Angel of the Apocalypse

by Hansen, Magnus

  News reporters scoured the streets of downtown Denver, interviewing civilians on who they thought would win the debate between Gabriel and the Devil. Here are just a few of the comments:

  -If you asked me that question a few weeks ago, I would have thought you were crazy, but after watching the Antichrist on TV a few days ago...Jesus, man. I don't know. Gabriel's got to win, right?

  -I think this whole thing is just a stupid stunt by 9 News to get ratings.

  -What the Antichrist said makes perfect sense. But you don't have to take his word for it, look in the bible. The seven plagues are caused by God. Why would God kill everybody? Are we just supposed to lay down and die for no reason at all? No way. I've never been a religious nor a superstitious person, but looking at the arguments as they are presented to me, I think the Devil should win. He's literally the only one who can save us now.

  -The Devil's gonna fuck shit up, man.

  -Can't you people see that this is a test? God is testing our faith! Those who remain firm in their convictions will be lifted up into Heaven. Gabriel will smack the Devil back down to the fiery Gates of Hell. There's no doubt in my mind.

  On the day before the interview, 9 news ran a one hour special titled Gabriel vs. Satan – Who Will Win? Gabriel was profiled as the Messenger of God, a being of pure light who will save humanity from the Tribulation. The Devil was profiled as a wild card. Will he save us from God's wrath, or is this just another one of his evil deceptions?

  Zack Brannin, program director for 9 News, was working around the clock. During the advertising campaign leading up to the interview, he gleefully watched the ratings soar. If you looked close enough, you could almost see dollar signs in his beady little eyes.

  The newsroom was in the process of undergoing major renovations. Construction workers were busy installing drywall and new carpet. (They couldn't get the blood stains out of the old carpet.) New furniture, new windows, even new camera equipment was purchased for the news event of the century.

  Zack estimated that nearly half a billion viewers would be tuning in to watch the debate – over four times as many people that watched this year's Superbowl. He walked up to Stacey Kerbal, pumped his fists and swiveled his hips in a little dance. “We're in the money, baby!” he said with unbridled enthusiasm.

  Stacey rolled her eyes. “Calm down. Seriously, aren't you at least a bit concerned with what might happen tomorrow? What if Gabriel and A.C. get into a fight? We could all be slaughtered!”

  A look of stunned silence fell across Zack's face. From the look in his eyes, it was as if the clouds of Heaven parted, and God himself came down and gave the program director a big sloppy kiss. “Think of the ratings!” he whispered.

  “Oh, you're impossible,” Stacey retorted.

  Chapter 6 – The Interview

  The clock on the newsroom wall read 6:55pm. Stacey Kerbal and the archangel Gabriel were seated behind a large oak desk. A huge painting of the Creation of Adam by Michelangelo was displayed on the wall behind the archangel and the interviewer.

  To Stacey's right sat Gabriel, a beautiful creature of pure light. To Stacey's left sat...no one. With only five minutes left before going live, the Antichrist had not yet arrived.

  Program Director Zack Brannin was going out of his mind. “Where the hell is he?” he screamed, as he ran around the newsroom, glancing out the windows and checking his watch. The minutes ticked by quickly. Too quickly.

  Finally, the clocked reached 7pm. Zack stood there with sweat pouring down his face. It was his call. Should he delay? Or should he start the interview and hope that the Antichrist would soon arrive? All eyes in the newsroom were pointed at him. It was almost 7:01pm.

  “Fuck it, we'll do it live!” yelled Zack.

  The overhead lights switched on, cameras started rolling, and the 9 News theme song played in the background.

  “Good evening, and welcome to a special edition of 9 News,” said Stacey Kerbal. “Today, we are honored by the presence of the archangel Gabriel, the Messenger of God.”

  The archangel smiled for the cameras. “It's a pleasure to be here, Stacey.”

  “It's a pleasure to have you, Gabriel,” replied the interviewer. “We should be joined shortly by the Antichrist.” She looked at the cue cards and hesitated. The first question written on the cue card was for the Antichrist.

  Zack immediately saw the problem. He ran over to the man holding the cue cards, punched him in the face, grabbed the next cue card, and presented it to Stacey – all within three seconds. Zack was one hell of a program director. The cue card man crumpled to the floor, held his nose with both hands, and shot an accusing glance at Zack.

  “Our first question is for Gabriel,” said Stacey, as she turned to the archangel. “Gabriel, in the last few weeks, a plague has wiped out nearly a third of the population. Is God responsible? And if so, why is he doing this?”

  Gabriel looked earnestly into the camera. “First of all, I would like to thank everyone for watching tonight. It is my hope that-” He was interrupted by a man walking into the newsroom. It was the Antichrist.

  “Oh, thank God!” said the program director.

  “Why would you thank Him?” replied the Antichrist, as he made his way to the empty chair behind the big oak desk. “Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe the line at Starbucks,” he said, as he placed a venti caramel macchiato on the desk.

  The Antichrist sat behind the desk to Stacey's left. He adjusted his three-piece suit, straightened his tie, and smiled spectacularly for the camera. He was wearing a gold chain around his neck. Attached to the necklace, displayed in large jewel-encrusted letters were the initials “A.C.” He wore dark sunglasses, and had the beginnings of a goatee.

  “Sup,” said the Antichrist, briefly waving at the camera.

  Stacey turned to her left. “Yes, thank you for joining us Mr.-”

  “Call me A.C.,” interrupted the Antichrist.

  “Right. Sorry,” replied the interviewer. “I was just asking Gabriel why would God allow this plague to kill so many people. Gabriel?”

  “Yes, of course,” replied Gabriel. “I have come to you with a special message from God. The seven plagues that will befall mankind are in direct accordance to the scriptures. It is written in Revelations, chapter 16, were God commanded seven angels to pour seven bowls of His wrath onto the earth. The first of these bowls contained pestilence, and was designed to kill those who worship false gods. The second bowl will turn the oceans to blood, and every living thing in the oceans will die. The third bowl will be poured-”

  Gabriel was interrupted by a strange sound. He turned to his left, only to see the Antichrist snorting a line of coke off the table.

  "Whoa!" the Antichrist yelled, as he slammed his fist on the table. "That's some good shit!" He washed it down with a sip from his caramel macchiato. “Ah!” he said, with a satisfying sigh. “Sorry to interrupt, Gabe. By all means, continue.”

  The archangel was starting to look perturbed. “Right,” he said, as he gritted his teeth. “As I was saying, the third bowl will be poured out on the rivers and lakes, and they will be turned to blood. The fourth angel will pour his bowl on the sun, and people will be burned by the intense heat from the sun. The fifth angel will pour his bowl on the throne of the Beast, and his-”

  “Stop!” commanded the Antichrist. “Just stop. You're boring people to death with your old, out of date prophecies. Why don't you tell the people what they really want to hear?”

  Gabriel was growing impatient. “Such as?”

  “Such as, why is God killing everybody off at such an alarming rate?” asked the Antichrist.

  The archangel gritted his teeth, but said nothing.

  “According to the bible, if you add up the total number of people who were murdered by God, the total comes to exactly 2,821,364. That doesn't include the total number of people who will be put to death by the seven plagues, which is said to be the entirety of mankind – over seven billion people. Do you k
now how many people I killed in the bible? Ten. That's right, only ten people. And why am I marked out to be the bad guy? All I ever did was have a disagreement with God one day, and he cast me out of Heaven. Then he got all bitchy about it and started talking shit about me in the bible. Seriously, what have I done to deserve all this hate?”

  The Antichrist turned to the camera and removed his glasses, revealing amber cat-eyes. “I have been the victim of an unwarranted smear campaign by God...and I want an apology.”

  “You want what?” asked Gabriel incredulously.

  “I think I've made myself clear,” the Antichrist answered. “Apologize for all the bad things you've said about me over the last few thousand years, and I'll snap my fingers and make the plague go away.”

  “You don't have that kind of power over God,” answered Gabriel.

  “No? God made me The Destroyer. I can destroy whatever he creates. Why couldn't I destroy a plague?” the A.C. said with a grin.

  Gabriel turned away, and refused to acknowledge the Antichrist.

  “I'll tell you what. Just to show you what a good guy I am, I'm going to make the plague go away. Far be it from you assholes to admit that you were wrong all these years.” The Devil looked into camera, lifted his hands in front of his face, and snapped his fingers. “There. No more plague. Now, if I'm lying, word would get out pretty quickly that I was full of crap, right?”

  The Devil pointed to Zack, who was standing beside one of the cameras, holding a cue card. “In fact, why don't you bring up one of those maps of the world. You know, the one with all the red dots signifying how many people are dying from the plague.”

  Zack dropped his cue card and ran to the control console. In four seconds, he brought up a display of the world, with red dots showing how many people had died thus far. The red dots were not increasing in number. The death total froze at two billion, three hundred million people. After a few moments, the camera switched back to the Antichrist.

  “See? I'm a man of my word. I'm not the Father of Lies, as some other people would have you believe.” The Antichrist shot a scathing glance at Gabriel.

  “No, those are lies!” shouted Gabriel, as he slammed his fists down on the desk. “The prophecies said that the plague would take out one third of mankind. You didn't cure the plague, you just timed the ending of it!”

  A look of feigned shock washed over the face of the Antichrist. He turned to address Gabriel. “First off - fuck you. Secondly, what if I did time it? So what? I'm not the one who just killed over two billion people!”

  Gabriel stood up and looked menacingly down at the Antichrist. He pointed an accusing finger at the Fallen One, and spoke. “You twist these facts to suit your own purpose. You deceive those who would look to you for hope. But you have no concept of love. You have no idea what forgiveness is. You twist the words of scripture to fit your needs. But Revelations is only a small part of the bible. You need to read the rest of the bible to understand the full context of the prophecies.”

  The archangel then turned his gaze to the camera. “This is not a game. This is a war where you must choose sides. You're either all in, or you're all out. The Apocalypse marks the last days where humanity has one last chance to fight for their very souls, and it is serious business. Deadly serious.”

  The Antichrist gave a slow, mocking clap. “Those words are bitter comfort for the people who just lost their entire families to the plague. I just recently lost my wife and son to the disease. Am I to take your empty words as some sort of consolation prize?”

  “I know damn well how your son died, Father of Lies, and it wasn't from the plague.”

  The Devil shifted in his seat, looking rather uncomfortable.

  Gabriel continued. “You took your son Isaac to the mountains and killed him in mockery of God's message. Try and deny it!”

  The Antichrist held up his hands in protest. “Whoa, just a minute. Now who's taking things out of context? God stood by and did nothing while his only son was crucified. I just took a more proactive approach.”

  Gabriel, in shock from the blasphemous audacity of the Devil's comment, remained silent.

  Ignoring the archangel, the Antichrist addressed the camera. “The end times are upon us. Soon, God will sound the second trumpet, and the oceans will turn to blood. The human race will be dead in a few months unless I do something about it. So this is it, folks. I'm going to call up my so-called 'demons', and we are going to fight for the survival of the human race.” He then slide his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, and looked directly into the camera. “Buckle up, bitches. You ain't seen nothing yet.”

  Gabriel was having none of it. “Heresy! You would save humanity with demons? That is absurd-”

  Stacey, recognizing that things were getting out of hand, tried to calm things down as best she could. “OK, that concludes our first round of the debate. We'll be right back after a short commercial break.”

  The broadcast switched to a TV commercial of a man in his fifties who was sad because of erectile dysfunction. He was gazing out into the ocean, with his hands in his pockets, wondering where it all went wrong. The TV announcer then explained how the man's life turned around after taking boner pills, and the actor suddenly put on a plastic smile, as a perky woman half his age jumped into his arms.

  The commercial was followed by another, showing a bumbling dad who bought the wrong cereal at the grocery store. His wife smiled while simultaneously looked at him in disapproval. The TV announcer said, “Don't let this happen to you. Buy Quinoa Chocolate Flakes, now gluten free!”

  After the commercial break, the camera switched back to the newsroom, showing Gabriel and the Antichrist locked in mortal combat. Stacey was in the corner, screaming her head off.

  Gabriel had one hand clutching the Devil's neck, while his other hand was holding the Devil's wrist. “You shall know God's wrath!” shouted the archangel.

  The Antichrist's sunglasses were knocked off his face, revealing satanic cat-eyes. His face was contorted into a snarl. With his free hand, the Devil reach behind him, and pulled out a wicked looking blade that was covered in dried blood.

  “Your mortal weapons will have no effect on me, Satan!” said the archangel.

  “No?” replied the Fallen One, with a wicked grin. “Not even a blade covered with the blood of an innocent?” he said, as he plunged the knife into Gabriel's side. It was the same knife he used to kill his son, Isaac.

  Gabriel screamed, then slumped over onto the desk, writhing in pain. The archangel reached out to the Antichrist, and pleaded. “Brother, do not do this!”

  The Devil paused, savoring the moment. Still holding the knife, he looked at the archangel, then looked at the camera. “This is for those of you who lost family to the plague. For retribution!” he yelled, as he lifted the knife high above his head, and brought it down in a wild arcing motion, slicing Gabriel's neck almost in half. Blood sprayed everywhere – on the desk, on the Antichrist, even on Stacey Kerbal, who promptly feinted.

  The Antichrist eagerly sawed through the rest of Gabriel's neck, then held up the archangel's head with his left hand, proudly displaying his trophy for the camera. “This is what you get for opposing me. God has no power here. Worship me, and live. God's way is death!” he shouted.

  The broadcast quickly switched to a static screen that read, “Technical Difficulties...Please Stand By.” Soft piano music played in the background.

  Zack Brannin was going out of his mind with joy. Behind the camera, he was jumping up and down with his hands in the air. “We're up twenty-seven points in the ratings, baby!” he yelled. He ran over to Stacey, who was still unconscious, and gently shook her. “Wake up,” he urged.

  Stacey's eyes opened. “What happened?” she asked groggily.

  “History happened,” replied Zack. “We just produced the highest rated show in TV history!”

  Zack then walked over to the Antichrist, and straightened the Devil's suit and tie. “Great job, A.C. The camer
a loves you.”

  “Why thank you, Zack,” replied the Antichrist, while handing over Gabriel's head to the program director. “You know what? You're a stand-up guy.”

  Zack took Gabriel's head and casually placed it on the desk, then turned back towards the Fallen One. “So, we have thirty minutes left in the show, and the studio phones are ringing off the hook. I was thinking that you could stay and answer some questions from our viewers-”

  The Devil cut him off. “Sorry Zack, but I've got an appointment with my masseuse, Crystal. She doesn't like it when I'm late.” The Devil turned around, picked up his blood-splattered sunglasses from the floor, and left the newsroom.

  “Well, shit,” said Zack, looking at the room of terrified employees. “Hey, can we get a cleaning crew in here?” he said to no one in particular.

  * * * * * * *

  The following night, a cluster of red stars appeared in the night sky. People from around the world gazed at the newly formed stars in wonder. What could they mean? Was this part of another prophecy? Then slowly, imperceptibly at first, each star fell to Earth, arcing across the sky as they fell into a different ocean.

  From the point of impact of each star, blood quickly spread across the oceans. Everything the blood touched, died. Billions of fish, sharks, whales – all life in all the world's oceans died over the course of a few hours.