were all in the process of doing harm to someone from your tribe. I had no choice.”

  The puzzle pieces came together in Awen’s mind. “The curse…” Her brow furrowed. “Are you Uzumati? The Ghost Bear?”

  Mati ground his teeth at the name. “I am,” he confirmed, “but the story you’ve heard isn’t true. I’m not a ghost, first of all, as you can see for yourself.”

  “But how?” she asked, leaning forward slightly. “You must be—”

  “299 years old,” he supplied. “My birthday is next month.”

  “I’ll be sure to send a card.”

  The silence hung between them heavily while Awen processed everything she had just learned.

  “So you killed Princess Awesana?” she asked softly. “The woman that was chosen to unite us with the Walla Walla?”

  “I didn’t kill her,” Mati snarled. He jerked himself out of the chair, pacing the room. “I know that’s what everyone believes. But I didn’t.”

  “Then who did?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory—simply curious. “Is it not true that they found you holding the knife, covered in her blood?”

  Mati turned to her and his eyes were filled with so much pain that she wished she hadn’t asked. “I was holding the dagger, yes. But the killer had already left. I grabbed the dagger because—” Rage and anguish that had been simmering just under the surface for years began to boil. “—Because I loved her. I loved her and when I found her dead I wanted to be dead too.”

  Awen was touched. He looked so human in that moment, so fragile, that she forgot for a moment that she had nearly seen him rip a man to shreds.

  “And you took your punishment silently because you thought they would kill you,” she finished for him. “So you wouldn’t have to do it yourself.”

  Suddenly Mati kicked the chair, splintering it into pieces. “And I was stupid to do so!” he punctuated. “The man who killed her, the Cayuse chief, got away with the crime because of it.”

  Awen had so many questions, she didn’t know where to belong. “The Cayuse chief killed her? Why?” she asked insistently.

  “He didn’t approve of the merge. It would have made our two tribes nearly as large as his,” Mati explained, slowly calming down. “I found her doubled over his blade. I tried to attack him but he got away. When I was q
uestioned about the crime I knew that if I said anything it would start a war.” He sat on the end of the bed, facing the opposite wall. “I thought that it would be better for everyone if the fragile peace was maintained. Your people grieved for Awenasa. It was easier for them to believe that it was a crime of passion than it would have been if they had known the truth.”

  “Did she love you too?” Awen asked softly.

  Mati turned his head so that one side of his face was visible to her. “Yes,” he whispered, “but her duty to her people always came first. I had nothing to offer her—no connections, no wealth. The night I found her corpse was going to be our night to say goodbye before she married the Chief.”

  “I’m sorry.” Awen reached a tentative hand towards him, settling it on his back lightly. He tensed but didn’t move away.

  “Sometimes I hate this cursed existence. I’m alone in this world. Even long before they died, I lost my family. I was a tainted murderer, forced from my home into the wilderness.” He sighed, long and deep. “But then I think of all the people I have helped—all the lives I have saved—and suddenly my wretched existence doesn’t seem so wretched anymore.” Mati angled his body towards her now, all signs of anger gone from his face.

  “But you lost so much,” Awen said, scooting further down the bed so she could wrap an arm around his chest. She rested her forehead on his back, breathing his scent in deeply. “There had to have been a better way.”

  “There wasn’t,” he stated. “Even now, the Cayuse tribe is at least five times larger than both of ours combined. This land would have become theirs if we had gone to war. I’d rather be cursed forever as a bear.”

  Awen nodded her head against his back in understanding. There had always been a tenuous relationship between her tribe and the Cayuse. She tried to stay out of tribe politics but it was inevitable that she, the daughter of the the Nez Perce chief, would become embroiled in it somehow. That was why she never discussed her lineage with those outside of the reservation. It was also why her father had been so angry when she left. After all—she was the princess.